by Terri Lane
***
James
Urgh, this was doing my head in. I could barely stand it any longer. The red carpet was over, the awards had been done—we’d won a couple ourselves—now it was time to party…
Only I was supposed to behave. Brian was very clear on that. I couldn’t party and enjoy myself like everyone else, which was really pissing me off. How was I supposed to stick to his rules when there was so much free booze being passed about? It was killing me.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” I announced while kicking my chair away in a grump. "I’ll be back in a bit.” I needed a walk to try and shake off this thick black cloud that sat firmly above my head.
Thea would be fine by herself for a moment, she seemed to be getting on very well with Liam’s girlfriend, Daphne, anyway. We hadn’t really spoken at all since the red carpet portion of the evening which suited me just fine. I flirted, I made an effort to get her to relax, if Thea still didn’t want to know me that was fine…
Except it wasn’t really. It was winding me up. It was like torture, which was just another reason why I really wanted a drink. I needed to forget that she didn’t seem to want to know me before I got really weirded out by it. There had been a moment outside when I thought she might actually be responding, but obviously I misread that.
“Hey, James!” I spun on my heels as I heard my name being yelled out in a very familiar fashion. I found myself looking at an extremely sexy looking redhead. She had legs that went on forever, and a cleavage that stuck right in my face. “It’s been forever, how are you?”
At least someone wanted to talk to me.
Oh God, it was someone that knew me, but I couldn’t remember her. That suggested it was someone that I’d probably had some fun with at one time or another. That was dangerous. In my experience, women didn’t mind things being a short-term fling, but they didn’t like being forgotten. Still, it could be a bit of fun. At least the black cloud was dissipating a little.
“Hey there, babe.” I slid closer to her and circled one arm around her waist. A tried and tested technique. I wouldn’t even need to use her name if I just kept touching her. “How’ve you been since I last saw you?”
“Oh, you know.” She ran her finger down my chest and gave me a flirtatious wink. “Good, you know how it is on the modelling scene. Bitchy girls and failure, but fun too.” Okay, a model. That probably should’ve been a clue but it really wasn’t. That still could’ve been a number of people who’d been in my bed. “I’m so glad to run into you again. This thing is dull, isn’t it?”
I slid the drink from her hand and took a much needed sip. “It’s better now.” I meant more for the booze than the girl, but she giggled excitedly anyway.
“Yeah, it really is.” She pressed herself closer into me and I felt the old me coming back. This was the sort of fun that I got a real thrill out of. The chase, the excitement, the new girl. “Maybe it’ll be even more fun when we get out of here…”
“Oh I don’t know about that.” Her face fell until I spoke again. “I think I need at least one more drink before I can go anywhere. You know what it’s like, I have to be seen.”
“You were sure seen tonight.” She raised one eyebrow playfully. “With that new ‘girlfriend’ of yours.”
Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that. In all the excitement of having a moment as myself, I forgot I was playing a role.
“Why the air quotes?”
“Oh, come on,” the redhead threw her hands above her head as if it was obvious. “You aren’t actually with that girl are you? She’s pretty, sure, but far too boring for you. She’s sweet.”
“You say ‘sweet’ like it’s a bad thing.”
“Oh, James, when it comes to you, sweet really is a bad thing. Everyone knows that you like it dirty.” She leaned in to kiss my neck, and for a second I slid my eyes closed and enjoyed the sensation of her lips against me. This moment of connection would get me through tomorrow, I needed it…
Yet something caused me to snap my eyes back open. I wasn’t totally sure what it was, the hair on the nape of my neck stood on end as if someone was watching me.
“Are you okay, babe?” the redhead murmured into my skin. “What’s going on? You stiffened, is something going on?”
“Hmm? No, what do you mean?” I wasn’t paying any attention to her anymore, my eyes were flickering everywhere trying to locate the source of my sudden unease. It wasn’t apparent because everyone looked like they were having fun; drinking, hooking up, laughing…
Until I saw Thea.
It was her staring at me, and she looked like her whole world was falling apart because of me. Her brown eyes were desperately filled with pain.
Damn it, I should’ve known that was going to happen. I turned on the charm, I made damn sure I flirted heavily with Thea, I knew that she felt something on that red carpet, and here I was being kissed by someone else.
I truly was an asshole.
“Oh, baby,” the redhead muttered to me. “You feel so good. I think we should get out of here now. I know you want to drink more and I have a very expensive bottle of brandy at my house.”
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump.
My pounding heart hurt, it sent a throbbing right up into my brain. It made my entire body ache.
I wasn’t even listening to the redhead’s words, not really, I was drinking in every aspect of Thea’s hurt face. It was like we were stuck staring each other, and although we both wanted to stop looking, neither of us could manage it.
The more I was kissed, the more I hated myself, but I was powerless to stop it all.
***
Thea
What the hell?
My stomach churned with vomit, my pulse raced painfully in my body, I wanted a giant hole to open up in the ground and swallow me. This was literally the worst thing that had ever happened to me. As I watched the stunning, sexy girl drape herself all over James, I felt like I wanted to die. She looked like a model, that really famous one… Cindy something. Even I knew her and I had no interest in fashion at all. She was killing me every damn time her lips touched him.
Okay, maybe that was dramatic, maybe it wasn’t that bad, but there was no telling my brain that at the moment. The heartbreak I felt as my high school boyfriend broke up with me for a girl in the year above paled into insignificance, the upset I experienced as I left my old, comfortable life behind vanished, the terror that I felt deep in the pit of my stomach when this whole mess got started disappeared.
Seeing James act that way with another woman, totally crapping on the moment that I could’ve sworn we had out on the red carpet stripped me down and left me vulnerable and raw.
“Hey, Thea,” Daphne, the girlfriend of Liam—another member of Playing Hard—tapped me on the shoulder and gave me a lovely smile. “Did you want to head to the bar to get a drink? I know that you’ve been on the orange juice all night long but don’t you want something a little stronger now?”
“Erm…” I tried my best to blink back the tears but I could feel them starting to roll down my cheeks anyway. “No, I don’t think so. I think I’m going to just go.”
“No, why?” she exclaimed in dismay. “Don’t go, don’t leave me with just the boys. This is the best time I’ve had at one of these events in a long time.”
Those words touched me, if the situation was any different I would have leapt at the chance of friendship, but tonight I just wanted to be alone. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
Daphne’s eyes followed mine, and she saw the exact same scene that I was looking at. “Oh.” She nodded slowly. “I see. But aren’t you just for show? It isn’t a real thing between you are James, is it? Because he famously can’t be trusted.”
“No.” The tears were really coming down now. “We aren’t real. It’s nothing, but I still need to go.”
“I’m sorry, Thea.”
That was the exact moment that James decided to meet my eyes,
and my heart fell out of my ass. His expression was filled with something utterly unreadable. Much as I wanted to think that he might be going through a similar emotional rollercoaster to me, I had to give that idea up pretty sharpish. If he felt anything like I did on the red carpet, then he wouldn’t be acting that way with someone else right now.
I never would’ve done that to him.
I had to get the hell out of there, for real this time.
I pushed past Daphne and staggered through the rest of the crowd to find the front door. I couldn’t care less if anyone was looking at me now, I just needed to get away from all of them, I needed to work out exactly why I was such a mess.
My emotions coiled up inside of me so tightly that as soon as the cold, night air hit my skin I wanted to wail. I didn’t, I just about managed to keep the guttural sound inside but it was there, threatening to make it’s escape.
“Oh hey!” Urgh, just as I thought I was about to get a moment alone. Just my luck. “You’re Thea, right? I’m Brandi from Lifestyle magazine.” She held out her hand for me to shake. I wanted more than anything to be rude to her, but as a member of the press I needed her on my side. Especially now. “You’re here with James Ward, aren’t you?”
“Erm, yes. I suppose I am.” Did she have to talk about such a painful topic? “I mean, yes. Definitely yes, I am.”
“And how is that going?” she said smoothly, totally ignoring my blunder. “You look really in love. If anyone thought that you were a fake relationship then you certainly proved them wrong out there.”
So there was something, I knew it. If eagle eyed journalists could spot it then it had to be real. I wasn’t sure whether I should be happy or upset that I was right. It certainly didn’t make the conclusion any better.
Not that I could say that aloud.
“Well, I don’t know about any doubters,” I declared in my media ready tone of voice. “All I know is that I like James a lot and we’re having a really good time together.”
Brandi leaned in closer and she slid a business card into my hand. “If you ever want to put your own side of the story across, then please give me a call. I’ll do the story in whatever way that you want.”
“Thank you.” I loved the way the journalists did that. They acted like they were doing us a favor by running the stories. They were to an extent…but not too much. “I appr…”
But it was too late, she was already gone. Clearly I wasn’t the most interesting person at the party. There would be much more scandal going on in there, if she was lucky she might even catch James with his redhead. Then she’d really have something to say.
And finally I was alone. With the damn business card that could boost my career but would also remind me of this pain.
I leaned over the railing outside the building and sighed loudly as the emotion filled my chest again. I felt like an absolute idiot. I never should have allowed myself to forget what this was. It was a business arrangement, nothing more. I was dumb and naïve and I let my feelings get the better of me. I dropped the business card over the edge and watched it fall, wishing it could take my heartache with it.
Well never again, I needed to damn well harden myself before I lost the plot completely. I was supposed be developing a thick skin in New York, I knew that when I first came, yet here I was crying over the first male that showed me even the slightest bit of attention.
Idiot!
***
James
“I’m sorry,” I grumbled as I pushed the redhead model off me. Her lips wrenched from my neck, and I instantly noticed that I didn’t miss her there. Clearly she wasn’t doing for me as much as I first assumed. “I have to…”
“Wait, where are you going?” she yelled after me. Irritation laced her tone, she threw her hands onto her hips and she gave me a death stare. I could tell that she’d be trashing me to everyone who’d listen for the rest of the night, but I didn’t care. Let her say whatever she wanted about me, I had something more important to contend with.
I had to see Thea again.
I wasn’t sure why I needed to speak to her so badly, usually I was so unaware of how everyone else felt that I wouldn’t even notice causing a reaction like that. I certainly wouldn’t care about making it better, but today I did. That sadness in her eyes before she took off touched me deeply. I hated that I created it.
People tried to grab onto me as I made my way through the crowd, but I just shook them off. I had even less time for questions and flattery than usual. Their comments washed off me without me even paying a single scrap of attention.
I saw her right away, the second I stepped outside. I half expected her to have run away completely, making it impossible for me to find her, but she was there leaning over some railings looking like she was watching something. My heart flapped and pounded as I stared at her, ice cold guilt washed through me, I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to make it right.
“I know you’re there,” she announced without even spinning around to look at me. “But then again, everyone always knows exactly where you are, don’t they?”
“Erm…” I stepped closer, reaching my hand out to touch her. I wanted to rub her shoulder or something, to comfort her, but I dropped my arm at the very last second. I knew she’d tense up the second I touched her. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Oh right sure.” Finally, she spun around, and her eyes flashed with rage. “You don’t have any idea of the effect that you’re having on people, do you?” Did she mean her? I wanted to respond, but she was on a roll now and I could tell that interrupting would only piss her off more. “You don’t care about anyone else’s feelings but your own. I was under the impression that you wanted to clean up your image, that you needed me to show people that you’d changed, but all you care about is screwing anyone that comes your way.”
I hadn’t ever seen her this way before. Granted, our time together had been short but she always seemed so put together and strong. This unhinged wild version of her was so raw, so incredible…so sexy.
“I never agreed to be a part of this charade, I never wanted to be seen on your arm one moment, just for you to kiss someone else the second we get inside. I know this isn’t real, but you could at least have some respect…” Strands of hair fell from her style, her fingers curled around like claws, she was almost baring her teeth like a bear. My heart beat faster, the more she fell apart the more I wanted to hold her, to put her back together.
“Thea, calm down…” I held out my hands in front of me, trying to let her know that I’d come in peace but clearly it didn’t translate well.
“Calm down!” Uh oh, I’d made her scream, and not in the way that my mind was currently fantasizing about. “Are you serious? I just… I don’t…” her words faltered, it seemed that she was slowly coming to the end of her anger. “I don’t even know why I’m mad, it’s silly.” Tears coiled up in the corner of her eyes. “We aren’t even anything. We don’t even know each other, I just…”
I’ve hurt her.
I cocked my head to one side and tried to work out what was going on inside of me while I looked at Thea. There was definitely guilt, and sadness, empathy too which was new to me. I wasn’t sure if my emotions towards her were only because she hadn’t shown me any interest. I felt like maybe I could actually like her…
Maybe.
I needed to find out.
As I stepped closer to Thea she inhaled deeply. Her eyes narrowed in confusion, but she didn’t step away which I took to be a good sign. I reached out and held her cheek in my hand for a moment. Thea flinched, but again she didn’t move. It was obvious now why I’d hurt her, even if she didn’t fully understand it yet. She liked me, she did want me.
And I did her.
I tipped my head down and slowly brought my lips towards Thea’s. I found her moist, plump lips tantalizing, and judging by the way that her chest was now rising and falling rapidly, she felt the same way too. There was something deep, something flowing between
us. It felt powerful, exciting, overwhelming…
This was new territory for me, and I couldn’t wait to explore it.
The moment that our lips connected, a fourth of July celebration let off in my stomach. There were fireworks all over me, which had my organs flip-flopping like crazy. This was certainly unexpected. I liked it a lot. I liked her too much. I wanted to hold onto her and never let her go. For the first time in my life the kiss was so good that I didn’t even care if it didn’t lead anywhere else.
“Oh God.” All of a sudden Thea pushed me off and she stared at me with utter dismay. “I’m sorry, that never should have happened. I have to… I have to go…”
As I watched her run off I felt empty and numb. I wanted to reach out to her, to grab her, but it didn’t feel like the right thing to do. I needed to process what had just happened as much as she did.
Still, at least we had the rest of our fake romance to work things out. Maybe by the end of it, we’d have something real…
***
Thea
“Toby, I can’t do this thing anymore,” I told him desperately, hoping that he’d see the true terror in my eyes. I had to get out of this arrangement before I lost my heart to James completely. I was already falling, I could feel him changing me, I was in a real danger here that no one but me could understand. "I can’t hang around with James anymore. It isn’t working. We don’t have any chemistry or anything.” Now that was a huge lie. The kiss that we’d shared last night was utterly phenomenal. I lay up all night thinking about it, but I couldn’t tell Toby that. He’d probably get unnecessarily excited over the idea about it becoming real which would never happen. “Plus, he keeps fooling around with other women in front of me. Eventually the media will find out and I’ll be made to look like an idiot.”
“Are you kidding me?” Toby rolled his eyes and chuckled. I hated it when he patronized me, I knew more than he gave me credit for. “Everyone will love you even more. You’ll be the heartbroken starlet who keeps on going despite her pain. You can write songs about it, people will relate to you even more.”
“I don’t want that…”
