A Funny Thing About Love

by Rebecca Farnworth

‘Oh?’ Imogen directed her beautiful blue-eyed gaze at her.

  Carmen shrugged. ‘I am a short hair kind of girl.’

  ‘And you’re a writer, Dan says. I’m hoping to finish my novel before I’ve had the baby. I’m so nearly there.’ So Imogen could add writer to her list of accomplishments, was there no end to them?

  They were treated to a detailed synopsis of the work in progress as they sat down to a healthy supper of lentil moussaka, cooked by Daniel, of course. Imogen liked the sound of her own voice very much. No one got a word in edgeways. The novel sounded dire, about a thirty-something woman who falls in love with a vampire.

  ‘So, chick lit with fangs?’ Carmen commented, which didn’t raise a smile from anyone.

  ‘It’s a serious love story, think Wuthering Heights, but set in LA,’ Imogen snapped back, and Carmen didn’t add that wasn’t the whole vampire genre like totally bled dry at the moment? She toyed with her food. She was no lover of lentils at the best of times, and right now she had absolutely no appetite. It was torture sitting there with the beautiful one and seeing Millie and Daniel hanging on her every word.

  After they’d eaten Millie was desperate to sing to them with the High School Musical karaoke set.

  ‘Oh, Millie, you’re not into that rubbish!’ Imogen exclaimed. ‘I’ll gladly listen to you sing something of your own, but not that! Dan, I can’t believe that you would allow this. It’s so stereotyped and cheesy.’

  ‘I agree,’ Daniel said, ‘but it’s what Millie wanted.’

  The little girl looked utterly crestfallen. Clearly she was longing to impress her mum.

  ‘How about you sing one of the carols from your concert?’ Carmen said quietly, wanting to make things better for Millie.

  But Millie shook her head and Carmen felt like the bad guy for encouraging Millie in her HSM passion.

  After supper Imogen discovered she’d run out of ginger tea, could Dan be an absolute star and go and get some for her? She found it impossible to sleep without it. Dan dutifully went off to the nearest Tesco Metro while Imogen put Millie to bed, a first time for everything, Carmen thought bitterly. She stayed in the living room flicking through a day-old Guardian. As soon as Daniel returned she would go back to her flat. There was no way she could remain in the same house as Imogen – Daniel’s promise that Imogen’s presence wouldn’t affect their relationship was simply absurd. She and Daniel had some serious talking to do and she wanted to be as far away from Imogen as possible when they did. A creak on the stairs alerted her to Imogen sashaying down. She had changed into a pair of white silk pyjamas with a pale pink pashmina flung over her shoulders. She looked like Claudia bloody Schiffer.

  ‘Would you like another glass of wine, Carmen?’ she asked, again making it clear that she was the lady of the house.

  Carmen shook her head.

  ‘I meant to say I was so sorry to hear that you can’t have children. You must have thought me terribly insensitive to be going on about my pregnancy. But I didn’t want to say anything in front of Millie – she would be so upset for you.’ She tilted her beautiful face towards Carmen. ‘It’s great that you’ve got your writing, though – art can be incredibly fulfilling.’

  It was, Carmen decided, one of those defining moments. It felt like the very worst kind of betrayal by Daniel to tell his pregnant wife about his barren girlfriend. There could be no going back from this. It was a jumping into the deep end kind of moment.

  ‘So Daniel told you?’

  ‘Yes, the other day. I am truly sorry, Carmen.’

  Carmen got up out of her chair and grabbed her coat and bag. ‘It is sad that I can’t have children, but d’you know what’s sadder? A woman who can walk out on her five-year-old daughter and leave her wondering every day whether her mummy is ever going to come back. Asking herself what she might have done wrong to make her mummy go away.’

  ‘Now hold on a minute,’ Imogen’s voice was sounding less laid-back LA drawl, more uptight English. ‘You don’t know what was going on. I had my reasons, very good reasons, which are absolutely none of your business.’

  Carmen looked back at her; she was intimidated by Imogen’s beauty no longer – she would never want to look like or be like her.

  ‘And they outweighed the needs of your child? You’re obviously a deeply selfish woman, but I hope for Millie’s sake that you’re staying. Tell Daniel I’ve gone.’

  And before Imogen could reply, Carmen practically ran up the stairs and out of the house.

  She was halfway down the road when she bumped into Daniel returning from his errand. ‘Hey, where are you going?’ he exclaimed, his face concerned under the orange streetlight, but his looks no longer had a hold on her.

  ‘You told Imogen about me not being able to have children, how could you?’ She was bubbling over with a sense of hurt and betrayal.

  Now he looked awkward. ‘Well, she was asking me about you and it just sort of came out; I didn’t realise it was this great secret.’

  ‘And you didn’t stop to think how I would feel about you telling your pregnant wife that I, your girlfriend, can’t have children? Never mind let her move back into your house and pretend that it won’t make a difference to our relationship!’

  ‘Imogen was really concerned for you. And I don’t see why her staying with me will change anything.’

  Just hearing Daniel try and justify himself killed any feelings Carmen had for him. He was so deluded she almost wanted to laugh. ‘Daniel, why don’t you just admit that you’re still in love with her?’

  He shook his head. ‘No way, I told you, I’m in love with you.’

  He went to take her arm, but Carmen brushed him away. ‘I would have so much more respect for you if you told me the truth. Goodbye, Daniel.’ She turned to go.

  ‘Carmen, what are you doing? Don’t go; come back to the house. We can work this out.’

  She spun back and faced him. ‘What, a cosy little chat between you and your wife and me? I don’t think so. Goodbye, Daniel,’ she repeated. ‘Just promise that you won’t let her hurt Millie again.’

  Daniel looked as if he was going to say something else, but Carmen’s expression was resolute. She turned again and began walking swiftly away. There was nothing more to be said. She had been Daniel’s distraction, while he tried to pretend that he wasn’t still in love with Imogen. But if she was honest, and brutal honesty was what was called for now, he had been hers. She had been so desperate to push away thoughts of Nick and his baby and of Will that she had hurled herself into the relationship with Daniel. For the last few weeks she had been living a lie, not thinking straight, not being true to herself. The one thing she felt truly sorry about was not saying a proper goodbye to Millie, and she determined that she would go round and see her in the New Year. It wasn’t Millie’s fault that her dad was deluded.

  ‘There is no way you are spending New Year’s Eve on your own!’ Marcus declared when she finally got round to calling him the following day. She hadn’t been up to speaking to any of her friends the day before as once back at the flat the steely resolve had deserted her and she had spent two hours sobbing in the bath.

  ‘I’ll be fine, Marcus. It will be good for me to draw a line under this year. I’ll have half a bottle of champagne, watch Jools Holland, look at the fireworks and go to bed.’

  ‘Please come up to London. I’m only having a small party, you don’t have to put on a brave face or anything. You can even wear your UGGs, and you know I loathe them as much as Will does. And speaking of Will, he’s coming tonight.’

  ‘I can’t come, Marcus; I just need to be on my own. But say hi to Will and say congratulations.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘On Tash being pregnant.’

  ‘Is she? That’s news to me.’

  ‘Yeah, I mean Will hasn’t told me yet, but it’s obvious.’

  ‘Well, I’m surprised. Will came back early from skiing as they were rowing so much.’

  ‘Perhaps he’s feel
ing nervous about fatherhood. It can affect men like that.’ Carmen sounded surprisingly calm; perhaps she could have an alternative career as a relationship counsellor. Marcus pleaded some more but eventually told her he would call her again at regularly hourly intervals to see if she would change her mind.

  I will not wallow, Carmen told herself as she switched on her MacBook. This will be the day that I finish episode five of my sitcom. This will not be the day that I remember for ending my relationship with Daniel. And in one of those creative spurts where things start coming together, she did indeed finish, writing until nine o’clock at night, not even stopping to eat. Oh my God! She was turning into a proper writer at last. Next she would be nibbling an oatcake and an apple in place of her usual salt and vinegar Hula Hoops and Oreos. Marcus had phoned every hour as promised, but each time Carmen had declined, and finally he had conceded defeat. But she had to celebrate the fifth episode; there was only one more to go. She would nip to Wine Me Up and buy a bottle of champagne.

  Just as she was about to walk out the door she looked in the hall mirror. The jeans, jumper, UGG combo did not reflect the Carmen she wanted to be; they were a reminder of the Carmen she had been with Daniel. Quickly she slipped them off and put on the midnight-blue silk dress she had bought to impress Daniel, but never worn, and her heels. Outside the temperature had dipped below freezing and Carmen walked briskly, but in spite of the cold she enjoyed being out after hours of sitting at her desk. Daniel and Imogen and Millie would all be at Violet’s New Year’s Eve party by now. Carmen allowed herself a small smile as she thought of how Violet would respond to the return of the beautiful one and then reflected that she actually felt sorry for Violet for being in love with Daniel, a love that was surely doomed.

  She bought the most expensive bottle of champagne and a large packet of pistachios (well, she had to keep her strength up) and headed back. The pavements glinted with frost and the stars were out in force. It was a beautiful night. She would miss Brighton but she realised with a sudden clarity that she wanted to go back to London as soon as she’d finished the sitcom. This had been time out from reality, but she needed to return to her friends and help Marcus set up the production company. She was so lost in thought that she didn’t notice the figure standing by the door.

  ‘Miller, where the hell have you been? I’m freezing my bollocks off here.’

  Carmen nearly dropped the bottle of Veuve in her surprise at seeing Will.

  ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Come down to see you, of course. I had to walk from the bloody station as there was no taxi to be had for love nor money.’ Will was shivering, he was only wearing a jacket over a black shirt.

  ‘But what about Tash?’ And the baby, she wanted to add.

  ‘I’ll explain everything, but can we go inside before I expire from hypothermia? I know you’d be a terrible nurse, too busy looking at yourself in the mirror in your uniform to minister to me – even though I have to admit that the thought of you in a nurse’s uniform is quite appealing on a pervy level. I can feel my extremities warming up now just thinking about it. You haven’t got one, have you?’

  Carmen ignored him and opened the door.

  As soon as they were inside in the living room Carmen put her hands on her hips like she meant business. ‘Well? What’s the explanation? Marcus sent you, didn’t he? Honestly, I’m fine. I’m an independent woman; I’m not going to wither just because I’m alone on New Year’s Eve and because I’ve just dumped my lover. Yes, I dumped him, he didn’t dump me.’

  Will meanwhile was standing by the fire, rubbing his hands together; he really did look frozen, ‘Any chance of a brandy? See, I was right that you’d be a terrible nurse, no bedside manner whatsoever.’

  Carmen rolled her eyes and followed Will’s instructions, pouring each of them a more than generous measure. Will took a large gulp. ‘That’s better, maybe hypothermia isn’t quite so imminent after all. Shall we start again?’ He walked over to where Carmen was standing and kissed her on the cheek. His lips felt ice-cold against her skin and she inhaled the familiar scent of Amber and Lavender which seemed to awaken the butterflies who had gone into hibernation but were now flexing their wings and seemed rather sprightly.

  ‘Now come and sit down and tell me how you are. I hope you’re not giving that gardener a second thought for how appallingly he treated you?’ Will’s tone was light but his eyes had their serious, searching look as he tried to detect Carmen’s mood.

  ‘I’m fine, actually.’ As soon as Carmen said the words she realised that she was. Daniel didn’t have the power to hurt her because she had never really let him in.

  ’get back to London and Tash, especially as it will be your last New Year’s Eve without the baby. This time next year you’ll be suffering from sleep deprivation and wondering why you wasted the New Year’s Eve pre-children seeing me when you could have been clubbing all night and taking shitloads of drugs. And you’ll never be able to go out on New Year’s Eve again, well maybe when Octavia slash Mercedes slash Lexi is fourteen. Or I guess you could have a party round at yours, but it’s not the same, is it? It will just be couples like you moaning about the fact that they never get to go out any more and treading peanuts into your carpet. No, hang on, Tash probably prefers expensive oak floors.’

  Will was staring at her as if she had gone completely mad. ‘There are so many things wrong with what you’ve said I don’t know where to start. First off, I don’t take drugs, I never have, which I know may sound a bit unlikely for someone who works in the media but there you are. Secondly, what baby? I thought Octavia slash Mercedes slash Lexi was in your over-vivid imagination; why are you talking about her as if she’s real?’

  God, he wasn’t going to make her spell it out for him, was he? ‘Because I know Tash is pregnant, you idiot! Though going skiing at Christmas seems reckless of her, but maybe she took medical advice.’

  ‘Tash is most definitely not pregnant. Or if she is I am not the father. We broke up on Christmas Day night, which was extremely awkward given that I couldn’t get a flight home for two days and all the hotels were booked up.’

  It was Carmen’s turn to stare at him. She’d had it all mapped out in her head, had been so sure. ‘But you went to the hospital, wasn’t that for the scan? You said so when we were at Rico’s.’

  Will looked blank then said, ‘Tash was having an X-ray. They think she might have broken her toe when she dropped a weight on it at the gym and she wanted me to keep her company as she hates hospitals.’

  ‘What about you saying you had some important news for me as you left?’ Carmen was determined to prove that she had not been a loony tune by jumping to the pregnancy conclusion.

  Will burst out laughing. ‘Carmen, you are priceless, a ruby, a diamond among women. I was going to tell you that M&S seem to have stopped making Wobbly Worms and replaced them with Colin the Caterpillar, and how did you feel about confectionery that had the same name as our former accountant?’

  Tash wasn’t pregnant? She and Will had broken up? There was just too much to take in. Carmen put her hands over her face and laughed so hard that she cried. Will put his arms round her and pulled her to him and she put her arms round his neck and for a while they just held each other until the tears had run their course. As soon as she stopped crying Carmen registered that the butterflies were going ballistic, especially when Will kissed her neck and then her lips and Carmen kissed him back. No kiss was ever sweeter or sexier or held such a promise. And this time Carmen knew exactly where the kiss was leading, didn’t want it to stop. ‘I’m still cold,’ Will murmured.

  ‘Come to bed then, I’ll warm you up.’

  And so it was that instead of sitting alone and surveying the wreckage of her love life, Carmen took Will into her bed and Will had his eyes open all the time they made love and it was even better than she had once anticipated that it might be.

  ‘That was even better than I thought it would be,’ Will said afterwar
ds.

  ‘Even though I lack Tash’s balletic suppleness,’ Carmen teased.

  Will looked at her and put his finger on her lips. ‘No teasing. I feel bad about Tash, I only went out with her again on the rebound, all thanks to you. There I was gearing up to declare my feelings to you and you knocked me back. I used Tash to repair my battered ego but it was wrong of me. And then when I found out about Daniel I was so jealous of the skateboarding gardener.’

  Carmen turned over and propped herself on her elbows to look at Will. She still couldn’t quite believe that he had ended up in her bed, though it felt right as well, as if he belonged there.

  ‘Why were you jealous of him? You’ve got a great career and I bet you don’t even like skateboarding. You’d be rubbish at it anyway, I reckon.’ Carmen was trying to keep it light because she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing.

  ‘I wasn’t jealous of that, I was jealous because . . .’ Will hesitated. ‘Oh, for God’s sake, Carmen, I thought as a woman you were supposed to be blessed with powers of intuition. I was jealous because he had you.’ Will ran a hand over his short black hair, suddenly less sure of himself than usual. ‘Don’t you get it, Carmen? I really like you, I mean really like. Don’t laugh but I think I love you, Carmen Miller. I don’t mean I think, I mean I know I love you. You’ve been wrapped around my heart since you first walked into my office in your foxy mutton outfits. It was the denim shorts and high heels that did for me.’

  Carmen punched him on the arm (on the very satisfyingly muscular arm, she was pleased to notice – in fact, everything about Will’s body was satisfyingly muscular).

  ‘Don’t hit me, I’ve just said I love you. It’s a big moment.’ It was a big moment. Carmen looked at Will and knew that she loved him. It was in a different league to what she had felt for Daniel, which she now realised was infatuation. She loved Will because he understood her, understood the person that she wanted to be, well, nearly.

  At that a series of loud bangs signalled fireworks exploding over Brighton to bring in the New Year. ‘I didn’t plan that,’ Will said, pulling her to him.