Lifestyles of the Rich and Shameless

by Noire

  And one was coming straight at him right now.

  He watched as Sissy made her way through the intersection. She was almost up on him when Noble broke.

  “Yo, bandit!” he spit angrily. “How the fuck could you steal from all them poor old people, Sissy? My boy Yard got you on tape, miss! You better hope they don’t send your ass back to jail—”

  Suddenly Noble caught a glimpse of movement outta his right eye.

  The bus!

  It was Kiki’s bus! An image of her round, naked ass bucking and popping outta that cake flashed through Noble’s mind. He had some bizz to handle with that chick real quick too!

  Sissy was opening her mouth to deny his charges when something whizzed between them. It was hot and fast, and the sound it made was unmistakable.

  “Get down!” Noble shouted, but Sissy wasn’t even trying to hear him. She took off running. In fact, she barreled right through him, wobbling him on his feet and knocking his fake leg out from under him.

  Noble hit the ground hard as Sissy hauled ass. He turned his head and saw her jump on the bus that had just pulled up at the corner stop, screaming for the driver to take off.

  Noble could only watch as Kiki, staring at him from the driver’s seat with her big blue eyes, got hip to the flying bullets and was trying to decide whether or not to step on the gas. Noble flipped over on his belly. Bullets were zipping over his head. His prosthesis strap had slipped off his thigh and his leg was loose in his pants. Bullets were coming from both directions, and Noble knew he had to move. Pulling himself up on his good knee, he half-hopped, half-hobbled toward the idling bus for cover.

  But before he could get there, he heard Sissy yelling again.

  “Drive, bitch! Drive!” she screamed.

  Noble was only a few feet away when Kiki did just that. Their eyes locked for a split second, and then the unmistakable hiss of hydraulics sounded as the bus pulled off, leaving Noble standing in the street on one leg, exposed to the gunfire.

  And he was straight exposed too. To Noble it felt like déjà vu. He was right back in that abandoned auto shop taking hot rounds all over his body. But it wasn’t a drug bust gone bad this time, Noble realized. It was a bank robbery. Two security guards had chased three armed men out the front doors of Omega Bank. They were trading bullets back and forth, and Noble was caught in the crossfire.

  The screech of tires and the blare of horns filled the air as the bank thieves turned and began firing back. Drivers ducked down in their seats and passengers hit the floorboards. The blind vendor at the corner newsstand went down, and the terrified screams of his wife and other pedestrians pierced the air.

  Noble had always heard that lightning never struck the same place twice. But that didn’t stop him from catching another heat round. A stray slug sank into Noble’s thigh, and both his feet flew out from under him. Once again he was down on the ground, shot up and defenseless.

  Malisha and her coworkers were staring out of the bank window as the security guards chased the three thieves into the street. In horror, she realized that Noble was ass-out in the middle of the gunfight, and when he grabbed his leg and crumpled to the ground, Malisha reacted from her gut, without thinking.

  Ignoring the warnings of her coworkers, Malisha ran outta the bank screaming Noble’s name. Oblivious to the danger, she rushed out into the street. But instead of pulling Noble to safety, she started patting and searching the downed man’s pockets as he struggled to sit up.

  “I’m okay, baby,” he muttered, dazed and confused. The sound of police sirens was in the air, and three patrol cars had just pulled up on the scene. Another bullet whizzed by and Noble instinctively reached for Malisha. He thought she had rushed out to help him, but when he tried to roll his body protectively on top of hers, she reached back and smacked the shit outta him and screamed, “Don’t die! Don’t you dare fuckin’ die, ’cause we ain’t married yet! Those assholes hit the goddamn vault! Give me the key to the safety deposit box so I can make sure all my gold is okay!”

  Noble lay back on the ground and closed his eyes.

  These chicks were just too fuckin’ much.

  He had a feeling he was gonna be single for a long, long time.

  18

  The following morning Noble was discharged from the hospital on crutches. It was September fifteenth, his birthday, but Noble was feeling anything but happy.

  “Yo,” his boy Pap said as he was driving Noble home. Department regulations required officers who received a gunshot to be admitted overnight, and Noble was ready to go hide out in his own crib now. “You was real lucky yesterday, dude. The department’s gonna get you another plastic leg, man. I saw what that hollow point did to your old one. You lucky them stupid security guards didn’t take out your real leg.”

  Noble just nodded. He was grateful for everything that had happened to him yesterday. His prosthetic leg had been demolished, but at least his eyes had been opened. He smirked when he thought about how them scandalous chicks had tried to rush him at the hospital once the danger had passed and they found out he was okay. Well, it wasn’t never gonna be okay with him.

  You don’t run the fuck off and leave somebody to die!

  Kiki, Malisha, Zsa Zsa, and especially Sissy. Noble had put all those chickenheads up to roost. He didn’t want none of them jawns nowhere around him. They were all shameful and unworthy. Tryna run game on a brothah for his riches and his jewels. That was just like a damn woman, Noble thought, shaking his head. He was through fuckin’ with chicks for a good long while!

  Noble’s street was lined with cars when they rolled up on his block. Pap double-parked outside the brownstone and helped Noble get out.

  “You got the steps, man?” he asked. “I’ma go find a parking spot right quick, then meet you inside.”

  Crutches were a minor thing to Noble. He’d mastered them during his rehab period while he was waiting to get fitted for his leg. He was just about to maneuver his way up when he spotted her sitting on the top stair.

  “Happy birthday,” she said softly. She was wearing a mean khaki dress and she looked like a dream, but Noble knew she was truly a nightmare in disguise.

  “What are you doing here, Zsa Zsa? You didn’t get the memo? Your application has been denied, so you might as well step off.”

  She stood up. “I don’t know what’s going on, Noble, but I don’t like it. I mean, I see shit all over the news about a cop getting shot in midtown, then when I rush to the emergency room I find out my name is on some kinda access-denied list. I was worried about you, Noble! I was blowing up your phone! What the hell is going on?”

  Noble smirked. “Save all that bullshit for your next mark, baby. I peeped your little conniving-ass shenanigans a long time ago.” He leaned on one crutch and counted off on his fingers. “All the time snooping in my shit. Going through my fuckin’ clothes, asking me all kinds of trick questions, tryna get up in my crib and crack my damn security code ... your sticky-ass fingers been on my black panther sculpture too. Gold digger! I don’t know why you over here today ’cause I wasn’t never planning to marry you. You ain’t the one. Your hood ass wasn’t even in the runnings.”

  “Noble!” Zsa Zsa pleaded, and despite his anger, the look of pain on her face poked him in the heart. “Think about what you’re saying, baby. I ain’t never worked against you in no kinda way. All I tried to do was make you happy. I would never hurt you.”

  “Yeah. Cool. Then thank you. But you ain’t the type of woman I can be happy with. I gotta be with somebody I can trust. And that ain’t you.”

  Noble was just waiting for Zsa Zsa to spark off on him like the bugged little project chick she was. But instead, she surprised him by walking calmly down the steps in her little khaki dress and safari hat and strolling right past him.

  “Thank you too,” she turned and said, her slanted, pretty eyes shooting fire at him. “ ’Cause I can’t trust no dude who don’t trust me.”

  Noble didn’t bother to answer. He
was done. He never even looked back as he hopped up the steps on his crutches and stood on one leg outside his front door. He had just punched in his alarm code and stuck his key in the lock when the door swung open on its own, and he got the shit shocked straight outta him.

  “SURPRISE!”

  A whole crew of homeys from the police department and traffic control were standing in his living room. Noble leaned on his crutches, stunned.

  “Yo,” he said, stepping inside slowly. Everybody was dressed crazy as hell. In safari clothes. He looked past a few people and saw his father sitting in the kitchen, and his tauntie smiling at him from her wheelchair. Bam was dressed like the Crocodile Hunter, and his aunt had on a cute little jungle hat.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Happy birthday!” everybody screamed out. His boy Yard came up and pressed a cold can of beer into his hand, as Noble made his way over to dap his father and kiss his aunt.

  He stood on one leg as the dudes came over and shook his hand, and the girls all smiled and showed him some birthday love.

  Noble let two ladies from his old precinct guide him over to the couch. A couple of young girls from traffic enforcement scooted over so he could sit down.

  “Where all y’all come from?” Noble asked the girl on his left. “Who broke into my crib? How’d y’all get past my security system?”

  His dining table had been dragged into the front room and it was laid out with all his favorite foods. There were gifts, wrapped in jungle paper, stacked up under the table on the floor. Noble just couldn’t believe it. He’d never had a surprise party in his life, and to have one on today of all days ...

  He looked around. His whole shit was decorated! In a crazy safari theme! Monkeys was swinging from vines, and lions and zebras was hanging from the ceiling. How the fuck did they know?

  “For real,” he nudged his girl Daydra, who sat beside him munching on a plate of hot wings and deviled eggs. “Who set all this shit up?”

  Daydra laughed. “It was that crazy-ass Zsa Zsa! She’s been working on us for months. She told everybody exactly what you liked, and made sure we showed up to deliver.”

  “Ooooh, shit!” Noble said as the full realization of what he’d done smacked him right upside the head.

  “Did you see your cake?” Daydra asked, pointing toward the table.

  Noble felt his heart drop when he saw the two-foot cake made in a replica of his favorite black panther. His long-lost sculpture was sitting on the table right beside the cake, and whoever had baked it had made it damn near identical.

  Noble looked up. A handwritten banner hung above the table. It was shaped like an elephant and had a cloth draped over its back. The words on the cloth read,

  NO MATTER WHO YOU CHOOSE, I HOPE ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.

  Beside him, Daydra laughed again. “Yo, Noble, I hope you got a real sweet tooth because that damn Zsa Zsa went through five bakers tryna make sure your cake came out just right. It had to be a perfect match to that ugly-ass panther thingie, and somehow it is.”

  Noble just couldn’t believe it.

  “You want something to eat?” Daydra asked, holding out her plate.

  But Noble jumped up so fast her food hit the floor.

  He reached for his crutch but it slipped from his hand. Cursing, he hopped in a half circle, then bounded toward the front window, bumping into his party guests as he jetted across the room.

  He made it over to the window and quickly peered out. His boy Pap was down there. He was leaning on a whip comforting Zsa Zsa in his arms.

  “Yo!” Noble screamed. He flung the window up and pushed the screen straight out. “Zsa Zsa!” he yelled. “Wait, baby! I can explain!”

  The look on her face hit him like a bullet, and before Noble could hobble halfway down his front steps, the woman he wanted to marry jumped in her ride, slammed the door, and sped off down the block.

  19

  It took mad weeks of begging before Noble finally eased up. No matter how much he called her or swung by her crib, or hit her on Facebook or went looking for her on the job, Zsa Zsa just wasn’t having it.

  “Yo, man,” his dude Pap told him as they watched a basketball game at a wing and beer joint one night. A couple of hot-ties at the bar were trying to press up on Noble, but he couldn’t even see them chicks. Every girl he looked at turned into Zsa Zsa. She was the only girl he wanted. “I think you was trying to do too much, homey,” Pap said. “You know. Tryna figure out if you wanna be with one chick is hard enough. But having three and four on a string?” Pap shook his head and guzzled his beer. “Bad business.”

  Noble sighed. Pap was right. His girls mighta been scheming and tryna fuck over him, but in a way he had been fuckin’ over them too. He had ’em reaching and stretching. Doing the Flava Flav thing. Competing for a relationship like a bunch of thoroughbred horses running behind a sticked-up carrot.

  Noble knew how bad he had hurt Zsa Zsa, but he didn’t know how to make it better. He’d peeped her walking around writing tickets on the streets, and he could tell she wasn’t happy. Her body moved differently. That spark that used to glow in her eyes looked dim. It was like the light had gone out in both of their lives.

  It was starting to get cold outside and Noble knew how much she hated her job in the winter. He’d sent a text message telling her he wanted to help her start her own business, and she’d sent one back that said fuck you. He’d had roses and balloons delivered to her house every day for a week, and she had refused the delivery each time.

  He’d run across Sissy and Malisha too. Sissy, when he went to his aunt’s crib and had her locks changed and switched her bills into his name to be paid from his account, and Malisha when he swung by Omega Bank and closed out all his accounts, to include his safety deposit box.

  And Kiki?

  Noble almost laughed. He’d seen her ass too.

  All of it.

  Kiki had gotten fired from her job and was stripping for a living now. Pap had dragged Noble to a titty bar in Harlem, and there Kiki was. Headlining that shit. Butt naked and swirling her hips for any man’s chips.

  It was funny how hard it was to peep who people really were when you were looking too hard. Noble had been forced to hold a mirror up at his own ass too, and there were a few shitty things there that he had to admit needed some work.

  Months had passed since his birthday, and Noble had almost given up hope for his happiness when he opened his front door to go to work one morning and saw somebody sitting on the hood of his whip.

  “Thirsty?” she asked, holding out a carton of Tropicana. It was cold as hell outside, but her smile was bright, her eyes danced, and her shiny black hair flowed down her back. The juice looked damn good too. And even from where Noble stood he could tell it was the kind that had lots of pulp.

  He didn’t wanna be away from her a second longer. He jammed both his crutches up under one arm, then hopped down two steps at a time tryna get to her.

  “It was you,” Noble moaned, pulling Zsa Zsa into his arms. He nuzzled his nose deep into her warm, delicious neck. It was always you... . Leaning against the car, he inhaled everything about her that he loved and had missed so much. Wasn’t no more shame in his game. He thought about that ten-carat chuck of engagement ice he’d bought and had sized just for her, and decided it was now or never.

  He took the carton of orange juice from her and set it up on the Corvette’s icy hood, and then answered her question.

  “I’m real thirsty,” Noble said, getting down on his good knee so he could propose to his number-one honey.

  “Will you marry me, Zsa baby? Please say yes, because I’m thirsty for you.”

  Available now wherever books are sold!

  Street Divas

  by De’nesha Diamond

  In this explosive series, the fiercest ride-or-die chicks in Memphis are battling alongside—and against—their ruthless men, to be the last diva standing ...

  Still a Mistress by Tiphani Montgomery />
  Nothing turns Chloe on more than the luxurious perks her slamming body earns her. And when her latest lover—a powerful politician with sins of his own—tempts her with a dangerous but high-paying proposition, Chloe sees more than diamonds and cash in her future. She sees sweet revenge ...

  Turn the page for an excerpt from these thrilling novels ...

  From Street Divas

  1

  Melanie

  I’m seriously fucked. That shit hits home the second I see Python, my baby’s daddy and the leader of the Black Gangster Disciples, kick down my door to see his arch enemy, Fat Ace, head nigga of the Vice Lords, giving me a good dicking down.

  I’m stunned and can’t move.

  “WHAT THE FUCK?” Fat Ace jerks out of my pussy and makes a dive toward the nightstand for his piece.

  “YOU’RE A DEAD MUTHAFUCKA!” POW! Python’s gun sounds like a cannon.

  I blink out of my trance to dive in the opposite direction just as Fat Ace starts returning fire. Right now, I’m wishing that I didn’t keep my own weapon locked in a safety box at the top of my bedroom closet. Judging by the look on Python’s face, Fat Ace and I aren’t walking out of this muthafucka alive.

  POW! POW! POW!

  Python ducks and twists away from the door before Fat Ace’s bullets tear huge chunks out of the door frame. Unfortunately, that leaves me in Python’s direct line of vision. Time crawls the second our gazes connect, while death skips down my spine and wraps itself around my heart.