The Pact

by Dawn Goodwin

‘It’s Greg. It can wait,’ Maddie replied.

  Jade was watching her closely again, unnervingly so.

  ‘Listen, I’m sorry about that woman. It was years ago…’

  Jade waved her away. ‘Hey, it’s fine. We all have a past, a few skeletons in the closet and all that. I’m not one to judge.’

  Maddie exhaled and reached into the bag for some cucumber.

  ‘Ben’s dad was in touch yesterday. Wants to start making formal plans to get custody and stuff,’ Jade said with her eyes on the swans as they glided past.

  ‘Oh, wow!’ Maddie said. No wonder Jade was in a strange mood today. ‘Is that what you want?’

  Jade scrunched up her crisp packet in a tight fist. ‘No, but I don’t really have a choice… unless me and Ben run away or something…’

  ‘What? You can’t run away with him. That won’t solve anything and it’s not fair to Ben – or his dad.’

  Jade turned abruptly in her seat. ‘Whose side are you on?’ Her tongue was razor sharp.

  ‘Yours, of course. It’s just… I know what it’s like to not be able to spend time with your kids. It’s a cruel punishment for anyone.’

  ‘You don’t have any kids, so you don’t know what it’s like.’

  ‘Yeah, well, I can imagine anyway.’ Maddie paused. Could she though? Her pain had been from wanting and not getting rather than having something taken away. ‘Ok, maybe I don’t know what it’s like, but he is Ben’s father. He should be involved in his life.’

  The truth of it was that she wanted to be a part of Ben’s life.

  ‘If he’s around, but Ben would forget him pretty quickly if he wasn’t.’ Jade’s voice was low. ‘Kids are resilient.’

  Maddie frowned at her. ‘I don’t know if it works that way.’

  ‘He’s really young. He’d move on.’ Jade’s voice was cold.

  ‘Jade, you can’t honestly believe that! What did Mark do to you that was so bad?’ Maddie expected her to say that he had cheated on her or, God forbid, hit her or something.

  ‘He dumped me by text message! What kind of twat does that?’

  ‘While you were pregnant?’

  ‘No, I told you. We were together for a few months, he dumped me by text message, then I got together with him for one night later on – revenge shag, you know – and then I found out I was pregnant.’

  ‘But what was his reason for dumping you in the first place?’

  ‘He just said that since we hadn’t been together long and he had the new job on the rigs starting, that it was best to end it before he left rather than have me hanging around, waiting for him.’

  That didn’t sound too unreasonable, but Maddie was not about to admit that. Jade’s eyes were booming and crashing with anger.

  ‘Anyway,’ Jade continued, her voice trembling, ‘we need to talk about our plan. We said we’d help each other out if things changed. Well, it looks like things might be changing for me, so… you know…’

  Maddie had no idea what she was talking about.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Jade’s voice dropped to a whisper, as quiet as a breath. ‘The plan. You know, you kill mine and I’ll kill yours. We mustn’t talk about it here though.’ Jade looked around anxiously. ‘Anyone could hear us. And keep any messages between us to Snapchat, so that they delete straight away.’

  Maddie started to giggle. Jade certainly had a weird sense of humour – or maybe had watched too many Tarantino movies. ‘Yes, you’re right. That woman over there with the Daschund looks like she could be trouble.’ Maddie nudged her playfully, pleased the atmosphere had lifted again. ‘So tell me more about the others living in our flats.’

  ‘Well, downstairs is Nosy Nora. Her name’s actually Peggy and she’s about 90, likes to stick her nose in everyone’s business. Always poking her head out the door when I’m coming home with someone. Her place smells like cat piss and cabbage. It’s nasty. She’s proper old.’

  Maddie thought about the kicking on the door and screaming the night she arrived.

  ‘Maybe she’s just lonely? Do you know if she gets any visitors? Has any family nearby?’

  ‘How would I know? I’ve not stopped to ask her life story. She’s always having a go at me. Stupid stuff like making sure the entrance door closes properly behind me and not playing my music too loud. She’s a right pain.’

  ‘And the other flat?’

  ‘That’s Luke. You’ll never see him. He’s in his mid-thirties or something, works in computers I think and obsessed with gaming. He’s like a vampire – all skinny and pale, doesn’t like sunlight. Nice-looking though if that’s your thing. I had a one-nighter with him once last year. Didn’t go anywhere with it ’cos he doesn’t say much. I don’t think he earns much money doing whatever it is he does. He’s harmless enough though.’ She looked at her watch. ‘Shit, I have to go. I need to get Ben home for—’ She broke off, flicked her eyes at Maddie, then said, ‘You know, nap and stuff…’

  ‘Oh, yes, right. Well, why don’t you take the rest of the picnic with you? There’s cut-up vegetables, hummus, that kind of thing.’

  ‘Thanks, but that’s all a bit healthy for me.’

  ‘Ben can have it later?’

  Jade fidgeted. ‘Oh, don’t worry. I have his lunch planned already, but thanks anyway. Ben! Time to go, come on.’

  Maddie couldn’t work Jade out. One minute she was biting Maddie’s hand off for free crisps and the next she was turning down freebies. Maybe hummus just wasn’t her thing.

  Ben looked up from where he had been digging in the wet soil and obediently toddled over to them. Jade strapped him into the pushchair. ‘You coming?’

  Maddie paused, then said, ‘I might stay here for a bit, actually. It’s nice. Fresh air.’

  Jade raised her eyebrows. ‘Whatever. Suit yourself. I wouldn’t spend any more time than I had to around other people’s kids and dogs, but knock yourself out. I’ll Snapchat you later, yeah?’

  ‘Ok. Bye, Ben,’ Maddie said with a big smile. He smiled back and waved, and she watched them walk away, feeling inexplicably sad for him.

  To Maddie, he looked like a child who really needed a hug.

  She wanted to give him that hug.

  He would be happier with me.

  The thought came and went in an instant, but left an indelible mark.

  THEN

  There is a nervous tension in the room as everyone watches the countdown. My dress is tight around my chest, but it’s worth it from the admiring glances Greg has been shooting me all night.

  I sip at the champagne I’m holding, but it tastes metallic and bitter, so I put it on the table next to me as the room starts to chant: ‘Ten, nine, eight…’

  I feel Greg slip his arm around my shoulders as he counts down with everyone else and I look over at this man, who I love more than I love myself, and I think how happy I am. I look down at the shiny square-cut diamond on my finger and smile to myself. There is only one thing that could make the next year better than the one that’s just passed and that would be for us to start a family.

  It was my idea to start trying for a baby straight after we get married in a few months. I hope it won’t take too long. I eat well; I run three times a week; I don’t drink much. But sometimes these things do take a while, don’t they?

  The business is still in its initial stages, but growing steadily, thanks to Greg’s dad and his generous investment. We are still a small operation and there are months when we teeter between having enough money to pay our small team of staff and paying ourselves as well, but we’ve decided to give a family a go.

  And it’s all I can think about now that it’s a possibility.

  Greg is less keen. He likes having me all to himself, I think, and he’s really invested in getting the business profitable as quickly as possible.

  I’m surprised at how broody I have become so quickly. Now that I’ve accepted that I won’t be an award-winning journalist after all, it’s like I need a new pass
ion and the business is not it. Greg loves it of course, all the wheeling and dealing, networking and negotiations. But I’m not enjoying it as much, so I distract myself with other dreams. I do still write, but mostly journals and poetry, stuff for me and no one else.

  Everyone starts cheering and shouting as Big Ben chimes the beginning of a new year on the television. Greg pulls me into his arms and hugs me tight before kissing me full and hard. ‘Happy new year, Mads. You and me against the world.’

  ‘Happy new year. I love you.’

  ‘And I love you.’ I smile and breathe him in.

  Greg’s friend, Tim, rushes over, shouting and whooping. ‘Happy new year, lovebirds! This one’s gonna be a cracking year!’

  Greg releases me and laughs at Tim. ‘I don’t doubt it, Timmy.’

  I reach for my champagne, take a sip and weave through the room, wishing the friends and acquaintances around me a happy new year. Suddenly the room tilts and I feel my legs give way.

  I come around to the sight of three faces peering down at me in concern. I feel myself being lifted and propped up on the couch. Someone is waving a magazine in my face like a fan.

  ‘Mads, you ok?’

  I blink, disorientated. ‘What happened?’

  ‘You passed out,’ Greg says, concern paling his face.

  ‘But I’ve only had one glass of champagne.’

  ‘Have you eaten anything? I’ll get Tim to get you some of the nibbles from the table.’

  The others start to move away now that the drama has passed, resuming their drinking and dancing.

  I sit higher up on the couch, feeling a cold sweat on my forehead. My friend Belinda comes over with a glass of water and asks if I’m ok.

  ‘I think so. Probably just need to eat something,’ I say, accepting the water and drinking half the glass in one.

  Tim hurries back with a plate loaded with canapés and I thank him before nibbling on a sausage roll. I feel a bit better, less lightheaded already. Greg sits on the couch next to me, still concerned.

  ‘What’s going on with you? You’ve been a bit off for a few days now.’

  ‘I know. Maybe I should go to the doctor when—’ Then it hits me. ‘Oh God, Greg.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I haven’t had my period. I think I might be pregnant.’

  His face lights up like a firework. ‘Really?’

  ‘Well, I don’t know. I’d have to do a test to make sure, so don’t get too excited.’

  But he is. We both are. I can’t stop grinning.

  ‘Here’s to a new year and a decade of children – one a year for the next ten years. What do you say?’ Greg says, scooping me up in his arms and twirling me around.

  I laugh. ‘Steady there, tiger! One at a time! And we’re not even married yet!’

  ‘Scandalous!’

  I gaze up at him and can’t help but wonder how I got so lucky.

  My life is perfect.

  6

  Returning to her flat an hour or so later, Maddie remembered she hadn’t read Greg’s text from earlier. She opened it:

  Fancy joining Gemma and me for a late lunch today? She’s making a roast. Jemima would love to see you. Let me know. G x

  Maddie loved Jemima. She was a chubby, delightfully energetic baby, full of smiles and laughter. Quite a different child to Ben, although much younger. Who knew though? Perhaps Ben had been a bubbly, gurgling baby too.

  But the familiar ache in her chest was back after seeing Ben this morning, as though she’d held the world in her arms but someone had come along and snatched it away. Again. Self-preservation dictated that having to say goodbye to Jemima later would make things worse rather than help to fill the void. Not to mention watching Greg and Gemma as they lived out their domestic bliss in front of her.

  She began to type a reply to say she wouldn’t be coming, but instead found herself typing:

  I’d love to. What time should I come and what can I bring? Pudding? M x

  When it came to Greg, she couldn’t say no. Force of habit.

  He replied straight away, putting in a request for what Maddie knew was his favourite: sticky toffee pudding.

  She had another shower, washed her hair and spent time styling it to look as though it wasn’t styled at all. Her outfit was planned so that it looked like she had made just the right amount of effort. Then she started making the sticky toffee pudding, ensuring there was extra toffee sauce and a homemade custard to go with it. Greg had always loved her cooking and she got the feeling that Gemma wasn’t quite as accomplished, which secretly filled her with joy. There was still something Maddie could do for him that Gemma couldn’t.

  She turned on the radio while she worked and sang along to some eighties’ classics. She couldn’t help looking forward to seeing Greg and Jemima. Gemma not so much, with her perfect smile and tiny waist. She was all creamy, sickly loveliness with her blonde waves and immaculate highlights.

  There was no denying that Maddie’s life would be so much better if Gemma wasn’t around. She could move back in, look after Jemima, look after Greg… maybe she should suggest that Jade get rid of Gemma for her instead of Greg. She giggled at the thought.

  The timer on the oven pinged and she pulled out the steaming pudding, breathing in the heady smell of dates and toffee.

  She packed everything into Tupperware and foil trays, ready to transport it over to Greg’s. The house wasn’t far – easily walkable in fifteen minutes – but she decided to drive instead. As well as the pudding, she had a bottle of prosecco, a bag of chocolate buttons to give to Jemima, along with a little outfit she saw the other day that she had to buy for her. She would never be able to carry all of it.

  She bundled everything into her car, then closed the passenger door and went around to the driver’s side. As she did, she noticed Jade above her, staring down from her bedroom window. Maddie smiled and waved, and Jade smiled back vaguely, but carried on watching as she drove away.

  *

  Jade watched Maddie drive away, her mind still working through what had happened in the park earlier. The woman coming up to them, her pointing finger, the fury in her words making her whole body shake.

  What the hell had Maddie done to her? The whole thing had been weird.

  There was clearly more to Maddie than Jade had initially realised. A bit of a dark horse.

  But the most concerning part was what the woman had said about keeping Ben away from Maddie. What was that all about?

  Was Maddie dangerous? She didn’t want Ben to get hurt.

  Jade could just see Maddie’s tiny car sitting at the junction waiting to turn onto the busy road, the indicator ticking away. Jade stared at it, as though it would give her some answers. She couldn’t believe cardigan-wearing Maddie was a danger to Ben. She’d seen how Maddie was with him – almost painfully desperate for him to like her and respond to her. Ben rarely responded to anyone though – he was a complex kid – but Maddie was going out of her way to bond with him. That didn’t strike Jade as a dangerous person.

  Unless she had an ulterior motive?

  She must’ve done something to that woman. In fact, Maddie hadn’t denied that something had happened between them. She could’ve said it was mistaken identity, but instead she’d just clammed up.

  Why?

  Now Jade was more curious than ever about the woman living downstairs, a woman who on the surface seemed so… vanilla. There had been no hint of a temper or volatility in the few encounters they’d had so far. In fact, she’d been the epitome of good manners and politeness, not even challenging Jade when she had pocketed her change earlier. That had been a little test in itself, to see if she could get a rise out of her, but even then good manners had prevailed.

  But they said they quiet ones were the most dangerous, didn’t they?

  Jade would need to keep an eye on her.

  For Ben’s sake.

  *

  Maddie parked up on the gravel driveway of her old house and sat for a
moment. The front looked like it always had. A double-fronted, detached house with lovely bay windows and a dark green front door framed by miniature bay trees. That shade of green had taken ages to choose.

  The only difference now was the presence of a large, silver Range Rover looming in the driveway alongside Greg’s Porsche Panamera. He’d traded in Maddie’s BMW X5 then. Her tiny Fiat 500 sat in the shadows between the two larger cars, completely dwarfed. She climbed out and began to unpack everything from the passenger seat as she heard the front door open behind her.

  ‘There you are!’ Greg said and came to greet her, a wide smile on his face. Maddie tried not to hope he might’ve been watching for her car.

  He looked different, not least because he had grown a beard in the last week that was flecked more with grey than anything else. It made him look like he was trying too hard.

  ‘Hi, how are you?’ Maddie said. ‘This is new.’ She gesticulated at the facial hair.

  ‘Oh, yes, thought I’d try something new,’ he said and there was a hint of a blush in what she could see of his cheeks. ‘Do you like it?’

  ‘Sure. Very distinguished,’ she replied, wondering why he cared what she thought.

  He was wearing a light grey sweater over navy chinos that had a crisp pleat down the front of the leg. He looked relaxed and happy, and for a second, she wished she could see something else, a sense of exhaustion, a tightening of the lips maybe or shadows beneath his eyes, something to make her think he was struggling just a little bit.

  But there was none of that. He looked happy.

  He leant in to kiss her on each cheek while saying, ‘You look well.’ She breathed him in. He smelled of an unfamiliar sandalwood aftershave. Maddie wondered if he had noticed she was wearing the perfume he had bought her for their last anniversary together.

  He took the pudding from her. ‘You angel! You made your famous sticky toffee pud!’

  ‘Well, you asked so nicely,’ she replied, resting her hand lightly on his arm.

  He smiled at her warmly and she could feel her stomach flip. Like an addict, no matter how much he had hurt her, she still couldn’t stop herself from reacting to him.