Marriage Vow Murder

by Leslie Langtry

  A squeal erupted from the front of the church, and I was soon engulfed in a wave of ten little girls. My Girl Scout troop, which was also the world's largest flower girl contingent, surrounded me with giggles and questions about the rehearsal. They had no idea what was going on.

  I held up the silent sign, and they quieted down. Now that I had their attention, I had no idea what to tell them. Kelly, spotting the look on my face, hurried over.

  "Why don't you go get something to eat?" She nudged me in the elbow. "I'll talk to the girls."

  I wasn't hungry, but since I didn't want to have to explain, one more time, that Rex was missing, I did what she said. Because of Kevin, the platter of cookies was empty, but my mother handed me a package of Oreos, and I began to munch.

  "I'm sure he's around here somewhere." Mom put her arm around me.

  My dad, Senator Michael Czrygy, put his arm around me, and we stood there in a three-way hug for a few moments. As soothing as it was, it didn't really help.

  "It's been hours, Mom," I complained. "He was supposed to be here half an hour ago to get ready for the rehearsal. Where is he?"

  My mother, who'd once brokered a peace deal between Israel and Iran over a black forest cake at Senator John McCain's Porkstravaganza Barbecue, had nothing to say. That was a bad omen.

  "Mrs. Wrath!" Betty screeched as she, Lauren, Inez, and Hannah joined me. "We just heard!"

  For years my troop has labored under the delusion that if you're over twenty, you're a Mrs. No matter how much I explained that I was really a Ms., the girls insisted on calling me Mrs. To be honest—they'd soon be right, once I found Rex.

  "Do you think the Russians got him?" Lauren asked.

  Inez nodded. "Or the mafia?"

  "Don't be ridiculous!" Betty shut them down. "It's obvious he's been kidnapped by Basque Separatists!"

  I wish! Frankly, Basque Separatists were far easier to handle than not knowing what was going on.

  "Maybe," Caterina said, "he's tracking a serial killer who stole his cell phone, through the wilderness! He has no way to contact Mrs. Wrath—and he has to capture the killer at any cost!"

  We all turned to stare at the little girl who usually said nothing. And while I liked her theory that Rex was on the job, I think I'd rather have the Basque Separatists.

  "Hey, Merry-go-round!" Rex's father clapped me on the back.

  Mike Ferguson, a large man with a mad scientist-y shock of black hair and a booming voice, had taken to giving me nicknames in the last couple of weeks. I wasn't fond of it, but I liked him too much to say anything. At least the holidays were over and he'd stopped calling me Merry Christmas.

  "How're you holding up?" Millie, Rex's mother, looked worried. Petite and plump with dark hair streaked with silver, my future mother-in-law kept her fears to herself in an attempt to see how I was doing. I really liked her too.

  "I'm fine," I lied. How could I feel sorry for myself when these people were worried?

  "I think he skipped town!" Ronni shouted at my right elbow. "He didn't want to marry you and fled the country!"

  "Ronni!" Randi snapped at her twin. "I'm sure that isn't what happened!"

  The normally kind-hearted Millie shot her daughter a look that would've turned anyone else to stone. Ronni, who I was sure secretly fed on fear and fury, ignored it.

  "Now we're not going to have a wedding," Ronni continued. "And I spent all week working on the haggis!"

  The Fergusons were an unusual family, with Greek and Scottish ancestry. And they had some strange traditions that involved food—like me hand feeding the minister baklava and stepping on a haggis. Which made me wonder—why work all week on something I was only going to step on? Kelly had been worried that it would destroy my dainty, white satin, kitten heel (no, they're not made of kittens…I checked) shoes. So, I'd ordered a pair of custom wedding combat boots. It was kind of a win-win, really.

  As for the Ferguson traditions, Rex and I had shot down some of the other stuff, like the sword fight between the bride and groom (the only thing I kind of liked), among other things. But we had to relent on the haggis. Do you know what haggis is? It's the less attractive parts of a pig stuffed into a sheep's stomach.

  "Ronni!" Randi snapped. "Merry has enough to worry about without you complaining about the haggis!"

  That was true.

  As the Fergusons dragged Ronni away and began to argue quietly in the corner, I looked around the church. The sheriff was kneeling next to the pew where the dead florist had been. The crime scene tape was still in place, and I couldn't help but wonder if that would be more appropriate for the pew bows, since murder seemed to follow me everywhere I went.

  A frown came over Carnack's face, and I watched as he reached up under the seat and extracted something that fit in the palm of his hand. What was it?

  Soo Jin had returned and appeared at my side with Kelly, who gently let me know that the pastor thought we should move things along.

  "We could go ahead with the rehearsal," the coroner suggested. "Rex can figure it all out tomorrow." She patted me on the arm. "I'm sure he'll be here."

  Kelly nodded. "I like that idea. And it will give everyone something to do."

  With a sigh, I agreed. "Okay. Let's do it." Maybe it would be like that law of physics, where your food at a restaurant only arrived when you were in the bathroom. Would Rex magically appear like that once we started?

  "The only thing is"—Kelly looked around—"we need a stand-in for Rex."

  "How about Dad?" I shrugged

  My matron of honor shook her head. "No, both of your parents are giving you away."

  "Rex's dad?" I asked.

  Soo Jin piped up. "He's giving the reading, remember? He can't be in two places at once."

  I stared at them. "We have a reading?" I didn't tell them I had no idea what a reading was, because I didn't want to look like an idiot.

  The only other men here who didn't have significant roles to play were Kevin, Sheriff Carnack, and…

  "Riley!" Kelly shouted.

  Oh no. Not him.

  The newly (and somewhat questionably) minted private eye strolled up the aisle, and before I could say anything, agreed to be the stand-in for my missing groom. He held out his arm with a grin I couldn't quite interpret but definitely wanted to wipe off his face…with a cheese grater. I shoved him toward the altar and walked back to the entrance.

  Kelly called for everyone to take their places, and for a brief moment in Bizarro World, I wondered if it really wouldn't be better to use Kevin Dooley instead.

  My heart was pounding as Randi took her spot at the organ, with Ronni ready to turn the pages of music for her. Robert, Kelly's husband, played usher and escorted the Fergusons to their seats before taking his place with Riley at the front of the church.

  In the doorway, the ten little girls lined up two-by-two and, once the music started, solemnly walked up the aisle, pretending to drop flower petals. Good thing this was just a rehearsal. With that many flower girls, I'd be wading through two feet of silk flowers to get to the altar.

  Soo Jin waited for the last two girls to go before heading slowly up the aisle herself. Kelly gave me a wink before following her.

  "Ready, kiddo?" Mom whispered.

  Dad squeezed my hand.

  "I'd be a lot more ready if Rex was here," I grumbled. Where was he?

  As the processional began to play, we walked up the aisle. Passing row after row of empty pews looked strange against the altar-heavy church laden with ten flower girls and two bridesmaids.

  And while I went through the motions of the ceremony, my mind was overrun with concern for Rex.

  "Just like old times," Riley whispered. "Eh, Wrath?"

  I glared at him. "I don't remember marrying you before now."

  "You don't remember Oslo?"

  The pastor cleared his throat to get us to stop talking.

  I'd forgotten about Oslo. Riley and I had been posing as tourists in the Norwegian capital, co
mplete with sham wedding and an even more shammy honeymoon. I shuddered, recalling the trolls who'd tossed mushrooms at us on the way out of the chapel. Riley had almost convinced me that it had been a real marriage after all—until I saw that the marriage certificate had been signed by Thor.

  "You'd better not be behind this," I growled.

  "I had nothing to do with Rex's disappearance," he insisted. "I'm as worried as you are."

  I'll bet.

  As the ceremony went on, everyone seemed eager to do their bit. Probably as a distraction from Rex's disappearance and the dead body, now at the morgue. Riley took my hand and kept squeezing it. I responded with a bone-crushing grip. He gasped a little, and I hoped that would be enough to deter him from the kiss at the end. That was not going to happen.

  The rehearsal wrapped with the recessional, and as the girls giggled and looked back at us, I knew something was up. Were they planning something for the real thing? I wouldn't put it past them. I loved my troop of wonderfully precocious little girls. But if they were working together on some sort of prank, we were screwed.

  "That went well," Kelly announced from the altar. "If I can just see the flower girls, bridesmaids, and parents for a moment…"

  Everyone moved back to the front of the church as Sheriff Carnack joined Riley and me near the doorway.

  "Any news?" I asked eagerly.

  He shook his head. "Not yet. But my deputies are on it." He gave Kevin a long look. The officer was standing in the lobby, pretending to quick draw his gun on a statue of Saint Bernadette.

  "Is he alright?" the sheriff asked.

  I shook my head. "No. He's a danger to himself and others. I'd suggest you arrest him." Sadly, stupidity isn't a crime. "What are your deputies doing?"

  Sympathy shone in his eyes. "Everything we can. I promise. In the meantime, I have a few questions about Mr. Spitz, the deceased."

  He gave Riley a strange glance, and I introduced him. "This is Riley Andrews. He was my handler at the CIA, recently switched to the FBI out of Omaha, and now is starting up a PI firm."

  The sheriff knew about my past. I'd had to let it slip during a fishing fiasco with my girls last spring.

  Carnack's eyes grew wide. "Over in the strip mall? I wondered who that was." He held out his hand, and Riley took it. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Andrews. I'm impressed with your experience, but I don't think you'll be very busy here. Not with the police station and the sheriff's office in town."

  Riley smiled warmly. "Thanks, Sheriff. I'm thinking of it as a sort of quasi-retirement."

  "What can I do to help?" I interrupted the mutual admiration society. "Rex is missing, and my florist is dead."

  Sheriff Carnack shrugged. "Anything you can do would be great."

  My jaw dropped. Maybe I was just too used to hearing that I'd be in the way or was meddling. I'd expected him to shut me down.

  The large man seemed to anticipate what I was thinking. "I'm responsible for the whole county, and we've just started an investigation into a meth ring in Bladdersly. You've got the skills to help investigate, and I'm going to need your help."

  Of course there was a meth ring in Bladdersly. That unfortunately named town was a nefarious rival of Who's There. Every year the Whorish (an unfortunate blending of Who and Irish) battled the Raging Bladders in a tepid football game between two teams who were equally terrible. If I had to draw an analogy, I'd say it was like watching two dead flies circling a drain to see who went down first.

  "Yes!" I said a little too quickly. "I'll do it! I'll help with Rex's disappearance. And if it's related, I can help with the murder investigation." I was not, however, asking to help with the meth ring in Bladdersly. I wasn't going anywhere near that hellhole if I could avoid it.

  "The only thing is," he said slowly, "in law enforcement, whenever an officer has a personal connection to a case, they aren't allowed to investigate. But with your history as a resident and relationship to 99 percent of all murders here in town, I'm willing to overlook that."

  "I can help too, Sheriff," Riley offered.

  Carnack nodded. "Good. Because this murder is adding another problem to my plate. Did you know the deceased?"

  Dr. Body left the front and joined us, sensing, I suppose, that her input would be needed.

  I shook my head. "Not really. Kelly booked him. Or maybe my mother did. I'd met him once or twice. I guess he knew my grandmother, because he came out of retirement to help his son handle my flowers."

  Whoa. Was the murder connected to Kelly or Mom and not me?

  Rex's absence appeared to loosen Soo Jin's tongue. "Everything points to him being stabbed once through the heart. I haven't done a full autopsy, because I had to be here." She smiled warmly at me.

  I remembered seeing Carnack take something from the crime scene. "Sheriff, what did you find under the pew?"

  The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper.

  I nodded as I leaned in to read the note.

  Wedding traditions as good as gold…

  Let's start out with Something Old.

  Lewis Spitz's death wasn't a random murder. The mention of the wedding made me realize an unfortunate truth.

  This was aimed at me.

  CHAPTER THREE

  "I'm afraid, Ms. Wrath," Sheriff Carnack apologized, "that I'll have to check the note for fingerprints."

  As the sheriff turned to leave, he gave me one last look. "I'm sure Rex is okay. I'll do what I can to find him. In the meantime, I'll contact the station and let them know you're approved to work on the case."

  "Approved?" My eyebrows went up. "No one is really in charge there now, right?"

  He shook his head. "There are a few officers working there and a new detective trainee. I'll let them know." And with that, he left.

  Rex had said something about them getting a new ambitious rookie. Was that who Carnack was talking about?

  "Do you want me to cancel the rehearsal dinner?" Mom put her arm around me and nodded toward the Fergusons. We were supposed to go to their Greek restaurant, Syma's, in Des Moines.

  "No," I said quickly. "What if Rex really is okay and planning to catch up to us later? He'll go there."

  My mother smiled at me. "Of course. Good idea. I'll let everyone know."

  The church emptied out pretty quickly. Either people were creeped out by the murder that had taken place there or eager to eat. My heart sank as the pastor handed Mom a card. Probably his number so we could call off the wedding tomorrow if we still hadn't heard from Rex.

  It wasn't like I could get married without him. My parents and I paid for the whole event, but I didn't care about that right now. Finding Rex was my first priority. My next challenge would be convincing him that the sheriff invited me to work on the murder.

  As I sat in the back seat of my parents' black SUV rental, I tried Rex's cell and my locating app again. Nothing. Where was he? He'd better have a good reason for freaking me out, or I was going to kill him.

  For distraction, I turned my thoughts to Lewis Spitz. Why was he murdered? And in the church I was getting married in? No, why would he write the note that went with it? Unless he decided to commit suicide right there and leave us all hopelessly confused.

  "Mom? Dad?" I called up to the front seat. "Did you guys know Leonard Spitz?"

  My parents had grown up in Who's There. And since it was a small town and Spitz was the age of Methuselah and knew Grandma Wrath, they should know him.

  "It's funny you should ask," Judith Czrygy said. "He did the flowers for our wedding."

  I sat forward. "He did?"

  She nodded. "He was a friend of my mother's. They'd known each other since they were five years old."

  Dad piped up, "I think he was a second cousin or something like that. I'm not sure."

  Dad's parents died years ago, and his family scattered to the four winds. I'm not kidding—his brother and sister and their families moved to Four Winds, Arkansas. They couldn't make it to the wedding but sent
a nice cut-glass pitcher that I filled with cat treats.

  "So," I surmised, "he was connected to both of you. And now, through this wedding, to me."

  Which meant he wasn't connected to any number of international enemies I had. Unless this was all an attempt to mess up my wedding. It seemed like a petty thing, to sabotage a wedding of a former enemy. Why not just kill me?

  And why leave the note? It certainly didn't frame me for the murder, like so many I'd been unfortunate to be around for the past three years.

  "Do you think someone is just trying to scare you?" Dad said over his shoulder.

  "If that's the case, murdering my florist is a bit over the top, don't you think?"

  "Should I call the caterer? Or maybe the organist?" Mom sounded worried. "To make sure they're alright?"

  I shrugged. "Maybe."

  As she made her calls, I thought about that. The caterer was the owner of Oleo's, my favorite burger restaurant in town. And the organist was a beyond-geriatric woman with a stooped back, named Olive Clinton. She was the owner of Clinton's, one of two rival grocery stores in town.

  "Everybody's fine," Mom said a few moments later with relief in her voice. "Olive's son is in town for the store's anniversary on January first, and Pat Barnes said everything is fine and all set for the reception tomorrow."

  The question was, would there be a reception tomorrow?

  * * *

  Rex was not at Syma's.

  I slumped a little as I scanned the room. Everyone else was there, which was strange because how did they all manage to beat me here? Even my troop was downing Shirley Temples at an alarming rate. We'd invited the parents, but every single one opted out. Maybe they just didn't like Greek food.

  Where was Rex? And why couldn't I find him? I started walking around the room with my parents, making small talk with the guests. But my heart wasn't in it. It was out there, somewhere, with my fiancé.

  "Detective Ferguson disappeared from the earth!" said one of the Kaitlyns as I approached them.

  Ava shook her head. "He's somewhere. Everybody's somewhere. We just don't know where."