Rubyfruit Jungle

by Rita Mae Brown

  “Molly is going to college.”

  “Big talk.”

  “My daughter is going to college.”

  “Your daughter, your daughter. That’s a laugh. That’s the first time I heard you say that. She’s Ruby Drollinger’s bastard that’s who she is. Where do you get off with this daughter crap?”

  “She’s mine as much as if I’d been her real father and I watch out for her.”

  “Real father. What right have you got to talk about being a real father? If you’d been a real father I’d have my own daughter and she wouldn’t be like that wild hellcat you stick up for. She’d be a real little lady like Cheryl Spiegelglass. Your daughter, you make me sick.”

  “Honey, you’re all upset. You don’t know how you’re sounding. Molly is yours, just as if she was your own. A child’s got to have parents and you’re her mother.”

  “I am not her mother. I am not her mother,” Carrie shrieked. “She didn’t come from my body. Florence had babies come from her body, and she tells me it’s not the same. She knows. She told me I’ll never know what it’s like to be a real mother. What do you know? Men don’t know about these things. Men don’t know anything.”

  “Mother, father, what’s the difference, Cat? It’s how you feel about the child, it’s got nothing to do with your body. Molly is my daughter, and if it’s the last thing I do, I’m going to see that girl gets a chance in this world neither one of us had. You want her to spend her life like us, sitting back here in the sticks, can’t even make enough money for a new dress or dinner in a restaurant? You want her to live a life like you—dishes, cooking, and never going out except maybe to a movie once a month if we can afford it? The child’s got brightness in her, Cat, so let her be! She’ll go to big cities and be somebody. I can see it in her. She’s got dreams and ambition and she’s smart as a whip. Nobody can pull one over on that kid. Be proud for her. You got a daughter to be proud of.”

  “You turn my guts. She’ll be somebody. That’s all I need, Molly traipsing off to a big city like Philadelphia and thinking she’s better than the rest of us. She’s got high ways now. You make her worse. She’ll go off to college and a big city and forget you ever lived. That’s the thanks you’ll get. She don’t care for nobody but her own self, that kid. She’s a savage animal, locked me in the cellar. You don’t live here with her every day and see her like I do. She’s wild I tell you. And how far’s she gonna get with all her brains considering her background? We ain’t people that can do her good in fancy places. She’ll be ashamed of us. And she’s a bastard to boot. You got pipe dreams for your daughter.” She hit on daughter with such bile it made me shudder.

  “Cat, my mind is made up. Molly is having her chance whether you like it or not. She’s getting an education. Now you learn to live with it, and you’re not to lock her in this house with you. Let her run all over the whole goddamn county and let her knock shit out of Cheryl Spiegelglass. I never liked that kid anyway.”

  “I have one think to say to you, Carl Bolt. We’ve never had a fight between us until that child came under our roof. And we never would have a fight like this if you could have given me a baby, but you had syphilis, that’s what you had. You ain’t fit to be nobody’s father. If I could have had my own all this would be different. This is all your doing and I’ll never forget it.”

  “My mind’s made up.” His voice was soft with hurt feelings.

  “We’ll just see about that,” Carrie hedged. She had to get the last word in, whether anyone listened or not.

  Leota B. Bisland sat next to me that year in sixth grade, and Leroy sat behind. Leota was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She was tall and slender with creamy skin and deep, green eyes. She was quiet and shy so I spent most of sixth grade concentrating on making Leota laugh. Miss Potter wasn’t too pleased with my performance in the first row but she was a sweet old soul and only made me stand in the hall once. That didn’t work out, because I kept returning to the doorway to dance when Miss Potter’s head was turned. I also made the finger at Leroy. Right when I was in the middle of shooting the bird, Miss Potter turns from the blackboard. “Molly, since you enjoy performing so much I’m going to make you the star of the Christmas play this year.” Leroy asked whether the play was going to be The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Naturally everybody screamed. Miss Potter said no, it was a play about the nativity of Jesus and I was to be Virgin Mary.

  Cheryl Spiegelglass got so mad she jumped up and said, “But Miss Potter, the Virgin Mary was the mother of little Lord Jesus and she was the most perfect woman on earth. Virgin Mary has to be played by a good girl and Molly isn’t good. Yesterday she stuck a wad of bubble gum in Audrey’s hair.” Cheryl was bucking to be Virgin Mary, that was clear. Miss Potter said that we had to consider dramatic talent not just whether a person was good or not. Besides, maybe if I played the Virgin Mary some of her goodness would rub off.

  Leota was a lady of Bethlehem so she was in the play too. And Cheryl was Joseph. Miss Potter said this would be a great challenge to Cheryl. She was also in charge of costumes, probably because her father would donate them. Anyway she got her name in the program twice in big letters.

  Leroy was a Wise Man, and he wore a long beard with Little Lulu curls on it. We all had to stay after school every day to remember our lines and rehearse. Miss Potter was right, I was so busy trying to get everything perfect that I didn’t have time to get into trouble or think about anything else except Leota. I began to wonder if girls could marry girls, because I was sure I wanted to marry Leota and look in her green eyes forever. But I would only marry her if I didn’t have to do the housework. I was certain of that. But if Leota really didn’t want to do it either, I guessed I’d do it. I’d do anything for Leota.

  Leroy began to get mad that I was paying so much attention to a mere village inhabitant and he was a Wise Man. He forgot it as soon as I gave him my penknife with the naked lady on it that I clipped from Earl Stambach.

  The Christmas pageant was an enormous production. All the mothers came, and it was so important that they even took off work. Cheryl’s father was sitting right in the front row in the seat of honor. Carrie and Florence showed up to marvel at me being Virgin Mary and at Leroy in robes. Leroy and I were so excited we could barely stand it, and we got to wear makeup, rouge and red lipstick. Getting painted was so much fun that Leroy confessed he liked it too, although boys aren’t supposed to, of course. I told him not to worry about it, because he had a beard and if you had a beard, it must be all right to wear lipstick if you wanted to because everyone will know you’re a man. He thought that sounded reasonable and we made a pact to run away as soon as we were old enough and go be famous actors. Then we could wear pretty clothes all the time, never pick potato bugs, and wear lipstick whenever we felt like it. We vowed to be so wonderful in this show that our fame would spread to the people who run theaters.

  Cheryl overheard our plans and sneered, “You can do all you please, but everyone is going to look at me because I have the most beautiful blue cloak in the whole show.”

  “Nobody’s gonna know it’s you because you’re playing Joseph and that’ll throw them off. Ha,” Leroy gloated.

  “That’s just why they’ll all notice me, because I’ll have to be specially skilled to be a good Joseph. Anyway, who is going to notice Virgin Mary, all she does is sit by the crib and rock Baby Jesus. She doesn’t say much. Any dumb person can be Virgin Mary, all you have to do is put a halo over her head. It takes real talent to be Joseph, especially when you’re a girl.”

  The conversation didn’t get finished because Miss Potter bustled backstage. “Hush, children, curtain’s almost ready to go up. Molly, Cheryl, get in your places.”

  When the curtain was raised there was a rustle of anticipation in the maternal audience. Megaphone Mouth said above all the whispers, “Isn’t she dear up there?”

  And dear I was. I looked at Baby Jesus with the tenderest looks I could manufacture and all the while my anta
gonist, Cheryl, had her hand on my shoulder digging me with her fingernails and a staff in her right hand. A record went on the phonograph and “Noel” began to play. The Wise Men came in most solemnly. Leroy carried a big gold box and presented it to me. I said, “Thank you, O King, for you have traveled far.” And Cheryl, that rat, says, “And traveled far,” as loud as she could. She wasn’t supposed to say that. She started saying whatever came in her head that sounded religious. Leroy was choking in his beard and I was rocking the cradle so hard that the Jesus doll fell on the floor. So I decided two can play this game. I leaned over the doll and said in my most gentle voice, “O, dearest babe, I hope you have not hurt yourself. Come let Mother put you back to bed.” Well, Leroy was near to dying of perplexity and he started to say something too, but Cheryl cut him off with, “Don’t worry, Mary, babies fall out of the cradle all the time.” That wasn’t enough for greedy-guts, she then goes on about how she was a carpenter in a foreign land and how we had to travel many miles just so I could have my baby. She rattled on and on. All that time she spent in Sunday School was paying off because she had one story after another. I couldn’t stand it any longer so I blurted out in the middle of her tale about the tax collectors, “Joseph, you shut up or you’ll wake the baby.” Miss Potter was aghast in the wings, and the shepherds didn’t know what to do because they were back there waiting to come on. As soon as I told Joseph to shut up, Miss Potter pushed the shepherds on the stage. “We saw a star from afar,” Robert Prather warbled, “and we came to worship the newborn Prince.” Just then Barry Aldridge, another shepherd, peed right there on the stage he was so scared. Joseph saw her chance and said in an imperious voice, “You can’t pee in front of little Lord Jesus, go back to the hills.” That made me mad. “He can pee where he wants to, this is a stable, ain’t it?” Joseph stretched to her full height, and began to push Barry off the stage with her staff. I jumped out of my chair, and wrenched the staff out of her hand. She grabbed it back. “Go sit down, you’re supposed to watch out for the baby. What kind of mother are you?”

  “I ain’t sittin’ nowhere until you button your fat lip and do this right.”

  We struggled and pushed each other, until I caught her off balance and she tripped on her long cloak. As she started to fall, I gave her a shove and she flew off the stage into the audience. Miss Potter zoomed out on the stage, took my hand and said in a calm voice, “Now ladies and gentlemen, let’s sing songs appropriate to the season.” Miss Martin at the piano struck up “O Come All Ye Faithful.”

  Cheryl was down there among the folding chairs bawling her eyes out. Miss Potter pulled me off stage, where I had started to sing. I knew I was in for it.

  “Now, Molly, Cheryl did wrong to talk out of turn, but you shouldn’t have shoved her off the stage.” Then she let me go, not even a little slap. Leroy was as surprised as I was. “It’s a good thing she ain’t mad but wait until Aunt Carrie and Florence get a hold of you.”

  True enough, Carrie nearly lost her liver with rage and I had to stay in the house for a solid week and all that time I had to do the chores: dishes, ironing, wash, even cooking. That made me give up the idea of marrying Leota B. Bisland if she wouldn’t do the chores or at least half of them. I had to figure out a way to find out what Leota would agree to.

  That week I thought of how to ask Leota to marry me. I’d die in front of her and ask her in my last breath. If she said yes, I’d miraculously recover. I’d send her a note on colored paper with a white dove. I’d ride over to her house on Barry Aldridge’s horse, sing her a song like in the movies, then she’d get on the back of the horse and we’d ride off into the sunset. None of them seemed right so I decided to come straight out and ask.

  Next Monday after school Leroy, Leota, and I were walking home. I gave Leroy a dime and told him to go on ahead to Mrs. Hershener’s for an ice cream. He offered no resistance as his stomach always came first.

  “Leota, you thought about getting married?”

  “Yeah, I’ll get married and have six children and wear an apron like my mother, only my husband will be handsome.”

  “Who you gonna marry?”

  “I don’t know yet.”

  “Why don’t you marry me? I’m not handsome, but I’m pretty.”

  “Girls can’t get married.”

  “Says who?”

  “It’s a rule.”

  “It’s a dumb rule. Anyway, you like me better than anybody, don’t you? I like you better than anybody.”

  “I like you best, but I still think girls can’t get married.”

  “Look, if we want to get married, we can get married. It don’t matter what anybody says. Besides Leroy and I are running away to be famous actors. We’ll have lots of money and clothes and we can do what we want. Nobody dares tell you what to do if you’re famous. Now ain’t that a lot better than sitting around here with an apron on?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. Then let’s kiss like in the movies and we’ll be engaged.”

  We threw our arms around each other and kissed. My stomach felt funny.

  “Does your stomach feel strange?”

  “Kinda.”

  “Let’s do it again.”

  We kissed again and my stomach felt worse. After that, Leota and I went off by ourselves each day after school. Somehow we knew enough not to go around kissing in front of everyone, so we went into the woods and kissed until it was time to go home. Leroy was beside himself, because I didn’t walk home with him any more. One day he trailed us into the woods and burst in on us like a triumphant police sergeant.

  “Kissing. You two come out here kissing. I’m gonna tell everyone in the whole world.”

  “Well now, Leroy Denman, what you want to tell for? Maybe you ought to try it before you shoot your big mouth off. You might want to come here after school too.”

  Temptation shone in Leroy’s eyes, he never wanted to miss anything, but he hedged. “I don’t want to go kissing girls.”

  “Kiss the cows then, Leroy. There’s nothin’ else to kiss. It feels good. You’re sure missing some fun.”

  He began to weaken. “Do I have to close my eyes if I kiss you?”

  “Yes. You can’t kiss and keep your eyes open, they’ll cross forever.”

  “I don’t want to close my eyes.”

  “All right then, stupid, keep your eyes open. What do I care if you got cross-eyes. It’s not my problem if you don’t want to do it right.”

  “Who do I kiss first?”

  “Whoever you want.”

  “I’ll kiss you first, since I know you better.” Leroy puckered up and gave me a kiss like Florence gives at night.

  “Leroy, that ain’t right. You got your mouth all screwed up. Don’t squinch it together like that.”

  Leota was laughing, and she reached out to Leroy with a long arm, drew him to her and gave him a fat kiss. Leroy began to get the idea.

  “Watch us,” Leota advised. We finished a kiss, then I gave Leroy another one. He was getting a little better at it, although he was still stiff.

  “How’s your stomach feel.”

  “Hungry, why?”

  “Don’t your stomach feel funny at all?” Leota asked.

  “No.”

  “Maybe it’s different for boys,” she said.

  After that the three of us went off after school. It was okay having Leroy around but he never did get to be an accomplished kisser. There were times when I felt kissing Leota wasn’t enough, but I wasn’t sure what the next step would be. So until I knew, I settled for kissing. I knew about fucking and getting stuck together like dogs and I didn’t want to get stuck like that. It was very confusing. Leota was full of ideas. Once she laid down on top of me to give me a kiss and I knew that was a step in the right direction, until Leroy piled on and my lungs near caved in. I thought maybe we’d do it again when Leroy wasn’t around.

  Leroy convinced me not to tell anyone that we were kissing and all going to be famous. He figured it was anoth
er one of those rules and the grownups would keep us from running away to act. And the grownups did keep us three from running away together, but not because we were kissing in the woods.

  One bitter night in February with the oven on and the gas heaters going, all the adults asked us into the kitchen. They told us we were moving to Florida as soon as school was over. There’d be warm weather all year round, and you could pick oranges right off the trees. I didn’t believe it, of course. It can’t be warm all year round. Another trick, but I didn’t say anything. Carrie assured us we’d like it because we could swim in the ocean, and jobs were easier to find so there’d be something for everybody. Then they put us all to bed. Going to Florida wasn’t so bad. They didn’t have to tell lies to get me to go. I just didn’t want to leave Leota, that’s all.

  The next day I told Leota the news and she didn’t like it any more than I did, but there seemed to be nothing we could do about it. We promised to write each other and to keep going out into the woods until the very last day.

  Spring came late that year and the roads were muddy. Carrie and Florence had already gone through the house, throwing things out, packing things we didn’t need for everyday use. By May everything was ready to go save for a few kitchen utensils, the clothes we wore, and a few pieces of furniture in the living room. Every day I felt a little worse about it. Kissing in the woods made it worse. Even Leroy started to feel the pinch, and he didn’t care about Leota or kissing quite the way I did. It seemed like if I was going to leave I ought to leave knowing more than kissing. Leota wasn’t far from the same conclusion. One week before school ended she asked me to spend the night with her. She had a bedroom all to herself so we wouldn’t have to share it with her little sister, and her mother said I could stay over. This was one time things worked in my favor. There was no question that Leroy could be asked to spend the night. If Carrie wouldn’t let me sleep in Leroy’s room, it was a sure bet that nobody was going to let Leroy spend the night at Leota’s. Leroy didn’t care much anyway. Sleep was sleep to Leroy.