True Story

by Kate Reed Petty

  DRAFT 4.9999

  For this college application essay, I’m supposed to write about a “significant experience” that’s “had an impact” on me.

  But what does “significant” mean, anyway?

  My thesaurus says: Of consequence. Uncommon. Momentous.

  Momentous is a strange word. It should mean “full of moments,” since usually a word ending in “-ous” means a thing that is full of itself. Like: “Nervous” is full of nerves. Or how “sandwicheous” is full of sandwiches.

  Aliceous is full of Alice. And what does it mean to be full of Alice?

  It means you have boring, straight brown hair that only looks okay if you blow-dry it. It means you wear a ponytail most of the time, and wisps of hair fly out over both of your ears and make you look like you’re wearing a weird pilgrim’s hat.

  It means you are pretty good at physics, but you really love writing. It means you want to be a journalist when you grow up.

  It means your goal is to go to the University of Virginia. Your mom took you to visit and you saw people lying on blankets reading Joan Didion in the sun on the grass and they looked like they could be your friends.

  It means you’ve been working so freaking hard this year, as hard as anyone has ever worked. You dropped out but then you went back and completed junior year with summer courses at the community college and even brought up your GPA. You’re working on your GED. You’re proving you are UVA-ready. You are ready for all of the acronyms.

  A.L.I.C.E.O.U.S.: Artistic Lovable Intelligent Creative Elegant Original Unique Smart

  It means your fifth-grade drama teacher cast you as Grizabella in Cats, but another girl came onstage to sing “Memory” instead of you because you can’t sing. It means wolves are your totem animal. It means you love horror movies.

  Does that sound weird? It’s true, though. I really love horror movies. My favorite is The Silence of the Lambs, but I will watch any horror movie, and I won’t close my eyes. I’ve seen the scariest ones, like Se7en, and The Shining, and The Blair Witch Project, and even the really awful ones like The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. The worst I ever saw was The Last House on the Left, which was just awful. You might think that one is a weird one for me to watch, because it’s a rape revenge film. But it was my friends on the Horror FanGrrls message board who convinced me to watch it, and they’re all survivors of sexual assault, too, so I figured . . .

  Oh wait. Okay, new try.

  DRAFT 5

  For this college application essay, I’m supposed to write about a “significant experience” that’s “had an impact” on me. One significant experience in my life was seeing The Silence of the Lambs. It was the first horror movie I ever saw. The impact on me is that now I love horror movies.

  What I love about The Silence of the Lambs is that it’s about a strong woman, not just one running away all the time—a lot of horror movies are just women running away (and getting hurt anyway).

  I love that when you first see Jodie Foster, she’s jogging through the woods alone. She’s like any woman in any horror movie—running, running, running—but you can tell immediately that she’s not running away from a murderer or anything. She’s doing an obstacle course; she’s training herself.

  Later, you realize that the thing she’s running from is inside herself.

  Jodie Foster is not afraid of Buffalo Bill, the serial killer on the loose. He’s afraid of her. She’s his monster. (Actually, I feel bad for Buffalo Bill. The movie is pretty mean to him. The camera spies on him in his room. You get the sense he got teased badly in school.) Jodie Foster is also not afraid of Hannibal the Cannibal, who is stowed safely in jail. What she’s afraid of is Dr. Lecter the psychiatrist. And it doesn’t matter that he’s behind glass and can’t physically harm her. The scary thing is inside of Jodie Foster, and Dr. Lecter the brilliant psychoanalyst has the key to let it out just by talking to her.

  I could keep going—I could spend this entire essay describing the plot of The Silence of the Lambs and what it means. For the past year, I’ve watched the movie at least once a week. I could probably reproduce the whole script from memory! But this is a college application essay, not a fan grrl message board. So what I’m going to tell you about is what it feels like to be Jodie Foster.

  Like Jodie Foster, I’ve been working really hard for what I want. I didn’t grow up on a ranch and was never traumatized by the spring slaughter of any farm animals. But I do want to get away from the place where I grew up. And I do have big ambitions: I want to be a journalist. And I’m willing to work hard for it. Like Jodie Foster, I’m driven, and like Jodie Foster, I’m not afraid of any serial murderer. What I’m afraid of is that I’m not good enough.

  Alice Lovett

  9/30/2000

  505 words

  College Application Essay DRAFT 1

  One significant experience in my life was seeing The Silence of the Lambs. It was the first horror movie I ever saw. The impact on me is that now I love horror movies. We need a stronger opening. Maybe “in medias res”?

  What do I love about Silence of the Lambs? There are a lot of things, but the big one is that it’s about a woman who is strong and powerful. In most horror movies, women are just running away all of the time. Silence of the Lambs challenges that cliché from the beginning. When we first see Clarice Starling (played by Jodie Foster) on screen, she’s running through the woods. But you can tell immediately that she’s not running away from a murderer or anything. She’s just doing an obstacle course, and she’s a strong woman. Still, you can tell by the look on her face that she is running away from something. It’s something that is inside herself. Let’s explore your POV on sexism a bit more.

  Then she’s given an assignment to talk to Hannibal Lecter, and we realize that Clarice is going to have to face that thing.

  Everyone knows Hannibal Lecter, whether or not you’ve seen the movie. Say “Hannibal the Cannibal” and basically anyone is going to say, “Yeah, sure, that guy who chews faces! and likes fava beans.” funny! But the thing a lot of people don’t know about Hannibal Lecter is that he’s the perfect monster for Clarice, specifically. He is her worst fear. She’s not afraid of the serial killer Buffalo Bill (actually, he’s afraid of her; she is his monster). She’s not even afraid of Hannibal the Cannibal, who’s in jail. What she’s afraid of is Dr. Lecter, the psychiatrist. It doesn’t matter that he’s behind glass; the scary thing is inside of Clarice, and to let it out, all Dr. Lecter the brilliant psychoanalyst has to do is talk. I’m surprised you love horror movies . . . I want to know WHY. Can this essay go deeper?

  I could keep going—I could spend this entire essay describing what The Silence of the Lambs means. I could probably reproduce the whole script from memory. ! This is funny, BUT it doesn’t tell me anything exciting about YOU. For the past year, I’ve watched the movie at least once a week. Instead, I’ll stick to what’s important, which is what it feels like to be Clarice Starling, because I identify closely with her.

  Like Clarice, I’ve been working really hard, training myself, and working for a big goal. I want to go to the University of Virginia and begin my path to reaching my dream of being a journalist. Like Clarice, I’m driven. Like Clarice, I’m willing to work as hard as I have to. And like Clarice, I’m not afraid of any murderer. I’m afraid of what’s inside me.

  But I think I might be ready to face it.

  I almost feel like going to UVA will be like interviewing Hannibal Lecter. EEP! Let’s chat. At UVA, I’m going to meet new friends and professors who—like Hannibal Lecter—will have the key to letting the monsters inside of me out. I believe that if I keep working hard, I can learn to wrangle those scary things and overcome them and keep reaching for my dreams.

  Alice: you’re a v. strong writer. Your essay is going to be great. BUT we need to figure out WHAT you want to say. This first draft feels like you’re just warming up
. We’ll brainstorm at our next meeting!

  - Ms. MC

  DRAFT 2 V1

  People are often surprised to learn that I love horror movies. I’m a teenage girl with straight brown hair. I’m not goth or anything. I seem really normal at first. But I watch at least four horror movies every week. I’ve seen Se7en twice as many times as the title.

  Why do I like them? It’s kind of like the Apple Jacks commercials: I JUST DO.

  I guess one reason is the adrenaline. I love the tight, excited feeling I get when the first image flashes up on the screen. I love the suspense. It’s like being at the top hill of a roller coaster. And it’s like a roller coaster when you’re done, when you get off, you feel so alive!

  Most people want to know what I mean when I say horror movies. Like, slasher films like Halloween? Or even like Texas Chain Saw Massacre? My answer is all of them. I even used to want to be a horror filmmaker; my middle school best friend and I used to make silly scary movies together on her dad’s camcorder.

  It’s not because my life is like a horror movie. Although maybe it is! Bad things happen to all of us. Even on a normal day you can turn on the television and see a man, who lives in the neighborhood next to mine, giving an interview because his wife’s body was found mutilated in a dumpster. The world is scary. It’s not hard to imagine Pennywise from IT hiding under my bathroom sink. It’s not hard to imagine a Poltergeist in the walls of our house in these weird sterilized suburbs. It’s not hard to imagine that this is Invasion of the Body Snatchers; there are times where I definitely feel like everyone around me is in on a secret conspiracy, and I’m the weird outsider who didn’t get the memo.

  DRAFT 2 V2

  Sometimes I feel like I’m living in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. When I saw that movie in middle school, I thought—that’s just like my school! I feel like the last person who hasn’t been killed and replaced with an automaton of myself.

  And I’m kind of afraid that writing this essay is making me fall asleep.

  DRAFT 2 V3

  Shelley Duvall is walking through the kitchen, checking to make sure the Overlook Hotel is running, checking all the machines and everything. Note, she’s doing her husband’s job. Jack Nicholson is the star of The Shining, but it’s actually his wife who’s taking care of everything. Sexism!

  What do I have to say about sexism?

  I feel kind of like Jack right now. I’m sitting at my desk trying to write this essay. It’s making me a dull grrl.

  DRAFT 2 V4

  What do I want you to know about me? I want you to know that I should go to UVA. But why should I go to UVA? I don’t know the answer to that myself.

  In a horror movie, when someone doesn’t know the answer to something, it’s usually time to go to the library.

  DRAFT 2 V5

  Morgan Freeman walks into the New York Public Library. He banters with the night security guard, an old friend. The guard lets him into the reading room, even though the library is closed. Morgan Freeman is Detective Somerset, and he’s come to the library to read about the seven deadly sins, because the serial killer Kevin Spacey is using the sins as a script.

  The movie is set in a city that is so dark, grim, and violent that most murders and assaults pass unnoticed. At the beginning of the movie, Somerset has given up. He doesn’t want to try to help anyone anymore, and he’s leaving the city. The movie is a running argument between him and his replacement, Brad Pitt, about whether it’s better to keep trying or to give up.

  The serial killer complicates their argument because he agrees with both of them, in a way. On one side, Kevin Spacey agrees with Morgan Freeman that the world is lost. He commits these truly violent, grotesque murders because he knows that the world is so bad nobody will pay attention otherwise. But on the other side, he’s like Brad Pitt, in that he’s committing the murders because he thinks he’ll sledgehammer everyone out of their complacency, he thinks he will change things, he thinks change is possible.

  I used to argue with my middle school best friend about this movie. We both watched it together for the first time, and Haley was on Brad Pitt’s side. She believed that there’s such a thing as right and wrong, and that those of us who know the difference have to fight those who are evil—she believed it’s possible to make the world a better place. She seemed so sure of things so I went along with her at the time. But now, I’ve gotten older, I’ve seen more . . . (plus Haley and I haven’t really talked since ninth grade so she isn’t around to convince me otherwise) . . . and anyway now I understand that Somerset didn’t really disagree with Brad Pitt. It’s just that he has given up on the fight.

  Maybe that’s why I’m having such trouble with this essay. Ms. McConnolly says that it’s good to talk about overcoming adversity. But I don’t think you ever really overcome adversity. I think you just figure out how to carry it along with you and continue on your way.

  By the end of Se7en, Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt switch places. Brad Pitt, who kills Kevin Spacey because he killed his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow (Wrath!), has lost all hope and realized that the world is a bad place. Morgan Freeman ends the movie by reclaiming his hope. He says that the world is a bad place, but worth fighting for. I agree with him. I think. Although on a lot of days I still don’t know.

  My favorite scene in the movie is in that library, though. It’s a beautiful scene, quiet and soaring, even though Somerset is diving into the horrific research about hell and the seven deadly sins. This scene, to me, is the answer to life: When everything seems like too much, go to the library. The best way to confront horror is through study.

  Brad Pitt’s character is the one who goes to Kevin Spacey’s apartment and nearly catches him, he is the one who chases him down, he is the one who kills him in the end. He is the one who strives for justice. But Morgan Freeman is the one who figures out the code, understanding it through study at the library. His journey is to understand evil. Through understanding, he learns to live with it.

  Is it lame if I say that’s why I want to go to the University of Virginia?

  There’s one more thing I want to say, which is that I think horror movies can bring people together. Maybe this is what I really want to write about.

  I’m part of a group of girls who all meet on a message board online. We all pick the same movies to watch on Saturday nights, and we chat about them the whole time. We’re all survivors of sexual assault. It’s not true that all survivors are horror fans; there are lots of other message boards on other topics. We just happen to be horror fans who have found each other.

  I think talking about horror movies is an escape that lets us talk about our real feelings. There is only so much you can say about your own disgust and worry and guilt. I’d much rather talk about whether or not Morgan Freeman had a chance to stop Brad Pitt from killing the serial killer at the end of the movie or not.

  Alice Lovett

  10/12/2000

  586 words

  College Application Essay DRAFT 2

  Morgan Freeman walks into the New York Public Library. Start with something about YOU!! He banters with the night security guard, an old friend. The guard lets him into the reading room, even though the library is closed, because Freeman is a police detective. He’s come to the library on a mission. He needs to stop a serial killer who is using the seven deadly sins as a road map.

  The film Se7en is filled with horrific scenes of gore and the aftermath of murder (one interesting fact is that there are few scenes of actual violence in the film!). But this moment, in the middle of the film, is pure beauty: a night in the library, reading and learning.

  That’s what I hope to find at the University of Virginia. Not sure about this transition . . .

  It might seem strange to you that I talk about my dreams for college in the same breath as I talk about a horror movie. ha. yes. People are often surprised that I love horror movies at all. I’m a
good student, a normal girl with straight brown hair, I smile politely. But I watch like four horror movies every week. I’ve seen Se7en twice as many times as the title. !

  One reason I love horror movies is the adrenaline. I love the tight, excited feeling I get when the black screen first flashes up an image. I love not knowing what’s coming. It’s like being at the top of a roller coaster. And I love when the movie is over, I feel like I faced the monster myself and come (a) out victorious. You really feel alive at the end of a horror movie.

  But the biggest reason I love horror movies is that I’m part of a group of girls who all meet on a message board online to talk about the movies we love. I love to share movies with my friends. We all pick the same two movies to watch on Saturday nights, and we chat about them with each other online as we watch.

  Those friends on the message board are the first friends I’ve had where we found each other because of our intellectual interests. Before, all my friends were just people at my school, we were forced together. Most of those friends didn’t last when things got tough. My horror friends are my friends because we share a passion.

  Their friendship is the first taste of what I want the rest of my life to be. I dream of being a journalist and a writer, and I want to work and spend my time with other people who share my passions. Most of the people at my old school reminded me of the aliens in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. They seemed like they were just doing what everyone else wanted to do. Funny . . . BUT it’s a little immature. This essay needs to be about what makes YOU unique!

  That’s why I started this essay by talking about Morgan Freeman in the library. Like him, I know that the world is full of evil. Like him, I feel pretty sad sometimes when I think about all that evil, but I still want to fight. I want to be a journalist, to learn and explore and study, and work for what’s right. I know that I can’t do it alone. I want to go to the University of Virginia to meet other passionate, hardworking people.