The Undead Pool

by Derek Ailes

  “Shut up!” Tigernaut snarled. “I swear when I get loose…”

  “If…”

  “Will you two knock it off?” Irene interjected.

  “Let them argue,” Stable said as he entered the room. “I find it quite entertaining.” He grabbed the cell door and ripped it away from its hinges. He ripped the restraints off of Tigernaut and then Irene.

  Tigernaut mounted Mace and stabbed him repeatedly with his wooden spikes.

  “Ouch, that tickles,” Mace taunted him.

  Stable grabbed Tigernaut and threw him aside. He ripped Mace’s restraints off. Mace pushed Stable to the side and speared Tigernaut into the cell wall. Tigernaut impaled him with his spikes and lifted him upward.

  Irene shot a large bolt of electricity toward both of them knocking them to the ground. “Are you both done?”

  They both lay on the ground twitching.

  “I think they’re done,” Stable answered.

  “Crump is the enemy, not each other.”

  “Truce?” Mace asked as he stood back up.

  “A truce for now, but once this is over, it’s back on,” Tigernaut promised.

  “Agreed.”

  “We must defeat Crump,” Stable explained. “If we don’t, mankind will no longer exist in the future. It becomes Ape Land.”

  “It may already be too late,” Irene said.

  “How do you know?” Mace asked.

  Irene pointed toward the entrance of the cell where a group of rats were staring at them. A large black rat walked to the front of the group followed by a white rat.

  “Willard, should we kill these four?” the black rat asked.

  “Ben, I think we have to,” the white rat answered.

  “Attack!” Ben commanded.

  Thousands of rats entered the room engulfing the four superheroes.

  Irene spun around violently sending electricity forward, frying a large portion of the rats. Mace flicked as many of them off him as he could, but they kept jumping onto him biting into his flesh. Tigernaut stabbed as many as he could with his spikes while Stable crushed them with his metallic feet.

  “We need more reinforcements!” Willard shouted.

  More and more rats entered the cell.

  “The only option we have is to run,” Stable said and rushed forward.

  The four ran out of the room with thousands of rats in pursuit. The sound of rats being squished echoed throughout the hallway as they ran forward. At the end of the hallway a group of Apes waited to attack.

  “On my mark, jump!” Stable instructed. “Now!”

  The four jumped over them. The rats continued forward engulfing the Apes. They screamed as the rats ripped them apart. The four continued forward until they reached the exit of Crump’s mansion. As they exited the mansion, they slammed the door shut. A crack immediately formed across the door as thousands of rats pushed against it.

  “We need to make it to the Archie Bunker!” Mace shouted.

  “Run!” Irene screamed as the door exploded and rats poured out onto the lawn continuing their pursuit.

  “Faster! We must run faster!” Mace shouted as the rats were gaining on them.

  As they continued running, Mace grabbed a cup from one of the spectators on the sideline watching the race and poured the water over his head. Thousands of rats engulfed the spectators. Mace was the first to break through the white finishing line tape.

  “The winner: Mace Murdock!” the man standing at the finish line shouted.

  Mace grabbed the gold metal away from him and ran up the Archie Bunker’s ramp. The other three superheroes jumped into the ship as it was taking off. They watched as the rats devoured everyone watching the race below.

  “Should we help them?” Irene asked.

  “There’s nothing we can do for them,” Mace said as he tried to avoid the thousands of seagulls attacking the ship.

  “There’s too many of them.” Irene pointed out.

  Mace couldn’t see out the ship’s window due to all the bird droppings being pelted at them. The seagulls took out one of their engines.

  “We won’t last much longer up here,” Stable pointed out.

  “If we can just make it back to the school, the professor may be able to advise us on what our next course of action should be,” Tigernaut added.

  “I’ll try to get us as close to it as I can,” Irene said as she took the ship’s controls away from Mace.

  “Don’t get us killed,” Mace pleaded.

  “Use the ships weapons to kill as many of those damn things as you can,” Irene instructed Mace.

  “Aren’t seagulls protected?” Stable asked.

  “Trust me, I can kill millions of them and not even put a dent into their population,” Mace said as he blasted as many of them out of the sky as he could. “That’s for stealing my fries at the zoo!”

  They could see the school in the distance. The other engine exploded sending them into a downward spiral.

  “Hold on!” Irene shouted as the ship crashed into a lake.

  The ship quickly filled up with water. They swam out of the ship and toward the shore. As they climbed out of the water, a bear ran out of the woods and attacked.

  Irene fired a blast of electricity sending the bear backward. It slowly retreated and then ran back into the woods.

  “We need to get back to the school quickly. It’s too dangerous out here even with our superpowers,” Stable said.

  “If Crump has control over every animal, then nobody is safe,” Tigernaut stated.

  Chapter Six

  “The whole United States has been overrun by the animals. They were friendly at first, but soon they turned on us,” Dr. Kelley explained. “I fear it is too late. The estimated death toll so far is in the thousands.”

  “What should we do?” Stable asked.

  “Crump modified Zarathustra’s serum to alter the animals’ DNA. We must stop Zarathustra from inventing the formula. For that, we must send a team back in time. We know Zarathustra was once known as Dr. McDaniel Nexxus. He created the serum and then produced it in mass quantities at the sewage treatment plant he converted into his factory,” the professor explained.

  “What about Crump?” Tigernaut asked.

  “From there, you must stop his brain from being transplanted into the orangutan. Make sure he dies for good.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Mace said.

  “I can only transport one person besides myself into the past,” Stable explained.

  Mace put his arms around Stable in one big embrace. “We finally get to have that solo adventure together.”

  “We’re doomed,” Tigernaut mumbled.

  “Since you volunteered, Mace and Stable it is,” the professor said. “When you travel back, seek me out. Remember, I wasn’t the person that I am now. It was a…experimental time for me.”

  “How so?” Mace asked curious.

  “You’ll just have to see.”

  “Are you ready?” Stable asked. “Hold on to me tightly. If you come detached from me, you’ll be stuck in a time void for all eternity.”

  “If I hold you any tighter, we’ll be married.”

  Stable pressed the red button on his arm and they dematerialized.

  “Hey, this is Mace clinging onto Stable for dear life. All I can see is pretty colors spinning around me reminding me of the last time I was at a hippie party. Man, did I score with some hot chicks that night. I hope they were chicks because I was pretty high. To better explain where we’re going, I hired my good buddy Patton Oswalt to set up the scene. See you on the other side…”

  “It was nineteen eighty-something, and it was awesome! We had Reagan and Bush Sr. as presidents and three of the cool Star Wars movies! The clothes were flashy and the music was timeless! There wasn’t a better time for being a kid ever! We had cassette tapes, VHS tapes, Atari, Commodore 64 with no internet, watches that only told the time and phones th
at had cords attached to the wall. Wait a minute….maybe the 80s weren’t that awesome! Today was the worse day of my life − the day my mother demanded an orgy of affection in public.”

  “Come on snuggle-bunny, give your mother a hug.”

  “Now? There are people watching,” Alex Goldstein said as he looked around nervously at the other kids with their moms at the school’s annual mother and son picnic.

  “I brought you into this world − ten hours of labor. Did I complain? No…maybe, because I was drugged. I demand that I get some hugs.”

  Mace and Stable re-materialized next to them.

  “Rad!” Alex said excitedly.

  His mother fainted.

  “Hi, the name’s Mace Murdock,” he said as he gave Alex a high five. He then led Stable out of the park.

  “We better head to the school first. Remember, nobody there has encountered either of us yet. I didn’t encounter the Why-men until May 19, 1999.”

  “Ouch! It was one of the worst days of my life,” Mace explained. “That was the day I saw Star Wars: Phantom Menace at the theater. It was the worst two hours and sixteen minutes of my life, and I was once a prisoner of a group of cannibals in the Amazon. I have an idea. Let’s travel to 1997 and stop George Lucas from creating Jar Jar Binks.”

  “What would that accomplish?”

  “A better movie hopefully. We would also have to kill Jake Lloyd and rewrite the scrip eliminating all the plot holes relating to the original trilogy. Hell, let’s kidnap and brainwash George Lucas. We can save humanity from the prequels and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.”

  “Sounds to me like you’ve given this way too much thought.”

  “Some people want to go back in time and stop dictators like Hitler and Stalin. I’d rather change events that would have a positive impact on society. Thanks to you, it’s now possible.”

  “Let’s focus our efforts on the current mission.”

  “Another time perhaps.”

  They walked up to the gate leading to the school. Mace stared at the strange sign attached to the gate and read it out loud. “McAvoy’s School For Special Power Needs. Who’s McAvoy?”

  “Not a clue.”

  They entered the schoolyard and headed for the main building. They didn’t recognize any of the super heroes they passed.

  “We won’t encounter Tigernaut,” Mace said. “We were both mercenaries working as a team overseas during this time. Not too long from now, we’ll have a horrific falling out.”

  “It would explain the tension between you two. I noticed a lack of security here. Nobody even cares we’re here. We could be supervillains for all they know,” Stable pointed out.

  “They probably sense our good nature.”

  “Good nature, you?”

  “Point taken.”

  They stopped at the main building’s front door and looked at each other. Mace opened the door, and they walked right in. Standing in the living room were several superheroes laughing. The only one they recognized, Brickster, walked over to them.

  “And you two are?”

  “Mace Murdock and my steed is Stable.”

  “Steed!” Stable snarled angrily.

  “Let me introduce you to my friends, The Human Flamer and Mr. Lackluster.”

  “Don’t forget about my girlfriend, the Invisible Gal. We are known as the Lackluster 4.”

  “Hello, Invisible Gal,” Mace said, waving at nothing.

  “She won’t respond; she’s also a mute,” Mr. Lackluster explained. He was a tall, thin man whose head bobbed up and down due to his spring-like neck. He wore a purple uniform with an upside down 4 on his chest.

  “And she doesn’t exist; she’s only in his mind. Invisible childhood friend,” Brickster whispered. “We just play along with his delusion.”

  The Human Flamer strutted over to them and gave them a curtain call. He wore a fluorescent, rainbow-colored uniform with a pink triangle with an upside down 4 in the middle. “Flame on,” he chanted with a lisp, and his body was instantly engulfed in fluorescent green flames.

  “Is that Stable? I was expecting you,” a familiar voice said from behind them.

  Walking down the stairs was a tall, blonde woman wearing a Catholic schoolgirl uniform with the sexiest, long tanned legs that Mace had ever seen. She also had one of the tightest asses ever. She was a perfect ten.

  “Professor,” Stable acknowledged.

  “Charlene? You look…complete,” Mace said.

  “Hi, handsome,” she said as she walked over to them. She put her hands on Mace’s right shoulder and whispered into his ear. “And I can pee just fine.”

  “How did you know?”

  “My future self sent me a message about your arrival telepathically.”

  “Did your future self warn you about their fate?” Mace asked, pointing at her legs.

  “She advised me not to train her. I didn’t and I still have my legs.”

  “Smart,” Stable said.

  “Do you converse with your future self a lot?” Mace asked.

  “Constantly. Now follow me to the weapons vault. You’ll find everything you need down there for your mission. And Mace, before you ask, yes, there is another transporter you can have.”

  “I didn’t tell the professor it was destroyed.”

  “I can read your mind, remember. It keeps repeating: let there be another transporter.”

  “You heard everything I said?”

  “I ignored all the X-rated thoughts. Especially, the ones about my ass.”

  “Sorry.”

  I’m not sorry.

  “I heard that.”

  They entered the weapons vault and immediately the professor grabbed Mace’s arm and pushed him against the wall. “Do not touch anything. I already had all the museum pieces moved to another location.”

  “I’ll be a good little Undead Pool.”

  Until I see something I like.

  “Again, I can hear you!” The professor shouted

  Scheisse!

  “Du bist ein Idiot!”

  “Will you two knock it off?” Stable interrupted.

  “What did she say?”

  “You are an idiot!” the professor and Stable answered in unison.

  “You speak German. I’m learning more about you every minute,” Mace said and padded Stable’s head. “If you’re nice, there’s a sugar cube in it for you.”

  The professor handed Mace the transporter. “It is the exact one you had before.”

  Mace placed the transported on his belt and walked over to the familiar, tall, muscular man assembling a weapon. “Hey, GQ! High five!”

  GQ looked puzzled.

  “That’s right! We technically haven’t met yet. Mace Murdock is my name. Testing of new deadly weapons is my game.”

  “Let’s leave the weapon testing to the professionals,” the professor said. “My future self and I have developed, with the help from GQ, a cool upgrade for your swords.”

  GQ handed two metallic circular discs to Mace. “Place these on the hilts of your swords.”

  Mace attached them as advised and looked over at the professor puzzled.

  “Swing them,” she instructed.

  The katanas glowed bright red as he swung them. As he intensified his swings, they shot bolts of electricity upward destroying the ceiling above.

  “The faster you swing them, the more destructive the electricity is. Remember to aim them at a target before they discharge.”

  “Awesome!”

  “He likes them,” Stable pointed out.

  “I will accompany you on the mission. I am going to enter Nexxus’s mind and find out everything he has ever done and plans to do. I will then erase his mind insuring that he will never be a threat to us again.”

  “Then I can kill him?” Mace asked.

  “If he’s no longer a threat, then we won’t have to kill him,” the professor exp
lained.

  “If we don’t kill him now, he could pose a possible threat in a future novel,” Mace warned.

  “I think that’s a risk we can afford to take.”

  “That’s ok,” Mace laughed. “Job security for me and the author.”

  “We should leave at once. The sooner we deal with Nexxus, the sooner we can return to our timeline,” Stable said.

  “Why the rush? The food is much better in this decade. Some of my favorite restaurants haven’t gone out of business yet. We can do some shopping at Zayre and Venture. I bet it would be a lot easier to find a Michael Jordan rookie card. I can take it to the future and sell it for a major profit.”

  “We have to be careful not to alter the past. It will have profound consequences on our future timeline,” the professor warned.

  “Like you still having a bottom half, and I’m not a zombiefied mutant.”

  “He has a point.”

  “Ok, you win,” the professor said as she walked away from them.

  “Stable, thanks for backing me up,” Mace said as he followed the professor out of the weapons vault. “To the Archie Bunker.”

  “We don’t possess ships like that yet.” The professor pulled out a set of keys from her shirt pocket. “We have a black, 1983 GMC G-Series van.”

  “Off to the Hannibal Smith then.” Mace grabbed the keys away from her. “I’m driving. I hope you have insurance.”

  “He gets way too overexcited,” the professor said as Mace whistled the theme to The A-Team.

  “You think?”

  Stable and the professor held on for dear life as Mace zoomed out of the school’s parking lot. He had the van doing over a hundred within seconds. The van went airborne as he drove over a hill too fast causing Mace to yell, “Yeeeee-Haaa!” Sparks showered the pavement as the van bounced off the ground as it landed. The back right hubcap flew off crashing through a store’s front window.

  “My bad,” Mace said in a deranged manner.

  “Let’s try not to destroy the van or kill any pedestrians,” the professor advised.