Winter Song

by Barbara Sheridan

  “It’s okay, Koj. Watch out for ice on the road.” Jun sighed and raised the volume on the song.

  “No, it’s not okay.” Koji reached over and turned the CD volume back down. “I’m trying to tell you that you do so much for us in the band, you should let us do something for you. So maybe the other guys aren’t here right now, but I ...” He bit down on his lip before something really dumb-ass like I love you popped out of his mouth. “I’m here. I want to help.”

  Jun gave him a long look, one Koji couldn’t quite decipher. Was he upset ‑‑ maybe hurt? Koji wanted his friend to open up to him, to not hold anything back.

  “Thanks,” was Jun’s only reply before turning the music up again.

  * * * * *

  Three hours out of Tokyo, the onsen wasn’t as crowded as one might have expected, since most people made the start of the New Year their prime holiday celebration. The resort sprawled across acres of lush, beautiful land just at the foot of the mountains. A wispy veil of mist spilled over their path as they drove through the traditional-style red gates of the onsen, and adding to the timeless atmosphere that surrounded the inn, the resort’s architecture was modeled after the old-fashioned buildings in the surrounding traditional village, with pagoda-like roofs and wooden terraces.

  Koji had booked the most expensive accommodation ‑‑ a private cottage overlooking the hot spring itself. Jun gave him a long sideways look when they left the main building to head to the cottage, keys in hand.

  “What?” Koji countered. Not bothering to wait for a member of the staff to come out, he tamped down his nervousness by taking their gear from the car and loading it onto the little push cart for luggage. He gestured to the small amplifier. “I didn’t want to disturb anyone. In case you feel the music again.”

  That brought a half grin to Jun’s handsome face as he gave Koji a playful punch with his uninjured hand. “Idiot.”

  They followed a stone walkway up to the cottage, moving quickly to stay warm. Though the small building had been designed to capture the feeling of a classical Japanese inn, there were plenty of amenities inside. They found the cottage warm and inviting, and the heater working full blast, although a small fire had been lit in the fireplace prior to their arrival. As in all traditional Japanese homes, the area in front of the entrance was just roomy enough for them to kick off their shoes, and they stepped up to the rest of the cottage.

  Tatami covered all the floors, but padded rugs had been placed on top of the straw mats throughout the cottage in areas where guests might like a little extra comfort. Koji noticed them in front of the fireplace and under the traditional low dining table. From the common room, the bath and a single bedroom branched off to the right. The doors were open, the recessed lighting casting a warm glow in each of the two side rooms. From the entrance, they could see that both Western style beds were covered with thick, quilted comforters in a soft shade of tan to match the color scheme of the room. The double-paned windows were covered with silk screens that could be opened to allow them to take in the breathtaking view of the resort.

  “Not bad, Koji,” Jun said as he took off his coat and hung it on one of the hooks next to the door. He moved over to the window next to the fireplace and pushed open the screen. Snow-covered mountains filled the horizon. “This place is beautiful.”

  “See, what did I tell you?” Koji grinned. “This is going to be great.” He took their bags from the entryway and headed off to the bedroom to unpack, thrilled that Jun finally seemed to be getting into their trip. He wondered if maybe Annie-chan was online so he could tell her the good news and decided to take advantage of the cottage’s wireless Internet set up.

  Koji had ordered a meal when they checked in, and he heard the porter arrive with their dinner as he booted up his laptop.

  “Food’s here,” Jun called out as he walked to the bedroom. “What the hell are you doing?” he asked, seeing Koji sitting on the edge of the huge bed, his laptop perched on his knee.

  Koji switched it off quickly and grinned. “Just checking my email.”

  Jun shook his head and grabbed one of the yukata, the light robes provided by the hotel. “You worry about me without Rumiko when it’s you who needs to get your act together and get some more real life friends to hang out with.”

  “I’m shy.”

  Jun laughed, and Koji felt a warm tug at his heart. Jun had the most beautiful smile when he wasn’t being the band’s serious “leader-sama.”

  “You can get started on the food. I’m going to grab a quick shower.”

  Koji wanted more than anything to slip into the shower with Jun, but told himself he had to approach this cautiously. Instead, he sat strumming his acoustic guitar. Setting the guitar aside after a time, he opened up the insulated food carrier and removed the mix of western and Japanese foods he’d ordered.

  As good as the food smelled, the warm sake was even better. Koji inhaled the earthy fragrance steaming out of the six-inch-tall porcelain pitcher and sighed under his breath. The shower continued running, and Koji distracted himself from picturing Jun by serving out some of the wine into one of the small cups provided.

  Right before he’d shut off the laptop, he’d received another message from Annie-chan. Her note encouraged him to seize the moment ‑‑ to not let another opportunity slip by.

  Koji gulped down the last of the sake and jumped to his feet. Why should he wait? Maybe later he’d only get more nervous and chicken out before saying anything.

  Heading straight to the bathroom, he shoved in the door and ‑‑ froze right in the threshold. Here in the onsen, the showers were designed spa-style; a step-down, tiled tub with no shower curtain or doors. Jun stood naked under the showerhead, the well-defined muscles of his arms, chest, and legs highlighted as the water ran over his toned, tight body. Seeing his friend nude reminded Koji so much of that night years ago, at the party in Imai’s townhouse, when he could barely pull his eyes away from Jun. Koji just stared ... until he realized Jun was staring back.

  “What?” Jun asked, a blank look on his face.

  “Uh ...” Koji’s resolve melted faster than an ice cube on a hot summer day. “I had to use the bathroom.”

  “I’ll get out.”

  Koji held up his hand. “No. No, I ... can wait.”

  He rushed back to the main room and downed another cup of sake. He’d seen Jun naked before. In all the years of the band, they’d gotten cleaned up after concerts together, and dressed and undressed in each others’ presence like it was nothing. Hell, they’d even had a bit of group sex back in the early days, but now the sight of Jun made him so hot he could barely think straight.

  He wanted to touch that thin, toned body, wanted to taste it, to drink in Jun’s very essence until there was no more.

  “Oh, God.” Koji dropped down on the tatami-covered floor and tugged at his hair. “I’m such a dumb-ass. Shit!” He collapsed backwards so he could stare up at the ceiling, the straw mat tickling the back of his neck a little.

  Koji kicked himself again and wondered why the hell he was acting like a stupid kid with a crush. He’d known Jun for years ‑‑ they were friends. So there was no excuse for why his brains seemed to go haywire whenever they got too close. He just had to calm down ... and stop thinking about that glimpse he gotten of Jun’s dick.

  “Oh, God,” Koji moaned again with embarrassment, his own cock starting to jerk up in reaction to the erotic thoughts flashing through his mind. His hand dropped to his lap where a sizeable bulge pushed against the front of his jeans.

  “Shit,” he mumbled, droplets of sweat beaded on the bridge of his nose and forehead. Hoping to ease his erection, Koji rubbed at his dick through his pants. But his body wasn’t in the mood to cooperate with his brain ‑‑ his shaft kept swelling, and his breath started coming in heavy pants. He groaned and nervously glanced toward the bathroom where he could hear the shower still running.

  A whimper squeaked out of his throat as he yanked down his zipper
and reached into his pants to free his cock. Praying the whole time Jun wouldn’t find him jerking off on the floor like a hormonal teenager, he stroked and tugged the firm length of his shaft. He arched on the floor, giving a deep, throaty groan as he felt the pull in his entire body. Rubbing the palm of his hand over the pulsing vein on the underside of his cock, he shuddered. Just as the first pearly beads of pre-come started oozing from the head, he heard the water shut off behind him.

  “Oh, shit, shit.” He panicked and tried to stuff himself back into his pants before Jun caught him with his dick in his hand. Koji bolted upright, struggling with the zipper of his pants.

  “If you really have to go that bad, you should’ve just said something.” Jun slid the bathroom door open and stepped out fully covered up in a yukata, Koji noticed with relief and actually, some disappointment.

  “Heh.” Koji looked up with a sheepish grin, but kept his hand firmly planted over the front of his pants where he could feel the bulge of his hard-on still pushing stubbornly against the material. “Nah, I’m okay.”

  Jun rolled his eyes and jerked his thumb in the direction of the bath. “Well, she’s all yours.”

  “Yeah ... okay.” Koji rolled to his feet and shuffled across the room. He walked at a side angle so most of his back faced Jun, instead of his front ‑‑ for obvious reasons. Before going into the bathroom, Koji froze. Jun was giving him a funny, suspicious look.

  “What?” Koji swallowed, his mouth dry.

  Jun frowned. “You tell me what.”

  Oh, God. Koji’s hard-on must have been noticeable. What the hell had he been thinking?

  “Uh ...” Koji blurted out. “The sake went straight to my head. I didn’t even mean to look when I walked in on you!”

  Jun rolled his eyes and finished shoving Koji into the bathroom. “You didn’t even wait for me to start on the sake, huh? Thanks a lot, Koj. No wonder you’re pissing your pants.”

  The door slid shut behind him, and Koji leaned his head back against it, trying not to groan too loudly with embarrassment. He had to get a fucking grip! Unfortunately, the only thing that kept running through his mind was Jun in all his naked glory. And the lingering trace of Jun’s favorite cologne in the bathroom didn’t help, either.

  Between his legs, his cock throbbed, demanding attention after his pathetic groping session. Koji looked down at the bulge, just as prominent as ever. Now there was a little wet spot forming where the trickle of pre-come soaked through the material. Great. Creaming his pants would be the perfect end to this humiliating episode.

  Since he was already in the bathroom, Koji decided he might as well make use of the privacy. Standing over the toilet, he closed his eyes and let his mind drift back to that night when he was twenty, and he and Jun had been celebrating the release of their first real record by a major label. They had gotten drunk together and picked up the two club hostesses for what had to be the wildest night of their lives, but it was Jun who’d given him the best orgasm he’d ever had. Koji moaned at the memory of his friend’s touch. A few years had passed since then, but he kept going back to that night in his mind ‑‑ the only time he’d ever felt Jun’s touch in a romantic way. He feverishly stroked himself, attempting to recreate the same steady pace Jun had used on him, the same practiced motions that had left him breathless and hopeful that Jun felt the same way Koji did. During that brief moment years ago, Koji had almost believed Jun loved him as more than a friend. And that had made their sexual encounter all the sweeter.

  He groaned, his fingers rubbing over his stiff, aching sex. Jun had done it slowly, never squeezing harshly, but using long caresses that sent waves of pleasure right up through the shaft and into the rest of Koji’s body.

  “Yeah,” Koji moaned. He gasped, feeling his climax rushing up fast. He forced himself to keep the pace slow, to ride it out, to ...

  “Hey.” Jun knocked on the doorframe outside. “You okay in there?”

  “Shit!” Koji gasped, clamping a hand over his mouth to hold back another moan. He coughed, the sound ending in a little whimper. “I ‑‑ I’m fine!”

  “You sound, I dunno. Weird.”

  Oh, hell ... Koji slumped forward, his forehead resting on the wall behind the toilet. But his hand sure as hell didn’t stop working on his cock!

  “I’m just having ... a little trouble.” Koji made a face.

  “Peeing?”

  Koji almost died. “Yeah.”

  “Uh ... does it, you know, hurt?”

  “No, no.” Now Koji wished he had died. “It’s just taking a while to come out.” Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. He stopped and took a slow, deep breath.

  There was a painful second of silence before Jun cleared his throat outside. “Do you need some help?”

  Holy shit ‑‑ yes, he wanted to say. But Koji heard the hint of amusement in Jun’s voice.

  “Well, when Kaoru has ‘some trouble,’ this is what I do with him.” Jun started chanting through the door in a light, sing-song voice. “Shi shi shi shi shi ...” He started laughing.

  Mortified, Koji stuffed himself back in his pants for the second time and flushed the toilet ‑‑ the empty toilet. Red face and all, he charged out of the bathroom. “I’m kicking your ass, Jun!”

  “Why?”

  Koji stopped short, his hand balled into a fist. “I’m not your son. I can use the bathroom by myself.”

  Jun laughed and ruffled Koji’s dyed-scarlet hair. “You’re a big, big boy, Ko-chan, and I’ll be so proud of you on tour next week when you can leave the training pants at home.”

  Koji’s anger faded as Jun clapped his shoulder and gave him a nudge back toward the main room. “It’s great to hear you laugh again.”

  Jun nodded as he dropped onto one of the thick floor cushions before the low table. “I do feel a little better not being at home with all the memories.” He poured them each a drink. “There were starting to be more bad than good ones, you know?”

  Koji accepted the sake and nodded as he took a sip. “Yeah, especially now with the holidays, it gets tough.” He stared into the small, palm-sized cup and swirled the clear wine around. “Why don’t you sell the house, and you know, move on?”

  He winced when Jun sighed, worried he’d screwed up without realizing it again. But when he looked up, Jun gave him a small smile. “I know,” the guitarist said quietly. “Rumiko’s not coming back, but I’m glad she’s happy at least. Maybe it is time for me to give up the house, move back into an apartment in the city.”

  “Plenty of room in my place,” Koji reminded him. He wondered if that sounded too forward or just plain goofy, so he added, “Until you find your own. Or whatever.”

  Jun gave Koji another one of those indecipherable looks, neither smiling nor frowning. He served them both another set of drinks and held up his little glass in a toast. “I might take you up on that.”

  Chapter Three

  “I hope you do. It’ll be fun. Remember that place we had when we were with The Crushers?”

  Jun laughed. “The paint chips falling off in the hallway were bigger than our apartment.”

  “And that day when Toru came to ask us to be in the band he was putting together, he hit his head on the door ‘cause it was so low.” Koji ran his forehead into his hand to illustrate.

  “And he’s not even six feet tall!”

  “Those were some pretty shitty days.” Jun laughed again, putting his empty cup on the lacquered tray. Koji refilled it, and Jun took a sip.

  “Come on.” Koji grinned. “Those days weren’t that bad. I kind of liked it.”

  “You’re messing with me.” Jun leaned back on his good hand, the bandaged one gently fingering the edge of his cup.

  “Think about it.” Koji finished off his drink, enjoying the warm feeling deep in his stomach as the wine filled him. “Even in the worst times, we got along great and always managed to have fun with what we were doing. The Crushers sucked, but we didn’t have to worry about a lot of the shit we do now.”r />
  Jun nodded. “Crazy tour schedules.”

  “Music critics,” Koji said.

  “Rabid fangirls.”

  “Rabid fanboys,” Koji added.

  “Managers who have permanent sticks up their asses.” Jun groaned, and they both laughed. After a few minutes, when they’d quieted down again, Jun became a little more serious. “Thanks for bringing me here, Koji. I needed this more than I wanted to admit.”

  Koji smiled. “Then we’ll just hang out here and relax until the end of next week. If you want to, of course.”

  Jun nodded and smiled. “I do. Thanks.”

  They ate their lunch, reminisced about the band’s early days a bit more, and let the sake make them sleepy.

  “Jun?” Koji asked from his side of the room. “Are you okay? I hope talking about the past didn’t ‑‑”

  “It didn’t, Koj. I’m okay, really.” He paused, then turned to face his friend. “I have the papers. The divorce papers. I just haven’t been able to make myself sign them.”

  Guilt stabbed at Koji’s heart even as another part of him fairly shouted with joy. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it had gone so far.”

  Jun shrugged. “I’ll be okay.”

  He turned away without another word, and Koji stared at Jun’s back for a few minutes before the alcohol and long drive lulled him to sleep.

  * * * * *

  Koji was pleasantly surprised when Jun woke him a few hours later and suggested they take a soak in the hot spring before grabbing dinner and working on that new song.

  “Shit,” Jun grumbled, stopping short on the secluded path.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Jun held up his bandaged hand. “I forgot to bring that baggie thing to keep this from getting wet.”

  “I’ll run back for it and meet you there,” Koji said, handing his friend the towels.

  Koji was headed out the door when his cell phone rang. He was going to ignore it, but thought it might be one of his sisters. Their mom had had some asthma problems recently.