Starting from Scratch

by Penelope Janu

  ‘The rest of us were all cock-a-hoop, and there’s our Sapphie, ready to tear out the poor bloke’s throat. Haven’t seen you like that in years.’

  ‘It—I didn’t expect him to say what he did.’

  He leans across the table and pats my arm. ‘Didn’t mean to offend you. Haven’t seen you so fierce in a while, that’s all.’

  I blink. ‘Fierce?’

  He shrugs. ‘The Hargreaves had kids with more problems than you could poke a stick at. You were quiet and courteous most of the time, different to the others, so long as everybody let you be.’ He winks. ‘Reckon Laaksonen must’ve overstepped the mark, that’s all.’

  ‘I’ve accepted what’s likely to happen. I’ll have to put up with him.’

  Gus sits back in his chair. ‘When I was a young bloke, I did a bit of rodeo work. I met Maggie at a rodeo, as a matter of fact.’

  ‘You rode bulls, didn’t you?’

  ‘Roped them too. Which gets us to the crux of the matter. How does a two-legged man bring down a two-ton bull?’

  I laugh. ‘What are you trying to say, Gus?’

  ‘This Laaksonen bloke, he’s a good talker with a flashy job, but that doesn’t mean he can trample all over you.’

  ‘You think I should rope him?’

  ‘Like you tackle Mr Chambers every meeting. You work out what’ll be best for the town, and find a way for the committee to get to it.’

  ‘So Matts is just like the rest of us?’

  ‘He was the one who put up his hand, so I reckon we should think up ways how he can help us, not the other way around.’

  ‘We all work together as usual?’

  ‘That’s right.’ He purses his lips. ‘You weren’t keen on having a full-grown bull in your yard, but that’s where he’s ended up. You’ve got to take him by the horns.’

  I raise my empty glass. ‘I’ll do my best.’

  Gus puts both hands on the table and pushes himself to his feet. ‘Can’t ask for more than that. Anyway, you know what I reckon?’

  ‘What?’ I say, standing and pushing in my chair.

  When he holds out his arm, I take it. His knee creaks as we walk towards the door. ‘He’s got a thousand lakes in Finland, but what does he do? Leaves them behind for our marshlands over here. He can’t be all bad.’

  Matts’s favourite subjects at school were physics, maths and chemistry, and I had about as much interest in them as he had in my flowers. When we were living in Canberra and he was in his final year of school, he caught me trying to look at my finger through the microscope he’d set up on a table in his bedroom.

  He held my wrist firmly and pulled my hand away. ‘You said you needed help with your homework, Kissa. Stop mucking around.’

  ‘You look at such boring things.’

  ‘They’re important.’

  ‘Is Lily interested in them? Or is it Brittany this week? How many girlfriends do you have?’

  When he turned his back, I assumed he was going to ignore me like he’d been doing on and off for the past few weeks. He walked to the window and opened it, letting in a blast of cold air. His room was on the second floor of the house and there was a large gum in the garden, one of its branches reaching all the way to the window. He leant outside and picked a leaf, before carrying a second chair to the microscope. He opened a box of slides and took a few out.

  ‘Sit down, Sapphire,’ he said. ‘I’ll show you what kinds of things you can see.’

  He told me about stomata, the microscopic holes on the outside of a leaf, and explained how they opened and closed. ‘Species like gums have fewer stomata, so lower levels of evaporation,’ he said. ‘It improves their chances of survival in drought.’

  My hands touched his as we took turns to look at the leaf and slides. I took my time, enjoying the physical closeness and the fact I had most of his attention. His hair fell over his forehead. When he pushed it back, I smelled pine.

  ‘Do you have to shave every day?’

  He didn’t answer for a while. ‘Most days.’

  ‘I get waxed under my arms. Nowhere else though.’

  He stilled. ‘Do you want to know about the leaf?’

  ‘I wouldn’t be sitting here if I didn’t, would I?’

  ‘You can detect changes in atmospheric composition by looking at stomata, and measure a plant’s response to stress.’

  His sleeves were rolled up. I put my hand on his forearm. ‘We learnt about that in biology.’

  He stood so abruptly that I almost tipped out of my chair. He walked to the far side of the room and stared out of the window.

  ‘Maybe you’re not as stupid as I thought,’ he said gruffly.

  ‘Now what have I done? Come back, Matts. Tell me something else.’

  He didn’t sit next to me again, but leant over my shoulder to look through the microscope. He adjusted it carefully. ‘Stomata open in daylight to let gases in and out of the leaf.’

  ‘That’s photosynthesis, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Who is your girlfriend, Matts? Lily or Brittany?’

  ‘At night, or when a plant is dehydrated, the cells close in order to cut down on water loss.’

  ‘Why didn’t you answer? Are you two-timing again?’

  ‘I’m seeing Brittany.’

  ‘She turned eighteen last year, didn’t she? She’s older than you.’

  ‘A few months.’

  ‘She seems really nice, and she’s very pretty.’ I pushed back on my chair so it was balanced on two legs. ‘Will you take her to the formal?’

  He pushed the chair forward again, righting it. ‘Don’t, Kissa,’ he said quietly. ‘You could fall.’

  ‘My balance is better than yours.’ I pushed my shoulder blades hard against the back of the chair, trapping his hands, before smiling up at him and grasping his arms. ‘Anyway, I’m fifteen. I can do what I want.’

  He didn’t smile back. His jaw was clenched. He pulled his hands free. ‘You shouldn’t be here,’ he said. ‘Go home.’

  I sprang to my feet and stalked to the door, yanking it open before facing him again. His eyes were bright.

  ‘I bet you let Brittany come into your room,’ I said.

  He pointedly looked at the bed. ‘That’s different.’

  Matts was never my brother.

  I was never his sister.

  Did he understand that so much better than I did?

  A week after Gus advised me to take the bull by the horns, I sit at the kitchen bench with my laptop and send an email.

  From: Sapphie

  To: Mr Chambers, Cassie, Luke, Gus

  Thanks for sending through your thoughts on Matts Laaksonen’s request to join the committee. In light of your overwhelming support, I’ll issue a formal invitation for him to join us as an ex officio member. Mr Chambers suggested six months.

  From: Sapphie

  To: Dr Matts Laaksonen

  Cc: Mr Chambers, Cassie, Luke, Gus

  You recently expressed an interest in becoming a member of the Horseshoe Environment Committee. Assuming you’re still interested, the committee would like to have you on board as an ex officio member (from September to March). I attach the relevant documentation for completion, signature and return.

  From: Matts

  To: Sapphie

  Confirming acceptance of your offer to join the committee. Documentation attached.

  From: Sapphie

  To: Mr Chambers, Cassie, Luke, Gus

  Cc: Matts

  Confirming Matts’s status as an ex officio member. He has been added to the committee’s group chat, and will join us for our next meeting later in September.

  Cassie: Great to have you on board, Matts!

  Luke: Ditto.

  Mr Chambers: We are delighted that you are able to serve on the committee.

  Gus: Welcome to Horseshoe!

  Matts: Thanks.

  CHAPTER

  18

  I drop a clump of ropes and harnesses on
the path and push up the arms of my sweater. The air is cool in the mornings and evenings, but the days are increasingly warm.

  ‘Miss Brown!’ Mary Honey, wearing jodhpurs and boots and leading her dappled grey pony, waves from the other side of the paddock. ‘It’s me!’

  I laugh as she runs towards me, her pony trotting jauntily by her side. ‘You only left school an hour ago. What are you and Mischief up to?’

  ‘Dad brought us. He’s helping make the fences. Are you doing climbing today?’

  Not all the facilities at the youth centre are open, but we’re allowing the kids to use the skate park and have started to run activities at the rock-climbing wall.

  ‘I’ll be training our volunteers for the next few Fridays.’

  ‘When will your horses come?’

  ‘The builders haven’t finished the office and storage spaces yet. When they do, and the fences are done, the horses can come here on Saturdays.’

  ‘Then you can live at the farmhouse.’

  I stroke Mischief’s neck. ‘I hope so, Mary.’

  ‘Does your finger hurt?’

  I hold up my little finger, both joints taped. ‘Not if I don’t bend it too much.’

  Climbing on the unfamiliar wall at the youth centre has given me something other than Matts and my father to think about, but in my final descent two days ago I strained a ligament in my finger.

  ‘Won’t it hurt when you climb?’

  ‘I’m teaching climbing today, so I’ll stay on the ground.’ I check my watch. ‘You haven’t seen Barney, have you?’

  ‘He’s there!’ She points over my shoulder.

  Barney, a skateboard under his arm, jogs towards the changing rooms. ‘Coming, miss.’

  The climbing wall is five metres high, mostly under cover and secure, so we can leave the ropes in place when the centre is closed. And as it’s twenty metres long, a few pairs of climbers, once they’re trained in belaying, will be able to climb simultaneously. The avenue of gums and shrubs the council has planned will eventually screen it from the road.

  Barney comes out of the changing rooms, the strap of a helmet and a harness looped over his arm. He scrapes his straggly hair out of his eyes. ‘Thanks for taking me on, miss.’

  ‘Thanks for volunteering as an assistant. We’ll work through the waiting list quickly once we have a few of you trained up.’

  He grins. ‘You reckon I’m reliable?’

  ‘Don’t prove me wrong.’ I cross my arms. ‘You’re keeping clear of your cousins, aren’t you? No more marijuana cultivation?’

  ‘No way, miss. You know I said Mum would kill me? It was way worse. First she cried all over me, then she yelled, then she didn’t talk to me at all.’ He shuffles his feet, grimacing as he looks down. ‘These shoes are way too small.’

  I kneel and check his climbing shoes. ‘You have to feel your way up the wall with your feet, so they’re meant to fit snugly. See what you think after the lesson.’

  He glances at the wall. The mostly vertical surface is peppered with irregularly placed holds, brightly coloured bumps where climbers can position their hands and feet.

  ‘It looks freaking high up close,’ he says.

  I smile encouragingly. ‘I’ll show you some strengthening exercises, and we’ll stretch and warm up. I don’t want you pulling a muscle or getting a cramp at an inconvenient time.’

  ‘Me neither.’

  A small outdoor gym with bars and other equipment sits to one side of the climbing wall. Barney and I face each other and he mirrors my actions as I stretch my arms and shoulders.

  ‘Climbing is a whole body sport,’ I tell him, leaning forward with straight legs and putting my palms flat on the ground.

  He snorts a laugh. ‘I can’t do that, miss.’

  ‘I have to do it to get the stretch I need. You should do what works for you.’

  He grips below his knees. ‘Hamstrings, right?’

  ‘Then we’ll move on to quads and calves. Your legs should do most of the work when you climb.’

  I have to clamber onto a crate in order to grasp the parallel bar, but he grips it easily. ‘Got it.’

  ‘Hang on tightly and drop,’ I tell him. ‘A static hang will prepare you for harder climbs, where you might have to hold your body weight.’

  He laughs when, after swinging to the ground and doing a series of sit-ups, I clamber back to the bar, taking care of my little finger, for chin-ups. ‘I bet Archie doesn’t know you can do this.’

  ‘There’s not much use for it in the classroom.’ I strip down to an old pink T-shirt as we walk towards the wall. ‘When the program is up and running, we’ll run fitness classes on Friday nights too.’

  ‘Compulsory?’

  ‘Recommended. They’ll make you a better climber.’ I step onto the edge of the all-weather rubber floor that runs at the base of the wall and extend my arms, walking a line on my toes. ‘Did I mention balance? When you move from one hold to another, you need to be aware of your centre of gravity. Your core is important too.’

  He squeezes the top of his arm and grimaces. ‘I’m not built up, miss.’

  ‘Agility and balance are as important as muscular strength. I do a few exercises and I ride. That’s all I need for the climbs I do.’

  ‘You climb real rocks, don’t you? Down by the river.’

  ‘Not as often as I did.’

  A startlingly white car pulls onto the side of the road and parks behind Peter Honey’s ute and float. Mr Chambers gets out of the driver’s seat, shielding his eyes from the sinking sun as he faces the grounds.

  ‘What’s he doing here?’ Barney asks.

  ‘He helped get the funding we needed, so maybe he’s checking up on how the building work is—’

  Matts slams the passenger door and walks to the front of the car. Is he looking at me? Are his eyes narrowed? Last time I saw him his eyes were bright. And then they were cold. What shade of grey are they today?

  Mixing grey and black makes neutral grey, lighter or darker depending on the amount of white. Mixing two colours like blue and orange or red and green produces a complementary grey. More blue or green makes a cool grey; more red or orange makes a warm grey. With primary grey, yellow, blue and red create a flat grey and adjusting the mix varies the tint. Adding black or white affects the shade. Adding a colour affects the hue. And the colours around the grey have an impact too. Matts is wearing black. To create his eye colour, I’d—

  ‘Miss?’

  ‘Sorry, Barney.’ I scoop up the harnesses and shake off the dust. ‘Let’s get to work.’

  It takes a while to adjust the harnesses around the tops of our thighs and waists, and even longer to introduce Barney to the intricacies of carabiners, ropes, knots and rappel-belay equipment. ‘I’ll make sure that everything is safe until you can do that yourself,’ I tell him. ‘The most important thing is’—I rethread a twisted rope so it lies flat—‘always climb in pairs, and if you’re unsure of anything, ask.’

  ‘Where’d you learn all this?’

  ‘I’ve climbed since I was a kid.’

  After we moved to Buenos Aires, I competed in gymnastics. But by the time I was nine or ten, I was only interested in doing whatever it was that Matts was up to. We couldn’t play football on the same team, but I was naturally flexible and strong for my size so we could climb together.

  Peter is laying out fence posts when Matts and Mr Chambers join him. Mary, riding bareback, trots across the paddock towards the men, sliding down Mischief’s side as soon as he slows to a walk. When she stands in front of Matts, he holds out his hand.

  So formal.

  After shaking Matts’s hand enthusiastically, Mary waves her arms around as if telling a story, and Matts tilts his head.

  Barney fiddles with the straps on his harness. ‘Not keen on breaking my neck, miss.’

  I indicate the rope in my hands. ‘I’m here to hold you up. Not only that,’ I say as I jump on the matting, ‘this floor cost the council a fo
rtune.’

  ‘You know I weigh more than you, right?’

  ‘Trust me, Barney. That doesn’t matter.’

  Barney surveys the wall again. He sucks in a breath. ‘Where do I start?’

  I point to different coloured holds, and show him potential routes. ‘Use them to guide you while you’re getting used to it.’

  Barney tightens his helmet strap.

  ‘Remember the words you say to start us off?’

  He nods. ‘On belay?’

  I check his harness and knot, and then check my own. ‘Belay on.’

  He faces the wall, putting one hand and a foot on holds. ‘Climbing?’

  ‘Climb on.’

  Barney puts his other hand on a hold, gripping firmly, but when he lifts his second foot to a higher hold, it slips and he falls. The drop isn’t far and I pull him up short, but as soon as I release the ropes again and his feet are on the ground, he punches the wall.

  ‘This sucks.’

  I check the rope. ‘Let me know when you’re ready to try again.’

  His face is flushed. ‘Didn’t know I was scared of heights.’

  ‘You’re cautious. There’s nothing wrong with that.’

  When car wheels crunch on the gravel at the side of the road, he glances that way. ‘Like you and driving?’

  I’m not sure where Matts and Mr Chambers have gone, but Mary is sitting sideways on Mischief’s back while she talks to her father.

  ‘Does everyone know my business, Barney?’

  ‘Haven’t seen you drive since you hit the kangaroo, that’s all.’

  ‘And …’

  He fiddles with the buckles on his harness. ‘My mum was talking to Leon at the pub. Heard you freaked out at the park.’

  I knock his helmet with my knuckles. ‘Now you’ve communicated that my driving is way worse than your climbing, are you ready to give this another shot?’

  He grins. ‘I kept quiet about your mum being a druggie, miss, like I said I would.’

  ‘Thanks for that.’

  He glances at the wall before pushing back his shoulders. ‘On belay?’

  I check the harnesses and ropes again. ‘Belay on.’

  He faces the wall. ‘Climbing?’

  ‘Climb on.’