“But, no one did,” I pointed out.
“I know. But as Luke sees it, at least we were all around. I’m just glad that I had Kyle by my side to help me get through it. He has been great.”
I took off my shoes and walked around barefoot on the luscious green grass. “This place is magical!”
“Now, do you see why I want to have it out here? We’ll have big beautiful tents on the north side with pastel material and twinkling lights draping down. We’ll have the bar and dance area to the west. Of course, the pond in the middle will have floating candles and flowers in it. On the south and east sides, we’ll offer wine and cheese, but really, it’ll be a place to relax your feet from your high heels,” Julia said with a wink. “All of this under a blanket of stars. How can you not feel relaxed out here at this event? You know what they say—the more relaxed you are, the more money you are willing to give away.”
“Julia, I can’t think of anything better. I still can’t thank you enough for welcoming me to such a wonderful event.”
“Me? What about you? Ally, believe me, your photography will capture what I’m trying to do here. After this, you’ll be in high demand,” Julia gushed.
I laughed. “How about one step at a time, shall we? I’m just going to take a few test shots.”
“Take your time, Ally. I see Luke is on his way out. I’m just going to see what’s up. He should have been on his way to the office by now.”
I didn’t waste any time. I started snapping pictures of the trees, landscapes, the pond, and then I focused on Luke talking to Julia. I watched his grin work its way up to his eyes and how he tipped his head backwards a bit when he laughed. Suddenly, Luke looked up and saw that I was watching him. He said goodbye to Julia and started walking toward me. Oh shit!
“Where is Julia going?” Why does my voice sound so nervous?
“Are you afraid to be alone with me?” Luke asked.
“No, Luke, I am not. I was just hoping that everything was okay, that’s all.”
“Julia just forgot about her lunch date with Kyle. He’s here to pick her up. They’re going to decide on a honeymoon because Julia wanted to wait until after the Gala to go.”
“That sounds wonderful,” I replied nervously, hugging my camera a little closer.
Luke kept walking toward me. He stopped and wiped off a little piece of hair that was on my bottom lip.
“It’s beautiful here, isn’t it, Alyson?” Luke took his index finger and tipped my head up so I was looking at him in the eye.
I swallowed, feeling my pulse quicken.
Luke knew at that moment that I was aware of the attraction, too. With that, he pressed his lips on mine softly.
I pulled back. “Please don’t, Luke.”
“Don’t what? Think that you are the most beautiful woman that I have ever laid my eyes on?” Luke asked. Why are you so scared, sweetheart? Where did that come from?
I stepped back. Why are you doing this to me, Luke? Why? Then, I ran back toward the house.
As Luke watched her leave, he wondered so many things about her. What has you so guarded? What has hurt you so much? How can I take your pain away? Why are you refusing to see what we might…NO, what we have, sweetheart.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
While I was preparing dinner, Kristen came flying through the door with giddiness. “What has you so giggly?” I smiled at her.
“Remember Mike? I told you about him yesterday,” Kristen said excitedly.
“Yes! Oh, I better sit down. This is going to be good! I can tell.”
Kristen grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and sat beside me at the island.
“Well, he asked me out on a date. Finally!”
“Kick ass! Where are you going?” Oops, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
Kristen squealed. “Bowling!”
“Did you ask your father?”
“I texted Dad earlier, and he said it was fine ‘cause he knows Mike’s parents.”
“I love bowling! You’ll have lots of fun. When is this big date happening?” I asked.
“Tonight; he’s gonna pick me up around seven. We’re going with three other couples.”
“Kristen, that’s not much time to get ready.”
Luke came through the back door of the kitchen. “What’s not much time to ready?”
Kristen and I jumped.
“Luke, stop doing that!” Kristen screamed.
“Doing what?”
Kristen sneered at him. “Scaring us!”
“Sorry, kid. What were you talking about?”
I interrupted. “Kristen has a bowling date with a bunch of friends tonight. Mike will be picking her up at seven, so she better start getting ready.” I gave Kristen a look. You better get out of here while you still can. I’ll handle Luke for you.
“Mike? Who’s Mike?” Luke said defensively.
I rubbed Luke’s shoulder. “Mike is a great kid from a nice family,” I said, winking at Kristen. “Besides, it’s more like a group date than a ‘date, date.’”
Kristen mouthed to me, “Thank you.”
“Kristen, go get ready. Luke and I will start dinner. Just make sure you eat before you leave okay?”
Kristen headed upstairs, and then I turned toward Luke. “What do you want for dinner?”
“Actually, Ally, I came in to tell you that Dad and I won’t be here for dinner. We have a business dinner meeting.” Luke replied.
“Okay, well, I hope your meeting goes well.”
“We will probably be home late, so don’t wait up.” Luke started walking toward his bedroom. “Oh, and don’t think I didn’t notice your wink to Kristen,” Luke said playfully as he headed toward the stairs. “She needs to be home by eleven.”
I laughed on my way back to the sink. Overprotective much, Luke?
It was 6:45, and Kristen was ready, eating dinner when the doorbell rang. She jumped up.
“Sit and relax. You don’t want him to know that you were waiting for him—that’s Dating 101.” I instructed, leaving to answer the door.
“Hello, I’m Ally, and you must be Mike. It’s a pleasure. Will you please come in?” I moved to the side to let Mike in. “Kristen will be just two more minutes.”
Mike stood quietly, waiting for Kristen to appear. So this is what it would have felt like, I thought.
Kristen came into the room. “Hey, Mike, ready to go?”
“Wow, Kristen, you look great,” he complimented.
“Thanks! I just need to grab a sweater. I’ll be right back.”
“Alright, Mike, here’s the deal,” I said. “She needs to be back by eleven and no later. You will be a gentleman and hold doors open for her. Am I clear?”
As he was nodding, Kristen jumped off the bottom step, saying goodbye. “See you, Ally; have a good night.”
As they were leaving, I whispered to Kristen, “Stay cool!” Nearly shutting the door, I could hear Mike and Kristen talking.
On the way to his truck, Mike asked, “Who’s Ally?”
“She’s a very good friend of Luke’s and my family.”
After I cleaned up the kitchen, I grabbed my photo albums, went to the living room, and turned on the gas fireplace. I looked at pictures of my family and my beautiful children. I looked at them playing at the park, reading in a corner of the living room, making pancakes together, blowing candles at birthday parties, making forts, and having sleepovers.
Tears started to come faster and faster, and I crawled on the couch and just cried.
***
When Luke and George came home, George headed to the living room to grab a book that he wanted to finish tonight, and Luke went to Kristen’s room to see if she was home yet.
George noticed the fireplace was on, and he quietly walked over to the couch. He noticed Ally crying on the couch.
“Alyson,” he said, touching the top of her head. “I think you need to share your heartache.”
I looked up at George as he slid onto
the couch. “I don’t know where to begin. I don’t understand the ache that I still have. Why do I still have so many tears?”
“Because you lost love.” George handed me a glass of water. “Why don’t you start at the beginning?”
“I lost my whole family,” I cried.
“What do you mean your whole family?”
“I mean, eight months ago, I lost my husband and our two children.”
“Oh, Alyson…” George said, pulling me in for a tight hug.
“Sam, my husband, and I were high-school sweethearts, but we were also soul mates. He was just a kid, getting ready to take over his family farm. By the end of eleventh grade, he already knew that he wanted to marry me. I was stubborn—so stubborn.” I paused to wipe and blow my nose. “We took a break in the middle of twelfth grade. I don’t even know why.” I took in a long breath. “By the beginning of college, we were back together. We did everything together. As soon as his classes were over, he drove to my dorm, or we went back to his family farm. We both graduated two years later and started living together. It didn’t take long, and we were expecting our first child. We married later that fall.”
I handed over my album and started showing George pictures of Sam and me in high school, our friends, and some trips we took in college. I ran my fingers across my favorite wedding picture.
“Ally, you look beautiful and so young.”
I smiled. “I was, but I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.”
“Our son, Ethan, was born that spring. I think he would have been tall like his dad, but he had my personality. He had tons of hair. It was dark like mine, but he had light brown eyes. Ethan was a good kid—smart at school, athletic, and a jokester. He always made me laugh.” I flipped the page in the album. “This was taken at his kindergarten Mother’s Day tea. This is also the last picture of us together. He died a week later.”
George took my hand, silently encouraging me to keep going.
“After Ethan was born, Sam bought into his family farm. We built a home, about a mile and a half from the farm. We started with thirty head of cattle and two-quarters of land, but now we own six-hundred cattle and thirty-quarters of land. We are mostly a feed lot, but we do farm some grain. Right now, we have two farmhands. Sam’s brother, Chase, has been helping to look after things since Sam died. I’m thinking of giving Chase some land and cattle for all his support, and then I want to sell everything else off.”
“Wow, Ally, you were busy,” George said.
“But, I loved every moment of it. I loved working with Sam and Chase, even though I knew nothing about farming—except for cooking lunches and dinners. I had that in the bag.”
George and I laughed. I can’t believe how easy it is to talk to George. I have never talked to anyone before about this, even though people tried many times. I guess I feel safe with George, knowing that he understands my loss.
“Two years later, we had our daughter, Abbigail. She was named after my great grandmother, but we called her Abby for short. That girl was a firecracker. She was born in nine minutes. She was only three when the accident happened. Abby had bleached-blonde hair and dark brown eyes like me. She would have been taller than me, but that’s not hard to do. Abby loved our cows; she was always outside, getting dirty. She climbed on everything and had a mind of her own, but like her father, she had a passion for the farm. That girl would have given her daddy a run for his money. Wherever Sam was, she wasn’t far behind. This picture was taken during seeding; she fell asleep in the grain truck.”
“Alyson, she would have been a heartbreaker.”
“You know, George, Kristen reminds me a lot of Abby.”
Both George and I took in a deep breath.
“That afternoon Sam and the kids were heading to town to get more fertilizer. I decided to stay home and start supper. I made chicken and dumplings.”
When I close my eyes, I can still smell it cooking.
“Dinner time came and went, and I didn’t hear from Sam. I tried calling his phone, but he never answered. It wasn’t unusual or anything, so I never gave it a thought. I knew the kids had Sam wrapped around their fingers, and they probably convinced him to take them for burgers.”
Sam always had a tough time saying no to the kids.
“As I was putting dinner away in the fridge, there was a knock at the door. I answered it, seeing it was my brother-in-law, Chase, and some woman. I invited them in and asked if they were hungry. Chase asked me to sit on the couch. That’s when I knew something was wrong—because he never turned down my cooking. Chase led me to the couch and sat beside me while he held onto my hand. The lady was from Victim Services, and she told me that Sam and the kids were killed in an automobile accident. I told her that she had no idea what she was talking about because Sam and the kids were in town eating burgers. I looked at Chase and asked him, ‘Why would you bring such an awful woman into my home?’” I paused, taking in another deep breath.
I had to encourage myself to continue. Keep going, Alyson, you can do this.
“He brought me into a big bear hug and whispered in my ear that Sam and the kids were hit by a drunk driver three miles from home. Sam didn’t have time to swerve because the fertilizer in the back of his truck was too heavy.” I started crying. “I don’t remember anything after that. I don’t remember the funeral, the food, the flowers, or the people in my home. I remember nothing. I stayed in bed for months. I hardly ate, and I remember my mom throwing me in the shower once and yelling that I needed to snap out of it and start living again.” I paused and looked at George. “How do I start living again when my reasons for living are no longer there?”
George comforted me. “Alyson, your husband died. He was your companion—the person you shared your life with. Sure, at first you don’t know who you are. You feel confused. That’s normal, sweetie, because you lost a part of yourself. Not only that, but you also lost your children—that’s one hell of a devastation. To be honest, I’m not even sure I would survive after that.”
“I’ve cried every day for seven months for my children. The loss I feel is indescribable. There is such a big hole in my chest,” I whispered. George brought me in for a fatherly hug. “A few weeks ago my parents were over, trying to get me out of bed. I overheard my mother telling my father that she thought it was time they brought in medical help…but I was starting to get better though. The loss that I felt for my children was starting to subside, and the ache seemed to be easing.” I looked into George’s eyes. “After my parents left, I packed a few bags and headed to the airport. I didn’t have a plan. I still don’t have a plan. All I know is that I feel as if I can breathe again—after meeting you, George, and your family. It has…you have no idea how these past two days have helped. I can’t explain it, but it terrifies me.”
“Why does it scare you, Alyson?” George asked.
“I feel it’s too soon, like I am cheating on my family,” I confessed.
“My dear, sweet Alyson. Your heart knows what it needs to heal. No one can say which way is best; only you know that, sweetheart. Your memories are the best legacy that your family left you with; nothing will ever take that away. Let those memories comfort you at night—as I do with my Helen. Take me, for example. When Helen passed away in my arms, I felt like I was stripped. I felt like I did something wrong, and my punishment was my dear wife dying. Unlike you, I still have my children to look after to make sure they survive in this world. Look at Kristen. I still need to protect her, yet somehow, I need to let go enough to see her fly on her own. I understand your pain and your heartache. But, Ally, I think you know that it’s time to start living again,” George explained lovingly.
“George, I’m so scared,” I said quietly. “It’s the only life I know—being a wife and a mother.”
“Grief is a process. You need to be patient and tolerant of yourself. Be compassionate with yourself as you relinquish old roles and establish new ones. Alyson, your life will not be the same, but you
deserve to go on living while always remembering the ones you once loved,” George said.
“How is anyone going to fall in love with someone who has so much baggage and sadness? I can offer nothing but myself—and maybe one day, I can offer love,” I whispered.
“You will be in love again, but it will be in a different way. You should never feel guilty for that. It’s okay to be touched and loved by someone new.” George looked into her eyes. “But, I also think you need to let that person make that decision.” George shrugged his shoulders. “Alyson, I can only speak for myself. Believe me when I say this. When I look at you, I see a woman finding her way back. You are getting stronger every day. When I see my son, I see a man that is captured by your presence. That is saying something because when we lost my Helen, my son lost that spark in his eyes,” George confessed. “When Julia came to get me to introduce us, she said, ‘You know, Daddy, there is something about her—something about her nature. She just reminds me of mom.’ You know what? You do. Look at how easy you made breakfast this morning, and you’ve only been here for one day.”
“But why me? You know nothing about me, and you took me into your private life and made me feel a part of it,” I asked curiously.
“Call it fate or call it stupidity; call it whatever you want. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and you, my dear…I believe Helen, and maybe your family, sent you here, so we can help each other heal.” George got up and kissed me goodnight. “See you in the morning.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
As Luke came back down the stairs, he thought, Is that Ally and my dad talking?
Kristen was just walking through the door. “Hey, Luke, you’re not checking up on me are you?”
“No, you are a responsible young lady, and I trust you.” It’s Mike that I don’t trust—him and his teenage boy hands. “How was bowling tonight?”
With Love Page 5
