Stay Awhile

by Gia Riley

  “I haven’t even spoken to Connor yet. And what kind of mom would I be if I didn’t fix this mess before I jumped into something new?”

  They aren’t the words I want to hear, but I can’t blame her for saying them.

  She’s not in a good place, and it’s wrong of me to try to move in when she’s at her lowest, most vulnerable point. But all I want is her and to be by her side through all her ups and downs. That’s why I tell her, “I’m sorry.” I don’t want to be the guy who pushes her into being with me.

  “I’m not saying no, Garrett.”

  “Okay, then what are you saying? Because if you really want this, we can find a way to make it work.”

  “I’m not trying to play games or confuse you, and when the time is right, I want to try this.”

  My face must give away how much I wanted her to say yes to me today, because she looks like she’s stuck in the middle of a game of tug of war. And no matter which way she leans, she’ll still have a fight on her hands. A fight is the last thing I want for her, especially with me.

  Unshed tears make her eyes shine, but I need her to smile. I’m not the guy she has to worry about. “I’m a patient man, Megan. I’ll wait as long it takes.”

  “You’re safe, Garrett. My heart understands that, but I’m still so scared to want you back.” She pauses, like she has more to say but stops herself. I take her hands in mine, hoping she can tell how hard my heart is hammering in my chest.

  As soon as my fingers link with hers, she takes a deep breath. I rub my thumb over the soft skin on the back of her hand, and she releases it. Each move I make, her breaths become easier, and slowly, all those heartbeats breathe the life back into her.

  “Don’t be scared of us, Megan. You’ll never have to second guess what we have. I’ll protect you.”

  She nods. “I’ve felt it from you for days, but I’m sorry if you were expecting more from me—once I came here.”

  “You know me better than that. You’re here because I care about you and Laney. That’s the only reason.”

  I see the relief on her face, but she’s still locked away inside her head where I can’t tell what’s happening. “Look at me, Megs.”

  “I am,” she whispers as she continues to stare at the tile on the floor, contradicting her own words.

  Just as I start to worry I fucked things up before they even got started, she raises her head. “Garrett, ever since you came into Laney’s hospital room, you’re all I see. Every little gesture, every smile you put on Laney’s face. I’ve noticed all of them. I promise I’m keeping track of how much I owe you, even if I’ll never be able to repay you for everything no matter how hard I try.”

  “Don’t want me because you think you owe me. Want me because you have to have me.”

  “I trust you,” she says. “And I want you.”

  I cup her jaw in my hands, holding her still so she can’t try to look away from me again. “That’s all the thanks I’ll ever need, Megan.”

  She chews on her lip so hard, I’m surprised it doesn’t bleed. After I release it from her teeth, she relaxes and blinks a couple times like she’s floating back down to earth. I feel the exact same way every time I’m around her.

  This time, I don’t just imagine it. This time, my hands find her waist and I pick her up effortlessly, her small frame dwarfed by the cabinets she rests her head against. Moving between her legs, she wraps her hands around the back of my neck and inches her fingernails up my skin until she’s massaging my scalp.

  “Nobody else knows I’m single other than the two of us and my sister. If anyone was to see us like this, especially my daughter, they wouldn’t understand.”

  “Laney’s the only one I care about. What she thinks of me matters, but the rest of them, I could give two shits about their opinions. We’re not doing anything wrong.”

  “On top of my marriage being a fake, I’m going to have to testify against the only man I’ve ever loved—for two separate reasons.”

  I understand where she’s coming from, but I still think her happiness should come first. Other than putting Connor away for a long time, what we want should be our priority. “You’re not alone. I’ll be by your side through all of it. I promise.”

  “But that’s why I feel so guilty, Garrett. You have it all. A great career, a beautiful home, the money to travel the world. You don’t need me weighing you down.”

  Before she can talk herself out of it, I place my finger over her lips, hoping she’ll see what is right in front of her. “That’s for me to decide. And I’d pick you any day of the week.”

  With a sad smile, she says, “I’m not the same girl I once was. The girl you fell for, she doesn’t exist anymore.”

  That’s where she’s wrong. “This isn’t something new. You’re exactly where I’ve always wanted you to be. I was in love with you when we were eighteen, and I’m even more in love with you now.”

  Her bottom lip quivers, and a lone tear trickles down her cheek. I don’t hurry to wipe this one away, because this one is ours. “You really mean that, don’t you?” she whispers.

  “All of it,” I tell her as she rests her forehead against my chest. Kissing the top of her head, I wish we didn’t have to wait for time to be on our side. And I wish all of her problems would magically disappear.

  “God, you deserve so much better than me.” I feel her tears soaking through my shirt, and all I can do is rub her back in small circles, hoping to chip away at some of her self-doubt so she can believe what I’m telling her.

  “You didn’t ask for Connor to betray you, Megan. He’s not the man you thought he was, and that isn’t fair.”

  “Life isn’t fair,” she adds. Staring at my neck, her eyes trace a path down my chest all the way to my waist. If looks alone could strip a man, I’d be bare.

  Swallowing hard, she wipes her nose on the back of her hand and then scrunches up her face. “I’m sorry, that was gross,” she says, shyly. “I tell Laney not to do that all the time.”

  I can’t help but laugh. She’s adorable even when she’s not trying to be. “You’re cute. Not gross. Big difference.”

  She’s quiet for a minute, but doesn’t try to get off the counter, so I let her take all the time she needs to gather her thoughts. When she’s ready, she says, “I have a confession.”

  “About?”

  She peers up at me through her thick lashes. “I read the notebook.”

  Relief—that’s the only word to describe it. “I knew you would as soon as you saw the window seat.”

  Every single syllable I jotted down on paper reinforces every promise I’ve been making to her. I went out on a limb when I wrote it, hoping the words wouldn’t scare her away before I had a chance to explain them. Considering she was in my kitchen making cookies when I got home, I’m thankful I took a chance.

  Megan needs to see how special she is, and she needs to realize she has a lifetime of notes waiting for her.

  “You’re not mad I snooped?”

  “Not at all. Those words were meant for you to find them.”

  She smirks and says, “What if I hadn’t found the notebook? Would you be sweating right now?”

  I’m almost one hundred percent positive she has the answer to her own question, but I humor her anyway. “There was no way you would have been able to resist the reading nook. When I built it, I imagined you sitting at the window. The only thing I regret is not being here when you discovered it.”

  “You built it yourself?” she asks in shock.

  “I can’t cook worth a damn, but I can build shit.”

  “Wow, you must be good with your hands.” Her face reddens once she realizes what she implied. If she only knew the half of it. “Forget I said that,” she says quickly.

  But I can’t forget it. Especially when I rest my hands on top of hers and see she’s not wearing her wedding rings. Up until today, she’s kept them in place. Now, I realize she was only wearing them for show. It had nothing to do with Conno
r, but everything to do with appearances.

  She sees me looking at her ring finger and touches her newly bare skin. I sense her waiting for me to say something, but I don’t. I can’t—because I’m happy they’re not there.

  Megan

  GARRETT STANDS IN FRONT OF me with his hands on my legs. It’s such an intimate place to touch me, but I’m only a little bit terrified of how it makes me feel—like little ants are climbing up my shins, the sensations leaving goosebumps that travel all the way through my stomach until my heart’s beating so fast, I’m positive it’s going to explode inside my chest.

  When I came here, I was already attracted to him. I mean, how can I ignore a man who has gone above and beyond for me? I can’t. But no matter how good looking he is, or how big his heart may be, I never imagined it could feel like this.

  This flirtatious dance we’re doing right here on the kitchen counter, is skirting dangerously close to the invisible line I’m trying so hard not to cross. All it would take is the slightest shift of my body, and he’d be so close, there’d be no going back.

  Garrett’s chest is heaving as hard as mine, his patience wavering as each second passes us by. If lightning were to strike right now, I’m positive it would have the power to shock us into submission.

  As much as my body is begging for him, my mind is still in limbo. How do I forget about Connor long enough to accept what is right in front of me?

  This can’t be now or never with Garrett—I don’t want to have to choose between accepting and rejecting this man. I just want to get lost in him without any consequences.

  So, while I do my best to imagine what it would be like to feel his lips on mine, Garrett’s holding me hostage with his eyes. They’re blazing as his fingertips dig further into my thighs.

  He’s a total contradiction—sweetly romantic by day and sinfully lustful at night. If it were up to me, I’d live in a world of total darkness, just so I could explore the heat radiating off of him.

  “I want you so bad, Megan,” he says as he slides his palms higher until they’re cupping my ass. Gently, yet with enough force to take what he wants, he pulls me closer until my legs are wrapped around his waist.

  “Garrett, I . . .” I can’t put my finger on the one thing I need the most from him. All I know is that if he doesn’t give me more, I’ll scream. But how do I ask him for more when he hasn’t even started?

  “Tell me,” he encourages as he rests his forehead against mine. “Tell me everything.”

  Just as I’m about to throw caution to the wind and taste his lips, reality comes crashing down.

  “Mommy!” Laney yells, over and over from her room upstairs. Her voice is small, but completely panicked.

  Pushing Garrett away from me, he’s stunned until he hears Laney’s cries for himself.

  I’m moving so fast, I slip on the rug as I jump off the counter, but Garrett catches me before I fall all the way to the floor.

  His hands are a reminder of what I was contemplating doing and how far I slipped to the dark side. Guilt crashes into me like a wave of water, threatening to drown me for not being by my daughter’s side when she needed me. She’s why I can’t let this happen with Garrett. Laney needs to be my sole focus right now.

  The second I push her bedroom door open, I breathe a sigh of relief. Laney hasn’t fallen out of her bed or tried to get up. She’s still lying in the middle where I left her, clutching her doll in her arms.

  As soon as the bed dips beside her, she reaches for my hand and weaves her tiny fingers through mine. The sparkly nail polish she made Garrett put on her nails last night is the only thing connecting my two worlds right now. Whatever was happening downstairs, I can’t let myself get that close again—no matter how good it felt to be wanted.

  “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

  “When I opened my eyes, I forgot where I was,” she says.

  “And you were scared?”

  “A little, but then I remembered we’re at Garrett’s house, and then I was okay. Is he home yet?”

  I didn’t realize he was on my heels, but Garrett steps around me, smiling at his favorite little patient. “Hi, Laney,” he says, sweetly as he focuses his attention on her. I don’t miss the quick glance he shoots my way, reminding me we still have some unfinished business.

  Ignoring him, because it’s easier to pretend we didn’t have a connection at all, I smile when I see how happy Laney is to see him—and for the fact that she enjoys being around him.

  “You’ll never guess what we’re working on in the kitchen,” I tell my little girl as I start to pick her up. Only Garrett stops me, taking her into his arms instead.

  Like he read my mind, he doesn’t walk toward the doorway like I was expecting. Instead, he goes the other way.

  As soon as he flips on the bathroom light, Laney gasps. “Wow! Is this all for me, too?”

  “Yup, all for the princess of the house.”

  Laney giggles and turns her head to look at me. “He thinks I’m a princess, Mommy.”

  “That must make you the queen,” he tells me with a cheesy wink. If it wasn’t so pathetic, I’d laugh, but I just roll my eyes and point to the counter where I need him to set her down.

  “Laying it on a little thick tonight, aren’t you?” I ask him before he leaves.

  He shakes his head and says, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, Megs.”

  Once he’s gone, I close the door and Laney giggles again. “This stuff was all on my list, so it must have come from Garrett.”

  I panic, wondering if she’s figured out Santa is nothing more than a figment of her imagination.

  “Why do you think that?”

  “Well, because Garrett’s part superhero, with the capes and all. I think he’s probably friends with Santa and that’s how he made it happen. They’re working together.”

  As I help her wash her hands, I’m relieved. “I think you’re absolutely right,” I tell her. “Definitely friends.”

  “But I do need to talk to Garrett when we get downstairs.”

  “I think he’d like that.”

  As soon as I open the bathroom door, he’s standing on the other side, waiting to take Laney out of my arms. “I can do it, Garrett.”

  “You can, but you shouldn’t have to.” Laney willingly wraps her arms around his neck, smiling at him.

  “How’s Sleeping Beauty feeling?” he asks her.

  “That depends, G,” she says, honestly.

  Walking behind them down the stairs, I laugh at her random nickname for Garrett.

  “On what?” he asks her.

  “Well, my legs are okay. They don’t hurt too bad, and my room is super cool. Thank you for the Cinderella stuff.”

  “You’re welcome, Laney. What else is on your mind?” I don’t know who’s smiling bigger right now, but they both look awfully smitten with each other.

  She still has her arms around his neck, her head tilted to the side. She’s studying him intently as she continues. “Well, at the hospital you’re Dr. Kristoff. To Mommy, you’re always just Garrett. But I want something special cause you fixed me all up.”

  Garrett’s body tenses slightly as he finds a clean place to set her down on the island. He stays in front of her, holding her little hands in his. “Is that why you called me G?”

  Laney nods. “Yeah, but it’s not good enough. I need something better—something so super special you’ll never forget it.”

  From the look in Garrett’s eyes, he’s never going to forget today, or any other day he’s in Laney’s presence. He swallows, and then says, “You’ll think of something. For now, you can call me whatever makes you the happiest. How’s that sound?”

  “Sounds good. I’ll keep thinking. But . . .” she begins, and then stops. She looks down at her hands nervously, and I want to jump in to save her, but I also want to know what’s on her mind. It’s not good for her to keep her feelings inside, especially after all she’s been through.

  “What is it, L
aney? You can tell me anything. Your mommy, too.”

  She looks at me as I lean against the doorframe and then back at Garrett. “Well, my Daddy wasn’t nice to mommy. Not like you are.” Laney reaches for her doll, clutching it for comfort. “He told me not to tell some stuff, and I didn’t because I didn’t want her to get sad, but I know he’s in trouble because he crashed the car. And that I should have told Mommy.”

  Garrett takes a second to look at me again, making sure I’m not completely freaking out. He’s smart enough to know this is affecting me. All this time I thought I was the one protecting Laney, but she’s the one who’s been harboring Connor’s secret to protect me. I can’t even fathom how he could put his mistakes on his little girl’s shoulders.

  “What stuff, Laney? Can you tell me what you mean?” Garrett prods, carefully. He keeps a hold of one of her hands while I’m frozen in place as she debates confessing Connor’s sins, one by one.

  Laney sniffles when she says, “Daddy told me not to tell the secret. That it was so special, only me and him could know about it. It didn’t feel special. It made my belly hurt.”

  Garrett brushes a tear off Laney’s cheek, and she’s so nervous she’s trembling. My instinct is to make Garrett stop, but I can’t make her stop talking when she so clearly needs to purge the secrets from her system.

  As much as I would rather she come to me with them, maybe it’s easier for her to tell Garrett than to have to look into my eyes and tell me all the bad things her father has done.

  “Just breathe, Laney,” he tells her. He waits a minute before he starts again. “You can tell me the secret. I promise it’s okay. Nothing bad will happen to you, or to your mommy.”

  Laney nods, her curls bouncing up and down as she listens to Garrett’s promise. “You’ll protect us, G?”

  “Always,” he says so convincingly, even I believe him.

  But the longer she sits there contemplating bearing her soul, the more tears stream from her eyes. When she starts hiccupping from crying so hard, both Garrett and I know this conversation is over for now. She’s not ready, and neither of us will force her to speak—at least not today. She’s been through enough.