Homeward

by Melody Carlson

  “I’d sure like to see it stay a cranberry bog. I remember how it used to be when I was just a little kid. I loved it up here. I don’t want to see a bunch of stupid condos built.”

  “That’s good. Neither do I.”

  “I don’t know why my dad carries on like he does sometimes…” Jason’s words dwindled away at the end, as if he couldn’t bear to say them.

  “I don’t either. But I do know what it’s like to feel that way about a parent.”

  “Huh?” asked Jason, looking up.

  “I probably shouldn’t say this, especially since you have such good memories of Sunny. But under the circumstances, I don’t think she’d mind if I told you something.”

  “Something about what?”

  Meg wanted to be careful how she said this. She wanted to be honest but not disrespectful of Sunny. “Well, you see, Jason, when I was a girl, my mom—Sunny—was pretty hard to get along with. I think she’d gone through some tough times, and that made it hard for her to be a good mom. During most of my childhood she was an alcoholic, and she used to do and say things that made my life really miserable. Sort of like your dad.”

  “Really? Sunny was like Dad?”

  “Well, not exactly the same. But she was pretty messed up a lot of the time.”

  “Wow. I never would have guessed that.”

  “Yes, and I’m not telling you this so you’ll think poorly of her, because it’s obvious she really straightened out her life. But what I’m saying is that I can understand how it feels to have a parent who does some hard things.”

  “Uh-huh,” said Jason as he pulled a huge weed out and tossed it aside. “I don’t know what I’d do sometimes if it weren’t for my mom, but then I feel real sorry for her, too. Dad treats her pretty bad sometimes. I don’t see how she can stand it. When I get fed up with Dad, I can just take off on my bike and ride through the woods or down to the beach. But my poor mom has to just sit there and take it.”

  “Does she have any friends?”

  “Nope. She used to get out and do things, but now she stays at home most of the time, and my dad has pretty much scared off anyone who visits.”

  “It must be hard.”

  “You know, she wasn’t always fat like that, either. She used to be real pretty when I was little, but I think every time my dad yells at her she gets back at him by eating. I saw a show about it on TV once.”

  “That’s too bad, Jason.”

  “I’m afraid she’s going to die one of these days. It’s so hard for her to move around; she huffs and puffs like she can hardly breathe.”

  “I wonder if there’s some way to get her help,” said Meg as she threw an armful of weeds into the wheelbarrow.

  “I sure wish there was.”

  Meg looked at her watch. “Oh, there was something I was going to try to do today. Do you want to help me?”

  “Sure, what is it?”

  “Well, it involves driving my car.”

  “Your Jaguar? Sure, I’d love to help.” His eyes lit up.

  “But first, are you willing to help me wash it and get it all cleaned out?”

  “You bet.”

  “Okay. I need to make a couple of phone calls. Can you get started while I do that?”

  “No problem. I’m on my way.” He hopped on his bike and took off before her.

  As Meg walked to the house, she spoke out loud to God. It surprised her how prayer was becoming more natural to her all the time.

  “God, I really need some money to bring the bog back. Maybe it’s foolish of me to do this, but could you help me out if I’m on the right track? You know how much I like my car, but I would gladly give it up for the bog. If it’s right for me to sell it, please help me find a buyer. It’s in your hands, God.”

  Meg made several phone calls and finally found what she was looking for. With a quick whispered “Thank you,” she threw on some clean clothes and ran down to see how Jason was doing. She found Jason, in the driveway, polishing the chrome wheels. Her deep red Jaguar was spotless, inside and out.

  “Great job,” she said, handing him the keys. “I’m sorry you got stuck doing all the work, though. It took a little longer than I expected.”

  Jason didn’t look as if he minded. “You’re going to let me drive it? Really?”

  “You bet. Just be careful, and no speeding. I already got one ticket this month. Do you think your folks will mind if you’re gone for a while? You can call on my cell phone if you need to.”

  “Nah, they don’t care. Sometimes I don’t come home until really late.” He carefully wiped off the soles of his shoes before climbing into the driver’s seat.

  “Wow. This is nice, Meg.” He backed out of the driveway and started driving very carefully toward town.

  “Do you realize you’re only the second person I’ve allowed to drive this?” said Meg.

  Jason shook his head. “This is cool.”

  “You can head onto the highway and over to Glass Cove,” directed Meg.

  “What are you going to do over there?”

  “Trade in this car.”

  “No way, Meg! You’re not really getting rid of this car, are you? Tell me it ain’t so!”

  She nodded. “Yep. I need to get some cash for the cranberry bog, and this car is not the greatest thing for farming.”

  “Aw, Meg. Don’t you want to think this over?”

  “I have. And I’ve made up my mind. But, hey, aren’t you glad that you’re getting to drive it before it’s gone?”

  He grinned. “You bet I am. Can I go just a little bit fast on the straight stretch of the highway, if there aren’t any cars? I’ll be real careful.”

  “Maybe just for a couple of seconds, but you’d better be very careful.”

  They arrived in Glass Cove earlier than she’d planned, and they decided to stop off for burgers and shakes. After that, Meg drove until she found the right car lot—Superior Import Auto Center. She drove slowly into the lot and pulled up by the showroom door. Before she even got out, a man in a light-blue sport jacket was coming her way.

  “You must be Meg Lancaster,” said the man, extending a hand. He looked over the car and whistled. “This is a real beauty, Meg. And your timing couldn’t be better. I had a guy in here just last weekend looking for a Jaguar in this exact model and year. I just called him, and he’s on his way over. You said you were looking for something more fitting for the country life. We have a great-looking Jeep Wrangler that we just took in as a trade-in. Low miles, excellent condition. Do you want to see it?”

  “Sure,” she said, taking a last look at what had once been her dream car. For the first time, she realized that the color of her car was exactly the same as that of a sun-ripened cranberry.

  She and Jason took the Jeep for a test drive, and it seemed to be just what she needed. When she got back, she sat down in the salesman’s little office, and they began to talk about price. Certain that she would come out on the losing end of the deal, she had decided to start on the higher end of her price expectations. She understood all about depreciation and didn’t expect to get anything close to what she had originally paid for her car, even if it was only six months old. But she was pleasantly surprised at the fair deal they offered her. Apparently the customer who had driven over to look at her car was extremely interested and willing to pay cash. He had even let it slip that it was the exact color he’d been looking for, and he didn’t mind paying top dollar if they could close the deal tonight.

  When she and Jason drove away in the little white Jeep, she was glad to have the whole thing over with.

  “Are you sad, Meg?” asked Jason.

  “Oh, maybe a little. But this is so much better suited to the lifestyle I have now. And everything worked out so well; I’m feeling pretty thankful.”

  “Does that mean you’re here to stay, then? Dad keeps talking like you’re just here for a visit and won’t be around much longer.”

  Meg thought about her prayer; it seemed God ha
d made a way for her to stay. Now she felt even more willing to stick to her decision in order to thwart Abner. “Well, don’t tell your dad, but he’s in for a big surprise.”

  Jason nodded. “Good. Someone needs to shake the old man up.”

  “I’d like to get to know your mom, Jason,” said Meg. “Do you think it would be okay if I paid her a visit?”

  “Sure, she’d like that. She really does like people, and I know she’s pretty lonely.”

  It was dark when they pulled into Briar Hedge. Jason thanked her again when they got out of the Jeep, then hopped on his bike and headed for home.

  The next day, Meg deposited her check in the bank and dropped by the Feed and Seed to pay Cal for the next month’s work. Then she drove over to Erin’s in her new Jeep and told her the news about deciding to stay in Crandale permanently. Erin jumped up and down in delight.

  “You won’t be sorry, Meg. I just know you won’t.”

  “I don’t think I will, either, Erin. But it’s still sort of hard. Today I’ll do all my phoning and arranging in San Francisco. And I think I’ll go ahead and move into Sunny’s apartment tonight so I can be ready to go to work at the gallery tomorrow morning.”

  “I’ll come by in the morning,” said Erin. “You can show me what needs to be done so I can help too.”

  “Great.” Meg smiled. “Yes, I think this is right. I actually feel relieved. You know, I didn’t fully realize until just now, but I don’t think I ever wanted to go back to San Francisco. The truth is, I never felt comfortable in the fast-paced city life.” She took a deep breath. “This really feels right. I may have been slow to catch on, but I think God has been leading me back here all along.”

  “Well, it’s about time you figured that out, Sis.”

  Meg spent the rest of the day with the details of moving. She gave notice on her apartment, then made arrangements with a friend in San Francisco to pack up and send the rest of her things. Finally, she called Montgomery and Tate and told Mr. Montgomery that she would not be coming back. It hurt to hear the pain in his voice, but when she told him the whole story about her mother and the gallery and the cranberry bog, he began to chuckle.

  “Well, considering all that, Meg, I don’t know why you would ever want to come back here. But I’ll tell you what—one of these days I’m going to bring the wife up there, and we’ll expect you to take us out to a real nice lunch. Okay?”

  “It’s a deal, Mr. Montgomery. And thanks. Thanks for everything.”

  “Thank you, Meg. By the way, I’m awfully sorry about how things turned out with you and Jerred. But maybe it was for the best after all. It sounds as if you’ve landed in a good place.”

  “Thanks. I think so, too.” Meg hesitated for a moment. “And, Mr. Montgomery, would you tell Jerred…there are no hard feelings on this end.”

  “I will, Meg. The best of luck to you.”

  TWENTY FOUR

  Meg didn’t have a lot to pack in her room at Briar Hedge. She had left San Francisco in such a hurry that she hadn’t brought much. Maybe it was just as well, since she had been moving every couple weeks, anyway. Perhaps she would settle into Sunny’s place—her place—and stay for a good long while now. The thought of living in that beautiful apartment brought mixed feelings. Part of her was thrilled, but the rest of her felt guilty and slightly uncomfortable.

  She had already told Grandmother about the arrangements, and although the old woman was openly disappointed, she didn’t try to discourage Meg, especially after Meg promised she would be back on a regular basis to work and check on the bog. For her last night in Grandmother’s house, she ate dinner in Grandmother’s room. Although Grandmother was getting up and moving around during the day, she still wore out early and took dinner in her bed. Meg figured Rosa didn’t mind, since that left her free to watch Wheel of Fortune. Tonight, Meg offered to take care of serving dinner so that Rosa could have some time off.

  “I plan on coming into town this week,” said Grandmother. “I have a hair appointment at Myrtle’s on Friday. I can’t believe Myrtle is still doing hair; she must be close to seventy now. No one could ever put in a pin curl like Myrtle. Maybe I’ll stop by the gallery. I haven’t been by there in several years. I probably can’t make it up the stairs to see your place. Maybe you should think about putting in an elevator.”

  Meg laughed. “Now, wouldn’t that be something. Did you ever see the place, Grandmother? I mean, since Sunny redid it?”

  “Sure. I walked all the way up those stairs about six years ago. It just about did me in, though. Can’t say I cared much for what she did to my apartment. I don’t know why she didn’t leave it. Those appliances were perfectly good. Top of the line in their day.”

  Meg smiled. “Yes, I remember them well, Grandmother. Did you do all the decorating?”

  Grandmother pushed her empty plate aside and nodded. “It was my little nest. I was very happy there.”

  “Did you live there until Sunny bought the building?”

  “Oh no, I moved back here just after your grandfather passed away. No reason to stay away anymore.”

  Meg didn’t want to say anything to stop the flow. She knew this was uncharted territory, and hoped that Grandmother would continue. But the conversation seemed to have come to an end.

  “So it was because of Grandpa that you stayed in town?” asked Meg, knowing it was unlikely she would get a direct answer.

  Grandmother shook her head slowly. “No, it was because of me. I used to tell myself that it was Stewart’s fault, and I think for most of my life I actually believed it.” She closed her eyes and leaned back against her pillows. “Everyone else thought that I stayed in town for the sake of the business. The business did provide a good distraction at first, and it became my lifeline after a few years, but it wasn’t the real reason.…”

  Grandmother had come to another stop, but Meg hoped it wouldn’t hurt to ask another question. “So was the real reason because you and Grandpa didn’t get along?”

  Grandmother sighed and opened her eyes, looking up at the ceiling as if she expected to see something there. “I suppose you could say that, although we were always very civil to one another. For years I lived here, when the children were small. But when Sunny got married and moved away, I just couldn’t stand it anymore. It’s hard to live under the same roof as unforgiveness, Meggie.”

  “So had Grandpa done something you couldn’t forgive?” Meg couldn’t believe that her beloved grandpa could ever have done anything wrong, but then lately she had been changing the way she viewed a lot of things.

  “No, dear. It wasn’t your grandfather. It was me. And for all those years, those many, many years, he could not forgive me. Can you imagine what that was like?”

  “It must have been like being in prison.”

  “That is exactly what it was like. And the only way I could escape was to live in my own apartment.”

  “But I can’t imagine Grandpa being so mean—”

  “Your grandfather was never mean, Meggie. He was always, always a gentleman. And I think if he hadn’t passed away when he did, we might have even worked things out. I found a long letter he had written just a few weeks before his death. I don’t know why he never sent it. It was addressed to me, and in it he said how sorry he was for not forgiving me. And he actually asked me to forgive him, if you can imagine that, after what I did to him!”

  Meg desperately wanted to know what Grandmother had done that was so horrible, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask. Instead she asked, “And did you forgive him, Grandmother?”

  “Well, it took me a while. It should have been easier, but all those years had hardened me. I looked back on the lives of my poor children. My poor children!” Grandmother wiped her nose on the napkin. “They are the ones who suffered the most.”

  “How’s that, Grandmother? I always imagined that their lives were just about perfect: living here at Briar Hedge with two parents, having the cranberry bog, being members of a small, close
-knit community. It sounded like pure heaven to me.”

  “Ha! I’m sure they would have told it differently. Our house was like an ice palace in those days, and I was the ice queen. There was never fun and laughter like you would expect to find in a normal family. The children suffered the most.”

  “But I thought Sunny got along pretty well with Grandpa.”

  “That’s true, she did. At least until she got married. I’m fairly certain she got married to get away from us. It was really pitiful. But she loved her daddy, and he loved her.”

  “And what about Bennie?”

  Grandmother cleared her throat, then pressed her lips together. She sat silently for several moments before finally speaking. “Bennie and your grandpa never got along very well. I’m sure you’ve heard bits and pieces about it.”

  “Did Grandpa feel bad after Bennie didn’t make it home from the war?”

  “Oh, I’m sure he felt sorry for Bennie and his widow. But I don’t think he ever really expected Bennie to come back to Crandale. Bennie made it quite clear when he left that he wouldn’t come back. That was the one time when your grand-father and I really did come to words. Poor Sunny; she was just a teenager then and couldn’t understand what was going on. Life got pretty hard for her then, and it didn’t get any better when Bennie died. Poor Sunny. No wonder she ran off and married the first—” Grandmother stopped and sighed deeply.

  “I’m getting worn out, Meggie. I think I need to rest now. And I’m sure you want to get settled into your new apartment before it gets too late.”

  Meg stood and gathered the dishes. There was so much she still wanted to know. But she knew that Grandmother was probably already regretting what she had said.

  “Grandmother?” said Meg as she lifted the tray of supper things.

  “Yes, dear?”

  “Thank you for telling me all that. It really helps me to understand why people are the way they are when I can see some of the things that they’ve had to deal with.”

  “But there are many things that are better left unsaid, Meggie. You don’t want to go digging around into too many closets; you never know what kind of skeletons you might run into.”