by Noelle Adams
There must be at least two police cars. And an ambulance, she realized, when she saw the red lights beyond police lights.
She pulled up to the curb in a loading zone and jumped out of her car, running down the sidewalk toward the lights.
There were people standing around, gawking at what she could see now were two crushed cars in the middle of the road.
One was a big, expensive sedan. The other was Nick’s small SUV.
The corner of the driver’s side was completely mangled. She swayed on her feet, almost heaving as she processed the sight and what it must mean.
Then, more urgent than ever, she pushed through more people so she could get over to the ambulance. She jerked to a stop when her eyes landed on Nick.
He was sitting up, which was such a relief she felt sudden tears filling her eyes. He was propped on the back of an ambulance, and somebody had wrapped a blanket around his shoulders, since he never would have wrapped one around himself.
He had a bandage on his right temple, and an EMT appeared to be checking his vitals.
Nick had the biggest scowl on his face.
Jenn was almost sobbing as she stumbled closer to him. He was okay. He must be okay.
She was close enough to hear him now. He was growling at the EMT. “Would you stop that? I’ve told you a thousand times that I’m fine. And how many times do I have to ask before someone gives me my phone?”
The EMT was saying something, but Jenn couldn’t hear what it was. Evidently, it didn’t please Nick.
He pulled his arm away from the EMT and stood up, shaking off the blanket so it fell to the pavement. “Then give me any phone,” he demanded, louder than she’d ever heard him. “If someone doesn’t call my wife right now, this instant, I’m going to start knocking over cars!”
“Ma’am,” a voice came from behind her. A uniformed police officer was approaching her, holding up his hands to guide her away. “Ma’am, you can’t be here.”
She swiped her tears away and pointed toward Nick. “But that’s my husband. Nick! Nick!”
He turned toward her voice, and the tension on his face broke when he saw her. When the EMT approached again with the blanket, he brushed the woman away. “Don’t you dare put that blanket on me again,” he growled, striding over toward Jenn.
The police officer had let her go, after learning who she was. She ran the rest of the way toward Nick, and he gathered her up in his arms.
She was crying uninhibitedly into his shirt. She couldn’t remember ever being so crushingly relieved in her entire life.
Nick was murmuring against her neck, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I knew you’d be worried, but they wouldn’t give me a damned phone.”
She tried to say something in return, but she couldn’t quite pull herself together enough to form words, so she ended up sobbing a few more times into his chest.
“Oh, sweetheart,” he muttered. “It’s all right. I’m all right. Please don’t cry.”
After a few minutes, she was finally coherent enough to pull away from him, rubbing her eyes and giving him a sheepish smile as he released her. “Sorry for the hysterics. I was…really scared.”
“I know you were.” He reached out to take her face in both his hands. “But I’m okay. And I’m not going anywhere.”
Her features twisted with another wave of emotion, but she didn’t break down again. She sniffed and wiped away the last of her tears and looked around.
There was the EMT and two police officers standing around, evidently waiting to talk to Nick.
“I think you’d better let them take care of things,” she said. “If only so we can get out of here.”
Nick nodded, his eyes still scanning her face closely, like he was looking for the signs of…something.
He took her hand as he walked back to the ambulance, making sure she stayed at his side.
***
Three hours later, they were still at the hospital. The doctor had finally looked at Nick and declared that all he’d suffered was a bump on the head, one that didn’t even seem to have caused a concussion. He also had some scratches on his face from the airbag, and a few bruised ribs.
There were a lot of hoops to jump through, even after what was obviously just a car accident. The elderly man driving the sedan had lost control, crossed the opposite lane, and smashed into Nick’s driver side. But Nick had to make reports to the police and talk to someone from his insurance company on the phone and then hang around until the doctor gave him the clearance to finally leave.
They were waiting for the last of the paperwork in a small cubicle of the emergency room. Both Nick and Jenn were sitting on the hospital bed. They weren’t talking, but he was holding her hand very tightly.
“You really didn’t have to wait with me all this time,” he said at last.
She made a scoffing sound. “You think I was going to leave you?”
“What about your soup?”
“I turned off the eye, so at least it hasn’t burned.”
“I’m starving,” Nick said.
“I’m hungry too. We can get something on the way back home.”
“Yeah.” He turned to search her face. “You’re all right, aren’t you?”
“Of course.” She was actually feeling rather numb, after all the angst earlier, but everything was all right because Nick hadn’t been seriously injured. “You’re the one who got hurt.”
“I’m just fine.”
“Good. Then we’re both fine.” She was too numb to work through how she’d felt earlier, when she’d been terrified that Nick might have been taken from her for good. That would have to wait until later. Not tonight.
Tonight all she could do was sit and hold his hand.
***
They stopped at a bistro near their apartment and got soup and sandwiches, which they ate at their kitchen counter when they got home.
They both needed to take showers afterwards, but Jenn went to check on him in his bedroom afterwards.
He was sitting on the edge of his bed, wearing his pajama pants. He’d obviously kept his head out of the spray since his hair wasn’t wet.
“I’m really fine, Jenn,” he said when he saw her. “I have a little headache, and the scratches on my face are annoying, but I don’t really feel that bad.”
“Good.” She stood in the middle of his floor in bare feet, wearing a little nightgown, and she started to shake again. She was finally relaxing, and the emotion was catching up with her.
She was going to have to leave before Nick saw she was on the verge of tears. “I’m glad you’re okay. Goodnight, then.”
She’d actually turned to go when Nick approached her from behind, taking her arm and swinging her around to face him. “You better sleep with me tonight,” he murmured thickly.
“But don’t you need to—”
“I need to sleep with you tonight.”
She nodded. It was exactly what she needed too. She couldn’t bear any sort of distance between them—not right now, not after what might have happened.
Without speaking, Nick led her back to his bed, and they crawled under the covers together. Then he rolled over and took her in his arms.
“Am I hurting you?” she asked, hugging him back, needing to feel his body against hers, to know that he was real and warm and living.
“Of course not. You could never hurt me, sweetheart.”
“I mean your ribs.”
“My ribs fine.”
“And your head.”
“My head is fine.”
“And your face.”
“My face is fine too.”
She hugged him more tightly, pressing her cheek against his shoulder. She was trembling again, couldn’t seem to stop. “I thought you were really hurt.”
“I know you did.”
“I thought you might be dead.”
“I know you did.”
“I was so scared.”
His arms tightened around her, holding her close.
“I’m not going to leave you, sweetheart. I’m never going to leave you.”
There was no way he could really make her that promise. She knew it was just the aftermath of the crisis and an overload of emotion. But she needed to hear it, so she took comfort in the words.
Eventually, she stopped trembling, but he still didn’t let her go.
Ten
Jenn woke up terrified.
She had no idea where she was or what was happening, but her heart was racing frantically, and she could barely take a full breath. She sat up abruptly, trying to figure out why the sheets felt wrong and didn’t smell like the lavender she laundered hers with.
It was a full minute before she realized she was in Nick’s bedroom and remembered the events of the evening before. With a gasp, she turned to peer at Nick in the dark to make sure he was still all right.
“D’you have a bad dream?” he asked huskily, evidently woken by her motion.
“No. I don’t know. I just woke up scared. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I don’t even have a concussion, remember? It’s only three in the morning. Come back to sleep.” He reached out to draw her back down beside him.
She huddled beside him, trying to settle her pulse and breathing. “Sorry. I don’t know what happened. Maybe I was dreaming.”
“You don’t have to be scared,” he murmured, wrapping both arms around her the way he had when they’d gone to bed.
“It’s not something I can help,” she said, a little embarrassed now that she was feeling better. “I just woke up that way.”
“It’s your unconscious getting to you.”
“Well, my unconscious is a pain in the ass.” She smiled as she rubbed her body against his, feeling safe and warm again, now that she could feel him beside her.
“It’s probably trying to tell you something.” He lifted a hand to stroke her hair very gently.
“It can shut up for a little while then. It’s way too early to get up.”
He pressed a few kisses against the top of her head, which was the only part of her he could reach. “Definitely too early.”
She loved when he sounded like this—husky and sleepy and fond. She’d never really considered herself the kind of person who could make someone else sound that way, and she loved the idea that she might be after all. With Nick.
She adjusted so her face was better aligned with his, and she was pleased when his lips found hers. She smiled against his mouth. “I thought we were going back to sleep.”
“That’s a good idea, but I can think of one better.”
She giggled and rolled over so she was almost on top of him, and he pulled her head down so he could kiss her again.
Flushed and breathless as she finally pulled away, she murmured, “We shouldn’t do too much. You’re all pitiful and injured, after all.”
He made a low sound in his throat, although his gaze felt very warm and soft, even in the darkened room. “Do I feel pitiful to you?”
She could feel one part of him definitely wasn’t pitiful. He’d hardened as they kissed, and she rubbed herself against the length of him, loving when he moaned in response. “Well,” she said slowly, squeezing her hands between their bodies so she could get under his waistband and take him in her hands. “Maybe if we’re very, very gentle. Don’t want to hurt any of your injuries.”
He was about to say something in response, but he groaned instead as she caressed his erection. His guard was evidently down tonight—maybe because he’d just woken up—and he sounded far more uninhibited than he usually did, like he couldn’t hold anything back.
It thrilled her, so she kept stroking him, feeling the tension in his body grow tighter and tighter. Finally, he released a growling sound and hauled her down into another kiss. She couldn’t keep up her caress as she kissed him, so she tangled her hands in his thick hair as his tongue tenderly stroked her mouth.
After a minute, he rolled them both over and fumbled with her pajamas until she was naked, rubbing her bare skin against his. Since it was only right that she reciprocate, she managed to get his clothes off too. She was so caught up in feeling that it seemed perfectly natural when he parted her legs and slowly eased himself inside her.
He was Nick. And he was alive and well and completely focused on loving her. He was propped up on bent arms, staring down at her, his breath fast and hot and eager. She arched her neck as he shifted inside her. “Nick,” she gasped.
“Yes.”
He felt so good—all of it felt so good—that she arched her whole body into him. “Nick!”
“Yes?” This time it sounded like a question, like he wanted to hear more from her.
Her mind was so clouded with pleasure and emotion that she couldn’t think of anything to say. So she said the first thing that came to her lips. It happened to be the truth. She whispered, “This is what I want.”
Nick stifled a groan and leaned into another kiss. He murmured against her lips, “This is what I want too, sweetheart. This is everything I want.”
She loved the sound of the words, so she made a little whimper in response, wrapping both of her arms around his neck and drawing him deeper into the kiss.
They kept kissing as he started to thrust, rocking his body against hers with a gentle intentionality that she didn’t often feel from him. She kept making silly noises because it felt so good—not just to her body but to her heart, her soul. She wrapped her legs around him tightly, wanting to hold him as tightly as she possibly could.
His body was warm and solid beneath her hands, and she held onto him with her arms, her legs, the most intimate parts of herself.
Eventually, his motion grew more urgent, but he never stopped kissing her. She slid her hands down so she could feel the pumping of his hips against hers. He was inside her, all the way inside her, touching her everywhere.
His increased speed shook her body more, and she started to feel the building of a climax for the first time. She tightened her legs around him, gasping against his lips as the pleasure coalesced.
It tightened and released at almost the same time, and her inner walls clamped down around Nick as the release pulsed all through her body. Then he was moaning against her mouth too, losing focus on the kiss at last as he came hard. She could feel the waves of his climax as they shuddered all through his body and then as he released himself inside her.
That was the first time it even occurred to her that they hadn’t used a condom.
She assured herself with the fact that she was on birth control, and they were only using condoms because she wanted to be extra safe. Neither of them was sleeping with anyone else.
They were fine. They were fine.
They were better than fine.
She’d never felt so good, so relaxed, so satisfied inside and out, as she did right now in Nick’s arms, as his body softened on top of her.
She loved the weight of him, like it was a special burden for only her to carry.
She wondered if he felt the same about her.
He seemed completely drained of energy, but he eventually managed to lift his head. He smiled down on her before he kissed her again, very gently. “Sweetheart,” he murmured.
She smiled back, wondering how she’d made it her all her life without feeling this way.
After a little while, he rolled off her, but he drew her back beside him and pulled the bedding up to cover them both again. She was so relaxed she fell back to sleep, wishing nights could always be like this.
***
When Jenn woke up again, it was five-thirty in the morning, well past the time she normally got up. She wouldn’t have time to run on the treadmill this morning. Not that she felt like it.
She could barely make herself move.
She was lying on her back, and Nick was beside her on his stomach, with one of his arms slung over her belly. It felt like he was holding onto her, even in his sleep.
She wanted to hold onto him too.
It was at that mome
nt that she was hit with crystal clarity how absolutely stupid she had been. She’d thought she’d been so safe, so practical, so careful about her relationship situation. She’d just wanted something that would give her more of a domestic image but wouldn’t threaten her heart.
But she had fallen for Nick anyway. She’d fallen for him hard and fully and irrevocably. So now she would be utterly crushed when he left her.
It might hurt even more than when her father had walked out.
She’d gotten a sense of that desolation the evening before, when she’d thought something terrible had happened to Nick. And she wasn’t sure she could live with it happening for real. One way or the other, he was going to leave her in the end.
Nothing really had changed about their relationship. They’d gotten closer in the last couple of months, and obviously they both enjoyed having sex. But, in spite of how he’d been damaged from what he’d seen and experienced as a soldier, he was still at heart a traditional guy who would eventually heal enough to want a real wife, a family.
No matter how fond of her he was—and it was clear to Jenn that he was—he wouldn’t want to be stuck with a workaholic who had never had a healthy relationship in her life and who wasn’t even sure she wanted kids.
Money and emotional safety had been enough for him to agree to this for five years, but it wouldn’t be enough for anything beyond that.
Occasionally, it had felt like he’d wanted more from her—and maybe for a few moments he had—but Jenn knew it wouldn’t last. It couldn’t last. She’d basically paid for him as a husband. An arrangement like theirs could never transform into anything real, not when it was unnatural in every way.
All of this buzzed through her mind as she lay staring up at the ceiling, the weight of Nick’s arm across her stomach. And it was so devastating that she was frozen by it, blinded by it.
She might never recover from Nick’s leaving her. Even now, she could see his back as he finally walked out her door.
Rocked by shock and grief and something even deeper, Jenn tried to relax her throat enough to breathe. She ended up making a raspy sound.
