Insomnia (The Night Walkers)

by Johansson, J. R.

  “I know. It was an accident. I’m so sorry.”

  He reached under her chin, grabbed her throat, and lifted her to her feet. “Don’t you want me to be happy?”

  She nodded, gasping for air, and he threw her back to the ground. Everything ached. We gasped in air in unison, and I felt the will to fight seep out of my body, the same way it had fled from Agnes.

  “Don’t do it again.” He walked back to his recliner and pushed play on the remote.

  Agnes whispered, “I won’t.” Wiping tears from her cheeks, she got unsteadily to her feet. There was a cut on the top of her ear that was bleeding, and I could see the red outline of her husband’s hand against her throat. She pulled her thin brown hair out of its bun with shaking fingers and tried to arrange it to hide her neck and ear. Carefully lifting the plates, she headed down the hall to her kids’ bedroom.

  As the dream faded into one of Agnes at work, I clenched my hands against my forehead. This was too hard. People had dark, disturbing secrets and every time I invaded their minds it dimmed a little piece of me. I could feel the darkness from other people’s nightmares squirming into my brain. How long before it changed who I was—my idea of what was normal?

  Or had it already?

  I woke with my whole body covered in a cold sweat, and it only went downhill from there. I couldn’t even think about food without wanting to throw up, and I couldn’t stop shivering. It felt nothing like any flu I’d ever had.

  The early morning rain fell in misty droplets on my car window as I watched the shadows outside the grocery store shift around in unnatural ways. I could almost see things moving in them, moving through them—things that I knew couldn’t be real. I shivered as the well-lit interior of the store called to me. Hopefully the shadows couldn’t follow me there, but what I planned to do inside wasn’t any less scary.

  My hands shook so hard I folded my arms and clamped my elbows down on them to make it stop. Sleeping in Mia’s dreams seemed to ease the tremors, but now, after just one night without her, they were back full force. I didn’t want to think about what it might be like if I missed her again today … or if her dreams were different tonight.

  The store was nearly empty at this hour. I still had twenty minutes here before I had to head to school. Swallowing hard, I tapped on Agnes’s shoulder. She whirled around to face me, her shocked face turning to a sympathetic smile when she saw me.

  Agnes—dreams of being broken.

  “Oh, dear, you don’t look like you feel well. Can I help you find the pharmacy?”

  Ever since I woke up, I’d been thinking about how to approach her. I couldn’t help Mr. Flint’s wife—she was already dead—but Agnes wasn’t. I was done being helpless, done putting up with my curse holding me in this living nightmare against my will.

  This time I would do something.

  My jaw clenched so tight I couldn’t speak. The paper in my hand was interfering. I was interfering in the most private parts of her life. My hand shook as I handed Agnes the list of shelters and women’s rescues that I’d printed out the moment I’d gotten out of bed.

  “It’s a list of places that can help you.”

  Confusion crossed her features as she took my paper and glanced down at it. Within seconds she placed one hand to her mouth and started shaking her head.

  “Agnes, they’ll keep you safe,” I whispered. I dropped my hands to my sides.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she muttered, her voice low. When she lifted her gaze to mine I could see pain and humiliation in her eyes. “Who are you?”

  I shook my head, not knowing what else to say. Agnes pushed the paper against my chest and tried to turn away. I stretched my hand out to touch her shoulder, but she flinched and I stopped. This was exactly what I was afraid of. How could I help her? I couldn’t even explain how I knew.

  Stepping around to the counter in front of her, I laid my paper on her checkout stand.

  “In case you change your mind.” Then I turned and walked out of the store into the drizzling rain.

  Once I got to the car, I kicked the tire. I rested my forehead against the cold, wet metal of the door and tried to push aside another intense wave of nausea. Why did this curse give me people’s secrets without any way to deal with them?

  I didn’t understand it, but it seemed like getting real sleep through Mia’s dreams was now creating a rebound effect that made me go downhill faster than before. If so, I needed to watch Mia’s dreams as much as possible before it got any worse.

  I climbed in the car and started the engine. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I saw Agnes in the alley beside the store. She leaned against the brick building, wet and sobbing, clutching my paper to her chest.

  At least I knew she kept it.

  nine

  “It’s for soccer, Mrs. Cooper.” I smiled, keeping eye contact while telling a flat-out lie. “I wanted to talk to Mia about the upcoming season.”

  After Agnes, lying was not an issue if it meant avoiding another horrible dream like that. No more. I couldn’t live that way, not when I knew there was a solution.

  Last month, Mr. Nelson had let me make up an assignment by helping Mrs. Cooper, one of the secretaries, sort registration paperwork after school. She dreamed of school soccer games; a die-hard fan.

  She bobbed her brunette head for a moment, the tight bun at the back bouncing with the motion, but she seemed confused. “And why can’t you ask Ms. Greene herself for her schedule?”

  “That’s the whole problem. I can’t seem to find her. If I knew her schedule, then I could at least track her down.” I glanced again at the clock, hoping I could convince Mrs. Cooper before Mia went to her next class. The smell of toner and paper permeated the office; my stomach was already churning with anxiety, and the smell made it worse. For now I was the only student in the room, but in just a few minutes the bell would ring and it would be packed.

  “Yes, well—hmm … ” The school secretary turned her attention to her light blue sweater and tugged on a fuzzball clinging to the front. I needed to switch tactics.

  “I understand.” I raised my hands and took a step back from her desk in surrender. “I mean, there are probably privacy issues or something. I just wanted to talk to her about coordinating another joint practice. It’d be amazing if we could help each other. You know, take State with both teams this year.”

  Mrs. Cooper’s eyes glazed over for a moment. I knew her weakness. No school in our state had won both the girls’ and boys’ title in over thirty years.

  “I’ll see if I can find her on my own.” I shrugged and pulled my backpack over my shoulders. “Have a good day, Mrs. Cooper.”

  “Well … ” She cleared her throat and turned back to her keyboard. “I suppose if it’s for the good of school sports.”

  The paper coming through the printer seemed to call to me. Everything else froze while it inched its way out. Finally, grabbing the sheet, she handed it to me with a sly grin. “Go Boulders.”

  “Thank you.” I moved to the side of the office as other people pushed toward the desk. I’d been so focused on getting the schedule I hadn’t even noticed the bell ring, but with how full the halls were, it must have.

  I saw that Mia had PE next and then lunch. As much as I wanted to see her, I didn’t think going into the girls’ locker room was the answer. I would wait. It would only take one glance in her eyes, and then I’d be able to see her dreams again.

  I folded the paper carefully and opened my backpack. After shuffling pencils and papers around for a minute, I found a folder and tucked the schedule gently inside. It was a lifeline—the last bottle of water on Earth.

  Glancing up, I saw Jeff Sparks looking straight at me. Something in his expression told me he’d witnessed some of my conversation with Mrs. Cooper. I forced myself to meet his eyes in spite of the guilty shive
r that ran down my spine. It didn’t help that Thor stood behind him, looking as primed to pulverize as ever.

  “Hey, man. What’s up?”

  “What are you doing?” Jeff’s tone was casual as he glanced at the folder still poking out of my backpack. He knew exactly what I’d done.

  “Just checking on some problems with my schedule.”

  “Hmm, I see.” He slouched down and dropped his bag to the floor. Everything about him was so relaxed. I wondered if my guilty mind was playing tricks on me. Maybe he didn’t know. “Did you get it figured out?”

  “Yeah, I think it’ll be fine.” I took one step toward the door, but he moved to block my way.

  Grabbing my shoulder with one hand, he stepped closer. Everything casual about his expression disappeared and my muscles tensed in response. “Parker, be careful. I think you might—”

  “Parker?” Addie’s voice came from behind the office counter. “You’re so pale. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I nodded and tried to look healthy …

  until I realized I didn’t know how.

  Jeff’s grin was instantly painted back on his face. He dropped his hand back to his side and picked up his bag. “Hey, Addie. What are you doing back there?”

  She smiled and it made me take an extra breath. “I’m an aide for the nurse this period.”

  “Oh, that’s cool.” Jeff’s grin widened and he winked. “I guess I know when to come in if I ever need someone to play doctor.”

  I liked Jeff well enough on the soccer field, but the way he acted around girls sometimes made me want to hurl. The fact that he said it to Addie made me want to hurl him through a window.

  Addie laughed and rolled her eyes. “Right. Sure. That’s gonna happen.” She stepped out from behind the desk and stood next to me. Her hand brushed the back of mine for an instant and I tried to keep my breathing even. “Aren’t you guys supposed to be in class or something?”

  Jeff winked and tossed his arm around her shoulder. “Or something.”

  Addie glanced at me and this time I had a pretty good idea what she was thinking. I choked back a laugh. Jeff had picked the wrong sophomore girl to underestimate. She grabbed his hand and twirled out from under his arm like a ballerina, then stepped behind the counter before speaking again.

  “I’ll let Mindy know that you’re into playing doctor again. She’s an aide in here next period, right?” Addie propped her elbows on the desk, batted her eyelashes in the most ridiculously exaggerated look of innocence I’d ever seen, and then winked at him. “I’ve heard that sick room should practically have your initials carved on the doorway.”

  I coughed at the startled look on Jeff’s face, but Addie didn’t even flinch. Mindy was Jeff’s on-again, off-again cheerleader girlfriend, infamous for her outrageous explosions of jealousy. Everyone knew the last time he kissed another girl she’d keyed the driver’s side of his car, even though she’d never admitted to it.

  Jeff cleared his throat, then tried to laugh it off as the bell rang.

  “Um, I should go.” I had a free study period and was in no rush, but they didn’t know that. Besides, Addie could handle Jeff with both hands tied behind her back and probably put on nail polish at the same time. “See you guys later.”

  Addie gave me a little wave and I pivoted, walking out the door as Jeff called after me, “Practice tomorrow after school, don’t forget!”

  When I got to my locker, I reached into the folder and withdrew the paper I’d lied to get. Folding Mia’s schedule carefully, I put it in my pocket. Feeling it there reassured me. I’d be able to figure this out. Everything would be all right now.

  The mirror lining the back of the trophy case across the hall caught my eye again, but my reflection looked nothing like me. A chill ran through me. The guy I saw, his eyes were cold, calculating … desperate.

  After rubbing my palms hard across my face, I glanced back at my reflection. It looked like me again. Just a trick of the light or something. Or maybe meeting Mia was changing me in more ways than I’d thought.

  “Mia?”

  Her navy eyes met mine and I felt an instant surge of relief. Every lie I’d told in the office that morning was worth it for that one moment. I’d made eye contact. Now if I could just avoid meeting anyone else’s eyes for the rest of the day, I’d be home free.

  It wasn’t even noon yet, though. Maybe I hadn’t thought this plan through enough.

  “Oh, hey.” She looked down and grabbed a tater tot from her tray.

  I took a seat across from her at the lunch table, heady from the adrenaline flowing through my veins. No more putting up with the tortured curveballs my curse was throwing at me. It was time for me to take control. Tonight, I would see Mia’s dreams.

  Glancing at my hands, she stopped short of popping another tot in her mouth.

  “Aren’t you eating?”

  “Oh.” My attention shifted to my empty hands and I realized they were shaking again. They still trembled against my legs as I thrust them into the pockets of my loose jeans and glanced over at the lunch line. When was the last time I’d eaten? Lunch yesterday, maybe? Trying to remember made my head hurt. It didn’t matter anyway.

  “Not really hungry.” The words came out as a grunt and it surprised me. I didn’t even recognize my own voice.

  She raised an eyebrow but said nothing as she continued to eat.

  The noises of the cafeteria flowed over us, clanking dishes and people talking. I wanted to kick myself for not planning better. All my focus had been on finding her and making eye contact—I hadn’t considered what I’d do next.

  “So … ” I cleared my throat. “You like playing soccer.”

  Mia stopped trying to eat and tilted her head to one side. “Wow, you’re a regular detective. You figured that out already?”

  “Uh, yeah.” I forced out a strained chuckle. The awkward silence that followed made my hands sweat as I tried to force my brain to think of anything else to talk about. This shouldn’t be so hard. I talked to girls all the time and never had such difficulty. Maybe Mia was different because it was the first time I wanted—no, needed—something from someone in a very long time.

  After waiting a few moments, she shook her head lightly and glanced around. Leaning forward, she whispered, “Listen, you seem like a nice guy. But whatever you’re on—I’m not interested, and you should stop too. You look wasted.”

  I blinked, feeling a little stunned as her meaning sank in. “Wait, I’m not—”

  Mia stood, and her eyes were sad. She shrugged. “None of my business, I’m just sayin’—rehab.” Then she picked up her tray and walked away.

  I watched her retreating back for a minute and sighed.

  Rehab.

  I shook my head, wishing it were that simple.

  The rest of the afternoon was painful. I was pretty good at making teachers think I was listening without making direct eye contact but I’d never had to do it with Finn before. With teachers, I’d just sit in the back and from across the classroom they couldn’t tell if I looked at their eyes or the middle of their foreheads. Plus, I got average grades, so they didn’t care much anyway.

  Finn, however, was far more observant than I gave him credit for.

  I kept rubbing my eyes as an excuse for not looking at him. After he asked me, “What the heck is wrong with your eyes?” for the third time, I finally gave up.

  “I think I’m going home sick.”

  Finn’s brow furrowed but he nodded, and I turned toward the parking lot.

  I kicked a rock on my way to the car. It reminded me of my life as it bounced along trying to maintain stability—an impossible feat when even the slightest dent in the asphalt would alter its direction and send it crashing toward a new end.

  The last thing I wanted was to cause problems with Finn. I knew he would get o
ver it this time, but I needed a better plan than avoiding all eye contact besides Mia’s.

  Two nights of watching Mia’s dreams later, my locker door slammed with a clang and Finn grinned at me from the other side. His shirt of the day said, I’m schizophrenic. And so am I.

  “Hey, man. Feeling a little less bizarre now?”

  “What do you mean?” I leaned back, looking around him, scanning the hall for the bazillionth time that day. Mia should’ve been heading this way now, but there was no sign of her.

  “Let’s see, you’ve been acting psycho. You went home sick two days ago. Then yesterday, you just disappeared in the middle of the day, skipped Jeff’s practice and left Addie and me stranded here with no ride.” Finn raised his eyebrows and moved his head, attempting to block my view of the hall. “No big deal. I mean, the nice truck driver we hitched home with seemed mostly sane—although I was a little concerned when I saw the shovel and all that rope behind the seat.”

  “Sorry, yeah—feeling better. Thanks,” I muttered. I stepped around him, squinting.

  Finn’s hand pushed me back toward the lockers. Hard.

  I turned on him. “What was that?”

  He sighed and glanced at the people streaming past us through the hall. “Listen to me. You’ve got to stop.”

  “Stop what? You’re the one slamming me into the wall.”

  “It’s no different than what you’re doing to yourself.”

  “I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”

  “This whole Mia obsession. You need to lay off.”

  “What?”

  Finn groaned and leaned back against the locker. “You’re turning into a lunatic. I’m trying to help. Everyone sees you staring at her, always showing up wherever she goes. She’ll never be interested if you don’t stop acting like Ted-freaking-Bundy. It’s even creeping me out.”

  My fists tightened by my sides. “It’s not like that.”

  “Then what’s it like, Parker? What’s going on here? You’ve been acting really weird. And a word to the wise, girls don’t like weird. Trust me, I know.” He gave me a crooked grin and took a step back.