Charlie pulls a bottle of hand sanitizer out of her purse and hands it to Ari. “I know it was months ago, but just thinking of your hands anywhere near that man’s organ… I need you to decontaminate. Who knows how long that funk can fester?”
God, I love my sister.
Ari tosses the bottle back at her as Spencer comes into the room and says, “Can you believe this? Who knew your SEC probe would lead to this? If you hadn’t gone to them, he may never have been discovered.”
“I’d say you’re in the clear,” Charlie says as she turns off the TV. “Even if he still has stuff on you, who would believe him at this point? Once you go pedophile, there’s no coming back.”
“I’m less worried about me and more about that poor girl.” Ari crosses the room and wraps her arm around my waist. “I think I should reach out to them. I don’t know the first thing about what she’s going through, but I do know the industry better than most. Maybe I can help?”
I kiss the top of her head. “It can’t hurt.”
After dropping the remote on the coffee table with a clang, Charlie claps to get our attention. “Okay, enough of this. Sven is going to jail, where he will be used as a cock cushion for the rest of his miserable life. And—”
I gag. “Cock is one of those words a brother never wants to hear his sister say.”
“Cock cushion?” Spencer says. “Do I even want to know? Is that like what you used to call Jenna?”
“No, that was a cockcozy. A dick warmer until these two idiots worked their shit out. A cock cushion is like a pin cushion,” Charlie replies. “A place for anyone with a cock to stick it in—”
Ari coughs. “Yeah, we’ve got it. Weren’t you saying enough of this conversation?”
Charlie smiles brighter than I’ve ever seen her. “Yes. Enough talk about the vile. Let’s talk about the sensational.”
“What?” Ari asks. “What’s going on?”
Spencer gives Charlie a puzzled look. “Now?”
She nods. “Yes now.”
Spence rolls his eyes. “I thought we were waiting. You had me drive all over town, getting all that stuff to do the thing, and now we’re just going to tell them?”
“I don’t want to wait anymore.” She shrugs. “Have you ever known me to be good at keeping secrets? Don’t look so shocked. If you really knew me, you would have known exactly how this would play out. So if all the stuff gets wasted, it’s really your fault. You should have been able to predict it.”
Spencer looks shocked. “Did you really just play the ‘if you knew me’ card?
She smiles. “Did it work?”
He shakes his head with mock sadness. “My guilt mechanism is broken from overuse. What used to make me feel awful now just makes me feel numb inside.”
Grinning, she snaps her fingers. “Damn. I’ve gone back to that well too many times.”
Ari and I watch them like a ping-pong match. They fall into playful banter so easily, like stepping into a worn-in shoe. Even after all these years together, they still make each other smile. I think the rest of the world could just slip away and they might never notice. All they need is each other.
“Somebody tell us something. Watching you two bicker isn’t one of my favorite pastimes,” I interject. Just because they’re happy drifting off into Sparlie world doesn’t mean I have to let them. I should be used to their coupley cuteness, but it still makes me throw up a little.
Spencer takes Charlie’s hand. “We’re pregnant.”
Charlie’s eyes go wide. “We’re pregnant?” She glares at him as though he just said he murders puppies in his spare time. “No. No. No. No. We’re going to have to work on that. I’m not a ‘we’re pregnant’ kind of girl. I’m the one who builds the baby, carries it for nine months, then pushes it out of a very tiny hole. I’m the pregnant one. You just did it to me.”
Spencer chuckles. “So I tell people you’re pregnant and I’m the guy who knocked you up? That’s not really fair either. I worked hard to make that baby. You think it’s easy to do it two or three times a day? I’m not an erection machine, you know!”
“Whoa, dude!” I cover my ears. “I thought we had an agreement on the sex-with-my-sister stuff.”
Ari pushes me out of the way then wraps one arm around each of them. “I’m so happy for you guys! When did you find out? When are you due?” Her voice cracks. She coughs then laughs. “Sorry, frog in my throat. There’s so much pollen today my allergies are acting up.”
Since when does Ari have allergies?
“This morning,” Charlie replies. “It’s still early. Very, very early. Hopefully we didn’t jinx it by telling you, but I just couldn’t hold it in. I called you thirty times this morning when the stick test came back positive.”
Ari blanches a bit, though I think I’m the only one who notices. “I’m so sorry I missed your calls. I was with my agent most of the morning, and there’s no reception in that building.”
“It’s okay. I ran to the doctor, and the blood test results came back a few hours ago. I was just bursting. We had to tell you guys.” My sister is glowing. I’ve never seen her this happy.
I put Spencer in a headlock and give him a noogie. “I don’t know whether to hug you or punch you. I can’t congratulate you on sleeping with my sister. I just can’t do it. You’d better be the best damn father to that kid. Best father in the history of fathers. Got it?” I let him go and straighten out my shirt. “That was brotherly, right?”
Charlie slaps me upside the head. “You’re such a dork.”
I pick her up and spin her around. “I can’t believe you’re building a baby. Congrats.” I kiss her cheek. “I love you.”
She squeezes me tight. “Love you too.”
We head into the dining room, where Charlie had their chef prepare a table of “baby food”—baby lamb (or some sort of nut/soy substitute in Ari’s case), baby carrots, baby potatoes on very small plates. It’s pretty but gone quickly. Charlie and Ari talk about a million baby-related things: nurseries, ultrasounds, diets. I’m impressed Spencer knows all the lingo and keeps up with the conversation. Not that I should be surprised. Spencer knows everything about everything. Despite just finding out this morning, they already have a number of plans in place. I suppose they’ve been thinking about this for a while.
When the conversation lulls, Charlie taps her fingers on the table. “Yeah, so that was a nice appetizer, but I’m eating for two now and need more than a bite of lamb and carrot sticks. Who wants pizza? Ari, I’ll even order from the place that has the gluten -free, casein-free, tree bark with fake cheese on it thing you like.”
“Oh, thank God,” Spencer says. “I’m still starving. No tree bark for me, but let’s get Hawaiian.”
“Fruit does not belong on pizza,” I retort.
Ari tosses her napkin on her plate, most of her food untouched. “You guys go ahead, but none for me. The allergy pills I took are giving me an upset stomach.” Picking up her plate, she stands. “Let me clear the dishes. We’ve got to let the parents-to-be get their rest while they can.”
Spencer protests, offering to help, but Ari shoos him away and clears the table. I stand to help her, but Charlie kicks me under the table.
“What was that for?” I mouth with a glare.
She kicks me again. Apparently since the right shin didn’t understand, she thinks maybe the left shin will. Our twinspeak isn’t on the same frequency.
Once we hear the water turn on in the kitchen and the clanging sound of dishes going into the dishwasher, Spencer says, “What’s going on with her? She won’t even take Advil, let alone allergy pills. Do you think it’s the baby?”
Charlie rubs the back of her neck. “I honestly thought she’d be okay. We’ve talked about her miscarriage a few times. It took a while, but eventually she got comfortable talking about baby stuff with me. She’s been giving me my shots and going to a few doctor’s appointments with me. When we were baby gift shopping, she talked nonstop about how exc
ited she was to have a niece one day.”
Spencer rolls his eyes. “I’ve had this fight with her too. My sperm makes boy babies. That’s all there is to it. Maybe she just has a headache. She lives on twigs and berries. I get a headache just thinking about it.” He pats his stomach. “I wish she’d have left her plate. I would have finished those potatoes for her. Sympathy hunger. It’s a real thing.”
Looking stressed, Charlie rubs her temples. “No, this is upsetting her. I should have never sprung this on her. Talking about a hypothetical baby is one thing, but actually knowing about it is quite another. Trust me, I dealt with her in Sweden. Take her home,” Charlie continues. “I’ll fake a stomachache or tell her I got a horny swing and you guys need to clear out. She’ll believe that.”
“A what?” There’s no way I heard that correctly.
“A horny swing. Like a mood swing but with sex. Pregnant women get those, don’t they? If not, they do now!”
I slam my fist on the table. “Jesus, Charlie, are you trying to kill me? I swear you purposely say shit just to get under my skin.”
She smirks. “Yeah maybe. You’re just so cute when you get all red and flustered. Seeing my big tough brother get squeamish is one of the few joys I have in life.”
Spencer snaps his fingers, looking disappointed. “Damn, babe, I thought you’d gotten us a sex swing.”
I pick up my steak knife and point it at him. “Dude, you’d better watch it. I can’t threaten her, but you…”
Spencer holds his hands up in surrender. “We’re just kidding, man. Relax. Like she said, it’s fun to push your buttons. You get so worked up. It’s hysterical.”
“I’m so happy I can amuse you,” I sneer. “I think I’ve had enough for tonight though.”
Casually, he leans back in his chair and stretches. “Plus we already have a sex swing.”
“You’d better run,” I shout as I push back from the table.
Spencer takes off toward the kitchen, and I bolt after him. I chase him around the house, knocking over chairs and bumping into tables. Picture frames and knickknacks crash to the floor. I won’t actually hurt him, but it’s fun to make him think I will. I’ve got to get my payback in somehow. He’s been doing this shit to me for years. From the time we figured out what sex was, he’s made cracks about him and my sister. I know it’s all in jest. The reality is he respects my sister way too much to ever reveal anything about their private life. He does it just to get at me, and it works every damn time.
In high school, I got him back by talking about his mom. She was hot in a Mrs. Robinson kind of way. Little does he know his mom actually made a pass at me one night when she was plastered after a party. That was when his dad was sleeping with his secretary. But then Spencer’s mom developed MS and making any sort of comment would have been in poor taste. So now all I have is the threat of bodily harm.
Out of nowhere, Charlie blows an air horn. “That’s enough. You two animals have wrecked my house. Everyone out so Spencer can clean up in peace.”
Spencer rubs his ear as he walks into the dining room. “Where the hell did you get an air horn?”
“Remember we tried to sneak it into one of Chase’s games? Ari talked us out of it.”
“I think I’m deaf,” he complains. “Such a shame too. How will I ever hear our baby cry in the middle of the night? Looks like you’re on night duty, babe.”
She blows the horn again.
I come up behind Ari and rest my chin on her shoulder. “You ready to go?”
She nods. “I’ll grab my bag.”
Charlie gives me a hug. “That wasn’t exactly the way I wanted to get her out of here, but it worked. I hope she talks to you.”
“It’ll be fine,” I say into Charlie’s hair. “Don’t tell your husband, but I’m really excited about the baby.”
She kisses my cheek as she pulls away. “I know you are.”
When we get to the door, Ari hugs Charlie. “I’m so happy for you. You’re going to make the best mother ever.” She rubs Charlie’s stomach. “That is one lucky kid in there.” She turns to Spencer. “I promise I’ll help her spend your money wisely. You know she’ll be out of control, right?”
He groans. “I’m just going to try not to think about it. I appreciate any help you can give me.”
As we walk down the front steps, I hear Spencer close the door behind us. “Wow, big news, huh?”
“It’s wonderful,” she replies before getting in the truck.
There’s something in her tone that just doesn’t match her smile. She gives me her PR smile. The “everything is right in the world” smile that is so bright and shiny it blinds most people from seeing there’s something else going on. I’d picked up on it earlier, but the question is why is she using it The best thing about all her time in therapy is that Ari has become profoundly honest. If she’s hiding something, there has to be a reason.
When I get in the car, she turns to me and says, “It’s all going to happen so fast. Before we know it, the baby will be here.” She snaps her fingers. “Nine months goes by like that.”
“So Charlie’s going to start traveling with Spencer more, huh? I’m not sure it’s a good idea, but if the doctor said she can travel up until the third semester…”
“Trimester,” she corrects me.
I put the truck in reverse and back out. “Yeah, that. So she’s going to go with him on more of his trips so they can get as much one-on-one time as they can before the baby comes.”
“I probably should move out now.” Ari usually spends Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday nights with me then the rest of the week with Charlie. “I’ve been putting it off because Spencer has been on the road so much and I love spending time with her, but they really need their privacy now. It’s a good time for me to move home.”
Home? Whose home? Somehow I don’t think she means mine, but now isn’t the time for this conversation. Not until I figure out what else is going on.
I reach across the console and take her hand. “Hey, are you okay?”
“Yeah. Like I said, I have a headache.”
She actually said it was allergies, but the details don’t matter. It’s bullshit either way.
She’s quiet for the rest of the ride to my home. With the way she chews on her lip, I worry she’s going to bite right through it.
When we get in the door, she drops her coat and purse on the chair. “I’m going to take a shower. Is that okay? I’m hoping it’ll help my allergies.”
“Of course,” I reply.
Since she didn’t eat much of anything at Charlie’s, while she’s in the shower, I throw together something for her. I’m a grill man, but I’m learning how to not ruin vegetables. I have yet to find a way to make tofu palatable though. I’m not a magician.
When the timer goes off, letting me know the rice is done, I realize an hour’s gone by and she’s still in the shower. Putting a lid on the stir fry to keep it warm, I walk to the bedroom to check on her.
As I enter the bathroom, my heart breaks. Ari’s sitting on the shower floor with her knees pulled to her chest, sobbing uncontrollably.
Opening the shower door, I crouch down to her level. “Ari? You have to talk to me. What’s wrong?”
She tries to speak, but all that comes out is a garbled sob. Reaching out for her, I feel the water is ice cold. I jump up and turn off the water, then I grab her robe from the back of the closet door. “Come on, let’s get you out of there.”
I wrap the robe around her and pick her up. She clings to me as sobs rack her body.
Once I set her down on the bed, I pull away and brush wet hair out of her eyes. “Please talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. What has you so upset?”
“I’m a terrible person,” she says between sobs.
“You’re not a terrible person. Why would you think that?”
“Because my best friend tells me the most important news of her life, and all I can think about is myself.” She drops her head in her ha
nds. “I’m a selfish cunt.”
I recoil from her words. Arianna only swears when she’s furious. She’s never said cunt in her life. She detests the word. For her to use it about herself… I can’t imagine what’s going on in that head of hers. “That’s the last thing in the world you are.”
“They have been trying for so long. Month after month, year after year of disappointment. Finally they’ve gotten what they always wanted. I should be over-the-moon excited for her, but I’m just so damn sad there’s no room for me to be happy. And I want to be. I keep waiting for the darkness to pass and the happy to take over, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t find it within me.” She looks at me with panicked eyes. “I don’t want to be this person. I don’t want to be so fucked up and burdened with my own shit that I can’t be happy for Charlie. She deserves a parade after how hard they’ve tried to bring this kid into the world. And when the shoe was on the other foot, when I miscarried, she only thought about me. She never once made it about her and her fertility troubles, because that’s how best friends are supposed to treat one another.”
I haven’t heard her talk like this, with such self-loathing and contempt, in months. Not since Sweden. I feel as though we’ve just jumped backward.
“You’re being too hard on yourself right now,” I say as calmly as I can. “Everything you said and did tonight shows Charlie how much you love her and how excited you are about this baby. I know for a fact she doesn’t question that. You were a good friend tonight, and if you could do that in spite of whatever is upsetting you, that’s amazing. That shows how selfless you are. You should be proud, not beating yourself up.”
“Selfless? When they told us, all I could think was how that should have been us. That feeling, that look they had between them. That utter elation when they look into each other’s eyes, knowing that they created something magical. I wanted that with you so badly, and I ruined everything.”
She sniffles, so I reach across the bed to grab the box of tissues from the nightstand then hand her one.
“I did the math,” she says. “She’d have been born by now. We’d have picked out her name and designed a nursery. You’d have been an overprotective bear, hovering over me constantly, and I’d have fought you nonstop about doing things for myself. And now we’d have this amazing, perfect baby.” She looks at me, tears streaming down her face. “Will you ever be able to forgive me? Will you ever be able to look at me and not think about what we’ve lost?”
Love To Hate You Page 41
