by Gia Riley
“Can you tell me the rest?” I ask. I don’t want to push him, or have him resent me, but I’d like to know so I can understand him better.
“Yeah. You should know everything. Like I said, she got mixed up with the wrong crowd. The guy I caught her with wasn’t a good guy. He didn’t treat her the way she was used to being treated when she was with me. I noticed how much her personality changed, how withdrawn she seemed to be despite being with him. Something in my gut told me not to shut her out despite how angry I was with her for what she did. She didn’t know I was watching her from a distance, but I was. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I approached her and made her listen to me. It took more convincing than necessary for her to agree she needed out of the dorm and relationship. There were bruises all over her arms. I can’t even imagine what the ones looked like I couldn’t see. The Residence Hall staff agreed to reassign her to another room despite her keeping the details to herself. I begged her to tell them the truth, but she didn’t want to get anyone in trouble, she just wanted out. It took a few weeks for the paperwork to be processed so she stayed with me at night until the new dorm was eventually assigned to her. On moving day she wasn’t feeling well - for real this time. I took her to the campus doctor’s office and they told her she was pregnant.”
“Shit.” I drop my head and rub my temples. This must be where the child comes into play.
“Yeah, that was similar to the reaction I had. Everything we just worked so hard to fix was for nothing, but at least it was over. She had to tell her parents and they immediately came and moved her back home. I went from seeing her every day to barely being able to talk to her on the phone. Her family was very strict. The only good thing that came out of it was her being able to get her life back on track. But at the time I was devastated. I’d lost my girl and my best friend.”
“Are you a dad, Sean?”
“The truth?”
“Always.”
“She had no idea who the father of her child was. It could have been me or two other guys. She had a whole other life I knew nothing about and we lived on the same damn campus. She was my whole world, Hallie, and I was clueless she was cheating on me. All Audrey could say for herself was that she was curious about being with other people because I was all she knew. She loved me, but I wasn’t enough. That’s been a recurring theme in my life.”
Ryan.
Our eyes meet briefly as he catches what just came out of his mouth. I know he wasn’t trying to hurt me with his words.
“Anyway, she was going to get a paternity test once the baby was born. It was too risky to do it ahead of time. I was willing to participate, but she didn’t want the others to even know she was pregnant. I can’t say I blame her for that. They weren’t the kind of guys to man up anyway.”
“But you were, right?”
“Without a shadow of a doubt. I would have loved the baby regardless because I loved her mom for as long as I could remember.”
“You say that in the past tense. What happened to the baby?”
He pauses and licks his lips nervously. “Audrey lost the baby around five months. It was a little girl. We never found out if she was mine or not, but it didn’t really matter to me either way. I already knew I loved her, but it just wasn’t meant to be. So I’m only a dad in my memories - for those few short months while I watched Audrey’s body change with my little girl inside. I wasn’t sure what my feelings for Audrey were, but I’d have done anything for my little girl.”
Tears are steaming down my cheeks as I listen to him talk about the daughter he never got to meet. She would have been such a lucky little lady to have him as her daddy. I can’t even have hatred toward Audrey anymore. What she’s been doing is wrong, but Sean was once her entire life. She probably thinks about her baby every single day. There’s a damn good chance it wasn’t Sean’s considering her lifestyle at the time, but it wouldn’t be right to hold that against her. Losing her child was painful enough. “Thank you for sharing your story with me. I’m sorry I ran out on you. I thought you were doing the same thing that you just described about Audrey.”
“Baby, I know it looked really bad. I get that. The look in your eyes told me how bad you were hurting and I never want to make you feel that way again. I was a fucking mess after you left.”
“I’m sorry, Sean.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about, beautiful. This was all on me.”
“I know this is just about the most inappropriate time to ask you this, but do you still love her?”
Sean lifts his head quickly, taken aback by my question. He doesn’t hesitate to answer though. “No I don’t, Hallie. It took me a long time to get over her. I won’t lie about that. But she and I were never meant to be together as adults. She needed time to heal, we both did. What we had was convenient for her. She liked having someone take care of her as much as I liked taking care of someone. We fit together, but we didn’t belong together. I can honestly say, Audrey isn’t half the woman you are, babe. She never put me in my place or challenged me the way you do, and we never had fights.”
“You like fighting with people?” I ask very confused.
“No, but normal, healthy relationships have their ups and downs. We had puppy love in high school and used each other in college. We loved each other, but we weren’t in love with each other. I know that now. Back when it was all happening, I didn’t see it entirely, but it’s different once you remove yourself from the situation and reflect on it. That’s when it’s easy to see all the mistakes you made along the way.”
“That makes sense,” I say with a nod of my head.
“I’m back in contact with the therapist I lined up for her. She needs to get back on track with her sessions, but I promise I’m working on it. The night I found that note on my truck at the carnival was the night I knew she had slipped. I have to believe it was her asking for help more than anything. She needed her safety net.”
I take a sip of my water, wetting my parched lips so I can continue with my questions. “I had no idea this was going on. If she’s back on track with therapy, why was she in Vegas trying again?”
Sean sits back in the chair – finally beginning to relax a little from the emotion he just revisited. “She called me at my office before we left for Vegas. It was very out of the blue. She seemed like she was in a good place, so I was shocked she turned up in Vegas. It was my fault for telling her where I’d be. I think it was more than she could handle to hear I was taking you with me. Jealousy can do crazy shit to people’s minds.”
I like the fact that he didn’t hide me when he spoke with her. That lets me know he was telling me the truth at the hotel. “So you and her spent the day together in Vegas?”
“She found me in the hallway during a break in the conference. We talked briefly and I told her to come back and meet me at the end of the day’s events. I knew we had to clear up a few things before I sent her back home. It might have been wrong to do, but I couldn’t make her leave with her mind in a bad place.”
“So you want to fix her.”
“I can’t fix her, Hallie. I just want her to live her life happily and let go of her past.”
I understand the logic he’s explaining. She will never be my favorite person, but she’s been though a lot of heartache. That’s something I can definitely relate to. “I just have one more question.”
“Baby, you can ask me anything.” I don’t correct him on his name calling this time. I’ve actually missed hearing the term of endearment tumbling from his lips.
“If she was still in Vegas when you left to come home, then how did the note get inside my house?”
“That’s the only part I haven’t figured out yet. I plan on getting to the bottom of it though. You’re safe, Hallie. I promise. I’ll always keep your safety as my top priority.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
I’m not really sure what else to say to him right now. Sean hasn’t given up on us at all. Everything I thought was taking
place wasn’t. My mind is exhausted, but I’m glad he came clean with me about Audrey. Our whole dynamic has been off because of her. As much as I want to fall back into old habits, I feel it’s important for me to be on my own tonight. I never want to become dependent on him for my happiness or rely on him for survival like Audrey did.
I stand up and stretch my sore muscles. I’ve been so tense by whole body needs a massage. “I should get home, it’s getting late,” I tell him.
“You’re not staying with me?”
I shake my head no. “I should go.” It’s hard for me to say those three words, but I have to do this for me. My independence is important to me. A relationship should be an extension of who I am, not everything I am.
He stands up and closes the distance between the two of us. “I thought we were okay? You believe me, right?”
“Of course, I do. We should take a breather and start over fresh tomorrow. It’s been a wild few days, and I’m just tired.”
He leans in and kisses my lips. I melt into them like I’ve been starved of his touch for years. “Walk me home?”
Reluctantly, he takes my hand and walks me down the street. He’s quiet and I catch him looking over at me every few seconds like he’s trying to figure out if I’m still going to be his in the morning or not. I squeeze his hand tighter and he instinctively wraps his arm around my shoulder. I tuck my hand in his back pocket and rest my head on his should as we continue our walk. It’s much more pleasant without my weapons.
The walk is short and before long I’m unlocking my front door, hurrying to illuminate the foyer. My eyes search the living room and kitchen. Everything looks exactly the way I left it. That’s a relief.
“You’re still scared aren’t you?” Sean asks.
“A little,” I admit.
“You don’t have to do this, Hallie. Let me stay with you. I need to hold you tonight.”
I don’t want to be a needy girl who needs a man to breathe, but if I’m being honest with myself right now. I just miss him and I want him to hold me. I let myself give in because wanting to feel his touch doesn’t make me feel weak at all. “Okay.”
“Go up to bed, babe. I’ll go shut things down at home and come right back.”
“You have ten minutes, or I’m coming after you,” I say jokingly as I toss his threat from earlier back at him.
“There’s my girl.” He kisses my lips and then takes off running out the front door.
I HAVE ONE MORE DAY off to get my shit together before returning to the chaos of the emergency room. Sean has to go to his office and get caught up with his patients. He’s booked solid to make up for the week of appointments he missed. We’ve spent an enjoyable two days reconnecting in my bed. I’m sad to see it come to an end.
Stress has been giving me headaches and I haven’t been feeling that great because of them. My sleep schedule is all out of whack too. Despite having a mile long to do list, vegging out around the house today sounds like the perfect plan. I’m reading a spellbinding chapter in my steamy romance novel when I hear a knock at the door. Groaning because I have to get my tired ass up, I peek through the peep hole and jump when I see a face smashed up against the glass looking back at me. I yank the door open so I can yell at the idiot on the other side.
“Colby! That was not cool! Don’t do that to me again,” I beg.
“It was just a joke, hot shot. I’m here with a proposal.”
“What kind of proposal are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere, we aren’t getting hitched and no I won’t get naked with you.” That should cover all the bases.
“Although I like the way your mind works, this is nothing sexual, unless you change your mind along the way. Then, it’s entirely sexual.”
I roll my eyes for the millionth time since I’ve met Colby. “Spit it out already. I don’t have all day.” I do but I’m not telling him that.
“Interesting choice of words. I’d prefer you swallow though. It’s sexier.”
“Colby, really? You have two minutes or I’m kicking you out,” I tell him through gritted teeth.
“Then stop tempting me and let me talk!”
“You are the most frustrating person I know.”
“I adore you too. In fact, I adore you so much I’m letting you have the privilege of singing with me tonight. Our very first duet. You game?”
“It’s not open-mic night.”
“Who cares? Luke will let us sing regardless. Plus, he owes me a favor.”
It’s actually not a bad idea. I wouldn’t have to get up on the stage by myself, and I trust Colby to take it seriously enough that we won’t look foolish, yet still have fun at the same time. For once I don’t want to yell at him or smack him. “I’m game,” I say.
“Seriously? That was too easy. What’s the catch?” he asks.
“There’s no catch. I am back with Sean though. Things still need to stay strictly platonic between the two of us so the same rules apply. If you’re good with that then it sounds fun. I think singing will be a good thing for me right now considering all the stress I’ve been dealing with. It’s been awhile and I miss it.”
“Jesus. That guy has nine lives. What gives?”
“Let me stop you right there. What Sean and I do is none of your business. It was a misunderstanding with a lot of shit attached to it that I didn’t know about. The air has been cleared. That’s all you need to know. Got it?” He can be miffed all he wants. I don’t have time for his drama.
“Yeah. I get it,” he says sounding somewhat defeated.
“Then let’s pick a song and work on it.” I grab two bottles of water from the fridge along with my laptop so I can look up some songs. Shockingly enough, we agree on what we want to sing quickly, giving us that much more time to perfect the harmonies. Considering how much we bicker, I figured it would take a couple hours to agree on something we could both get into.
We work out the phrasing easily and know exactly the way we want to perform the song. Before long, we stop rehearsing to save what’s left of our voices for tonight at Shorty’s. I’m really excited about the way we sound together. I just have to figure out what to say to Sean when he gets off work. I know he’s going to want to spend the night with me. He won’t like me being with Colby and after the drama of the past few days; I don’t think this is the right time to cause any unnecessary friction. I’ll let the dust settle before I have to worry about the next round. Why has my life become so damn dramatic? Relationships definitely are the head trip I predicted they would be.
I’ve tried on three different outfits for tonight before I finally decide on my favorite pair of white linen shorts and royal blue tank top. The shorts are a comfortable casual but still show off the hint of the tan I’ve been working so hard to keep. I keep my shoes simple deciding on a pair of metallic gold sandals. I use my flatiron to straighten my hair making sure to pull back a few pieces to keep me cooler. I’ll probably end up getting hot and tossing it into a ponytail anyway, so no use being too fussy about it. I have just enough time left to grab a snack before I need to leave.
As I’m chomping on a granola bar, my back door opens. The only one who ever uses it is Sean, so I know it’s him before I even see him. Alex started using the front door after launching me into the dryer. I grab a drink and shove a bunch of junk in my purse before digging around for my keys at the bottom. I always tell myself I need to clean this bag out, yet I never do. The minute I take something out is the minute I’ll wish I hadn’t.
“Where are you going in such a hurry?” he curiously asks.
“I have an appointment. I can’t be late.”
“Where? I thought your support group meets on Monday’s?”
“It does, this is something different.” I’m a shit liar and I suck at coming up with an excuse at the drop of a hat. I know he senses something is off, hell even I know I’m acting weird, but I pray he drops it so I can get out of here without feeling guiltier than I already do.
“What kind
of different?” Obviously he’s not giving up so easily.
“You have a bad day?” I ask trying to find something to concentrate on other than my lie.
“No, but I was looking forward to spending tonight with you. I didn’t think you had any plans.”
“I’m just going out for a while. It’s not a big deal. I have a couple errands to get done and Amie wants me to stop over. My plans were just made this afternoon.” As soon as the words leave my mouth I feel awful. I walk over to him and give him a hug, but he doesn’t melt into my body like he normally does. I hate that I just lied to him, but I have to do this. Singing means a lot to me, and can always pull me out of my funk. I kiss his cheek and he slowly rubs my back in return.
“Are you sure we’re okay? I know things have been intense.”
“Yeah. We’re good. I promise.” I kiss him one more time before I pull away. I have to leave or I’ll be late. The last thing I need is Colby trying to track me down.
Performing tonight is definitely a little risky, but I’m craving the adrenaline rush of being on stage. There’s no better therapy. Music saves me every time.
“Just be careful. Call me when you get home, okay? I’ll come over.” He pulls me back to his body, placing a soft kiss to my lips before letting me walk away.
“I will. Lock up when you leave, but you don’t have to rush out. Relax if you want.” Hopefully that will give me some time to get into my car and take off before he sees me driving in the opposite direction of Amie’s house. I don’t think he’ll follow me, but I don’t doubt he might be tempted.
My drive is short thanks to my rare luck of catching every green light. I rush inside Shorty’s to find Colby as quickly as possible. He always says the right words to calm down my nerves before I get up on the stage. I spot him sitting at the bar chatting with the bartender. I’m convinced he can make friends with anyone. People seem to flock towards his carefree spirit. His looks definitely aren’t hurting his overall appeal either. There has to be someone at the hospital I can set him up with. It would make my life a hell of a lot easier if he had a girlfriend of his own. I think I’ll make that my next mission.
