A Funny Thing About Love

by Rebecca Farnworth

  So Daniel thought there would be a next one. Carmen wasn’t so sure. The waitress’s revelation had taken some of the spring out of her step. Maybe she was one in a long line of women who wanted him to cultivate their lady gardens. Oh, for goodness’ sake! She couldn’t believe she’d thought that!

  Outside Saturday-night Brighton was in full swing with a succession of hen parties traipsing along East Street towards the seafront clubs. There was a gang with matching hot-pink tee-shirts with ‘Julie’s hen party posse’ plastered across them in pink glitter, and pink glittery cowboy hats – how matchy-matchy! Carmen thought to herself to try and cheer herself up. She and Daniel were nearly mown down by a group of bunnies, some of whom should have stepped well away from the black corsets, which were straining to contain their ample figures, followed by a gang dressed up as nurses, in very short white uniforms and fishnets. It was like a tidal wave of fake-tanned limbs coming at you, all with a slightly purplish-blue tint from the bitter wind that was whipping down the street.

  ‘Bloody hell!’ Carmen exclaimed in appalled fascination.

  ‘It’s the cheeky, kiss-me-quick side of Brighton,’ Daniel said. ‘So what now?’ He steered her into the doorway of L.K. Bennett as another group bowled past them in tiaras and veils, hell-bent on hitting the clubs.

  Carmen had a flashback to Will steering her into the doorway on Great Portland Street, and look where that had ended. Perhaps she was only good for doorways. ‘The sanctuary of beautiful shoes,’ Carmen said, gazing in the window at the deep-aubergine patent-leather stilettos and the delicate silver pumps. ‘One can always rely on shoes.’

  Daniel frowned. ‘Is it my imagination or have you gone a bit funny on me?’

  ‘Um, I kind of lost my zing on the stairs.’

  ‘Your what?’

  ‘That waitress, our waitress, said she knew you, said that you’d had a fling and that you got through a lot of women.’ The words came out in a rush. Carmen hadn’t realised how shaken she had been. It was possibly irrational but the revelation had made her feel stupid. She’d thought that she was special, but apparently she was just one of many. The whole I’m-not-used-to-this-flirting-business act that Daniel had been putting on was just that – an act.

  Daniel frowned. ‘I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.’ There was a pause then he came out with, ‘Oh hang on, shit, that must have been Kirsty.’

  Carmen glared at him.

  ‘Don’t give me that look!’ Daniel appealed to her. ‘When we had our fling, which was only twice if I remember, she had black hair. I thought it was nothing more than a fling, I didn’t really have anything in common with her, but she kept calling me. I didn’t handle it very well.’

  Carmen wanted to ask where the pretty waitress fitted in with Jess’s friend’s friend, but it was probably none of her business.

  ‘Shit,’ Daniel said again, looking serious under the glow of the L.K. Bennett lights. ‘She must think I’m such a bastard. No wonder she gave me a funny look when I walked in, but I honestly didn’t recognise her.’

  To believe or not to believe, that was the question, though actually, did it really matter if Daniel had had a fling with a woman he didn’t recognise? Carmen wasn’t his keeper.

  ‘Has that killed the moment?’ Daniel asked. ‘I’ll go if you’d rather but I’d rather not, because I really like you, Carmen.’

  A beat. Did Carmen want the night to end now?

  Daniel was nice, Daniel was hot, Daniel was very sexy. Daniel had selective amnesia about the women he’d slept with but he might be just what she needed to feel happy again. She took a deep breath. ‘Do you want to come back to mine?’

  Daniel smiled. ‘Yes, shall we get a taxi?’

  Daniel was not as green as he made out.

  Carmen had expected to ease into the whole seduction scene. Earlier on she had activated her inner control freak and remembered her Girl Guide motto of Be Prepared. She had set up Miles Davis, Kind of Blue (a timeless classic, everyone liked it, didn’t they?) on the CD player, had a choice of red or white wine ready and had stashed condoms in the bedroom and living room. But as soon as she shut the front door Daniel put his arms round her and kissed her. And oh, what a kiss. A perfect, seductive, caressing kiss that even had Carmen’s toes curling up in delight, whilst other areas experienced a rush of tingling pleasure that seemed to have been absent for a very, very long time – well since her last kiss with Will, actually, but that had ended with the kiss, and Carmen was pretty sure there was going to be more going on here.

  At first they were both cautious in their caresses and then as their kiss grew more intense it freed something in both of them. Daniel unbuttoned her shirt and caressed her breasts, those lovely deft fingers grazing across her nipples in a most tantalising way. She slid her hands under his tee-shirt and felt those abs, and they did not disappoint, nor did subsequent explorations. Daniel groaned as Carmen boldly caressed him through his jeans, then he was inching up her skirt and sliding his fingers into her silk briefs and then everything went on fast forward as they pulled each other down to the floor – on to Marcus’s hard stripped wooden floor – but Carmen didn’t care as her head banged against the wooden boards. She was heading for the best sex of her life, and what were a few splinters and possibly mild concussion compared to that? Daniel might have claimed to have been in a sexual wilderness himself but he certainly had not lost his touch, as his knowing caresses of her body proved.

  ‘I want you,’ she murmured as Daniel kissed her neck, her lips, and then, when it seemed he was still intent on the starters, she took matters into her own hands, pulled down his jeans and boxers and wriggled into him. She was a woman on a mission. She had not had sex for nearly a year, she needed to have sex, right now. The hall was the one place she had not thought to stash any condoms, which seemed something of an oversight. Never mind, she thought as Daniel thrust inside her, she would get some in a minute, but right now, right now, this was so good, it was unfettered pleasure, it was desperate, frantic and delicious. Carmen was teetering on the brink of an orgasm that was so pleasurable that it almost hurt. She kissed him harder and slid her arms down his back. All she could hear was their breathing, the rhythmic pounding of their bodies against the wood and a mobile phone playing the theme from Star Wars. Now that didn’t seem right.

  ‘Oh no!’ Daniel exclaimed, coming to an abrupt halt, whereas Carmen was well on the way to a crescendo. ‘I’m going to have to get that.’

  ‘No way!’ Carmen exclaimed, winding her arms tightly round his neck. She was so close, he mustn’t stop now! Sexual nirvana was in her sight and she really couldn’t let it slip away.

  But slip away it did. ‘I’m really sorry, I’ve got to.’

  With a feeling of disbelief Carmen let go of him as Daniel disengaged, and scrabbled in his jacket pocket for his phone and flipped it open. Carmen sat up and attempted to straighten her clothes.

  ‘Yeah, I’ll be right back,’ Daniel said tersely. He looked at Carmen as he pulled up his jeans. ‘I’m really, really sorry, but Millie’s had an asthma attack and I’ve got to go home.’

  There was no comeback to that really, was there? Okay, your child is sick but I still need to finish what we started was not going to go down well.

  ‘God, I’m sorry,’ Carmen replied, clambering up from the floor but forgetting to hold her skirt, so it fell down, unintentionally giving Daniel a final opportunity to see what he was missing.

  ‘I’ve got to go, I’ll call you tomorrow.’ He gave her an awkward kiss then he was gone.

  * * *

  Carmen did what any right-thinking woman would do under the circumstances; she poured herself a glass of Pinot Noir and phoned a friend.

  ‘Jess, I know it’s late but please pick up,’ she implored Jess’s answerphone.

  Damn it! She just had to speak to someone! Just as she was about to hang up, Sean answered. ‘Hi, Carmen, sorry, I was just with Harry. Jess is actually asleep in bed – she had a
really bad headache so I don’t want to wake her if that’s okay.’ Sean sounded uncharacteristically subdued. Really low.

  ‘Sure, sorry, I just needed to offload about something.’

  ‘You can tell me if you like.’

  Carmen thought of the frenzied passion in the hallway, and decided it was probably a good idea if she didn’t go into details.

  ‘Best not to, Sean. By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask, is everything okay between you and Jess?’

  ‘Fine.’ Sean didn’t sound fine.

  ‘It’s just something Harry said last week.’ Carmen left a pause, she was really hoping Sean would get it without her spelling it out.

  ‘Oh?’

  She was going to have to come out with it. ‘It’s about Jess.’ Another pause. ‘About her drinking too much.’

  ‘Yeah,’ a heavy sigh from Sean, ‘it’s been going on a while. She’s in complete denial about it, though, won’t listen to me when I suggest that she cuts back or gets help. Says it’s all to do with being stressed at work and how she’ll give up in the New Year. To be honest, Carmen, I’m not sure I can go on like this. It’s getting worse and worse, and she didn’t fall asleep this evening, she passed out. I’m worried about what she’ll do. What if she drives with Harry in the car? I just can’t trust her at the moment.’

  ‘God, Sean, I’m sorry. I had no idea it had got this bad. Shall I try and talk to her about it?’

  ‘You can try; she’ll be defensive, just to warn you.’

  Carmen ended the call determined to speak to Jess as soon as possible; she couldn’t bear to think of her friend getting into such a state. She ran a bath and added relaxing essential oils. After the encounter with Daniel she felt as tightly coiled as a spring, as if the slightest touch would cause her to bounce off the walls. Man, she was tense. It seemed there was only one thing worse than being out in the sexual wilderness; it was being tantalised with the best shag of your life only to find it whipped away from you. The essential oils did bugger-all to relax her, so she watched TV, convinced that every single actor, chat-show host and comedian had had more sex than her in the last twelve months.

  The next dilemma was to text or not to text Daniel to see if everything was okay. If she sent one, did it make her sound too keen? That ridiculous playground chant went through her head: treat them mean to keep them keen. Or did it just say mature woman who didn’t need to play games and was just checking his daughter was okay? She decided not to, knowing that if she did she would then spent the next three hours obsessing about whether he was going to reply or not. She would text him in the morning.

  But actually, she reflected at five a.m., when she’d woken up still feeling strung out, maybe she should have texted him that night, maybe it looked as if she wasn’t concerned about Millie? In so many ways, wasn’t it easier being in the sexual wilderness? At least one knew where one stood.

  She had just emerged from the shower the following morning when the doorbell rang. She wrapped a towel round her, padded to the door and opened it to Daniel.

  ‘Millie’s with her gran, I just wanted to say sorry.’ He looked knackered and was unshaven, but still oh so gorgeous. They stood staring at each other for a few seconds as water dripped from Carmen on to the hall floor.

  She felt self-conscious after the unbridled passion of the night before. It had been so intense and here they were behaving like polite strangers.

  ‘’S’okay – d’you want a coffee?’ When in doubt offer a hot beverage.

  Daniel nodded and followed her in. ‘I’ll just get dressed,’ Carmen said, diving into the bedroom.

  She was about to whip off the towel and grab her clothes when Daniel walked in. ‘Actually, can’t we pick up from last night? I promise my phone’s not going to ring. And by the way, I didn’t choose the Star Wars ringtone, it was Millie. Just in case you’re having second thoughts about getting close to someone who has that on their phone.’

  He walked towards her. Carmen decided to be bold and let the towel fall from her body. And they did indeed pick up from last night, except this time on the bed, not on the hard wooden floor, but as Daniel began kissing her body, starting with her neck, moving to her breasts and then continuing his delicious exploration, Carmen would have gladly lain on cold concrete to be the recipient of such intense pleasure, and even if he’d had the ringtone of ‘Agadoo’, she would have done it all again.

  Afterwards they both lay staring up at the ceiling. Carmen didn’t know how to begin to frame a sentence expressing all the emotions colliding in her head. In the end it was easier than she thought as Daniel turned to her and simply said, ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Thank you,’ she replied, staring into his brown eyes which were flecked with gold and reminded her of sunlight dappling through the autumn leaves. Ah, didn’t post orgasm make one come out with the sweetest things?

  ‘So?’ Daniel continued. ‘Can I see you again? I don’t want you to think that this is just a physical thing, although that was pretty amazing. You’re like no one I’ve ever met before. You’re so funny and warm and sexy. Very sexy.’

  Carmen turned over and propped herself up on her elbows to consider Daniel, who looked like a handsome Roman soldier with his strong profile and black hair fanned out on the pillow, then checked herself. I absolutely must not think of the Roman thing, it’s just a small step from there to Gladiator. ‘So this isn’t just in the pretty-waitress category?’ she asked. ‘You won’t forget who I am next time we meet?’

  Daniel groaned. ‘No.’

  ‘Promise?’

  ‘Promise,’ Daniel replied, pulling her to him and kissing her.

  And frankly, Carmen thought, even if it was just a fling maybe she could live with that.

  ‘Oh my God! You got to shag hot dad!’ Jess exclaimed when Carmen finally caught up with her in the late afternoon after spending a good three hours in bed with Daniel.

  Carmen now knew a few more facts about Daniel:

  • He was indeed a very good lover, so good that when they made love she forgot all the bad stuff.

  • He closed his eyes when they made love.

  • He had a tattoo of his wife’s name on his shoulder which he said he wanted to get rid of.

  Thinking of the last point, Carmen wondered why he hadn’t done it ages ago. Actually, so what? If he could make her feel like she did right now, which was sexy, powerful and satisfied, let him keep the tattoo. She gave an enigmatic smile and stirred her latte.

  ‘I have so got to tell all the other mums! They’ll go mentalist!’ Jess continued.

  The enigmatic smile vanished. ‘Have you reverted to Harry’s age? Strangely enough, Jess, I don’t want everyone to know. I’m not just a piece of playground gossip!’

  Jess looked suitably shamefaced. ‘I’m so sorry, I just forgot myself. If you knew how very few nuggets of gossip there are in the playground you would understand, and Daniel is like a shining star of beauty in a sea of fairly unattractive men – not that I fancy him, of course. I don’t shag other people’s boyfriends – not like the bitch whore from hell.’

  She was like a dog with a bone! Carmen glared at her friend. ‘Do not pop my post-orgasm bubble with your bitterness!’

  Jess looked at her watch; she just had twenty minutes before she picked Harry up from skateboarding club. ‘So come on, give me the low-down, I haven’t got long. Is he as good as legend has it?’

  A slight nod from Carmen confirmed this.

  ‘No further details?’ Jess asked regretfully.

  ‘Nope.’ And to prevent any further interrogation she asked, ‘Are you feeling okay now?’

  Jess looked blank.

  ‘When I phoned last night Sean said you had a terrible headache and had gone to bed.’ The blank look became slightly guilty. ‘Oh yeah. I did have a headache. I took these really strong painkillers and I must have just zonked out.’

  Carmen dipped a spoon into her latte and scooped up a layer of froth. Clearly Jess was not going to a
dmit drinking too much. Carmen wondered how best to get her friend to open up. And she was convinced that she could smell alcohol on Jess now.

  ‘So it wasn’t a hangover?’

  Jess shook her head, immediately seeming defensive as she snapped, ‘No, a headache. I told you.’ And before Carmen could come up with a follow-up question, Jess quickly changed the subject. ‘So,’ she said brightly, ‘when are you next going to see sexy Dan?’

  ‘He’s asked me round for supper on Tuesday, and I guess I’ll have to do the whole engaging-with-small-person routine.’ Meeting Daniel’s daughter again was a nagging source of anxiety. Yes, her godson Harry seemed to think she was okay, even if she did hug him too much for his liking, but then again she was not getting up close and personal with Harry’s dad.

  ‘Oh, come on, you’re great with kids and Millie is sweet. She’s not a girly girl, and even Harry likes her – in fact, she’s the only girl in his class that he does like.’

  ‘Um,’ Carmen was not convinced and she knew that however sweet Millie was it was still going to give whatever she had going with Daniel an added layer of complication. ‘And there’s something else.’

  Jess looked at her enquiringly. ‘Go on.’

  ‘Don’t you think that Daniel’s out of my league, looks-wise? I’ve never been to bed with a man as gorgeous as him before. He’s like A-list good looks; I see myself more as a B- or C-list. B-list on very good days and going right down to an E on bad days. I bet his wife is really beautiful, isn’t she?’

  Jess frowned. ‘I can hardly remember what Imogen looked like. Even when she lived with Daniel and Millie he did most of the childcare and school pick-ups. She was always engaged in one of her artistic endeavours. And anyway, sweet cheeks, you’re not B- or C-list on the looks front, you are A-list. You’re super stylish and sexy.’

  ‘Only with a lot of assistance from Mademoiselle Coco Chanel, combined with flattering lighting,’ Carmen said gloomily.

  ‘Oh, pull yourself together! You never used to be so insecure about your looks!’ Jess told her.

  ‘That was when I was the right side of thirty, married and looking forward to having children. Now I’m the wrong side of thirty, separated and . . .’ – she paused, some of the glow left over from her passion with Daniel dispersing with these thoughts – ‘. . . barren.’