Bittersweet

by Danielle Steel

  “And we're having friends up over the Fourth too,” Jenny explained. They always had friends at the house with them, so it was nothing unusual, but this time she seemed especially eager to tell India about her guests. “Serena Smith and her husband will be here.”

  “The writer?” India looked momentarily startled. She was on the bestseller list constantly with her steamy novels. And India had always had the impression that she was an interesting woman.

  “I went to college with her,” Jenny explained. “We kind of lost touch over the years, although I knew her pretty well then. I ran into her in New York this year. She's a lot of fun, and I like her husband.”

  “And wait till you see his sailboat,” Dick said admiringly. “They sailed around the world with it, and it's really quite something. They're going to sail it up from New York with half a dozen friends. They're planning to spend a week here. You have to bring the kids over to see it.”

  “Let us know when it's here,” India said, and Dick laughed.

  “I don't think I'll have to. You can't miss it. It's a hundred and seventy feet long, with a crew of nine. They I've awfully well, but they're nice people. I think you'll like them. It's a shame Doug won't be here.”

  “He'll be heartbroken to miss it,” India said politely. There was no need to explain to them that just looking at a boat, Doug got seasick. But she didn't, and she knew that Sam in particular would be excited to see it.

  “I'm sure he knows who Paul is. He's in international banking, Paul Ward.” He had been on the cover of Time twice in the past few years, and she'd read about him in the Wall Street Journal. Somehow she had never connected him with Serena Smith though. She guessed that he was somewhere in his mid-fifties.

  “It'll be fun to meet them. We're getting awfully fancy here this year, aren't we? With famous authors and big yachts, and international financiers. It makes the rest of us look a little dull by comparison, doesn't it?” India smiled at them. They always seemed to have an interesting group of people around them.

  “I wouldn't call you dull, my dear,” Dick said with a grin, putting an arm around her shoulders. He was glad to see her. He shared her passion for photography, although he was only an amateur, but he had taken some wonderful photographs of the children. “Did you do any assignments this winter?”

  “Nothing since Harlem,” she said sadly, and then she told him about the job she'd turned down in Korea.

  “That would have been a tough one,” he said after she explained it to him.

  “I couldn't leave the children for a month. Doug got mad just hearing about it. He doesn't really want me doing any work.”

  “That would be a real crime with a talent like yours,” he said with a thoughtful look, while Jenny chatted with Sam about the sports he'd played that winter. “You should talk Doug into letting you do more work instead of less,” he said seriously, which reminded her of their fateful dinner.

  “Doug definitely does not share that point of view,” she said with a rueful smile at their old friend. “He doesn't think work and motherhood are a good mix, I'm afraid.” Something in her eyes told Dick that this was a painful subject for her.

  “Let Jenny talk to him about it. I suggested she retire once, about five years ago, and she almost killed me. I just thought she was working too hard, teaching and doing surgery, and she almost divorced me. I don't think I'll try that again until she's eighty.” He glanced lovingly at his wife with a whimsical expression.

  “Don't even think about it then,” Jenny warned him with a grin, joining their conversation. “I'm going to teach till I'm at least a hundred.”

  “She will too,” he said, smiling at India. He was always bowled over by how beautiful India was, and how natural. She seemed completely unaware of her effect on people. She was so used to watching them through a lens, that it never dawned on her that anyone was looking at her. She told him about a new camera she'd bought then, explained it to him in detail, and promised to let him try it. She had made a point of bringing it with her. And he loved visiting her darkroom. She had even taught him how to use it. He had always been deeply impressed by her talent, far more so than Doug, who had long since come to take it for granted.

  The Parkers said they had to go back to their house then to meet some friends, and she promised to come and visit with Sam in a day or two, and encouraged them to drop by any time they wanted.

  “Don't forget the Fourth!” they reminded her as she and Sam started to walk on, with Crockett dancing behind them.

  “We'll be there,” she promised with a wave, as she and Sam walked away hand in hand, and Dick Parker told his wife how happy he was to see them.

  “It's ridiculous that Doug doesn't want her to work,” Jenny said as they walked down the beach, thinking about India's comment to them. “She's not just some little photographer. She did some really fantastic things before they were married.”

  “They have a lot of kids though,” he said, trying to see both sides of the argument. He'd always suspected that was how Doug felt about it. He rarely talked about India's photographs, and didn't make much fuss about them.

  “So what?” Jenny was annoyed at the excuse, it seemed an inadequate reason to her for India not to take assignments wherever she wanted. “They could get someone to help with the kids. She can't play nursemaid forever, just to soothe his ego.”

  “Okay, okay, Attila, I get it,” he teased her. “Tell Doug, don't yell at me.”

  “I'm sorry.” She smiled at her husband as he put an arm around her. They had been married since their Harvard days, and were crazy about each other. “I just hate it when men take positions like that. It's so damn unfair. What if she told him to quit his job and take care of the kids? He'd think she was crazy.”

  “No kidding. Tell me about it, Dr. Parker.”

  “All right, all right. So Simone de Beauvoir was my role model. So kill me.”

  “It's okay, you can beat me up anytime you want. I happen to love you, even if you do have strong opinions on an impressive number of subjects.”

  “Would you love me if I didn't?” There was still a sparkle in her eyes when she looked at him, and it was obvious how much they loved each other.

  “Probably not as much, and I'd have gotten bored years ago.” Being married to Jenny Parker had been anything but boring. The only thing he regretted about being married to her was not having had more children. But she had always been too involved in her work to have more than their son, and he was happy to have the one they did have. Their son, Phillip, was just like his mother, and they both thought he was going to make a great physician. For the moment, he was determined to go into pediatrics, and kids seemed to love him. They both felt it was a good decision.

  And as they walked far down the beach, Sam was talking to his mother about the Parkers. He loved seeing them, and Dick's comments about the sailboat hadn't fallen on deaf ears.

  “Did you hear about the sailboat their friends are bringing up on the Fourth?” India asked Sam, and he nodded. “It sounds like a really big one.”

  “Think they'll let us go on it?” Sam asked with interest. He loved boats and this year he was going to take a sailing class at the yacht club.

  “It sounds like it. Dick said he'd take us on it.” Sam's eyes were filled with excitement at the prospect, and India couldn't wait to meet Serena. She'd read two or three of her books and loved them, although she hadn't had time to read the new ones.

  When they got to the end of the beach, they turned back, and walked home with their feet in the water. Sam threw the ball for the dog, and he kept retrieving it, and when they got home, the others were still out, and India made lunch, and then they took their bikes out. They rode past friends' houses, and stopped in to say hello. It felt good just being there, in a place they loved, with familiar people. It was the perfect spot for all of them. And at the last house, Sam ran into a whole group of his friends, and India agreed to let him stay for dinner. She rode back to the house alone, and
when she got there, the phone was ringing. She thought it might be Doug, and hesitated for a moment before she answered. She still wasn't anxious to talk to him. But when she picked it up, it was Dick Parker.

  “The Wards just called,” he told her, sounding excited. “They're coming up tomorrow. Or at least he is, with a boatful of people. She's flying in for the weekend. I wanted to let you know, so you could bring Sam over. Paul says they'll be here in the morning. We'll call you.”

  “I'll tell Sam,” India promised, and then went to the kitchen to make herself some soup. As it turned out, none of the kids came home for dinner. But at least they all called to tell her. She felt completely at ease about their independent movements. It was one of the things she liked most about being at the Cape. It was a safe community of people she knew and trusted. There were virtually no strangers, and hardly ever summer renters. The people who owned houses here loved it too much to go anywhere else. It was one of the reasons Doug never wanted to go to Europe, and in some ways she couldn't blame him, although she longed to travel with him and the children.

  And when Sam came home that night she told him about the sailboat arriving in the morning. “They promised to call us as soon as it gets here.”

  “I hope they don't forget,” Sam said, looking worried, as she tucked him into bed, and kissed him goodnight, and promised him she was sure they wouldn't forget to call them.

  The others came home shortly after that. She made lemonade and popcorn for them, and they sat on the deck chatting and laughing, until finally one by one they went off to bed. Doug didn't call that night, and she didn't call him either. It was a relief to have some time to herself, and after the kids were asleep, she disappeared into her darkroom. It was late when she finally went back to her bedroom, and she looked out at the full moon over the ocean. There were a million stars in the sky. It was a perfect night, in a place she loved, and for a moment she missed Doug. Maybe it would have been nice after all if he'd been there, despite their recent differences, and his depressing outlook on marriage. She didn't want to be a “reliable companion” to him, she hated the thought of it. She wanted to be the woman he loved, and still dreamed of. And it was hard to believe even now that he thought so little of that. Maybe he hadn't really meant what he said that night, she told herself hopefully, as she looked at the night sky, and began to get sleepy. He couldn't have meant it …could he? Was it all as cut and dried to him as he had said? She wanted to be so much more than a reliable caretaker for his children. She wanted to run down the beach with him hand in hand in the moonlight, and lie on the sand and kiss, as they had when they were young in Costa Rica. He couldn't have forgotten all that, couldn't have drifted so far from all their early dreams while she wasn't looking. What had happened to the young man he had been then, when they met, twenty years before? Their time in the Peace Corps had all been a kind of aberration for him, and twenty years had changed him into someone very different. He was not the same person he had been. He had grown up, he said. But in doing so, he had missed something … he had lost someone she had loved so much. Enough to give up a whole life for. And she had changed too, but not enough to forget all she had been. It was a shame, for both of them. And as she thought of it, she fell asleep, and didn't wake again until morning.

  Chapter 5

  IT WAS another brilliantly sunny day when she woke up, and there was a gentle breeze rustling the curtains at her open bedroom window. She stretched and got up, and looked out, and all she could see as she looked out at the ocean was the biggest sailboat she'd ever seen. There were people running around on deck, and a series of flags flying from the mast, its hull was dark blue, and its superstructure silver. It was a spectacular sight, and she knew instantly whose it was. There was no need for the Parkers to call them. You could see the boat for miles. It was a spectacular sight as it sailed slowly past them, its mainmast towering high above the water, and she ran to get Sam to show him.

  “Come on …get up … I have something to show you!” She woke him up as she came into his room, and gently pulled back the covers. “It's here!”

  “What is?” He was still half asleep when he got up, and followed his mother to the window, where she pointed to the sailboat.

  “Wow, Mom! Look at that! It must be the biggest sailboat in the world! Are they already leaving?” He looked worried. He was terrified he'd missed it.

  “They must be going to the yacht club.” They had a brightly colored spinnaker up and it was an incredible sight as they headed briskly past them. The wind had picked up just enough, and the boat was exquisitely graceful as she sailed toward the point. And then, India dashed quickly back to her bedroom and grabbed her camera. She and Sam ran out on the deck together, and she got some great pictures of the sailboat. She made a mental note to herself to give a set to Dick Parker once she developed them. The boat was absolutely lovely.

  “Can we call Dick now?” Sam could hardly contain his excitement.

  “Maybe we should wait a little while, Sam. It's only eight o'clock in the morning.”

  “But what if they go back to New York before we get a chance to see it?”

  “They just got here, sweetheart, and Dick said they'd be here all week. I don't think you're going to miss it, honest. How about some pancakes first?” It was the only thing she could think of to stall him, and he agreed reluctantly. But finally, at eight-thirty, he couldn't stand it a moment longer and begged her to call them.

  Jenny answered the phone, and India apologized for disturbing them so early, but explained the situation to her, and she laughed when she heard about Sam's impatience.

  “They just called us from the boat, in fact. They invited us over for lunch. They're going to dock it at the yacht club.”

  “That's what I told Sam. It looked like that was where they were headed.” Sam had gone back out to the deck, with binoculars, and the boat had disappeared around the point, and was out of sight now.

  “Why don't you come to lunch with us?” Jenny suggested. “I'm sure two more won't make any difference to them. Do you think the others would like to come too? I can always call Paul, I'm sure he wouldn't mind.”

  “I'll ask them, and call you back. Thanks so much, Jenny. I'm not sure Sam is going to be able to stand it till lunchtime. You may have to come over and sedate him.”

  “Wait till he sees it!” Jenny promised, and when the others got up, India told them about the boat and asked them if they'd like to come, but they all had plans, and their friends seemed more exciting to them than a sailboat.

  “Boy, are you guys dumb,” Sam said to them with disgust as they ate their breakfast. India had made pancakes for everyone, and Sam was sitting at the table with them, although he'd eaten before they had. “It's the biggest sailboat in the world] You should see it!”

  “How would you know?” Jason looked unimpressed. The I'llton children had a cousin with them from New York, and she was the cutest girl he'd ever seen. No sailboat in the world could hold a candle to her, and he wasn't about to miss an opportunity to spend the day with her, no matter how big the boat was.

  “Mom and I saw it this morning. It's as big as …as big as …” Words defied him as India smiled at his description.

  Aimee was the only one of the children who got sea-sick like her father, and she didn't want to go on it, even if it was tied up at the dock. And Jessica had already made far more interesting plans with the Boardmans. Three teenage boys, one of them a freshman at Duke, and her best friend were far greater lures than any sailboat.

  “Well, Sam and I will go to lunch,” India said easily, “as long as we've been invited. Maybe they'll ask us again, and you can come then. We'll check it out, and I'll take lots of pictures.” A hundred and seventy feet of sailing yacht was definitely an event not to miss, even in her book.

  At noon, when she and Sam got on their bikes to go to the yacht club, he was so excited, he could hardly keep his bike straight on the way over. He almost fell twice and India had to tell him t
o calm down. The sailboat was not going to go anywhere without them, she assured him.

  “You think they'll sail it today, Mom?”

  “I don't know. Maybe. It's probably kind of a big deal to get in and out. They might not want to. But at least we'll see it.”

  “Be sure you take lots of pictures,” he reminded her, and she laughed. It was fun to see him so happy and so excited. And sharing it with him was like seeing it through a child's eyes. She was almost as excited as he was.

  They reached the yacht club easily, and rode down the dock staring at it. It was impossible to miss, as it stuck out beyond the end of the dock, its mast towering seventeen stories into the air. At first glance, it almost looked bigger than the yacht club. There were a few nice sailboats there, but nothing that even remotely compared with the one moored at the end of the dock. And much to India's relief, the Parkers were already there to greet them. It would have been embarrassing to board the yacht among strangers. But Sam wouldn't have cared if he had to crawl through pirates to get there. Nothing would have stopped him, as he ran across the gangway into the arms of Dick Parker. And India was right behind him. They had left their bikes on the dock, and she was wearing white shorts and a white T-shirt, with her hair brushed straight down her back and tied with a white ribbon. She looked more like Sam's big sister than his mother as she spotted the Parkers and smiled.

  There were a number of people sitting on deck in comfortable chairs, and on two long, elegant blue canvas-covered couches, and seemingly everywhere were deckhands and crew members in navy shorts and white T-shirts. There were at least half a dozen guests, and a tall, youthful-looking gray-haired man stood out among them. As he approached, India could see that his hair had been the same color as her own, but it was woven in with white now, and the color of sand. He had intense blue eyes, and a handsome chiseled face, and he was wearing white shorts and a bright red T-shirt, over powerful shoulders and a long, lean, athletic-looking body. And within an instant, he was standing next to Dick Parker. His eyes first met India's, and then he quickly looked down at Sam with a broad smile and a hand held out to greet him.