In Another Life

by Liesel Browning

  “What is the deal with that?” Sadie asked. Amelia’s husband had a grizzled brown beard that grew down past his chest, ending in a sharp point. “He looks like a wizard or something.”

  Amelia laughed again. Sadie couldn’t help smiling, too. It felt good to see Amelia like this, to laugh with her, like old times. She’d missed her so much, and she hated to admit it.

  “It was a thing in Seattle, I guess,” Amelia said. “When he and this whole group of people he was living with were defending their, like, territory against this nasty nomad gang, they grew their beards out.” Amelia shrugged.

  “That’s some tribal shit,” Sadie said. Amelia nodded. In a lot of ways, the human race had been thrown back to the bronze age.

  Sadie couldn’t help asking, “Does your husband know where you are right now?”

  “He told me he was going to a men’s prayer meeting or something,” Amelia said, snorting with contempt. “It’s after midnight, I don’t think they’ve been praying this long.”

  “Nah, I doubt that,” Sadie couldn’t help agreeing.

  “You know, before this whole relocation thing, he was so kind and understanding,” Amelia said. “He understood about, you know, my difficult days, and he kept reassuring me that we’d keep trying, we’d get pregnant. But since we’ve been moved…”

  This was news to Sadie. “But you have a kid.”

  “He’s never even set foot in our house,” Amelia said. “I mean, we’ll get a house when he discharges…”

  “Have you heard something?” Sadie asked eagerly. Christian’s quarantine was extended, was the last Sadie heard when she went to the hospital for an update.

  But Amelia shook her head, frowning. “I asked them if I could just see him, for one second. I don’t even know what’s going on with my own son.” Amelia didn’t cry, but she put her elbows on her knees, her chin resting in her hands as she stared at the far wall.

  Sadie found herself rubbing Amelia’s back, without even thinking about it. As if it were old times, and Amelia were starting to come out of a dark day mood. Amelia turned to her and smiled a little. “You’re being so nice,” she said. “I almost forgot how nice you are.”

  Sadie pretended to be offended. “I was sweet as pie to you.”

  “Yeah, when we were sleeping together,” Amelia said, and Sadie realized this was the truth. When Amelia was with Glenn, Sadie iced her out…just like she had when Amelia was matched with Zach.

  “The apartments aren’t so bad,” Sadie offered, taking her hand from Amelia’s back.

  “The kitchen’s too small,” Amelia complained.

  “Johnny says the same thing,” Sadie said.

  “How’s he doing?” Amelia asked.

  Sadie shrugged. “He’s pissed about the whole thing, too. He’s not even here.”

  “Maybe he’s at the same men’s prayer group as Zach,” Amelia said with a smirk. She suddenly frowned. “Sorry, I didn’t mean…”

  Sadie waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it. He does his thing, I do mine.”

  “Hey, um, do you think I could have something to drink?” Amelia asked. Sadie was surprised by this request; Amelia clearly wasn’t asking for a glass of water. The one time that Sadie remembered Amelia drinking, on the farm, she’d hated it as much as Sadie did. Though Sadie grew accustomed to it, partaking with her husband and friends, Amelia hung around with the religious teetotalers.

  “Uh, sure,” Sadie said. She got up and made a drink that she and her friends enjoyed. She mixed some of her husband’s whiskey with cherry juice, something Sadie got from trading weed to a woman who worked in the greenhouses.

  Amelia pulled a face when she tried it. “Is it too strong?” Sadie asked.

  “Just a bit tart,” Amelia said. “I like it. Like lemonade.”

  “I heard they’re trying to grow citrus fruits in the greenhouses,” Sadie said as they sat back down on the couch. Amelia got into the box of photos, looking at what remained of Sadie’s family.

  “I wouldn’t count on that,” Amelia said. “Remember what a big deal people made about bananas? We’re doing okay with what we’ve got, I think.”

  Sadie nodded and sat back, sipping her drink, as Amelia examined photos of Sadie’s family. There was a picture of her grandparents at her grandfather’s retirement party, 20 years ago. There was another of a 10-year-old Glenn and his older sister Lisa, standing in front of the garage of their childhood home and smiling brightly for the camera. The first day of school, Sadie imagined.

  Amelia pulled out a photo of Sadie, about six-years-old, posing with her parents for a Christmas portrait. Sadie tried to remember taking that photo with her parents, at a studio in some department store or something. She tried to remember wearing that red velvet dress, and the smell of the perfume her mother always wore on special occasions. It was right before their last Christmas as a family, before the divorce. A whole year before the world ended.

  But Sadie couldn’t remember that day. She’d forgotten a lot of things from that former life, just as she was starting to forget some things about living on the farm. She could no longer remember the names of the stupid chickens, or exactly how long it took for a bucket of water to come to a boil on the old wood stove. She hoped that certain other memories would fade with time.

  Amelia pulled out the photo that Sadie intended to hang in her bedroom. “Oh, wow,” Amelia gasped, looking at Glenn and Daisy’s wedding photo. Daisy was about Amelia’s age when she married Glenn, having just finished medical school and working as an intern for a medical testing company. “She was so lovely.”

  “Yeah,” Sadie agreed softly.

  Amelia set the photo aside. “You’re really lucky to have these,” she said. “Where’d you find them?”

  Sadie shrugged. “I guess Glenn gave them to Mr. and Mrs. Charles a long time ago.”

  “I tried asking him where he hid them,” Amelia said. “I knew how much you wanted them. He wouldn’t tell me.”

  “Yeah,” Sadie said. “He was kind of a jerk like that.”

  Amelia did not comment on this. “I’m having a hard time making our new place feel like home.”

  “Just remember, at least you’ve got a running toilet,” Sadie said. Amelia laughed again before she stood up.

  “You’ve made me feel better,” she said. “I was lying in bed all day today, and when Zach left I just started thinking, ‘I need to see Sadie.’ I guess my instinct was right.”

  “Are you going?” Sadie asked.

  “I’m not trying to keep you up,” Amelia said.

  “Let me walk you,” Sadie offered. “Which building do you live in?”

  “I’m actually in this one,” Amelia said. “Down just a couple of floors.” The apartment buildings were five stories high each, easily the tallest buildings in SC, besides the newly erected science lab.

  “Well, uh, don’t be a stranger,” Sadie said. “You can come over any time you want.”

  Amelia smiled. “Thanks,” she said. “Um, see you soon.” Sadie was surprised yet again when Amelia wrapped her in a hug, but she put her arms around her former lover, holding her close. She was so small. Sadie hoped she was eating enough.

  “Good night,” Amelia said. Sadie nodded to her before closing the door. Sadie thought of going out to the living room and finishing her task, but she turned off the lights and went to bed. She still had trouble sleeping, but she knew that nothing would distract her from her thoughts now.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sadie was sitting in the truck in the dark garage, smoking a joint, when the side door opened. Sadie squinted and put out her joint, but she wasn’t worried about Glenn busting her. He didn’t care what she did, as long as she did her part around the farm (and she did…more than her share, lately) and didn’t start any “unpleasantness,” as he put it. The only reason he wouldn’t let her have any moonshine was because he loathed to give up any of his supply.

  “Sadie,” Glenn called from the bright doorway. �
��Come out here.”

  Sadie sighed in annoyance and stumbled out of the truck. She joined her father outside of the garage. “What is it?” she asked. “I already finished making dinner.”

  Glenn shook his head. “I need your help,” he said.

  Sadie knew what he was talking about. “I told you, I don’t want any part of that,” she said.

  “Any part of your family?” Glenn asked.

  “This thing with you and Amelia, and your…your baby,” she spat, “Isn’t my family.”

  She wanted her father to look stricken, so his poker face only pissed her off even more than usual. “You realize that Amelia could die,” Glenn pointed out coldly. “That’d be her blood on your hands.”

  Glenn knew this would get to Sadie. And she was angrier than ever. But she couldn’t say no. No matter what, she still had a soft spot for Amelia. And Glenn knew it.

  “I don’t know anything about all that,” Sadie declared. “What do you want me to do?”

  “I’ve been reading up on it,” Glenn said, starting for the house. “Just do as I tell you.”

  A few hours later, Sadie stared at the bundled-up newborn in her arms. Her little half-brother was a bit underweight, but he’d been carried to term, and nothing seemed to be wrong with him. He was dozing against her as she stood beside Amelia and Glenn’s bed. Sadie was eager to hand it off, but Amelia was resting, too, and Glenn left the room to clean himself up. Sadie just wanted to go to bed and forget about this night.

  Sadie glanced down at Amelia, and saw that she was awake. “Oh,” she said. “How, uh, how are you feeling?”

  “Let me have my baby,” Amelia said, holding out her arms, and Sadie was relieved to place the little boy in them. Amelia held her son close and examined his face. “I think he looks like Glenn,” she whispered.

  “Uh, congratulations,” Sadie said, and she bolted from the room. She didn’t even bother to get any water going and clean herself up. She went straight to her room, changed into clean clothes, and got into bed.

  That early morning, Sadie thought about leaving the farm. It was something she’d thought about before. Taking the truck…she had more of a right to it than anyone else. It was her mother’s truck, so why should Daisy’s ex-husband get to keep it? She could take her few possessions, take the truck, and go down to La Ronge. If she couldn’t stay with Manny in her room, she could get Remy to help her find a place to go.

  But the thought of leaving the farm still terrified Sadie. What if the Charles family turned her away? What if something happened to the truck? Sadie was angriest at herself as she fell asleep that early morning, trying to ignore the sounds of Glenn and Amelia, new parents, talking in the other bedroom. She was too afraid to do anything for herself.

  *

  During Sadie’s lunch hour at the auto shop, she rode her bike over to the hospital. She hadn’t been in all week, and she hoped that she’d finally get an update about Christian. She might have just asked Amelia herself, but Sadie wasn’t yet used to their being on speaking terms again. In fact, they hadn’t really spoken since the night Amelia randomly came over to Sadie’s apartment.

  At the hospital, Sadie went straight to the floor that was dedicated to treating infected people who came to SC. Most of them didn’t survive, but while Christian was by far the longest living infected person there, he wasn’t the only one who gave the doctors hope that a cure could be found.

  The patients were kept in secured rooms most of the time. Sadie had been in Christian’s room many times, knew that he had plenty of comic books and drawing paper and a radio to keep him occupied. But it still seemed like prison to her.

  At the nurses’ station, Sadie was given the same line as usual. “Christian’s trial has been extended,” the cheerful young nurse said. She offered Sadie a smile. “I heard that the new treatment is going really well.”

  “But you don’t know for sure?” Sadie asked. “Is there anyone I can talk to who’s been working with him?”

  The nurse frowned. “I’m sorry, but you know that treatments are classified.”

  “I just wanna know when I’ll get to see my brother,” Sadie said, working to keep her voice from rising. People in SC didn’t respond well to raised voices.

  “Someone on his treatment team will be in touch,” the nurse said, the same brush-off Sadie had been given for the last month.

  Sadie left without saying goodbye. She still had plenty of time before she had to be back to the shop. She’d had the stupid hope that she might actually see her brother that day, spend some time catching up, maybe let him know that she and his mother were speaking again. He’d like hearing that, she knew.

  The small building that housed the SC council was a short ride away from the hospital. Sadie parked her bike on the rack out front and went in. She only stopped at the receptionist’s desk long enough to tell her that she had an appointment with Vanessa before she went up to her friend’s office.

  The doors to the councillors’ offices were unmarked, but Sadie knew which one belonged to Vanessa. She went in without knocking, and found Vanessa going over some paperwork that littered her handmade desk. She looked up at Sadie, smiling but startled.

  “I’m running an orientation meeting in half an hour,” Vanessa said as Sadie shut the door. “What’s up?”

  “I didn’t want to do this,” Sadie said, taking a seat across from her friend. “But I need to know what’s going on with my brother.”

  Vanessa frowned. “I’m only privy to so much of that.”

  “All I’ve been asking is to know when he can have visitors,” Sadie said. She was surprised to find that she wanted to cry, but she resisted this urge. “I haven’t seen him in weeks. I have no idea what’s going on with him. And neither does his mother.”

  Vanessa nodded. “I’ll dig around,” she said. “I’ll do my best.”

  “That’s all I’m asking,” Sadie said. “Thank you.”

  “I heard you and Amelia are friendly again,” Vanessa said, leaning back in her big leather chair, scuffed but still impressive-looking.

  Sadie shook her head. “Manny’s such a gossip,” she said. “Amelia and I had one conversation.”

  Vanessa smirked. “I always thought she was cute. That husband of hers…urg.” Sadie shrugged.

  “So,” Sadie said, “You having fun playing house with your little toy?”

  Vanessa frowned. “Can I tell you something?” she asked. Sadie nodded, intrigued to see Vanessa, this influential woman in the community, suddenly looking vulnerable, somehow. “Sophie…she’s not just, like, a little sex toy to me. I actually have real feelings for her.”

  “Oh, wow,” Sadie said. Too bad Sophie, young breed-stock, would be forced to marry before too long. When Sophie sat at their table in the dining hall after church, Sadie could already see the devout men practically salivating over her.

  “She reminds me of my wife,” Vanessa said. She’d told Sadie about how she was married before the war, how her pretty wife had a baby just before the bombs were dropped. Vanessa’s wife Tonya died a few years later, and Vanessa survived with their son, bringing him to Sanctuary Coast when it was still a relatively new community.

  Sadie felt bad for Vanessa. If the religious nuts didn’t have such a tight hold on the council, maybe she and young Sophie could have some kind of life together. As it stood…

  But Vanessa seemed happy, and Sadie wouldn’t be the one to burst her friend’s bubble. “Sorry to bust in on you like this,” Sadie said, starting to rise from her seat.

  “Stay for a moment,” Vanessa said. “I, uh, I guess it’s good that you came in, actually. I need to talk to you about something. Give you a head’s up, I guess.”

  Sadie crossed her arms. “What’s up?”

  “It’s not as though anybody’s going to be expelled over it,” Vanessa said quickly.

  “Over what?” Sadie asked, feeling alarmed all of a sudden.

  “Some of the more…conservative members of the c
ouncil are pushing for examinations of some of the couples who’ve been moved,” Vanessa said.

  “To see why we’re not making babies,” Sadie finished for her.

  “Some couples, we know what the problem is,” Vanessa said. “But you and Johnny came up in our last meeting, amongst others. We don’t have any documented reason for why you wouldn’t be having any kids.”

  Sadie felt her cheek redden. “Except they know we’re a couple of…of queers, don’t they?”

  Vanessa waved a hand. “Does it really matter? I mean, Sadie, it’d be one thing if you physically couldn’t do it, but…”

  Sadie shrugged. “So, what, they’re gonna come in and determine whether or not that’s the case?” The rules and regulations in SC were often invasive, of course, but this just rubbed Sadie the wrong way. “What’re they gonna do, bully me into having a kid?”

  “The council’s been talking about applying more pressure on certain people, yes,” Vanessa admitted.

  “You’d think, with our limited resources and the number of new residents we’ve taken in, we wouldn’t want everyone popping out a bunch of babies,” Sadie griped. It wasn’t as though she and Vanessa hadn’t had this conversation before, when they’d both had a little too much to drink at one of their parties.

  Vanessa smirked. “Ah, but you’re forgetting the big picture again, honey. We’re thinking beyond the walls of Sanctuary Coast. We’re thinking about the future.” Sadie bit back a smile and shook her head again. How many times had she heard that one?

  “I have something that’ll cheer you up,” Vanessa said. “I’m having another little get-together at my place on Saturday. You’ll come with Manny, right?”

  “I’ll talk to her,” Sadie said. She got up to leave. “Let me know if you hear anything about Christian, okay?”

  “Yeah, of course,” Vanessa said. She stood up to see Sadie to the door. “Hey, don’t worry so much about everything,” she said before Sadie slipped out. “The whole point of living here is that we don’t have to worry so much anymore.”

  “Right,” Sadie said. Behind the tall concrete walls of Sanctuary Coast, she may not have had to worry about zombies or radiation poisoning. But she definitely had a lot to keep her up at night.