The Lazy Girl's Guide To Magic : The Complete Series

by Helen Harper

  Winter drove Price back to the Order headquarters in his car while I followed. It was probably just as well the poor murdering witch didn’t have to travel with me because I turned up the music so it was blaring out deafeningly. Yeah, it was the middle of the night but so what? I’d just solved a murder. I deserved it. Of course, that didn’t stop Winter glowering at me when we finally arrived back at the Arcane Branch building.

  While Price was being processed and the police were informed, Winter drew me into a small room down a narrow corridor. I looked round. ‘Is this your office?’ I enquired. ‘It’s kind of pokey. You should try out for Human Resources. I hear there’s an opening.’

  He ignored my words. ‘What did you think you were doing back there?’ he enquired icily.

  ‘Your job,’ I said, hopping up onto his desk and swinging my legs. ‘I’m kinda hungry now though. You got anything to eat?’

  Winter gritted his teeth. ‘You could have been hurt, Ivy. If Price had turned on you…’

  ‘He tried and he failed. He was never going to get the better of me. And I never would have managed it if you’d not used culver root to try and get rid of me.’

  ‘A cornered animal…’

  ‘Yeah, yeah. My methods might have been unorthodox but I got results. Quit complaining.’ I punched him lightly on the arm. ‘All’s well that ends well.’

  ‘Is it?’

  I looked at him. ‘You believe that Price was telling the truth about the Cypher Manuscript,’ I said. ‘That it was deliberately left in his office by someone else and he just panicked when he found it.’

  Winter didn’t say anything.

  ‘It’s possible,’ I admitted. ‘He doesn’t appear to have the intellectual power to put a plan like stealing Volume 9 into place and the way it was nicked was pretty damn intricate. It didn’t take much to get him to confess, either. It was as if he wanted to tell me what he’d done. But if Diall took the Manuscript, he might have planted it in Price’s desk because he wanted to get rid of him. His little protégé wasn’t working out as well as he’d hoped and he wanted to get rid of the dead wood. Instead, he just ended up dead himself.’

  Winter rubbed his chin. ‘No. In that scenario Price would have given Diall up in a heartbeat. Don’t forget that Price said that Diall didn’t want to be incriminated if the HR files were looked at too closely. There must be details in there that prove that Diall used his position to get incompetents promoted beyond their station. The only way to avoid scrutiny of the files would have been for Price to give himself up. It wasn’t the plan at the start, though. Price also said that Diall had promised to help him when he went to him the first time.’

  I snapped my fingers. ‘Because Diall thought he had the inside track on you. You wanted to investigate Diall, you told me that yourself. He must have known you were onto him and was already taking measures against you. He was afraid you were going after him. When Price went to him the first time, he’d already sent Bell End and Alice on their mission against Eve. They weren’t there because of Volume 9, they were there because Diall was worried about you and what you were up to. But when Bell End and Alice didn’t come back…’

  Winter jumped in, warming to my theory. ‘He must have known something was wrong. He didn’t know about you but that didn’t matter. He thought the gig was up. His only saving grace was that there was no sign of either Bellham or Fairclough so he couldn’t know for sure what had happened to them. Maybe he thought he could blame Price for everything. If Price was charged with stealing Volume 9, anything could be laid at his door and the world would probably believe it. In any case, Diall would have wanted as much deniability as possible so he was prepared to walk away from Price and whatever deal they’d made. With his only ally abandoning him, Price would have been desperate. We know that he used the HR files to find Oscar Marsh. He was being set up and, unable to see any other way out, he set up someone else in the process.’

  ‘But,’ I pointed out, ‘Price was being set up for stealing the Cypher Manuscript. If Diall didn’t take Volume 9 and Price didn’t take Volume 9, then who did?’

  ‘Someone with a grudge against Price.’ He paused. ‘I spoke to Maidmont. He doesn’t think that the Manuscript has been touched apart from the single page that was burnt. Maybe we’ve been going about this wrong way. We focused first on the idea that it had to be a higher-level witch who was the culprit and then that it was someone related to Diall who was tired of being used by him. But what if it’s the opposite? What if it’s someone lower down the scale who wanted to see a witch like Price get his comeuppance for being given a position they didn’t deserve?’

  I thought about it. ‘Does it matter?’ I asked. ‘Whoever took it didn’t kill anyone. They wouldn’t have had time to read any of the spells before they planted it in Price’s desk. No wonder his desk was the only thing that Price bothered to ward. He must have put the spell in place after he found the Manuscript there.’

  ‘They might not have kept it for themselves but look at what happened as a result of their actions. Not to mention that whoever took the Manuscript tried to drown us, Ivy.’

  Winter had a good point there. Yeah, it mattered. Even if I’d have to work that little bit harder to find them.

  He continued. ‘Of course, all this is mere speculation. There’s no evidence.’

  ‘Of course,’ I responded drily. I looked at him. ‘When was the first time Price’s name came up?’

  ‘When we went to see him about Oscar Marsh.’

  ‘But we didn’t just go to ask him about Marsh, did we? Bethany the tea lady had told us about Marsh but she also told us that Price had been round at Geomancy looking for Diall. In fact, she’d made a point of saying that he’d seemed frantic.’

  Winter raised his eyebrows. ‘What are you suggesting?’

  I didn’t answer him. Instead, I jumped off the desk and made a beeline for the main desk. Price was sitting slumped in a chair with several red-robed witches staring hard at him in case he dared to try anything. I pushed my way through. ‘Price,’ I said, ‘listen to me.’

  He didn’t even lift his head. ‘What?’

  ‘When you went to see Diall the first time after you found the Manuscript, did you go to Geomancy?’

  He looked up blearily. ‘What? No, don’t be stupid. I went to his house. Diall never liked it if I acknowledged him when other Order members were around. If I’d gone to Geomancy, he’d have bitten my head off.’

  I whipped round to run back to Winter but he was already there. ‘Bethany lied,’ he said.

  ‘She planted the first seed against Price. It was subtle, so as not to raise suspicion, but enough to make us wonder about him.’

  Winter shook his head. ‘What is she? Neophyte? Zelator? She wouldn’t have the skills to pull off the theft.’

  ‘Not on her own,’ I said. ‘But maybe she had help.’ Winter gave me a questioning glance. ‘I saw her,’ I told him. ‘Yesterday when I was on my way to HR.’ I paused. ‘You know, when you dumped me.’

  He rolled his eyes. ‘I didn’t dump you.’

  ‘Whatever. Anyway, she wasn’t alone. She was with Weathers, the receptionist from Geomancy, and Rebecca, the receptionist from HR.’

  ‘The one who never smiles?’

  ‘Right. Except she was. Smiling, I mean.’

  Winter was silent for a moment. ‘We can’t interrogate someone for smiling.’

  ‘Nope.’ I waited.

  ‘But she would have good reason to be irritated with Price if she felt she was being held back in favour of others who were less skilled. And the other two would have the same reason to act against Diall.’ He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. ‘What if the note about the sceptre we found in Diall’s home wasn’t written by him? What if it was written for him? Maybe the trap in the sewers wasn’t for us at all. Maybe it was for Diall.’

  ‘And it was just our bad luck that we got there first,’ I mused. I glanced at him wryly. ‘All this from the man who doesn’t bel
ieve in superstitions or fitting evidence to theories.’

  Winter shrugged. ‘At the very least we should find out where they all live and pay them a visit.’

  I grinned. ‘Now? It’s the middle of the night. And we don’t have any proof of anything apart from a little lie.’

  Winter licked his lips. He felt the same glow that I did. We were on the right track; I knew it in my bones. ‘You’re right. But it’s also time we finished this.’

  I held up my palm for a high five. Winter stared at it as if it were a strange, alien thing he’d never seen before. I dropped my hand in disgust but I was still grinning. And this time so was Winter.

  Weathers’ little flat was still and silent and Bethany’s was much the same. Winter’s magic assured us that no one was inside either of them. That just left Rebecca. As we reached her house in a small suburb not too far from the city centre, I felt the adrenaline pumping round my body. The more I thought about it, the more Winter’s theory seemed to be true.

  ‘They’re all together,’ I breathed. ‘And conspiring against the Order. It’s the only thing that makes sense.’

  ‘We still don’t have a scrap of evidence, Ivy,’ Winter cautioned.

  ‘It fits. You know it does.’

  He didn’t answer. Instead, we both stared up at the red-brick house. There was a light on inside, just visible at the top of the closed curtains. ‘Three people,’ Winter grunted.

  ‘See?’ I crowed.

  ‘Keep it down,’ he whispered. ‘And it’s still not proof. Maybe they’re just relaxing together after a long day at work. It makes sense that they know each other, they’re of similar Levels and ages.’

  ‘It must be gone two in the morning. That’s not relaxing, Winter.’ There was a sudden loud burst of laughter. ‘That’s a party.’

  Winter ran a hand through his hair. For the first time, he looked rather tired. ‘What worked with Price won’t work here. They’ll feed off each other. Unless we separate them, they’ll never confess. And,’ he reminded me harshly, ‘without proof, we need a confession.’

  I thought about it. ‘If we can eavesdrop on them, we might get what we need.’

  His brow furrowed. ‘The house is warded against spells.’

  ‘Even though they’re all still First Level?’

  ‘Bear in mind what we think they’ve done,’ he answered.

  True. If our theory was correct, they weren’t the magical weaklings their Level suggested. ‘Then we do this the old-fashioned way. I’ll sneak in. You wait out here until I call you.’

  Winter put his hands in his pockets and glared. ‘No, I’ll sneak in. You wait out here.’

  I snorted. ‘You just want all the glory for yourself.’

  Winter looked astonished. ‘I certainly do not. In fact…’ His voice faltered when he saw that I was grinning. ‘Fine,’ he snapped. ‘We’ll sneak in together. But don’t make a move until I do. We already know how dangerous these three can be.’ He paused. ‘And they might just be having a drink after work. They might be entirely innocent.’

  ‘It might not be a drink, it might be an orgy. Well,’ I amended, ‘a threesome anyway.’

  Winter looked faintly green. ‘Let’s hope not. Come on. There’s probably a back door.’

  Winter took the lead. There was a small path leading round to Rebecca’s back garden; it was convenient but difficult to navigate silently, given that it was covered in pebbles. Winter flipped up the latch on the gate and went through it, stopping a few feet into the garden. I was hot on his heels.

  ‘Well, well, well,’ I murmured. ‘The plot thickens.’ I took in Rebecca’s garden. Even under the shroud of darkness, it was clear to see how seriously she took herbology. There were all manner of carefully arranged plants taking up the entire space apart from a small path so she could gain access for weeding or snipping or whatever.

  Winter knelt down, his fingers brushing against a small purple leaf. ‘It’s still—’

  ‘Not evidence, I know,’ I said with a sigh. ‘But you have to admit it’s starting to look more and more likely that she’s involved in all this. What kind of First Level witch has a herb garden on this kind of scale?’

  Winter didn’t answer.

  I rubbed my eye, feeling a vague itch. ‘Eyelash,’ I breathed. I put the tiny hair on the back of my hand and stared at it then I blew it gently over my shoulder and made a wish.

  Winter rolled his eyes. ‘That’s not going to work.’

  ‘We’ll see,’ I said smugly. I pointed to the back door leading into the house. ‘Come on, then.’

  He put a finger to his lips, unnecessarily indicating silence. With slow, deliberate movements, he twisted the doorknob. There was a faint squeak as it opened and I held my breath. When there was nothing more than the continued sound of raucous laughter from inside, I exhaled in relief.

  Winter edged into Rebecca’s kitchen. It was empty of people but there were several open bottles of wine on the counter. I peered round. Up ahead there was a glint of light from what I assumed was the living room.

  ‘I’d have given anything to have seen Price’s expression,’ Weathers’ familiar voice said, a gleeful chortle colouring every word.

  ‘The man deserves everything that comes to him.’ That was Rebecca.

  I whipped my gaze towards Winter but he frowned and shook his head. He wanted more. I scowled. They were all congratulating themselves; it was obvious that we’d found what we were looking for.

  ‘Tomorrow,’ Weathers murmured, ‘I am going to put in my application for Arcane Branch.’

  ‘You won’t get in.’

  ‘You don’t know that.’

  ‘Oh come on,’ Bethany said. ‘No one knows what we’ve achieved. You’re still First Level.’

  ‘I have skills.’ There was a pout in his voice.

  ‘I know that, but no one else does. And until the dust settles, you’re going to have to keep those skills to yourself. We need to lay low until we’re sure this has worked.’

  I jabbed Winter’s arm triumphantly. He glared at me and shook his head again. Good grief; how much evidence did the guy need? He’d told me not to make a move until he did but if we did things his way, we’d be here all night. Yet again, I’d have to force our hand.

  I gently nudged him out of the way. He reached out to grab my arm but, for once, I anticipated his move and remained free. Before he could do anything, I opened the door and grinned at the three hapless witches. ‘Hello!’

  There was an almost comical moment when they stared at me, unmoving, their expressions frozen in horror. Then Rebecca broke the sudden silence and leapt to her feet, reaching for a small pile of pre-mixed herbs on the coffee table.

  ‘Don’t!’ I said, doing what I could to forestall Winter from joining me as well as trying to stop Rebecca attacking. ‘I’m alone and I’m not here to cause problems.’ I focused my attention on Weathers as he seemed the most likely to soften first. ‘I’m on your side.’ I held up my palms to indicate that I was coming in peace. ‘I wasn’t planning on confronting you all but when I saw the light, I knew I had to act. I had to speak to you about what you’ve done.’ I schooled my face into a look of admiration; they had to believe me if this was going to work.

  ‘Check the back,’ Bethany said. Rebecca remained poised to fling the herbs and whatever nastiness they contained at me.

  Weathers scooted past me, ducking his head into the kitchen and then out towards the back garden. I held my breath, hoping Winter had the sense to stay out of sight.

  ‘No one’s there,’ Weathers said. ‘Not that I can see.’

  Bethany picked up a candlestick and brandished it in my direction. ‘Start talking,’ she spat. ‘What do you think you’re doing breaking in here?’

  ‘Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick,’ I said happily. ‘Or rather you three in the library with the sceptre. You know what I mean.’ I dropped into a chair and beamed. ‘You guys are my heroes.’

  ‘Wh
at are you on about?’

  ‘Oh, come on, you know I don’t want to be part of the Order. You’re in HR. I bet you looked up my file. Price screwed up and that’s why I’ve been forced to work with that plonker Winter. But anyone who’s working from within to bring down those higher Level freaks is good in my book.’ My eyes gleamed. ‘I want to join you.’

  Bethany folded her arms. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘You set up Price. You stole the Manuscript and planted it in his office.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Weathers burst out. The panic in his expression belied his words.

  I ignored his weak denial and leant back, trying to look relaxed. ‘How on earth did you know the ward around the sceptre had degraded? It was a stroke of genius stealing that.’

  ‘We didn’t steal it!’

  I shrugged. ‘Borrowed it then. Hid it in the library sewer.’ I gave the three of them a hard look. ‘You know I almost died down there. That was what pissed me off and made me start looking for the real culprit. I realised the truth earlier tonight: it wasn’t me you were trying to kill, it wasn’t even Winter. You wanted to get Diall. It all makes sense.’

  Rebecca stayed calm. ‘We haven’t done anything. You’re crazy. And where the hell is your partner?’

  I waved my hand dismissively. ‘He got hold of some culver root and blocked me out.’ I sniffed. ‘Like I wanted to work with him. The man’s a fool.’

  Bethany looked at Rebecca. She nodded slowly. ‘Culver root would do the job.’ Then her eyes hardened again. ‘Who else knows you’re here?’

  ‘No one. This was a spur of the moment thing.’ I smiled. ‘So what’s the plan? Who are you bringing down next? Price is in chains. He’s not getting out any time soon. Winter will see to that. And now that I’m in Arcane Branch, I think I’ve got a lot to offer you.’ I clapped my hands. ‘We can bring the entire Order down. That’ll teach them.’

  They exchanged glances. ‘What led you to us?’ Bethany asked, choosing her words carefully to avoid any suggestion of culpability.

  I stuck to the truth as closely as I could. The more I lied, the more chance there was that I’d be found out. If I could get these three to believe I was with them in heart and spirit then I’d win.