“Logan, we can’t do this.”
“Neva, I’m asking to be your friend, not your mistress. Wait, what’s the male version of a mistress? Mister?” He asked, becoming more confused the more he thought about it, making me chuckle.
“Just friends?” I asked, bringing his attention back to the original conversation.
“Just friends.” He repeated.
“Okay, but Logan, if we do this then there needs to be some rules.” I said, I didn’t want this becoming an even bigger mess than it already was.
“Okay …” He replied, drawing the word out.
“No touching, kissing, flirting, no teasing Angel, and definitely no referring to that night.” I ended in a blush as I remembered exactly what happened that night.
“No touching, huh?” He asked before pushing back from the tree, stepping towards me. “Not at all?” He asked as he leaned in close enough to feel the heat of his breath against my skin, but not close enough to touch me.
Breathless, I nodded my head to his question.
“Okay, I can live with that.” He said quickly before moving away from my body, causing me to breathe quickly to stop my erratic heart from bursting from my chest.
“Good.” I said with a tight smile. “I need to go. I said I would meet Low to study.”
The sudden urge to kiss Logan’s full lips was so strong. It hit me at full force, so I lied. Just being around Logan did things to my body I couldn’t control, and right now I needed that control.
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Sure.” I said as I started walking towards the dorms. “Lover.” I shouted over my shoulder quickly, chuckling at Logan’s confused face.
“Huh?”
“A male mistress is called a lover.” I said as I broke out into giggles. God he was cute when he looked confused.
Ah, shut up, Neva!
Over the next couple of days, things went back to normal, well whatever ‘normal’ is. My days were crammed with exams, assignments and figuring Angel out. Something was off, if I asked Angel to come over there always seemed to be an excuse that he couldn’t make it and when I did see him he wasn’t himself. He was edgy, skittish, and usually in a bad mood.
The day Angel snapped was a Thursday. I had received a text from him telling me he would be over in ten minutes. Pulling out my lyrics for a song I was working on. I decided to work on it as I waited for him to show up.
Four hours passed … He didn’t show up.
It was 3:00 am when I finally got a call from him. To say I was unhappy was an understatement and what made it worse was that he was drunk, absolutely wasted.
“Baby, I’m soooo sorry! Some friends came over with some beers and I forgot the time.” He slurred. I wouldn’t normally have minded, but I had no idea who his friends were, seeing as he hadn’t introduced me to any. He seemed to prefer his own company.
“Could you maybe next time text me to let me know? It’s 3:00 am, Angel!” I said, becoming more frustrated with all the noise in the background. It sounded more like he was in a bar than at his house.
“You’re not my fucking keeper, Neva!” Angel spat, completely taking me by surprise.
But before I could respond, the line went dead, wow!
Sleep didn’t come easily that night as my mind went into overdrive. I wondered what the hell was going on with Angel and why had he gone off like that? Was he really with his friends? I had only met one of his friends, and that was Dex. Was he seeing someone else? Ugh, I was such a hypocrite.
The next morning, Angel couldn’t have been any more apologetic. He wrapped his arms around my waist as soon as I opened my dorm room door, begging me to forgive him.
“Baby, I’m so sorry about last night, some of the guys turned up from Bones.” He sighed as he placed his face into the crook of my neck, gently placing his lips against my skin beneath the shell of my ear. “I drank a little too much and … I’m so sorry for shouting at you like that, baby.”
His voice vibrated against my neck as he lay feather-light kisses, his touch dancing across my skin. I felt his tongue dart out, tasting the saltiness of my skin as he slowly ran it over the sensitive spot at the hollow of my neck.
“I forgive you.” Why was I mad at him again? I ran my hands through his beautifully thick dark hair, scratching his scalp before pulling his hair with a tug, bringing his face eye level with mine.
“Just don’t do it again.” I said before quickly pulling his lips to mine, a groan escaping his lips as our lips met. The hint of last night’s Jack Daniels and fresh mint toothpaste hit me as he slowly ran his tongue over my bottom lip, it was a dangerous cocktail and I was addicted.
Angel’s tongue slowly sought mine. Both his hands gently cradled my face. His lips were so soft against my own, taking me completely by surprise. Angel had never kissed me like this, so soft and slow. Our relationship was built on intense heat and desire but this was different, this was … this was slow and deliberate. Making me rethink everything I ever knew about Angel, everything I felt for him.
“The thought of being without you kills me. I need you, Neva, I need … us.” He said gently against my lips, the whisper of his voice vibrated straight through to my core.
“I need you, too.” I said without hesitation, before crashing my lips to his, pulling a deep and carnal groan from his lips. His tongue quickly found mine once again, exploring my mouth with sheer determination as if searching for the lost treasure in the deepest seas. The strokes of his tongue against mine were as soft as pure silk, his hands sliding down to my waist before settling on my ass.
“I am going to show you just how much I need you, just how much you need me. I won’t finish until I have you screaming my name.” Angel promised against my mouth, lifting me up off of the ground as I wrapped my legs around his waist.
Walking towards my bed, Angel slowly lowered me down, feeling the soft sheets against my back. A whimper quickly escaped my lips as Angel crawled up my body, his left knee pressed tight against my core.
“I’ve fallen, Neva.” Angel whispered against my skin, nuzzling his nose into my neck. My breathing turning into hard pants as I took in what Angel was say. “I’ve fallen hard. I want you to fall with me. Fall with me, Neva … Let me show you just how much I need you, how much you need me. How much I …” He quickly closed his eyes tight, as if mustering the courage he needed from deep within him. I watched in anticipation as he slowly opened his eyes, I suddenly gasped as I noticed his eyes had glossed over, the emotion evident as his deep blue eyes turned a few shades darker. “How desperate I am for you, you are the music to my soul, Neva, you brought me back to life again. The word ‘love’ doesn’t even come close to what I feel for you. I need you and right now … I need you to need me too.”
“My fallen Angel, I need you too … Desperately.”
Before I could even react, Angel’s lips crashed against mine. The deliciousness of his unique taste pushed my mind towards the edge, teetering so close to the cliff. Damn, I was ready to jump.
“Angel.” I moaned against his lips, knowing just a whisper of his name was enough to send him crazy.
“Neva, I need you. Now.” He growled, hitching my right leg around his waist before taking the kiss deeper. I moaned when Angel’s tongue teased my bottom lip, desperately seeking entry. “Baby, let me make love to you.” He pleaded, peppering my neck with slow and deliberate kisses, splintering my mind in half. Angel consumes me, his kisses scorch me, his touch brands me … like nothing else.
“Yes, Angel.” I moaned, walking backwards towards my bed. Angel was undoing me, making me his. He could make me forget my own damn name in a single heartbeat.
His hands quickly grasped my waist, guiding me further up the bed, his eyes never leaving mine as he crawled up the bed with me. His penetrating gaze marking me with every fleeting second, I needed him … more than he would ever know.
The tank top and boy shorts that were once secured to my body were now on the
floor in a crumpled heap. I was once again naked under Angel’s body. Watching as he slowly took in my body, his fingertips slowly running up the center of my stomach, leaving behind a wake of goose bumps.
“Jesus, Neva.” He whispered, locking his gaze with my own before swiftly removing his shirt and jeans. “You’re so damn beautiful.” He threw the last of his clothing on the floor alongside mine.
I gasped, which was followed quickly by a moan as Angel’s finger slowly slid in between my wet folds, making my head swim with unfaltering pleasure. Biting my lip, I watched as Angel ran his fingers through my warmth, taking in every single hard ridge of his defined body. He was amazingly beautiful, and he was all mine.
“Angel … please.” I begged, I needed him and I didn’t want to wait another minute.
“What do you need, Neva? Tell me.” He asked, lowering his lips to my neck, teasing me as his tongue gently probed my skin.
“I … I, oh God.” I moaned, my brain-to-mouth filter was becoming tangled as Angel gently nipped my neck while his fingers explored my sex, gliding with ease.
“Tell me want you need, Neva.” He repeated, carrying on the onslaught of all but teasing me into a coma with one hand, while pulling out a condom and taking it between his teeth. Ripping open the packet, I watched as he rolled the condom over his length, pleasure clouding my vision when I suddenly felt his hardness against my opening. “Tell me, Neva.” He repeated as he held his lips inches away from mine, knowingly pushing me to the edge.
“I … I want you to make love to me Angel.”
“Fuck …” He growled against my lips before grazing his lips against mine, his hardness slowly pushing into my entrance as his tongue met mine. My back arched as Angel pushed in to the hilt, filling me until I saw stars.
“Oh God.” I moaned as Angel slowly started to move, so fucking slowly that I thought I may tumble from the cliff he had placed me on. I didn’t know if I could keep at the pace Angel was setting, I was becoming delirious with need and want as he moaned against my lips.
“Angel, please … harder.”
That was all it took, suddenly my wrists were pinned above my head in one hand while the other was on my hip, his fingers dug into my skin as he quickened his pace, using my wrists as leverage to plow into me.
“Neva, I need you.” Angel whispered as his breathing became erratic, matching mine. Need was now so much more than a word thrown around by people from day to day, it was an urgent want, an all-consuming level of love. And I needed him too.
“Oh God, Angel. I need you too, I love you.” The words were hanging in the air above me, as if I could reach out and touch them.
“Ah, shit. I love you, Neva.” Angel growled as his pace was becoming staggered, shifting quickly to change the angle as he pressed against my sweet spot. I was so close to the edge, I could almost taste it. “I need you with me, Neva.” He begged.
“Take me with you, Angel.” I cried as an orgasm so intense jolted through my body, hurtling my body over the edge of the cliff, plunging into the watery depth below, holding onto Angel as I pulled him down with me.
“Holy. Fucking. Shit. Ah, Neva.” Angel moaned as his orgasm punched him full force, his body shaking and stuttering, prolonging my own orgasm with his jerky movements.
My head spun as we both came down from our earth-shattering orgasms, our panting breaths mingling, unashamed. As Angel rested his head on my chest, our hearts lined up, so close and so soothing that I quickly feel into a blissful deep sleep.
In the days that passed, Angel was spending more time with his mom. I didn’t mind, he loved his mom and from what I could gather she had been through a lot over the years.
Logan and I had been hanging out a lot more during the day since we decided to keep our relationship as friends, most of it spent studying at my place and today was no exception. Logan and I had been discussing the latest gossip from one of Ace’s house parties, laughing that Ace had gotten so wasted that he ripped off all of his clothes and ran through the house, naked. We were laughing so hard when we watched the video go live on YouTube, and laughing even harder when it hit 250,000 hits.
“He is never going to live that down.” Logan said chuckling, our cries of laughter slowly dying down.
“Poor Ace, but he did say that he was the sexiest guy on campus. I just can’t believe he decided to prove it by running through his house naked! The image of Ace’s ‘hidden’ piercing will be forever burned in my memory, gross.” I said chuckling. The poor guy really was never going to live this down, especially from the guys on the football team.
“Do you think Ace is the sexiest guy on campus?” Logan asked with a wicked grin on his face.
“That is gross, Logan. No, I don’t think he is the sexiest guy on campus. He’s the most revolting!” I laughed, Ace was a great guy but he was definitely not my type.
“So who is then?” He said, wiggling his eyebrows as if insinuating that he was the sexiest, oh here we go!
“Professor Gregg Harper … there is something about -” I didn’t even get a chance to even finish the sentence before Logan was tickling the shit out of me, taking me completely by surprise.
“Oh. My. God! Logan, stop. Please stop!” I yelled, laughter pouring from my mouth as he kept up the onslaught of tickling me, if he wasn’t careful he was going to tickle me into a coma.
“Say it.” He chuckled as he tickled me under my ribs, straddling my hips and pinning me to the bed. I knew what he wanted me to say, but I was not going to give in.
“No, never!” I said laughing so hard that I snorted like a pig, lovely!
“I won’t stop until you say it, Neva!” He said with a cocky smile, finding the most sensitive spot around my waist, tickling me furiously.
“Okay, okay Logan White is the sexiest guy on campus.” I said chuckling as he finally let up, before dropping his weight on top of me, taking me completely by surprise.
His lips were resting against my neck as his breath felt hot against my skin, my body flushing from the weight of him against me. Pulling back, he stroked a single piece of hair that had come loose from my sloppy bun, pushing it back behind my ear.
“You think I’m sexy?” He asked, he was so close, but I didn’t have the control or power to push him from me.
“You know you’re sexy, Logan, you don’t need me to tell you that.” I said on a shaky breath.
“Can I ask you something?” He pulled his weight from me slightly without releasing my body from under his.
“Yes.” I said hoarsely.
“What did you mean when you said you were broken? Because all I see when I look at you is a heroine.”
“Trust me, I’m no heroine, Logan. A heroine is a woman with courage, admired for her brave deeds. That is not me, and you know it. You have seen the nightmares.”
“But that is bullshit, Neva! A heroine is a woman who comes face-to-face with heartbreak, frightening experiences, unbelievable pain or unyielding suffering and can still rebuild her life after everything and smile while doing it. You Neva, are a heroine.”
Self-control? Yeah, that leaped out the window as soon as I walked through his door.
My world teetered on an unforgiving axis as I pulled Logan’s lips to mine, gasping as our lips met once again, his tongue teasing my bottom lip. Letting him in, our tongues danced together as they reacquainted themselves with one another.
“I still love you, Neva.” He whispered against my lips, pulling a moan from deep inside my body. With my hand in his hair, I tried to regain some control, but when Logan nibbled at my bottom lip I don’t think my mind could even process what self-control meant.
“But you keep breaking my heart, at every turn.” He cried before jumping off me, quickly leaving my room.
Tears slowly fell down my cheeks from Logan’s admission. He still loved me and what was worse is that I loved him too but didn’t have the backbone to tell him.
“Why have I just seen Logan walk out of here looking like he
was about to cut a bitch?” Low said loudly as she walked through the door, slamming it shut behind her. Her brows furrowed, clearly noticing the tears that were quickly streaming down my face.
“Please don’t.” I said defeated, bowing my head quickly using my hair to hide my face.
“Don’t … don’t? Are you serious right now, Neva?” Low spat, completely taking me by surprise. “What the hell are you doing? Are you playing them both? This is not a game, Neva You said you would choose! Now all you’re doing is hurting Logan and I will not stand by and watch you do this to him.” I was frozen in place, stunned by Low’s outburst. She thinks I am playing a game? Is she freaking kidding me?
“I … I, shit.” I stuttered, her assumption taking me by surprise. But how could I tell my best friend that I couldn’t choose? How could I tell her that I loved both of them for different reasons? Angel was intense and just as broken as I was, but he was fixing me in a way I thought was impossible. I loved him because I thought I was irreversibly broken, but he was showing me that I wasn’t broken … I had just gotten a little bruised on the way. Then there was Logan, who has been protecting me since I was ten, protecting me in a way that made me feel safe, feel at home. He knew me on a level that I don’t think I could share with Angel. I didn’t have to hide from Logan. How can I tell her that I couldn’t choose just one because between them, they were both mending my broken heart?
“Have you even considered how Angel will feel when he finds out, Neva? You. Will. Break. Him.” Low spat, pulling me out of my questionable thoughts as she became more and more annoyed. Her eyes never leaving mine as she quickly paced the floor in front of me. “I mean, Jesus, Neva! The guy worships the ground you walk on and all you are doing is throwing it back in his face. Stop thinking about yourself, Neva and think about the two men you are hurting over and over, again.”
Finding You Page 17
