Playing Her Secret Crush

by Casey Griffin

  “My brother,” he said. “I don’t have my phone with me to show you pictures, but I have a lot.”

  Derek seemed to think for a second. He looked Alex up and down. “If he was your brother, did he look a lot like you? Same build? Height?”

  “Pretty close, yeah.”

  He gave Alex another once-over before nodding. “We could do that. If you’re sure that’s what you really want.”

  Alex looked relieved. “I’m sure. He should have been here today. This way, it will kind of be like he was.”

  The guy reached into his pocket and pulled out a card. He handed it to Alex. “Here. You can email me the photos when you have a chance. Make sure there are a lot of just his face, from as many angles as you can get. The rest we can blend together by 3D scanning your body.” He gestured to the screened-off area again.

  Alex hopped into the camera booth and followed Derek’s instructions. Katie smiled as she watched. While the idea had never occurred to her, it wasn’t surprising that Alex made the request. It felt so right, that it somehow completed their journey, made it feel whole. She hoped it would help give Alex a bit of closure. Then she recalled what he’d said during the game. I’ve been so focused on holding on to someone who isn’t here that I haven’t been appreciating what is here.

  Maybe he already had his closure.

  Once he was done, they waited off to the side together while the others took their turns in the booth. She knew they didn’t have long, but she couldn’t wait another minute to talk to him about the things still hanging in the air between them.

  “Alex, about me and your brother,” she began, rushing over the words just to get them out. “I think you’ve got it all wrong. Nothing romantic ever passed between us.”

  A frown line formed on his brow. “Maybe he just never told you because he knew he may not…” His Adam’s apple bobbed, and she knew what he meant.

  She took a step toward him. “Even on his death bed, don’t you think your brother would have made a move on me if he wanted to? This is Jason we’re talking about.” She recalled how bold his brother had been, charismatic to the bitter end, even flirting with the nurses.

  “You make a good point,” he said at last, but he still didn’t look convinced.

  “Look,” she said, “Jason had a lot of regrets about the way he was living his life, including the type of girls he was dating. I don’t think he liked me so much as the idea of me. Of the kind of girl that you have something more with, more than a date, more than a make-out session. And I think maybe… No. I know I’m that girl. I deserve more.”

  His face kind of scrunched up, maybe out of guilt. Was it guilt for pushing her away at the dance or guilt because he couldn’t offer her “more”? She couldn’t tell.

  “Yes, you do,” he said.

  “The day he told me to look out for you, he said, ‘You’re a good girl, Katie. Take care of Alex. He can be stubborn and doesn’t always know what’s good for him.’” She lowered her voice in a poor impression of him. “I guess at the time, I thought he’d meant you and I would be good together. Maybe he overestimated us.”

  He rubbed his forehead and then winced as he touched a bruise. “But I thought… I mean, you were always there at the hospital every day. You spent all your free time there.”

  “It wasn’t Jason I was there for.” She gave him a pointed look.

  After a moment, the creases on his forehead relaxed, and he blinked at her, as though seeing something new. His mouth quirked, but then he pressed his lips together, holding back whatever emotion was tugging at them. When he took a deep breath, the tension left his shoulders.

  Katie waited for him to say something about Jason, but after a moment, he said, “You’re not wearing your Wonder Woman costume today.”

  She tugged at her costume’s yellow fabric absently. “I threw it away.”

  He gaped at her. “What? Why?”

  “Because it’s not me. This is me,” she said, meaning more than the Pikachu onesie. “This is who I am. I don’t wear makeup or dresses or high heels. I’m just…me. Take it or leave it.” She thrust her chin up in the air, feeling rather daring.

  She wasn’t sure what kind of reaction she’d hoped for, but when she eyed him, a brilliant smile stretched across his face. “I’ll take it.”

  Katie blinked at him. “What do you mean?” She wasn’t sure if she heard right or how she was supposed to interpret that. After he’d kissed her twice and then pushed her away, she didn’t want to get her hopes up, but that smile…

  Finished with their photos, the others headed their way. She was left to dwell on those words for the rest of the evening.

  After all the official stuff had been completed, the first chance they had to really relax was after they’d packed Alex’s things and took him back to the hospital. He sat in his bed looking uncomfortable with everyone sitting around him—or maybe it was because he was wearing a gown that left his butt open to the world.

  Katie thought he looked better now that he’d been given more pain medication. The permanent wince that had been etched on his face had smoothed, and he wasn’t stifling grunts anymore. His breathing had evened out to become slow and rhythmic.

  “So are you guys going to go to the dinner tonight?” he asked everyone. Katie wondered if he was trying to get rid of them. She hoped she wasn’t included in that.

  A special Conquerors of Caroon dinner and dance was being held by Maxware Studios. All the contestants had been invited, along with the officials and lots of other people who made the event possible. It was supposed to be a chance to celebrate as well as rub elbows with e-sports industry leaders.

  “I hear a lot of sponsors go to that kind of thing,” Trevor said from his perch on the end of the bed. “They use it like an informal meet and greet.”

  “For what?” Lexi asked.

  “Headhunting. After a big event like this, it’s a good way to find new people to sponsor.”

  Penny squealed. “Oh! Maybe they’ll give me lots of money to play games, and I won’t ever have to go to school again.”

  “Nice try,” Tara said, giving her little sister a look. “But you were pretty great today, Sugarplum.”

  Penny grinned before shoveling more celebratory caramel popcorn into her mouth.

  “Well, one thing’s for sure,” Lexi said. “Julian won’t be showing his face there.”

  “Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Trevor grinned. “According to PC Gamezine Online, SonicWarrior’s sponsorship was revoked due to his unsportsmanlike conduct.”

  “Serves him right,” Tara said.

  “It’s much worse than just today,” he told her. “A lot of people have been coming forward since the game aired this afternoon. Apparently, instead of practicing, SonicWarrior was just stealing power from other players. That’s what happened to the rest of your brother’s original team,” he told Alex. “They didn’t disband like we thought.”

  Katie was only half listening to the conversation. She was distracted by Alex who was picking at the tape on his arm that kept the IV line in place. The tournament was over, and yet he still seemed anxious. Maybe he was in pain and needed more medication. Or maybe, she thought, he was anxious to continue their conversation from earlier.

  I’ll take it, he’d said.

  “Speaking of SonicWarrior’s epic downfall…” Trevor turned to Alex. “What are you going to do with the Soul Eater?”

  “Hide it,” he said. “Someplace secret where no one will think to look for it. No one should have that kind of power.”

  “Where will you hide it?” Penny inquired between mouthfuls.

  “If I told you, it wouldn’t be secret, now would it?” he teased. “Katie’s going to help me.”

  As a non-magic wielder, he couldn’t transport to different locations, so Katie had offered to help him, but she’d thought he might wait until they all got back to Porterville.

  “We don’t have to do it now, you know,” she told him.
“It can wait until you’re better.”

  “No, I’d rather finish it now. Put it all behind us.”

  She knew he meant more than the rivalry with Julian, so she nodded. When he locked eyes with her, it sent a jolt through her body. Her chest squeezed painfully at the idea of being alone with him, but whatever was about to happen, good or bad, she just wanted to get it over with. It felt like it had been a very long time coming.

  Trevor stood up. “We should probably head out if we’re going to make the dinner.” He hesitated, looking at Alex in his hospital gown. “Unless, everyone wants to stick around. We could order pizza and celebrate here.”

  “Don’t worry about me,” Alex said. “I already have dinner plans. It’s mushy peas and Jell-O for me. I should probably get some rest, anyway.” He tapped his head. “Concussion and all.”

  When no one moved to leave, Alex waved them on. “Go. I’ll keep you updated. I should be released tomorrow.”

  “Cool,” Trevor said. “We’ll go for lunch before we all head back home.”

  “Sounds good,” Alex said.

  “Did you want us to wait for you, Katie?” Lexi asked.

  Katie shook her head. “No, that’s okay. I’ll head back in a bit.”

  Everyone said their goodbyes and filtered out of the room. As they were walking out, Katie overheard Tara talking to Lexi.

  “Penny tells me there’s a dance after dinner,” Tara said. “Will you be sticking around for it?”

  “Yeah, I think so,” Lexi said.

  “Good. Save me a dance.” And by her tone of voice, it didn’t sound like she meant a fast one.

  Katie could have sworn that was a blush rising on Lexi’s cheeks. She glanced back, but Katie averted her eyes, pretending she didn’t notice the total flirt session.

  “Umm, yeah—I mean sure, yes, definitely,” Lexi finally told Tara and followed her out.

  Katie grinned to herself, thinking what a good thing it was for Lexi that Penny’s mom couldn’t come.

  “Are you ready?” Alex asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

  When she looked back at the hospital bed, Alex’s laptop already rested on his thighs with Conquerors of Caroon loading up across the screen. He slipped on his headset.

  Katie tried to shake off the sudden flood of jitters that tickled her insides. Pulling her laptop and headset out of her backpack, she sat in one of the chairs against the wall and quickly followed him into Caroon. When their avatars materialized, the game took them to the last place they’d finished off. The royal flag stood between their characters, the ruins at their feet.

  It brought back memories of the battle and reminded her of Alex’s words: Jason’s gone, Katie. While the simple words were sad, she sensed an acceptance in them that she’d never seen in Alex before.

  The flag flapped wildly overhead in the breeze blowing off the nearby wintry mountains. It made Katie shiver in real life.

  Wanting to get out of there, she turned to Alex. “Where to?”

  He grinned. “Valhalla.”

  A surprised laugh escaped her, but she had to admit it was a good idea. Who would ever want to go there? And if they did, they’d have to survive the Viking to get the medallion—if they even knew where to look.

  She hit a few buttons, and with a burst of glitter, Fairy_gurl cast the transportation spell. Her screen blurred and their surroundings disappeared as they were carried away in a gust of wind. When the game came into focus again, she looked around, half expecting to see the Viking bearing down on them or the Valkyrie flying at them in a flurry of wings. But they were alone.

  They walked their characters forward in silence, listening to the tranquil fountain that bubbled in the middle of the towering pillars. It looked like the Valkyrie had done some renovations since they were last there. All the damage they’d created during their battle had been repaired. It was picturesque once again.

  Alex searched his inventory for the medallion. Once he clicked on it, the item appeared in his avatar’s hand. It shone a rose gold in the eternal sunset of Valhalla.

  Katie looked over at Alex. Their gazes met, and she gave him a nod. An emotion flickered over his face before his finger came down on the keyboard, causing Dark_Prince to draw his arm back and throw the medallion out into the middle of the fountain. It plopped into the water, sinking to the bottom where the statues could watch over it—and hopefully, the homicidal Viking.

  Alex watched his screen until the last of the ripples faded. He looked so sad that Katie wanted to reach out to him, but even though he was only across the room, he felt so very far away. She was almost afraid to close the gap.

  His soft voice rang clear in her headset, like he was whispering in her ears. “It was such a stupid reason for my brother’s avatar to be killed, for his chance to go to the tournament to be ruined. His only chance.”

  “I know,” Katie said, “but I think you avenged him today. Not to mention everyone else who’s had their power stolen.”

  Alex nodded. “I think you’re right. I feel like I’ve done whatever it is I needed to do.” He laughed humorlessly. “And then some.”

  She frowned at the sarcasm in his tone. “What do you mean?”

  He finally turned away from his screen and looked at Katie, his expression sober. “There was a moment today during the crash when I realized that I’ve been trying so hard to live up to my promise to Jason, and I’ve been failing him this whole time.”

  “You’re not failing,” she said. “What more could you possibly do?” She laughed, but like his, it lacked humor. There was nothing funny about the images that flashed through her mind as she imagined his car accident. “How much further can you push yourself?”

  He shook his head. “I had it all wrong. Living life to the fullest never meant parties and girls and taking risks. It meant appreciating what was important.”

  Her breath hitched at the look in his eyes. “And what’s that?” She said it so quietly that she wasn’t sure she’d made a sound, but the mic must have picked it up, because his face suddenly filled with emotion.

  “You.”

  Her lungs released a sigh, but she was too afraid to speak, too afraid it wasn’t real. She waited cautiously, maybe for a “but.”

  “Wait. This is stupid.” Reaching up, Alex ripped his headset off and shoved his computer aside. He winced and grunted in pain as he slid out of bed and moved closer to her chair.

  She should have told him to stop or gone to him instead, but her tongue went numb, and her legs suddenly felt like they’d been petrified.

  Alex knelt in front of her chair so they were face-to-face and slid her headphones down around her neck. “Katie, for so long, I looked right past you. I dated any other girl I could find. But it was never going to work out…because they weren’t you.”

  “But then why…?”

  “You were off-limits. You were my brother’s girl.”

  “But I told you—”

  “I know now it wasn’t like that.” He sighed. “I guess I never wanted to date you because I think, deep down, I knew that I was still hurting from my brother’s death. But I ignored the pain.” He ran his hand through his hair, and she could see he was only starting to figure this all out for himself. This discovery, this pain, was new.

  “Instead, I’ve been busy doing everything I can to avoid it, and in doing so, I’ve been hurting myself and everyone around me. All those girls I dated got hurt because I wasn’t ready to deal with things. And you are the last person in the world I wanted to hurt, so I refused to let myself see it.”

  “See what?” she asked.

  “See…you.” A smile lit his face, like this was the happiest realization of all. “It’s always been you. I’m ready to start living my own life again, to the fullest. But it could never be full without you. That’s what’s been missing. You.”

  Katie stared back at him. She’d hoped for this moment for so long. Suddenly, she was afraid, in case it all came crashing down. She didn’t
think she could recover if she were wrong again, if she kissed him and he pulled away.

  She cleared her throat. “As…as a friend?”

  “As my girlfriend,” he said softly, but it held so much confidence that she could no longer doubt him. “Katie…I’m so sorry. I’ve been so blind.”

  She shook her head. “It’s not all your fault. I think we’ve both been dealing with our own stuff the last couple years. I think if you realized this all sooner, I’m not sure I would have been ready, confident enough, to let you care for me.”

  “And now?”

  She took a breath. “I’m ready.”

  The crooked grin on his face was full of relief, and his eyes filled with love as he took her face in his hands. Her eyes automatically closed, and then she felt his lips on hers. They weren’t desperate or urgent like the other times. They were soft and slow, like there was no reason to rush. The kiss said, “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Their moment was suddenly interrupted by a high-pitched squeak. They pulled apart just as a white-haired woman pushed a cart loaded with junk food into the room.

  “Would you two like any snacks?” she asked. “The proceeds this month are going to renovating the oncology department.”

  Katie laughed, and both Alex and the woman gave her a weird look.

  “We’ll take it all,” she said.

  And now Alex was laughing with her. The lady hesitated, but Katie took out her wallet with her Maxware Studios spending cash and handed a wad of it over.

  After they scooped everything off the cart, the volunteer handed back the change, but Katie held up her hand. “Keep it. It’s for a good cause.”

  Tucking the change back into her tray, the woman smiled and shook her head. She pushed her empty cart back out of the room, leaving them alone again.

  As though by some unspoken agreement, they cuddled up on Alex’s bed like they always did when playing Conquerors, only their laptops remained untouched, their screen savers activated.

  Alex’s lips found Katie’s again, but after a moment, she pulled away just enough to look into his eyes. She searched for something in them, hesitation maybe. “Are you sure this time?”