Linda Ford - [Three Brides, Three Cowboys 02]

by The Cowboy Father

  “Aw. Do I have to?”

  Louisa sucked in air. Now was the time. “I won’t be tutoring you anymore, now that you can go to school.”

  Her announcement landed with a plop and lay silent and quivering as everyone stared at her.

  Ellie let out a wail that sent half the cats scurrying into the other room. “I don’t want to go to school. I want you to teach me.”

  Louisa widened her eyes to keep back the tears. “I’m going to miss teaching you.” She reached for Ellie, wanting to hug and console her.

  Ellie pushed her away. “You don’t care about me. You were just being nice because you had to be.”

  “No, Ellie. That isn’t true. You know it isn’t.”

  “I hate you.” Ellie struggled to her feet. Pushed away her father’s helping hand. She staggered as one crutch went too wide.

  Emmet scrambled to her side. “Take it easy, Button.”

  She shrugged away from him, made it to her room and slammed the door.

  Incredible silence followed her departure, the only sound her muffled sobs.

  Louisa pushed to her feet, backed from the room. “I’m sorry. So sorry.” Then she fled.

  Where could she hide? Where could she escape her feelings? She should find comfort in knowing that God was with her in this private torture. She had no choice but to seek His consolation.

  She walked until she reached a dry, dusty slough. The willows surrounding it were verdant with new growth, and she turned aside into their shelter. She found a spot where the grass was flattened and sank down, buried her head in her hands and wept. Oh, God, help me through this.

  Her tears were enough to water the drought-stricken land, but eventually they ended, leaving her drained but ready to march forward. Somehow she would get through this, and she would do so with grace and dignity because she trusted God to provide both.

  Chapter Twelve

  The next day, Emmet took Ellie to school, making sure Adele understood she was not to be too active.

  “I’ll keep her and Leila inside where they can play quietly.”

  He ached to stay. Ellie was his responsibility. It was hard to leave her in someone else’s care. But he had no choice.

  Just as he had no choice but to let Louisa go. She deserved more than a broken-down man with a seven-year-old child.

  He strode out of town, the opposite direction he normally took. His steps pounded the truth from him. It wasn’t what she deserved—although she surely deserved more than he had to offer—that made him let her walk away. Auntie May had lots to say about that. Your child needs a mother. You need a wife. You can’t pretend you’re dead. You’re a young man yet. What about your dream for a large family? Think what beautiful children Louisa would give you.

  He growled as he thought of the beautiful children.

  Dare he allow himself to love again? Was it worth the risk?

  He couldn’t answer and scuffled his way back home, where he set about fixing the back fence. A job he shouldn’t have neglected so long.

  Auntie May came out at noon. “Lunch is ready.”

  He went indoors and sat at the table.

  She eyed him as he ate. “Emmet—”

  “No more. You’ve said all I care to hear. We’ll be heading home any day now.” Just as soon as the doctor gave his final okay on Ellie’s leg. “I’m just waiting for her to manage without crutches.”

  In the meantime, he would make sure Auntie May’s place was in good shape. He cleaned out the cellar. He organized the storage shed in the back corner. He pruned trees. He found some discarded cans of paint in the cellar, mixed them together to produce a puce green and painted the front door, the outside window trim and the back gate.

  Ellie looked at it and gagged.

  “Beggars can’t be choosers,” he grumbled, but he didn’t know who was begging. Or for what.

  Several days passed. Ellie sat one evening, her head hanging almost to her chest. He studied her with a watchful eye. Had she done too much? Had he neglected her again? So buried in his own misery and regrets that he didn’t notice his own child’s needs? Some father he was. He’d make a mighty poor husband, as he’d already proved. “What’s ailing you?”

  “I miss Louisa.” Deep sigh. So dramatic. “Do you suppose she’s mad at me ’cause of the mean things I said?”

  “I don’t know. A person should learn to guard their tongue.”

  Auntie May came into the room in time to hear Ellie’s question and Emmet’s reply. “Child, you could say you’re sorry. Louisa doesn’t strike me as the kind of person who would refuse to forgive.”

  Ellie perked up. “I will. Daddy, can you take me to see her?”

  “Can’t. I’m busy.”

  Auntie May snorted. “You’re going to busy yourself right out of a life, if you aren’t careful.”

  He shrugged.

  Ellie knelt before him. “Please, Daddy. Please. I have to tell Louisa I don’t hate her.”

  Emmet sighed. “You can be very persistent.”

  “It’s important,” she said with the dignity of being right. “Come on. Let’s go.”

  “Now?” He kind of hoped he could put it off until she forgot.

  “No time like the present,” Auntie May said.

  Yeah. Thanks, Auntie May. You’re a great help. “Fine. Get your jacket.”

  “Daddy, it’s warm out.”

  “Jacket or we don’t go. You never know when it might rain.” He didn’t miss the way Ellie rolled her eyes, but he chose to ignore it.

  They took the vehicle. No way could Ellie hobble that far. At least he was a good enough father to realize that. He kept his thoughts in negative territory in the hopes it would provide him an insurmountable barrier.

  Ellie bounced forward on the seat as they turned toward the Morgan house.

  “Their car is gone.” His relief was bitter with regret. “I guess they’re not home.” But no. Louisa stood in the garden watching their approach. He told himself he wished she was gone. But his heart pressed against his ribs, urging him to hurry forward.

  “I see her.” Ellie had the door half-open.

  He grabbed her arm. “Wait until I stop. And use your crutches.”

  Mouse saw the unfamiliar girl and bounced on her four paws, barking.

  “Mouse, cease and desist.”

  Ellie giggled as the dog obeyed the order. It even brought a reluctant smile to Emmet’s lips. Trust Louisa to teach her dog fancy words.

  Louisa dusted her hands and brushed her skirt before she crossed to the edge of the garden. She looked as if she wanted to turn into a bird and fly away. He could hardly blame her.

  Did she still sing anyway?

  Ellie didn’t stop until she stood facing Louisa. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean those awful words. I don’t hate you.”

  Louisa pulled the child into her arms. “I know that. I forgave you as soon as you said it.” She held Ellie. And if Emmet didn’t miss his guess, those were tears glistening on her lashes. “I care about you. Very much. Never forget it.”

  Ellie nodded, her face awash. “I don’t want you to leave.”

  “I’m here, aren’t I? Any time you want to see me, I’m here.” She lifted her face to the sky, seemingly unmindful of the tears dripping from her jaw. She swallowed hard. “Ellie, I love you. I will never forget you.”

  They clung to each other for another moment, and Emmet’s eyes glassed with wetness. Not tears, he informed himself. Not tears. He wouldn’t get emotional about this. But she loved his child. It felt like a kiss from heaven.

  Ellie broke away. “Is this your dog? I saw her when we went on the picnic.”

  “She is. This is Mouse. Mouse, meet Ellie.” Mouse held up a paw for Ellie to shake, bringing a burst of giggles from her.

  “I’ve never seen your place before, except the front of the house.”

  “Would you like to look around?”

  “Yes, please.”

  Louisa looked at Emmet for his
approval. He nodded.

  They had a long, detailed look at the garden. Stopped to inspect Sally’s chickens behind the wire fence. Moseyed toward the barn. Inspected the empty stalls. Talked about the mice that made homes overhead. Ventured to the house, where Ellie had to hear stories about every room, every piece of furniture on the ground floor. Then, leaving Emmet in the kitchen, they climbed the steps. He supposed she received the same detailed information of the rooms up there.

  Mouse sat watching him. Emmet scowled at the dog. “Why aren’t you with your mistress?”

  Mouse seemed to grin, Emmet thought, then snorted at his foolishness. Well, he excused himself, what would you call it when the dog hung out his tongue and pulled his mouth back like a happy clown? “Of course you’re happy. You get to live with Louisa.”

  He jerked from his chair and stared out the window.

  Finally the truth could not be denied. He wanted to share his life with Louisa. She cared for his child. No doubt of that. Did she have similar feelings for Ellie’s father?

  Dare he ask? Dare he risk letting himself love again?

  He heard Auntie May’s mocking voice. Love isn’t a risk. Love is an opportunity.

  Ellie and Louisa descended the stairs. He rushed forward, ready to catch Ellie should she stumble, but she had grown very agile on her crutches.

  Ellie held out a sheet of paper. “Louisa gave me this.”

  It was a pencil sketch—a likeness of Ellie. “It’s very nice.”

  “I’m going to keep it forever.”

  “We need to go now.”

  Ellie nodded. She and Louisa exchanged some secret understanding. “Thank you.”

  Louisa walked them to the vehicle. He paused with his hand on the door. “Thank you for easing her mind.”

  “My pleasure.”

  He searched her gaze. Was there a flicker of affection in those brown depths? He considered suggesting an outing. But he stalled. Couldn’t find the words.

  “Thanks again.” As they drove away, he mentally kicked himself.

  Later, he tucked Ellie into bed. “You’re much happier now. I’m glad.”

  “Did you hear? Louisa said she loved me. Did my mommy love me?”

  “Of course she did.”

  “I can’t remember her.”

  “You weren’t very old when she died.”

  “Daddy, why don’t you marry Louisa? She’d make a good mommy. And she’d be nice to you.”

  Emmet chuckled. “You have it all figured out, don’t you?”

  “Yup.” She rolled over, cuddling her doll in her arms. “You’ll ask her, won’t you?” Little cupid might be tired, but not too tired to press her point.

  “I’ll take it under consideration.”

  Auntie May sat in her rocker in the kitchen. How much had she heard? He wasn’t going to ask. Nor was he going to give her a chance to say anything. “I’ll be out for a little while.” With no destination in mind, he hurried down the back lane and across the dusty prairie. But it didn’t take long to realize he couldn’t outrun his thoughts. For the first time in three years, he allowed himself to think of sharing his life with someone other than Ellie. Sharing with an equal, a woman, someone to love.

  The idea excited him.

  The idea scared him.

  It hurt to love. No, it hurt to lose, and loving came with that built-in risk.

  He sucked in air—dry, dusty. Just as his life would be if he continued alone. Without Louisa.

  He made up his mind. He would speak to her. Ask if she had a little tenderness in her heart for him. Enough to consider marrying him.

  It took him three days to get his courage in place.

  Three days of facing his inner demons. Three days of dark looks from Auntie May. Three days of persistent prodding from Ellie.

  Finally he could take the tension no longer and headed to the Morgan place. He hoped they’d all be away. He hoped they’d all be home. No. He only wanted Louisa to be there. He hoped he would be able to speak when he saw her.

  He turned into the laneway. Three women in the garden turned to face him. Great. All of them. He didn’t want to see anyone but Louisa.

  They seemed to hold a brisk discussion, then Louisa crossed toward him. “Hi,” she murmured when she was five feet away.

  “Hi.” That was it. He could think of nothing more. Not one word.

  “Is Ellie okay?”

  “Yup.” Absolutely brilliant.

  “Is she liking school?”

  “Think so.”

  Louisa nodded encouragingly. No doubt wondering why he had driven all this way to say four words.

  He looked away. Perhaps he could think more clearly if he studied the windows on the house. Two beats. Nothing. Three tea towels whipped about on the line. He stared at them. His thoughts flapped about as uselessly. Time to act. “Louisa, would you like to come for a drive?”

  “Now?”

  Of course she was confused. Suddenly he knew what he wanted to do, where he wanted to take her. “Want to see if water is running over the dam?” The railway had a dam to the north to catch and hold water for the water tower. In good years, it ran over the spillway each spring.

  Her eyes sparked with interest. “Okay.” She called over her shoulder, informing her mother and Sally of her plans.

  He jumped from the truck and escorted her around to the passenger door, made sure she was safely seated before he clamored back behind the wheel.

  “When was the last time you saw the dam?” he asked.

  “A couple of years ago. The last time I saw it overflowing was three years ago.”

  They turned off the road on a sandy trail. The dam was five miles from the road. The trail was rough, at places only two parallel tracks running through the grass. “Doesn’t look like it’s used very often. It used to be a favorite picnic spot when I was a kid.”

  “I keep forgetting you grew up here.”

  “Look. Crocuses.” He pulled to a halt and looked at the field dotted with them. The flowers had faded on many, leaving only feathery plumes that caught the sun in silvery threads. But there was still a scattering of purple flowers. “It must have been a purple carpet a few weeks ago.”

  “I wish I’d brought paper and pencil. Can I get out and look at them?”

  “Certainly.” He pushed his door open, intent on helping her, but she was already out of the truck and running across the field. She paused often to bend and examine a plant.

  He stood at the verge of the field and watched. She was so full of life.

  She straightened, grew very still. Signaled him to be quiet then pointed. He followed the direction she indicated and spotted a burrowing owl, standing on spindly legs beside a hole in the ground, watching with big-eyed caution and curiosity.

  Louisa backed up slowly, quietly until she reached Emmet’s side. “I don’t want to disturb her. She probably has babies.”

  “Let’s go then.” He reached for her hand. Changed his mind. He would wait until he spoke to her before he could feel free to touch her.

  They arrived at the dam a few minutes later.

  “The water is very low.” She sounded so regretful, he wanted to paint clouds in the sky then pull them down and empty them in the dam.

  They got out and walked around.

  “We used to row a raft across here.” Now it was dry, hard clumps of clay. Very real evidence of the drought. As if he needed anything to prove it. The drifting soil, the parched grass were sufficient. “Come on. Let’s go to the top of the dam.” A road ran along the top, but they walked.

  She breathed deeply. “I love the view from here. It’s like you can see forever. Funny how everything looks different when you can see it like this. The colors fade to pastels, the shapes soften. Nothing looks as bad as it does close up.”

  “I guess that’s so.” He indicated they should sit. It was a perfect place to voice his question.

  “A little like life, wouldn’t you say?” She sat with her legs curled
under her.

  “Sorry?”

  “Everything—even the bad stuff—will be part of the beautiful picture when viewed from a distance.”

  “It’s nice to think that is so.”

  “I believe it. Because of Romans eight, twenty-eight. ‘We know—’”

  He joined her. “‘—all things work together for good to them that love God.’”

  She turned to him as he repeated the words and smiled. Her eyes darkened with what he knew to be joy.

  Now was the perfect time. He shifted so they faced each other. He held her hands. Drew her close. Watched her expression grow cautiously interested. He admired the perfect shape of her face, her porcelain clear skin, her dark brown eyes framed with thick lashes. Her mouth, so pink and kissable.

  He bent his head and caught her mouth with his own. Felt her quick indrawn breath, felt her kiss him back.

  And then she jerked away, her head down, hiding her face.

  “Louisa, I’m hoping you have some idea of my feelings for you so you won’t be surprised when I ask, will you marry me?”

  She jerked her hand away. Put both behind her back. Stared at him. Emotions chased across her face in rapid succession. He tried to catch and analyze all of them. Certainly surprise. He understood that. Then was it shock? Was his confession of having regard for her that unexpected? Then confusion mixed with…pain? Why pain? Had he properly voiced his feelings?

  “Louisa, I love you. I want to marry you.”

  She bolted to her feet. “No. You can’t love me. You can’t want to marry me. I can’t marry you.” She rushed down the trail toward the truck.

  He hurried after her. “I can certainly love you. And marry you, if I so desire.”

  “I can’t marry you.” She flung the words over her shoulder. Reached the truck and planted herself on the seat, facing straight ahead, her expression stony.

  He climbed in beside her. “Louisa.”

  She held out her hands. “Stop. Say no more. Take me home.”

  He didn’t make any move to start the truck. “Can you at least tell me why?”

  “I will never marry. You hear me? Never.”

  “But—”

  “Please take me home.”

  He started the truck, drove toward town. But her rejection twisted and turned, flapping against his thoughts. “Never marry? I can’t see it. You’re a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart. Okay, I understand if you don’t care for me.” No, he didn’t. What about all those fun times they’d shared? The special moments? The quick exchange of smiles at something Ellie said or did? Had he read more into it than he should have? He couldn’t believe that.