As Tears Go By

by Lydia Michaels

  Kevin entered the room quietly. “Here you go, sweetheart.”

  Sweetheart? Sliding two white pills into her palm, he passed her a cool glass of water. She gratefully swallowed the pills. “Thanks.”

  “Lie down. I’ll close the curtains.”

  She wondered if he noticed that she’d moved the furniture in the bedroom. Was he imagining her in their bed with someone else? She knew what that was like. Closing her eyes, she settled into the pillows as the room dimmed.

  Her body flinched as he gently placed a damp cloth over her head. His palm slowly cupped the side of her face and she held her breath, silently freaking out at the unexpected contact. He shouldn’t be touching me like that. She casually turned her face away from his touch.

  “Get some sleep. I’ll pick up Hunter, so don’t worry about when you have to wake.”

  She remained silent as he exited the room, but her mind was reeling. This was not the Kevin she knew.

  As she drifted in and out of sleep, she vaguely heard the soft vibration of her phone nearby, but couldn’t recall where she dropped her purse. Sleep pulled her into a painless cocoon and she gladly let go of all other thoughts aside from resting and feeling better.

  * * * *

  “Hi. This is Becca Stevens. Leave a message.”

  “Hey, it’s me. I popped over to your office to see how your day was going, but Nikki said you went home because you weren’t feeling good. Maybe you’re sleeping. Give me a call when you get this.”

  Hanging up the phone, Braydon left Becca’s place of employment and headed back to his office. If she wasn’t feeling good, he should go over there after work and help with Hunter. He’d never thought about how difficult being a single parent could be when the parent was sick and the child needed care, but he was glad to have the opportunity to help.

  When he returned to his office he made a list of things he favored when he felt under the weather. It was a shame his mum was so far away, because her soup was like gold penicillin. He searched online for restaurants rumored to make good chicken noodle and placed an order.

  After work he stopped at a drug store and stocked up on everything from tissues, to stomach medicine, to antihistamines. He also grabbed her and Hunter a pint of chocolate ice cream, just in case.

  Becca’s van wasn’t parked inside the garage like it usually was, so he parked along the curb. Gathering his bag of remedies, he hefted them into one arm and rang the bell, smiling as the locks disengaged on the other side.

  His smile fell the second Kevin opened the door. What the fuck was he doing there? “Uh, is Becca home?” Weird. This was weird.

  The man shifted, blocking Braydon’s view of the interior. “Rebecca’s not feeling well.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m here.”

  The other man frowned. “Did she call you?”

  No, but he wasn’t telling this goober that. “I brought her some things.”

  “She’s resting.”

  Oh, hell no. Pressing his way inside, he said, “I’ll just put this stuff in the kitchen and check on her then.”

  Kevin stepped aside, which was wise. Braydon placed the bag on the counter and put the ice cream in the freezer. He went to the den, but she wasn’t there. He greeted Hunter and the boy smiled. “Hey, bud. Where’s your mum?”

  “Mom’s sick.” He went back to making some sort of origami bird. Several littered the floor.

  Picking a small green bird off the carpet, Braydon said, “These are neat. Did you make them?”

  “You can have it.”

  Braydon smiled. “Thanks, bud. I’ll put it in my office at work.”

  Carefully tucking the bird in his pocket, he turned and came face to face with Kevin. Braydon’s eyes narrowed as he spoke with constrained politeness. “I’m here now, so you can go.”

  “I have to make Hunter dinner.”

  “I brought soup. Dinner’s covered.”

  The man’s gaze drifted to Hunter then back to Bray. “I think I’ll stay.”

  They appeared to share a mutual animosity. Braydon wasn’t going to get into some pissing match with Becca’s ex, no matter how much his interference pissed him off. Out of respect for Hunter he buttoned up and stepped around the man to search for Becca.

  He found her curled on her side in bed, sound asleep. The room was dark, so he turned on the bathroom light, illuminating the space enough to make out her features. Gingerly, he sat on the edge of the bed. His fingers brushed a wave of blonde hair off of her face and he softly kissed her temple.

  She drew in a slow, waking breath. “Hey.” He loved the rasp of her voice when she woke.

  “Hey. I heard you’re sick.”

  Blinking sluggishly, she grumbled. “Word gets around fast.”

  “I stopped by your office. Nikki told me you took a half-day. I brought you soup.”

  She grinned. “You’re sweet.”

  “Not that sweet. Kevin’s here and I want him to go.”

  “He picked up Hunter for me.”

  “You could have asked me to do that.”

  “I didn’t ask. He offered. He was here when I got home.”

  Braydon frowned. “Why?”

  She shrugged. It seemed like that was all the explanation he was getting. He had a thousand questions running through his head, but held them back until she was feeling better.

  Changing the subject he asked, “So what’s the matter? I have a bag full of medicines and remedies downstairs. Tell me what ails the patient and I’ll doctor you up. I can treat anything from a runny nose to explosive diarrhea.”

  She snorted. “Ew.”

  Chuckling, loving her laugh, he said in mock seriousness, “It’s okay. I’m a professional.”

  “I had a migraine, but it’s gone now. Kevin gave me some medicine.”

  “Ah. Well, thank God for Kevin.” His tone dripped with sarcasm.

  She tsked. “Don’t be mad.”

  “I’m not,” he lied and stood. “How about I bring you some soup?”

  “I should get up.”

  “No, you rest. I’ll go set Hunter up with dinner—I’ll even give Kevin a bowl—and I’ll be right back with yours.”

  She smiled and he left the room. When he returned downstairs the acidic sensation in his gut doubled. Kevin was sitting beside Hunter reading a book. Hunter didn’t seem fazed that both he and Kevin were at the house at the same time, which he guessed was a good thing.

  Braydon cleared his throat. “I’m gonna dish out some soup and take some up to Becca. Can you make sure Hunter eats?”

  “I think I can handle it,” Kevin said with a touch of derision.

  He really had an aversion to this man. Heading to the kitchen, he located three bowls, deciding to feed himself last. He placed Hunter’s on the table beside his Velcro board, a napkin, and a spoon. The soup had cooled, so there was no need to add a cube of ice.

  He left Kevin’s bowl by the container. Let him scoop his own.

  When he carried Becca’s bowl upstairs, she was in the bathroom. Braydon placed the soup on the nightstand and returned downstairs to refill her water. Shutting off the spigot, he turned and nearly crashed into Kevin. Stealthy creeper.

  “I assume Becca’s informed you of my intensions by now.”

  Braydon stilled. Out of his peripheral he assessed Hunter. He was busy eating and Kevin, apparently, thought this was the appropriate time to have an adult discussion. “She mentioned something about your regrets.”

  “I don’t believe in regret. I believe in correcting mistakes and fixing things.”

  “That must be a new approach.”

  “Look, Brandon—”

  “Braydon.”

  “Braydon,” he amended. “I understand you care for my wife—”

  “She’s not your wife anymore.”

  “Regardless, I understand you care for Rebecca, but we have a history you can’t compete with. Hunter belongs with us.”

  That was all he could stomach. He pl
aced the glass on the counter and faced the other man. “That’s where you’re confused, Keith.”

  “Kevin.”

  “Right. That’s where you’re confused. There is no competition. What you have with Becca is history. I’m her future. So while we appreciate you helping out with Hunter, you’re no longer necessary in her personal affairs. Stop filling her head with promises you and I both know you don’t intend you keep.”

  The other man was silent for a moment, his eyes smoldering with resentment. “Who do you think you are? We’re a family. Do you really want to be the man that destroys a family?”

  “I’m afraid that man was you.”

  In a low and threatening tone, he growled, “Get out of my house.”

  “I’m not in your house. But you’re welcome to leave at any time. Excuse me.” He casually grabbed the water and stepped around Kevin to return to Becca.

  Unfortunately, he followed Braydon to the hall. “Did she tell you she’s considering it?”

  He stilled, refusing to consider the other man’s bluff and pivoted slowly, holding hard to his temper. “Excuse me?”

  “I didn’t think so. You may be new and fun and a vacation from reality, but I am her reality. Don’t think for a second she wouldn’t give up everything to have her family back together. I know my wife.”

  He ground his molars together. If this dickwad referred to Becca as his wife one more time… “You’re not the reality. You’re the ugly truth. She wants to move, but she’s being patient because it would be best for everyone if you gave her your blessing instead of burdening her with more undeserved guilt. You wanna do something nice for Becca? Let her be happy. I’m telling you how, because it’s clear you’ve never been able to figure it out on your own. Let her move on without the mind games and let her finally live the life she deserves. Unless something involves Hunter, stay out of it. You owe her that much.”

  With that he took the stairs and ended the discussion. It took a great deal of effort to remain calm when he entered Becca’s room. She was pulling her hair up in a bun, so he placed the glass on the table and kissed her exposed neck. “Do you need anything else?”

  “No. The soup was delicious. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” He glanced at his watch. “It’s almost Hunter’s bedtime. How long do you expect your ex-husband to stick around?”

  She sent him a sidelong glance. “Be nice.”

  “Oh, I am.” She had no idea how close he was to freaking out and throwing that son of a bitch across the lawn. He deserved points for keeping his voice calm. Having Hunter present helped, but if Hunter went to bed and the man stuck around, Braydon wasn’t sure what would happen.

  “I know this is weird, Braydon, but he was here and I didn’t feel good. It was nice that he offered to help with Hunter.”

  “Imagine that, Hunter’s father helping.”

  “Hey.”

  “Sorry.” He rubbed her shoulder. He shouldn’t take a cheap shot at the man if he was genuinely there to spend time with his son—something Hunter was due—but the man’s presence reeked of personal motive. Maybe he was over thinking. “He said you’re considering his asinine proposal to reconcile.” She was quiet. His skin immediately turned clammy. “Becca?”

  Her sorrowful eyes pleaded with him and he stood. This had to be a joke. While he loved Becca for her patience, there had to be a limit where her ex was concerned. Even he had limits to how much he could tolerate. Extending his presence for Hunter was one thing. Schmoozing his ex-wife and tampering with their situation was something altogether different, especially if Becca was falling for his bullshit.

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  She pinched her forehead. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” Tossing down her hand, she whispered, “He’s Hunter’s father.”

  Yes, his father, not her partner. That ship had sailed. “And what the hell am I?”

  “You’re…my boyfriend.”

  The clear hierarchy of their statuses rankled. Stunned and uncomprehending he gaped at her. He hadn’t believed she was actually considering letting this man back into her life more than what was necessary. He paced to the door and shut it quietly, offering a smidgen of privacy.

  “Becca, you said you wanted to move in together. We have a plan. Kevin has a very different one. This isn’t just about Hunter and you know it. You need to make it clear to him where you stand.”

  “Everything’s moving really fast, Braydon.”

  His breath became labored. With every word it became apparent she wasn’t sure where she stood. “Becca, you’re divorced. Divorced. The man wants to reconcile—which is crazy considering he had an affair and ignored you. Don’t mislead him into believing there’s a possibility of—”

  “I know my marriage is over, but my family…” she interrupted, baffling him with her refusal to tell this man to take a hike with all of his half cocked promises Braydon knew he wouldn’t keep.

  “Think of all the times he let you down.”

  Her expression turned pleading. “But our family—”

  “Him. This is about him. Don’t call it family when that was always his last priority. This is Kevin, doing for Kevin, like he’s always done. What makes you think he’s suddenly changed?”

  “He’s been seeing a therapist.”

  What the hell difference did that make? “And you’ve been seeing another man. Damn it, Becca, we have a plan here.”

  “But I had a plan with him too, a plan for our family, for Hunter.”

  His head was going to implode. Forking his fingers through his hair, he paced with agitation, trying to maintain his patience. “Right, and then Kevin proceeded to let that plan slip, habitually neglect you as his wife, argue with you about parenting, and sleeping with someone else.” She winced, but they needed to be realistic. He loved her, and though she was hurting him, he didn’t want to see her get hurt. “He’ll do it again, Becca.”

  “You don’t know that.” Was she serious? How did this guy have such a hold on her?

  Facing her, he gripped her hands and whispered, “I know he isn’t right for you.”

  “I’m thinking about Hunter. What’s right for him?” She pulled her fingers out of his grip. “I don’t care about me.”

  “I care about you! I care about both of you!”

  “What if moving isn’t what Hunter wants? He’s lived here his entire life, Braydon. He can’t express his feelings on the matter and I can’t prepare him for such a change. I don’t know how he’ll react if I take him away from everything he knows. It’s my job to be his voice when he can’t speak for himself and I’m scared!”

  She was letting her pessimistic fear direct her. “He’ll know new things. What if he’s happier there?”

  “What if he’s not, Braydon?” There was no fight in her voice, only defeat.

  He paced to the bed and sat, rubbing his temples. “Why are you so afraid to dream a little bigger, Becca? I want to give you more, but every step forward you run back to what you know. It won’t harm him to try new things.”

  Her voice was low, a sort of mental depletion weighing on her features. “You think I don’t know that, Braydon? I want my son to have new experiences. But you’re missing the point. My job isn’t to show him the whole world. It’s to build a bridge from our world into his. If I make the wrong decision, he could regress. They said he wouldn’t speak, and he did. His words are my salvation. I’ve met children who got upset and locked up their words for years. I’m not afraid of a temper tantrum. I can handle the minor episodes that eventually pass. But he could completely shut down if this is too much change for him. I couldn’t survive that.”

  His heart pinched with speechless sorrow. Perhaps he was minimizing the actuality of everything she was risking. “I thought…I thought he liked it there.”

  “He did. But we were only there for a visit. The expectation to return home was always in his mind. Please understand how scary and stressful this is for me.”r />
  His head drooped low between his shoulders. “My goal was to make your life less hectic, angel. I never intended to make it worse. We’d have a huge family there to support us—”

  “Your family. Not ours.”

  Her opposition was wearing him down. “I want them to be your family and Hunter’s family too.”

  “But Kevin’s his father, Braydon. Hunter deserves to have both his parents in his life. All the McCulloughs in the world can’t replace his dad. As absent as he’s been, losing Hunter would devastate Kevin.”

  His shoulders ached with tension, a thick, uncomfortable dread snaking slowly through his veins. They were going in circles. He could sympathize with everything she said, except Kevin being the victim of her moving on.

  “No one said moving away removed Kevin from Hunter’s life. He’s a grown man. He has a car and the ability to visit whenever he wants. I’d never stop him from seeing Hunter.” It was ridiculous that their plans might actually fail because of a man that only recently showed an interest in being an active parent.

  He couldn’t accept defeat, not when everything he wanted was right there, minutes ago, and now slipping through his fingers faster than he could handle. “Christ, I’ll build a guesthouse for him to stay in if that’s what it takes. Just tell me what it’ll take and I’ll do it.”

  “It’s going to take time,” she whispered, her eyes bleak behind a sheen of unshed tears. “Right now, I’m confused and I’m trying to figure out what the right decision is.”

  His chest constricted. “How much time?” The house was almost finished.

  “I don’t know.”

  They sat in silence for several minutes. “I told my job I’m relocating. My office is going to someone else at the end of the month.”

  Her head shot up, her lips parting in surprise. “I wish you hadn’t done that.”

  “Why? That’s what we talked about.”

  “I told you I needed to talk to Kevin first.”

  Yes, to tell him they were moving. At no point did he expect her to hang up their plans on his approval. His shoulders rocked with each breath. His heart ached. She asked for time, but where did that leave them? His lips pressed tight. He needed to know. “Do you still love him?”