Eric & Einstein

by John Heffernan

  MOUSE SALE TODAY

  ONLY $2 EACH

  Eric put his hand in his pocket. He had two dollars. His eyes brightened, and he made a decision on the spot. Yes. I’ll do it! I don’t care what Mum says.

  But then he noticed that the mice weren’t playing at all. They were fighting. One of them, a white mouse, was being picked on by all the others. It stood up on its hind legs like a person, stared straight at Eric, and began waving both arms in the air and then pointing at himself. What’s more, the mouse seemed to be calling to Eric.

  Take me. Eric was certain he heard the mouse cry out. Take me. And then he heard a long cry:

  H. E. L. P. !!!!

  CALL ME EINSTEIN

  ‘Are you sure you want this one?’ asked the man in the pet shop. ‘The others have really bashed him up.’ But then he peered at Eric. ‘You don’t look too good either,’ he added, holding his nose.

  ‘He’ll do,’ Eric cradled the mouse. He was covered in scratches and bruises, and was shaking. ‘He’ll do just fine. Just fine.’

  Eric grinned from ear to ear as he walked out of the pet shop and gazed at the white mouse cupped in his hands. He grinned all the way home, through the security doors, up the elevator to the twenty-third floor, and into the apartment. By then the mouse had calmed a little. He was no longer trembling.

  ‘I’ll get you some milk,’ Eric placed the mouse on the kitchen bench. ‘Don’t go away.’ The mouse watched him open the fridge. ‘And some cheese. You guys love cheese, don’t you?’ The little rodent blinked, but didn’t take his eyes off Eric.

  He sipped at the bowl of milk placed before him. Then he sat on his haunches and nibbled a chunk of cheese clutched in both paws. Eric sat on the bench too.

  ‘What am I going to call you?’ he said after a while.

  The mouse stopped eating at once and looked up. Call me Einstein. That’ll do.

  That’s weird. Eric looked around. He thought he’d heard a voice. Just like when he was staring through the pet shop window. It was as though the mouse was talking to him and yet he wasn’t opening his mouth at all. And anyway, mice don’t talk. The voice seemed to be inside Eric’s head.

  Eric pretended he’d heard nothing. ‘I know,’ he said after a while, as if it was his own idea. ‘I think I’ll call you Einstein.’

  The mouse nodded. And once again Eric definitely heard the voice. Something like: Exactly. Of course you will. Eric closed his eyes. Was he going crazy? When he opened them again, the mouse was busily munching his cheese.

  After he’d finished eating, the mouse turned and climbed onto Eric’s lap. For a second or two he stared about the kitchen, then scurried up Eric’s blazer and slipped into his top pocket. He shuffled about a bit, making himself at home, and was soon sound asleep.

  As Eric sat on the kitchen bench, his legs dangling over the side, he suddenly realised that he was chuckling to himself. ‘Einstein. Fancy that.’ Several times he peeped into the pocket, and each time he chuckled louder. ‘Einstein and Eric. Yes.’ Soon he was laughing out loud. ‘Eric and Einstein.’ For the first time in years he felt happy. Really happy!

  TAKE IT AWAY, EINSTEIN

  Unfortunately, Eric didn’t stay happy for very long. A shadow drifted over him, a dark one called homework. Miss Graymouth’s foul face and voice was part of that shadow. On my desk first thing tomorrow morning, Wimpleby! Or you’ll be very sorry indeed.

  Eric went to his bedroom, sat down at his desk, took out the page of maths problems, and stared at it.

  An hour later he was still staring at it. Numbers and symbols, that’s all he saw. A mass of figures. He didn’t have a clue what to do, or even how to begin. Eric was utterly lost.

  And then he realised that he wasn’t the only one staring at the page. The mouse was awake, his head poking out from Eric’s pocket. He was looking at the page of numbers as well.

  ‘I wish you could help,’ Eric said to the mouse.

  Einstein glanced up at him. I can.

  That voice again! Before he knew what he was doing, Eric replied to the voice. ‘I mean with the problems.’

  So do I, the voice came back. Too easy.

  Aw no. I am going nuts. Talking to a mouse? ‘This isn’t happening,’ Eric said out loud.

  Oh yes it is. The mouse was nodding at Eric. Just try me.

  Eric stared at the mouse for quite a while. The little rodent stared back, his mouth curling into a cheeky grin. And then he winked. There was no doubt about it. He winked. Go on. Try me.

  ‘OK.’ Eric shook with a mix of excitement and disbelief. He pointed to the first problem: 24 x 381. Amazingly, the answer popped into his head at once. Nine thousand, one hundred and forty-four.

  ‘Are you sure?’ Eric peered down questioningly at the mouse.

  Absolutely, came the reply. Totally, utterly, completely.

  ‘OK. Whatever you say.’ Eric began writing. ‘Nine thousand …’

  One hundred and forty-four, the voice repeated. Sixty-five is the answer to Question 2. Eric hadn’t even looked at Question 2, but he scribbled down the answer. In Question 3, John has seven apples and three pears, Jane has …

  Eric stopped and put down his pen. The voice kept talking: Jane has five apples and no pears, while Jack has – but then it stopped as well. Einstein looked up at Eric. Is something wrong?

  ‘No one is going to believe this,’ Eric said to the mouse. ‘No one.’

  So? Einstein smiled. Who cares?

  Eric liked that. ‘Yeah,’ he laughed. ‘Right,’ he laughed again. ‘Who cares?’ He picked up his pen. ‘OK, Einstein. Take it away.’

  HOMEWORK, SWEET

  HOMEWORK

  The homework was finished in no time. Eric was astonished. When it was all done, he turned to Einstein. The mouse stood on the desk in front of Eric, arms folded, looking very pleased with himself.

  ‘Now,’ Eric said, wagging his finger. ‘Explain.’

  Einstein wrinkled his brow. Explain what?

  ‘What’s happening? What’s going on between you and me?’

  Oh, that. Simple. It’s telepathy.

  ‘Tel – what?’

  Telepathy. We’re thought-talking. Well I am, at least. I’m sending my thoughts into your brain. It’s easy, and I like it more than voice-talking.

  ‘Hang on,’ Eric gulped. ‘You’re not telling me that you can talk as well, like with your mouth?’

  Einstein blinked, then opened his mouth. ‘Of course I can,’ he said in a loud, squeaky voice. ‘But it’s harder, and not as quiet.’ It certainly wasn’t quiet. It was loud, in fact. VERY LOUD!

  Eric clamped his hands over his ears. ‘Can’t you turn the volume down?’

  The mouse swallowed hard. ‘It’s not as easy as you think.’ This time it was even louder.

  ‘Stop!’ Eric shouted.

  ‘Sorry.’ Einstein tried to whisper. He got down to a mild yell.

  ‘Phew.’ Eric was worried. He couldn’t have a mouse that shouted all the time. His mother would find out and go off her nut. ‘Maybe stick with the thought-talk for now, OK?’

  At that very moment Eric heard the front door of the apartment open. Oh no. They’re home already? His mother called. Eric panicked. He leaned down and whispered to Einstein. ‘Definitely stick with the thought-talk.’

  ‘But I need to practise,’ the mouse shouted in his face.

  ‘OK. But not now.’

  ‘Not now? Why not now? When, then?’

  ‘When I say. Just not now!’

  ‘But I don’t …’

  Eric grabbed Einstein, slapping his hand over the rodent’s mouth. ‘Hide!’ He shoved him into his blazer pocket. ‘And keep quiet!’

  ‘Who are you talking to?’ Eric’s mother stood at his bedroom door, looking very business-like in her black suit, black high-heels and briefcase to match.

  ‘Me? Just to myself.’ Eric pretended to be working. ‘Homework. I always talk to myself when I do homework.’

  ‘Homework?’ Hi
s father was there, too. ‘You’re doing homework?’

  Eric’s parents came across and peered at the maths. His mother put down her briefcase and felt his brow. ‘I hope you’re not sick. Your father and I have too much work this week for you to be sick.’

  ‘No,’ Eric laughed nervously, eyeing his top pocket. ‘I feel great.’

  ‘You don’t smell great,’ his father said wrinkling his nose.

  ‘It’s the blazer. It stinks!’ Eric’s mother shrieked. ‘Give it to me at once.’ She began wrestling the jacket off Eric.

  Eric hung on to it. ‘But I like the smell, Mum. It’s very distinctive.’

  ‘Stinktive, more like it! Just give it to me, please, Eric.’

  ‘But I’m cold. Freezing, in fact. Bbrrrrr!’ Eric clung to his blazer.

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ His mother tugged harder, and suddenly fell backward onto the floor with the blazer. Einstein was thrown from the pocket. He rolled across the floor and stood up. Eric’s parents didn’t see him, but Einstein looked as though he was about to open his mouth to complain. So Eric shouted as loud as he could.

  ‘HIDE, EINSTEIN!’ He waved his arms and marched about like a madman to distract his parents. ‘YA, YA, EINSTEIN, HIDE!’

  The mouse got the message and rolled under the bed. Eric’s parents stared at their son, certain now that something was seriously wrong with him. All he could do was shrug his shoulders and grin.

  ‘It’s the homework. I just love it!’

  POP, POP, POPPING

  When Eric handed his homework to Miss Graymouth the next day, she took one look and scowled. ‘Very funny. Is this your idea of a joke?’ And before Eric could say a thing, she dragged him off to the headmaster.

  ‘Oh dear, Wimpleby.’ Mr Growlworthy rubbed his hands together. The headmaster loved it when his students were in trouble. He so enjoyed seeing them wriggle and writhe like fishing worms on the end of a hook. ‘What dreadful wrong have you committed this time?’

  ‘I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong, Sir. It’s my homework, that’s all. And I thought it was mostly right.’

  Miss Graymouth had already checked some of the answers. They were right. But that made her even more angry. ‘I’ve no doubt they’re all correct,’ she snarled. ‘For a very simple reason. You didn’t do them, did you, Wimpleby?’

  Eric stared at his feet. What could he say? My mouse did them. The one asleep in my top pocket. He’s smarter than me. He’s even smarter than you. In fact he’s so smart that he can do difficult sums in his head faster than you can blink. And he’s a walking encyclopaedia. Ask him any question and he’ll give you the answer quick as a flash.

  They’d laugh. A mouse with a super brain? They’d crack up. ‘Next you’ll be telling us he talks!’

  Miss Graymouth’s face was pressed against Eric’s. ‘Tell the truth, boy! Your parents did them, didn’t they?’

  ‘No!’ Eric cried. ‘The answers just popped into my head. Sort of.’

  Mr Growlworthy was also scowling at Eric. ‘A likely story.’

  As the grim pair bore down on him, Eric felt very frightened. But then he heard the voice again. It’s true, the voice said. Einstein was awake at last. Eric could see the little rodent’s red eyes peering up from his pocket. It’s true.

  ‘It’s true,’ Eric insisted, feeling a little braver.

  ‘You little liar!’ Miss Graymouth was so angry she was frothing at the mouth. ‘It’s impossible,’ she snarled. ‘You see, I accidentally gave you homework for two years above you, Wimpleby. There is no way the answers could just pop. Especially into your head.’

  ‘But they did,’ said Eric. ‘I can’t really tell you how. But that’s what happened.’ He knew he wasn’t telling the whole story. But how could he? No one would believe him. ‘It’s true.’

  Miss Graymouth looked as though she’d explode at any moment. Eric was quite sure there’d be bits of old school teacher splattered over the walls and the roof. But then Mr Growlworthy stepped in.

  ‘If what you say is true, Wimpleby, then perhaps you’d show us how these answers just POP into your head.’

  ‘Now, Sir?’ Suddenly Eric was feeling uncomfortable.

  ‘Yes, now,’ the headmaster grinned, turning to Miss Graymouth. ‘Another sheet of problems for our little maths wizard, please, Esmeralda.’

  Miss Graymouth cackled with glee, and delved into her bag. ‘Here we are,’ she said, slapping down the paper in front of Eric. ‘Let’s see those answers “pop” into your head, eh?’ She laughed so much that her false teeth fell out into Eric’s lap. ‘Oh dear,’ she screeched as she picked them up. ‘Let me just “pop” these back in. Hee hee.’

  Eric gulped and stared down at the page. ‘Come on, Einstein,’ he whispered. ‘I need you now.’

  Graymouth and Growlworthy were laughing so much that they didn’t see the white mouse peep out from Eric’s top pocket. They did see Eric start writing, though. ‘Look. He’s “popping” already!’ they screeched. Then they hopped around the room snorting and cackling.

  They almost didn’t hear Eric when he turned to them a few minutes later. ‘I’ve finished,’ he said, holding out the page.

  Miss Graymouth stopped cackling after checking the first three answers. Mr Growlworthy stopped snorting on the fifth. All the answers were correct. Soon they were both staring at Eric with their jaws gaping.

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ Miss Graymouth gasped.

  ‘I feel quite dizzy,’ Mr Growlworthy groaned, and promptly sat down.

  LOOK OUT, NATHAN

  SHARP!

  ‘You’re amazing. You really showed old Growly and Graymouth.’

  It was morning tea time. Eric had at last escaped from Mr Growlworthy’s office and had sneaked around to the back of the school so that he could talk to Einstein without being seen. He held the little mouse in his hand.

  ‘No,’ Einstein replied. His voice was still pretty loud, but he was learning to quieten it. ‘We.’ He pointed his paw at Eric. ‘We showed them.’

  Eric shook his head. ‘I did nothing. You did all the thinking, not me. We both know that.’

  ‘Yes, we know it,’ Einstein nodded. ‘But they don’t, do they?’ He grinned cheekily. ‘They think it was all you.’

  Einstein was right. Growly and Graymouth thought he’d solved those problems on his own, in only a few minutes.

  ‘Oh dear!’ The headmaster had gasped. ‘The boy’s not a useless, good-for-nothing waste-of-space at all. It would appear that he’s a genius, Miss Graymouth!’

  Eric suddenly felt very excited. He had just realised what this meant. Teachers would no longer look down on him. Nobody would look down on him. Never again would he be called stupid and lazy and dull. He’d be praised and cheered, smiled at and patted on the back. And his parents? They’d be over the moon! That thought made Eric smile so much that his face hurt.

  And yet the truth was still there. Whatever others thought, Eric knew who had really solved the problems. ‘Yes, but —’

  ‘No buts!’ Einstein interrupted at once. ‘It’s our little secret. Just you and me.’ He held out his paw. ‘Deal?’

  Eric thought again about how pleased his mother and father would be. That alone was worth heaps. Heaps!

  ‘OK. Deal.’ He took Einstein’s paw between his finger and thumb, and shook it. ‘You and me.’

  The boy and the mouse laughed. They laughed so loud in fact that they didn’t hear Nathan Sharp and his mates appear behind them.

  ‘Look who it is,’ Nathan sneered. ‘Bird Boy himself. What’s so funny, Wimp? Sharing a joke with your feathered friends?’

  Eric closed his fist at once, squashing Einstein and making him squeak.

  Nathan pounced on him immediately. ‘What are you hiding there?’

  Eric tried to run, but the bully spun him around and grabbed his wrist. Luckily, Einstein managed to slip out of Eric’s hand and scamper along his arm, hiding up his sleeve.

  ‘Nothing!’ Eri
c cried, opening his hands.

  ‘You little worm.’ The bully lifted Eric by the front of his shirt and shook him hard. ‘You’re hiding something. What is it?’

  ‘I’m not. Honest.’ Eric was terrified. Yet even as he spoke, he heard Einstein’s voice in his head. And what the mouse said terrified him even more.

  He’s a bully. A ruffian. A rogue. He should be taught a lesson.

  What? The last thing Eric wanted to do was teach Nathan Sharp a lesson. ‘No,’ he yelled. ‘Leave him alone. He’ll go away eventually, once he’s punched me a bit.’

  Nathan tilted his head sideways. ‘Who are you talking to?’ he asked and shook Eric even harder.

  ‘No one, not a soul, nobody,’ Eric spluttered. ‘Nil. Nix!’

  Nonsense, Einstein said. It’s time this thug was put in his place once and for all. At that, Einstein slithered down Eric’s arm and scampered over onto Nathan. Just hang onto him, Einstein said to Eric as he disappeared up Nathan’s sleeve. Whatever happens, don’t let go. This won’t take long.

  Eric did as he was told. He took hold of Nathan’s shirt in exactly the same way as the bully had hold of him. Nathan laughed. So did his mates. But not for long. Suddenly the big boy stopped laughing. He stared at Eric for a second, his eyes widening until they were bulging out of his head, and then he yowled like a scalded cat. Soon he was wriggling and squirming, jumping about as though on hot coals, and grabbing at his clothes as if they were on fire. A moment later he fell to the ground, taking Eric with him.

  ‘Help!’ Nathan screamed as he rolled about. ‘Let me go! Stop!’