Redneck Tale - Naughty Shorts

by Hennessee Andrews

  “Well, your daddy wasn’t gonna let him continue to get the milk for free,” Aunt Sadie chimed in. “You two ought to be married. Playing house and having sex isn’t marriage.”

  “Oh, Mom. You’re so old fashioned,” Sammy said and laughed. “I’ve been getting the sausage for free, so it don’t matter.”

  Oh, geesh. I wanted to crawl under something. I was in the middle of a conversation I didn’t want to be privy to. I also couldn’t wait to board a flight back to civilization.

  “It’ll be all proper and legal soon enough,” Aunt Sadie said and looked toward her black kitty cat clock on the wall. At some point in time the tail had been broken off and replaced with a cardboard one that clicked back and forth while its eyes moved to and fro in the opposite direction. “Goodness me, we better get ready.”

  As if on cue, three women burst through the front door, godawful orange dresses draped over their arms. In their other hands, they carried beers, and acted like it was their umpteenth one.

  “Oh, my god!” one woman squealed. “Sammy’s getting married!”

  The other two cheered while sloshing beer on the stained carpet. I assumed it must be the norm to get totally hammered before a wedding, so when Aunt Sadie asked if I wanted a drink, I replied with, “Hell, yes.” In redneck hell, that’s where I was, smack dab in the middle.

  The trio giggled down the hall to a bedroom, their voices carrying throughout the house. Sammy hitched a thumb in their direction. “They’re a crazy bunch of bitches, but they’ll grow on ya.”

  “Oh, yeah, I’m certain they will,” I agreed and accepted the beer my Aunt Sadie handed to me. I chugged down half the can, sure there wasn’t enough alcohol on the planet to help me through this. In less than two hours I would be captured on film wearing an orange bridesmaid dress, and more than likely steadying the maid of honor at the altar.

  Sammy urged me to follow her down the hall, stating she needed my expert makeup advice. I cringed. The bedroom was full of tipsy Daisy Dukes and I felt my IQ drop three points. Not kidding. We entered and every one of them were stripped down to just their panties, perfectly fine with a stranger, me, seeing their naked breasts.

  “Johnny said one of my tits was bigger than the other,” a ditzy blonde said and held them up, squinting down critically at them. “Are they?”

  I rubbed my eyes, chugged down the rest of the beer, and snuck out of the room. “Aunt Sadie,” I called as I walked toward the living room. “I think I’m going to need another beer.”

  * * * *

  The sun had begun to wane and the temperature settled to a more comfortable degree of heat. Sweat trailed down my temples and beaded between my breasts. I held a bouquet of wildflowers and felt my hands itch. So help me, the flowers had better come from a florist and not picked from a field. I knew damn well what chiggers were, having had my first encounter with them as a child.

  I trailed behind Tipsy One, Two, and Three. In front of them was an ill-tempered flower girl who wasn’t happy with the heat or her role. She grabbed large handfuls of flower petals and threw them at the guests instead of along the path we walked. Everyone seemed to find it amusing and laughed. Of course, most in attendance had a red Solo cup and had already visited the keg a time or two.

  We took our places at the camo clad altar of sorts. The band began to play Sweet Home Alabama, cat calls and shouts erupted from the inebriated crowd. I smiled and even giggled a time or two. Sammy was escorted by my Uncle Jimmy, and I must say, he cleaned up well for an old hillbilly. The camo dress was sort of growing on me too, in an unconventional way. It suited Sammy and her redneck lifestyle.

  Out the corner of my eye, I caught one of the groomsmen staring my way. I turned and glanced at him. He winked and I rolled my eyes before turning my attention back to the bride. Talk about a randy crowd. Even the groomsmen had had a few to drink and were already hitting on the bridesmaids. The guy that winked at me was currently elbowing the guy next to him. It made me uncomfortable, because I knew he was talking about me. Maybe I should have slammed down a couple more drinks before this shindig got started.

  Uncle Jimmy passed Sammy to Bo and curtly stepped back. The preacher didn’t look like much of a preacher, not that I truly knew what one should look like, but I doubted Sunday service included camo pants and shirt with an hunter orange vest either.

  “Who gives this woman to be wed?” the not-so-preacher-like preacher asked.

  Uncle Jimmy cleared his throat. “Uh, me and her momma.”

  I suppressed a laugh and pushed my lips together, fearful I might burst at any time. While I couldn’t wait to get out of here, I knew without a doubt I’d have memories that would last me a lifetime. It was then I realized I could practically do whatever I wanted, within reason, and wouldn’t have to worry about my reputation tomorrow. I peered over at the semi-hot groomsman and winked back.

  Whether it was the heat or the humidity, something stirred inside me. Then again, it might have been the four beers I'd consumed before we left the house. The preacher continued with the ceremony, and all in all, it was much like any other wedding. Do you promise to love, cherish, and blah, blah, blah.

  Thank goodness the ceremony didn’t last long. When it came to the part where the preacher asked if anyone had any reason the two shouldn’t be married, I held my breath, but no one found reason, and instead shouted for Bo to kiss the bride. I believe everyone was tiring from the heat and cold beer sat not more than thirty feet away. The people here were growing on me, lack of manners included.

  Cheers, whoops, and hollers echoed through the timber when Bo planted a kiss on Sammy that turned heated to X-rated in seconds. The band started playing Sweet Home Alabama again and after a few congratulatory hugs and such, a line formed at the kegs, and at the potluck table of food.

  Dumb, dumber, and dumbest, the maid of honor and other bridesmaids flitted away, finding a man to grab onto. The ones they picked were the closest to the front of the line to the keg. I had to give them credit, they knew how to work the men around here.

  “So, city girl,” Mr. Winky Groomsman said. “I’m Luke. Should I call you city girl, or do you have a name?”

  “Vicky,” I said and upon further inspection, found the man leaned more on the irresistible side than I'd realized. As far as I could tell, he still had all his teeth. Bonus points. Call me a stereotyping bitch if you will, but I’d seen some pretty bad grill jobs since I’d arrived.

  “You uh, have a date for the evening?” Luke asked and offered a coy grin.

  I supposed that meant, do you have a fuck partner for the night. I know a come-on when I hear one. “No, no date,” I replied and sized him up. He was about my age, nice and lean, with thick biceps and a muscular chest. His face was perhaps his most redeeming quality. He possessed light blue eyes, dark hair, and plump lips, perfect for kissing. His smile was cute and heart stopping, causing my stomach to flutter just a little. I cast my gaze downward, wondering about his hardware, because all women with sights set on a one-night stand don’t want to pick a Tiny Timmy. Sure, that’s kind of slutty to say, but what woman wants to waste her time and night with a small prick?

  Luke chuckled, apparently knowing what I was doing. “City girl, I’ll put your city boys to shame.”

  Oooh. I felt a quiver of excitement between my legs. A man with confidence was a real turn-on.

  “If I’m not big enough, my buddy Joe here can more than please any needy cunt.”

  “Mouthy and cocky?” I asked and glanced toward the guy he called Joe. I studied my nails as if bored. “I don’t know. City boys are more refined, and generous when it comes to sex. I doubt two country hicks could please me even if they wanted to.”

  Luke raised a brow and jabbed Joe in the ribs. “City girl has no idea how country hicks roll. I reckon we ought to show her.”

  Joe grinned and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I’m thinking a city girl couldn’t take two fine gentleman such ourselves. We might be better to set our s
ights on Jessica. She can suck a cock.”

  Jessica? As in Jessica the bridesmaid? Jessica, dumber in the trio? No, country hicks or not, these two weren’t going to dump me for white trash tramp stamp Jessica. “Fine.” I grinned. “They didn’t call me Vacuum Vicky in college for nothing.”

  With that said, I walked away, put on my best smile, and cut in line for the keg. Don’t ask me where I came up with Vacuum Vicky. I was just yanking their dicks with that. A girl dressed for prom during hunting season had to find fun where she could.

  Fresh beer in hand, I mingled here and there, introducing myself to kin I hadn’t seen since I was a kid. The band played old rock and the beer was cold. The only complaint I had was the damn mosquitoes that seemed to enjoy my brand of blood the best. A fabulous buzz settled in my brain and as funny as it sounds, I was really beginning to enjoy myself. Sure, my hair was flat and makeup smeared, but the temp had cooled, and lightning bugs were out in droves. Uncle Jimmy’s flood lights lit up the dark woods and everyone was having a great time.

  Just about the time I was getting my groove on to a really good tune, Luke and Joe joined me. I smiled, knowing damn well the last thing I said to them had stuck in their minds. I had no intention of sucking their sweaty dicks; after all, the heat had been such I knew they had sweated down there. Hell to the no on that. I was, however, in for a good romp.

  “Vicky, Vicky, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind, hey Vicky,” Luke said in a sing-song voice and chuckled in my ear. He pulled me to him and brushed his hard cock against my ass.

  Judging by the hardware he pressed to me, my interest piqued, and I smiled, retaliating by rubbing him while I danced. “A city girl is too much for a county hick. Everyone knows that,” I teased. Part of getting what I wanted depended on how I worked the guy up. In this case, I wanted a hard and rough fucking, so kicking his ego around was my best ploy.

  “Baby, my dick is so big you couldn’t handle it anyway,” he replied and grabbed my hips, grinding against my ass.

  “It doesn’t matter how big the tool. What matters is if the man can use it,” I continued, rubbing him with more friction, and noticed he became thicker, harder.

  “You’re a mouthy bitch. I like that in a woman,” Luke said and forced me to turn around. “You ain't ever been fucked properly until you’ve been fucked by me and Joe.”

  Joe pressed against my backside and growled in my ear. “Put out or shut up.”

  Throwing the gauntlet, that’s what Joe had done. I accepted the challenge, partially because I was well past a six pack, give or take two or three, and because I really wanted to know. Could a couple of country bumpkins please me as well as the rich guys I chased in the city? There were three things I liked in men and they were good looks, a big dick, and money. So far two were missing from the equation. Men always talked up their dicks, so I couldn’t believe a word they said in that department. And money? I doubted either had a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out. But good looks? Yeah, they were both quite attractive, more so than the men I'd had in the past.

  Before I knew what was happening, I was being tugged along by Luke. Joe followed behind, swatting my ass. I didn’t worry who had noticed us leave, because more than likely, they were all so inebriated they wouldn’t remember tomorrow anyhow.

  When we were far enough away that the flood lights resembled pinpoints of light, Luke pressed my back to a tree. “And here we are, city girl,” he said and nipped my bottom lip. “Any last words before we fuck you senseless?”

  My mind buzzed with a euphoric feeling and I grinned. “Yeah. Do a good job, because I will rate your performance.”

  “Mmm, gotta love the fire in this one,” Joe said and shoved his hand down the front of my dress. He tweaked my nipple and an instant rush of moisture flooded my panties.

  Luke made short work of hitching my dress up around my hips, what little there was anyhow. “I bet you’re wet just thinking about our cocks,” he said as he slid my panties down to my ankles. “Joe, you won’t believe this,” he continued and ran his hand over my bare mound. “Her pussy is silky smooth.”

  Joe’s eyes twinkled and a wicked smile curved his lips. With his finger, he tilted my chin up. Our lips pressed together, slow and gentle at first.

  Luke circled my clit, dipping down between my folds to gather moisture. “Fuck, yeah, she’s wet.” He moaned and inserted his finger, giving it a wiggle.

  Luke’s lips were at my ear. Heated breaths rasped at my neck while the kiss I shared with Joe curled my toes. Our tongues came together and immediately found a perfect rhythm. His large hand clutched the back of my neck, pressing our lips together a little rougher. The guy knew how to kiss and I fell further into it, enjoying the sensual and lazy quality of it.

  Our pace was slow and easy. Luke worked my pussy with his fingers, dipping his head down to pay equal attention to my nipples.

  I gasped and felt lightheaded. I’d never been with two men at once. Their hands were on my skin, strumming my cunt, my breasts, and my neck. In the background, crickets and frogs chirped, delighting my ears with sounds I wasn’t accustomed to. The warm night air tickled my skin. I couldn’t remember whether I’d even had sex outdoors before.

  “You like that, sweetheart?” Luke asked with a deep drawl. “Just wait. It gets better.”

  Joe smiled against my mouth and brushed my cheek with his rough hand. His eyes widened, dark brown eyes communicating lust and desire. “Turn around, city girl.”

  Luke stepped back and unfastened his belt. He grinned as he continued on, peeling open the fly of his jeans and revealing his thick and long cock. My mouth watered, and I suddenly needed it anywhere he’d stick it. Joe unzipped my dress and the tacky thing fell to my ankles, leaving me naked.

  “Not bad for a city girl,” Joe said while easing my panties down.

  After stepping out of them, Joe reached around and cupped both my breasts in his hands. His fingers flicked my nipples, causing them to harden. Light nips from his teeth worked over my shoulder and to my neck. I arched against him, loving how he touched me and built me up with the simplest of acts. In front of me, Luke began stroking his cock while watching us.

  “Hard and fast or slow and gentle?” Joe asked in a husky tone, tickling my ear.

  “Hard and fast,” I replied, my breath catching when his hand trailed down my stomach and his fingers probed my pussy.

  “I had a feeling you’d say that,” he rasped at my ear and forced me to bend over.

  Luke came closer, his cock level with my mouth. He brushed his knuckles over my cheek and nudged his thick pole against my lips. I opened, tasting the salty pre-cum on the tip. At the same time, Joe teased me, rubbing his dick at the spot I needed him the most. I hummed, taking Luke’s cock deep into my mouth and was rewarded with Joe’s cock impaling me.

  My body trembled and I moaned loudly, grasping Luke’s hips for support. They weren’t lying about Joe’s size and my mind drifted into a euphoric state.

  “Damn, she’s tight,” Joe groaned and grasped my hips, eased out and plunged back in.

  I whimpered and felt cream dribble down my thighs. Luke’s cock muffled the noise, not that anyone could hear us, but we could hear them. Bad to the Bone was playing, and I thought it fitting, giving the circumstances. Old rock, a fast and rough beat with a country twang set the mood and the pace. Luke held my head and guided me. I worked his pole, caressing every inch of his cock with my tongue.

  “That’s it, baby, suck that cock.”

  There was something about the sound of their voices, their southern drawls. My heart beat faster, body quivering with want for the two county hicks. Joe picked up his pace, hands holding my hips, thrusting his big cock inside me. All I could do was moan with appreciation. With each thrust our bodies smacked together, heightening my pleasure. The sounds of sex always got me going, and the dirtier the talk, the hornier I became.

  “She wasn’t lying,” Luke said between rough breaths. He held
my head tighter and forced his cock deeper into my mouth. I suppressed a gag as my mouth filled with saliva and dribbled down Joe’s cock. Using the slick substance, I held his cock and followed my mouth, adding a little extra stimulation.

  “Her pussy is like a fucking dream,” Joe added and reached around to strum my clit. His hips came fast and hard, slamming against my ass. Every part of me was being pushed or pulled. My boobs bounced back and forth, legs quivering with the overwhelming attention. Starting at the moment, I decided I’d forever be a two-man woman.

  “So good. Oh, my god!” My body quivered and my pussy clenched tight. I was so close. My clit began to tickle, the magical little sensation I get right before my orgasm hits. “Harder!” I demanded before sinking my mouth around Luke’s cock once again.

  “God damn, woman! I’m fucking you as hard as I can!” Joe shouted and slapped my ass.

  Sweet, delicious sounds of our skin coming together pushed me higher. Joe’s big dick filled me, caressed my insides. I gave into my needs, pushing back, impaling myself harder, loving the feel of his hands gripping my hips, indulging my ears in the harmony of our pleasure.

  My body tensed and a deep moan erupted from my lips. Joe slapped my ass and I yelped as stars clouded my vision. He pulled me up and held me around the waist, rubbing my clit as my orgasm came in one big burst. “That’s it, baby,” he coaxed, easing in and out. “Let it go.”

  I whimpered. Warm heat trickled down my leg, evidence of my arousal. Joe pulled out and Luke knelt between my legs, tongue flicking out to tease my clit. I wobbled on my feet and Joe steadied me while pinching my nipples between his fingertips. Aftershocks rippled outward and I hummed, enjoying the sated feeling.

  Luke flashed me a grin before yanking me from Joe’s hold. “My turn.”

  Lifting me up with ease, he pushed me against a tree, positioning his cock. He thrust inside me, cradling my butt in his large hands. “Yeah, take this big cock into that tight pussy.”

  Rough bark from the tree scratched at my back. Some may find that a little uncomfortable, but for me, it had the opposite effect, and only furthered my desire. Luke kneaded my ass, offering a deep growl of satisfaction with each upward stroke. I held him around the waist with my legs, lifting up when he eased out, and plunged down around his pole when he thrust inside me.