A Funny Thing About Love

by Rebecca Farnworth

  Mamma Mia smiled. ‘Nature can be a mystery sometimes. We think we have all the answers, but she can still surprise us. I see you with children, Carmen.’

  If it had been anyone else Carmen would have been tempted to say, ‘Mind your own business’, but Mamma Mia had at least seven stone on her. And so she simply smiled and sipped her coffee.

  Mamma Mia held up the glass of Strega. ‘Cheers, Carmen, to your new future by the sea.’

  Carmen was so intent on knocking back the liqueur without choking that she almost didn’t register what Mamma Mia had said. But once her throat had stopped burning she asked, ‘What do you mean, by the sea? I live in Crouch End.’ Mamma looked at her quizzically as if she knew that wasn’t strictly true. ‘Alright, near Crouch End, more Hornsey, I suppose, but it’s definitely not near the sea.’

  Mamma Mia shrugged expansively, causing her massive bosom to rise up like a giant pillow. ‘I don’t know, it just came into my head, these things happen to me sometimes. Ah, look, there is lovely Will. Ciao, Will.’

  Oh shit, it couldn’t be, could it? She hadn’t returned any of his calls. Carmen turned round and saw Will at the counter. As soon as he saw her he raised his eyebrows and wandered over. The butterflies, which she had thought had packed their bags in the spate of bad news, came fluttering back.

  ‘Miller, I thought you must have died. Do you never return calls?’

  ‘Sorry,’ Carmen mumbled, ‘I had a lot on my mind.’

  Mamma Mia managed to prise herself up from the seat, which made a sucking noise that would have had schoolkids in fits, as her buttocks unpeeled from the leatherette. ‘I will leave you two to chat, I’m sure you have much to talk about.’ As she went past Carmen she planted two hefty kisses on her cheeks. ‘Ciao, Carmen.’

  ‘Ciao and grazie for everything.’

  Will slid on to the seat vacated by Mamma Mia. ‘So do you want to tell me what happened? I came back to find your office cleared – it was like a scene from bloody Nineteen Eighty-Four. I can’t believe you left like that. You’re such a good agent. You were a real asset to Fox Nicholson.’

  Carmen rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, please don’t give me that company-speak bollocks, Will! This is me you’re talking to and not she of the Antipodean annoying sentence construction.’

  Will frowned. He had pretty much bought into the corporate set-up and it clearly jarred hearing it dissed. He tried again. ‘I could put in a good word at Brand’s, I’m sure they’d snap you up.’

  Carmen shook her head. ‘Nope, I’m going to take six months off and write my comedy drama.’

  Will looked seriously at her. ‘I think that’s great, Carmen, but are you sure you should give up the day job? Lots of people do both. Couldn’t you write your drama in the evenings and at weekends?’

  Carmen shrugged. ‘I’ve just had enough, Will. I don’t think I’m cut out to be an agent and I really want to give my writing a go, and now seems like the right time.’

  ‘Do you know something about the current economic climate that I don’t? Like, is the recession over? Because I’d have thought that leaving your job right now, with nothing to go to, counted as a pretty high-risk strategy.’

  Carmen was not enjoying Will’s comments. Where was the flirtatious banter? What about the kiss? She really didn’t need his insights into the wisdom or folly of her course of action.

  ‘Thanks for the vote of confidence, Will,’ she said sulkily. ‘Like, big me up, why don’t you?’

  Will distractedly ran a hand over his black hair, which was in need of a cut. It kept falling into his eyes, which usually Carmen would have found quite adorable but now it was annoying her. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to be negative, it’s just I reckon if you’d hung on a little longer there might have been the chance of redundancy. Tiana wants to lose at least three agents. I really wish you’d spoken to me first before you went off on one.’

  No wonder Tiana had been so keen to get rid of her on the spot. Will carried on, ‘But you must be okay financially. Didn’t you get the flat from your marriage?’

  Carmen just couldn’t bear to admit the truth. She was also curious about Will’s interest in her finances. ‘I’m fine, Will, my nan left me some money last year, but I don’t know why you’re so bothered. Is this so you can find out if I’m still worth knowing? I mean, if I’m just some impoverished would-be writer living in a bedsit in, say, Finsbury Park, am I going to be deleted from your BlackBerry?’ She couldn’t help sounding so defensive.

  Will frowned. ‘No way, I was just concerned about you, is all. You’ve done quite a radical thing and I thought we were friends’. He hesitated. ‘More than friends on the basis of that kiss.’

  Just the mention of the kiss caused the colour to rush into Carmen’s face and the butterflies swooned. She was about to reply when Mamma Mia bustled over with Will’s espresso, breaking the moment. ‘A double one, just how you like it, my darling,’ Mamma Mia said dotingly.

  Carmen waited until Mamma Mia had moved away before she mumbled, ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so arsey. I’m probably a little bit uptight at the moment because of the whole leaving-job thing.’

  For a second they held each other’s gaze, then Will smiled and said, ‘You’re not really living in a bedsit, are you? It doesn’t quite go with your Alexander McQueen jacket or with being called Carmen.’

  ‘Not yet,’ Carmen said grimly.

  ‘Anyway, I’ve got you a little something. I was tempted to buy you an outfit but then I know how fussy you are, so I’ve got this instead.’ He reached into his jacket pocket for a small package wrapped in pink tissue paper and slid it across the table to her.

  ‘You really didn’t have to get me anything!’ she exclaimed, though she was touched that he had. She unwrapped the package to discover a delicate silver swallow for her charm bracelet. She’d had the bracelet for years and always wore it.

  ‘It’s perfect, Will, thank you,’ she said, holding it against her bracelet to see how it looked. ‘Is that because I’m like a free-spirited bird?’ she said teasingly, wanting to get back in flirtatious mode.

  ‘Nope, it’s because you already had a silver love heart.’

  Wow, Will had nearly bought her a love heart? That seemed intimate.

  His BlackBerry then vibrated with an incoming message. He frowned as he looked at the screen. ‘Got to get back to the office, Miller, some of us have work to do.’ He quickly drained his coffee, then stood up and just as Carmen thought he was going to clear off, he leaned down and kissed her lightly on the cheek and said softly, ‘We still haven’t talked about that kiss, but we will. I’m up in Manchester for the rest of the week but I’ll see you at Matthew’s. Take care of yourself, kid.’

  Carmen was left disarmed by the further mention of that kiss. She lingered for a few minutes, thinking about Will. He’d revealed a much sweeter side lately. Maybe they could carry on their flirtation outside work, and maybe more. Then she snapped out of it. Frankly she had too much on – like the fact that she would most likely end up in a bedsit pretty damn soon . . .

  5

  It was easy to spot Matthew’s house on the upmarket residential street, as his was the only one where the trees were decorated with flashing blue fairy lights, flickering tea lights lining the path, and the only one with ‘Ziggy Stardust’ blasting out (Matthew was a huge Bowie fan). Clearly the leaving party had already kicked off. Carmen crunched along the gravel path in her heels. She was looking forward to seeing Matthew and her former colleagues. But most of all she was looking forward to seeing Will. After their encounter at Rico’s she hadn’t been able to stop wondering what exactly he thought of her, and for that matter what she really thought of him, and she was hoping tonight might resolve her dilemma one way or the other. If he liked her then wasn’t tonight his chance to show it? And indeed hers?

  All this speculation had not helped her writing one little bit. It had been going spectacularly badly – in fact, the most coherent thing she had written so
far had been her shopping list for Sainsbury’s. Tormenting herself about Nick’s baby news hadn’t helped either. She’d read somewhere that no one could write if they were really happy, that it was essential to know the dark side in order to be creative. After the last few days, though, Carmen could truthfully say that feeling wretched was not the greatest spur to writing.

  Matthew opened the door to her, resplendent in a purple velvet smoking jacket, which set off his silver fox hair beautifully. ‘Thank God for that,’ she said with feeling, after she and Matthew had hugged. ‘I was dreading that you might be wearing some kind of smart-casual retirement ensemble in pastel colours.’

  ‘The day I wear a sweatshirt is the day I am put into a home for the mentally bewildered,’ Matthew declared. ‘You look sensational, and I’m glad to see you haven’t gone on the downward spiral either. Now come on in and get partying!’

  Carmen had in fact spent much of the week on the downward spiral but had put in the effort for Matthew’s big night in a fitted red dress that did wonders to her curves and skimmed over any problem areas – a definite case of va-va-voom to dispel the gloom. ‘Let me give you your present first,’ she replied, handing over the slim box.

  ‘That’s so sweet of you!’ Matthew exclaimed, opening the purple Liberty tie box to reveal a midnight-blue silk tie, splendidly patterned with pink flamingos.

  ‘Absolutely no way will that go with a sweatshirt,’ Carmen said sternly.

  ‘I hear you, sister,’ Matthew teased her. ‘And here are your presents.’ He grabbed two parcels from the hall table. Carmen ripped open the first to discover a thesaurus.

  ‘I know you can get one online, but nothing beats a book, does it?’ Matthew declared.

  ‘The second one was trickier. I hope you haven’t already got this one in your collection.’

  Carmen opened the square, rather heavy parcel to discover a snow globe containing the characters of The Wizard of Oz.

  ‘Wow, that is so kitsch, I love it!’ she exclaimed, giving the globe a shake and watching the fake snow cascade on the yellow brick road and on Dorothy et al. Dorothy had found her Somewhere over the Rainbow, would Carmen find hers? And what kind of kitsch thought process was that? She definitely needed alcohol.

  ‘Come on through,’ Matthew said, taking her arm and leading her into the large living room which was decorated with more fairy lights, Japanese lanterns, bunting and balloons – an eclectic mix but that was Matthew – and packed with guests. He certainly was going out with a bang and not a whimper. Casper, his twenty-two-year-old son, was the DJ. Matthew’s fifteen-year-old daughter Molly and two of her friends were waitressing in uniforms of short black skirts and fishnet tights, and a great deal of make-up that wouldn’t have looked out of place in The Rocky Horror Show.

  Molly approached Carmen and offered her the tray of champagne. ‘Take two, I can’t be arsed to keep coming round!’ At fifteen Molly had attitude with a capital A.

  As Carmen moved round the room saying hi to her former colleagues, she felt so proud of Matthew for throwing such a party. It was like giving two fingers to the whole corporate horror. He deserved so much better, they all did. Well obviously not Tiana, there were no words for what she deserved. Carmen scanned the room, wondering if her boss had dared to turn up, and her gaze fell on Will, standing at the far side of the room, chatting to Lottie. As soon as he noticed Carmen he made a beeline over and made a big show of kissing her twice.

  ‘Just watch the champagne!’ Carmen exclaimed, holding on tightly to her two glasses. ‘I don’t know when Molly will next be passing. She’s most likely going to hide out somewhere and diss the grown-ups.’

  Will folded his arms and looked at her consideringly. He was dressed in a black shirt and jeans and had just had his hair cut. The hair looked good short. Carmen, who never thought she had a particular type when it came to men, did love short hair; in fact, she would go so far as to say she really didn’t like long hair on a man. ‘So how was the rest of your week? Have you finished the series yet? When can I read it?’

  Carmen shrugged and said, ‘Okay. No. I’ll think about it. I certainly don’t miss Fox Nicholson.’

  ‘Not even flirting outrageously with me?’ Will demanded.

  ‘I never flirted outrageously with you!’ Carmen protested, while thinking how very much she did in fact miss flirting with Will.

  ‘Well, I miss flirting with you, Miller. I miss you coming back from your shopping expeditions with all those little numbers from Top Shop, practising walking in your new shoes. You always had such a glow about you. Materialistic, yes, and sometimes we have to say a bit more mutton than lamb, but always sexy.’

  Carmen glared at him at the mutton reference, then remembered the zebra print tee-shirt dress, wet-look leggings debacle. But she liked the sexy bit.

  ‘And sweet,’ Will added, catching the look. ‘And no one else eats Wobbly Worms and lets me have their green ones.’ He paused and moved closer. ‘It’s good to see you, Miller. In fact, I’ve never seen you looking so lovely as you do tonight.’ He smiled and waited for her to get the reference.

  ‘Lady in red, that’s me,’ Carmen replied. ‘Except wrong colour hair, obviously, I don’t have highlights. I always thought that line was really cheeky, like, would the lady want him to notice her highlights or would she rather be thought of as having naturally lovely hair?’

  Will shrugged. ‘Maybe the lady in red with naturally lovely hair will be dancing with me later cheek to cheek?’

  Ordinarily if any man had quoted a Chris de Burgh lyric at her she might have laughed, and she wanted to make a joke but found she couldn’t, because yes, actually, she would like to be dancing cheek to cheek with Will. There was a beat when they both looked at each other, one of those moments when the rest of the room recedes into the distance. Maybe seeing Will again was just what she needed, and maybe more than seeing . . .

  ‘So what do you think of Carmen leaving as well?’ Matthew had joined them. He put his arm round her. ‘Has Fox Nicholson crumbled yet? Has Tiana learnt to speak properly?’

  ‘Everything’s fine, Matthew,’ Will said smoothly, switching in Carmen’s mind straight from sexy to smarmy. It was disconcerting just how rapidly he could do that. ‘Of course you’re both sorely missed, but life goes on, doesn’t it?’ He was so smooth he could easily have been a spin doctor; truly he was wasted in entertainment – politics was where he could have excelled.

  ‘Well, glad to hear it.’ Matthew smiled but Carmen knew that he had never really seen eye to eye with Will. They were just too different.

  ‘Sushi?’ Molly demanded, thrusting the platter in front of Will and narrowly missing his chest.

  ‘Not sure if you’re going to get your silver service award, Molly,’ Matthew said drily, ‘or even get paid.’

  ‘Whatever,’ Molly shot back. Carmen knew that in fact she had a huge crush on Will, hence was being extra rude to him.

  ‘Thanks,’ Will said, taking a portion of sushi. ‘Like the get-up, Molly.’ Molly turned as scarlet as her lipstick. Carmen winced in sympathy: who would be a teenager again?

  Then Carmen and Will were alone once more. ‘Okay, this is me being serious for a minute, and I don’t want you to laugh at me or tease me.’

  Carmen put on a mock-innocent look. ‘When do I ever do that?’

  Will rolled his eyes. ‘When do you not? I wanted to ask if you’d have dinner with me next week. Now we’re not working together it’s going to be much easier to see each other. You know Tiana had that problem with inter-colleague fraternising, as she called it, but now we can do what we like, can’t we? Not that I ever needed her permission.’ The ‘do what we like’ was practically dripping with suggestion.

  Carmen liked the suggestion, liked being asked, in fact was wildly flattered. ‘Are you asking me out, Will?’

  ‘I think that’s pretty obvious, don’t you? I have to after that kiss.’

  That kiss! Carmen got the free-fall elevator sensation a
gain and the butterflies batted their wings in anticipation, but she still couldn’t resist playing him. ‘I’ll have to check my itinerary,’ she said loftily, ‘and get back to you on that.’

  ‘Come on, Carmen, you’re unemployed, you’re going to have shedloads of free time – there’s only so many episodes of Jeremy Kyle the spirit can take.’

  ‘I’m not unemployed!’ Carmen shot back. ‘I’m a writer, remember!’ Oh God, now she had said it, she had better bloody get on with it. But it wasn’t just the work issue; she actually hadn’t been out with anyone since she split up with Nick. She wasn’t sure if she was ready, whatever that meant.

  Will was stopped from pressing his cause any further as Molly enthusiastically rang a gong, declaring, less enthusiastically, ‘Dad’s going to make his speech thing now.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Matthew called out from his position by the fireplace, crammed with family photos, Penny at his side, resplendent in a black sequinned flapper dress – neither she or Matthew did understated. ‘I’m not going to witter on, I know there is valuable drinking time to be enjoyed and liaisons to be struck up.’ Carmen was sure it wasn’t her imagination that he seemed to glance over at her and Will.

  ‘I just really wanted to say a massive and heartfelt thank you to everyone in this room. Thank you to everyone I’ve worked with over the many, many years; it really has been the most tremendous fun. It never felt like work to me to be alongside you all and signing up such marvellous acts and watching their talent flourish. Only lately.’ He paused. Everyone knew what he meant.

  ‘I have to thank Trish especially for looking after me so wonderfully,’ at this he raised his glass in Trish’s direction; tears were streaming down her cheeks. Poor Trish, Carmen wondered how long she would last with Tiana. Matthew revelled in people’s quirks, but she had a feeling Tiana would not tolerate Trish’s enormous collection of cacti for long. ‘And for this lovely cactus,’ Matthew gestured at the giant cactus on the mantelpiece. ‘Apparently she’s called Fifi and her favourite song is “You’re All I Need to Get By”.’ He smiled at Trish.