Texas Strange

by West, Terry M.

  "Free cable and continental breakfast," Werner said. "This is pleasing." But you wouldn't have known it by that stiff mask he was wearing.

  "Work on the facial expressions," Tojo said. "I know you probably aren't used to human skin."

  Werner grinned and his face suddenly looked maniacal.

  "Yeah, that's it. Maybe keep practicing," Tojo encouraged.

  Werner followed Tojo to his pickup and they climbed in. Tojo started it and they cruised to the Jacksboro highway and headed for Boyd.

  Tojo glanced over at his protégé. He was actually kind of glad to have one of his own kind around. He watched as Werner soaked in the green beauty of Fort Worth.

  "What do you think of Eden?" Tojo said.

  "It is a paradise," Werner admitted. "These humans have no idea how fortunate they are. They are so blind to it, making a life of chasing misery. Their time here is transitory- a ride they'll only get once- and they waste it. They only live long enough to wipe their ass with this world before they die."

  "Well, there are a lot of distractions," Tojo explained. "You can't blame them too much."

  "Have you ever been to Hell?" Werner asked.

  "No," Tojo confessed.

  "Then you are probably no better than the humans," Werner concluded. "You live in a pretty picture, but that is all it is."

  "I know my duty, Werner," Tojo said, feeling a little slighted. He was hoping for a demon brother, but he was quickly realizing that there was probably very little common ground for the two of them to bond on.

  "Why did you choose wrestling?" Werner inquired.

  "I had a fondness for it," Tojo said.

  "You should only have a fondness for your duty to Hell," Werner said firmly.

  "Hey, I have filled plenty of hate buckets, buddy," Tojo argued. "That's why you were sent here. So I could teach you."

  "I thought I was sent here to replace you," Werner said, and though there was no malice in his words, Tojo was still stung.

  "Brutal honesty isn't the best course with these humans," Tojo cautioned. "You might want to work on that."

  "You aren't human," Werner reminded Tojo. "I should be able to say what I please to you."

  Tojo simmered for a second. And then he posed one final question. "Werner, why did you choose wrestling?"

  "I didn't," Werner replied. "That is the difference between Eden-born and pit demons. You get a choice. I don't."

  The conversation ended after that. Tojo turned the truck radio on loudly to discourage further discussion.

  ***

  Tojo entered the editing room where Weldon sat and worked feverishly at his computer. The building was empty otherwise. Werner milled around outside near the workout ring while Tojo presented this to Weldon.

  "Weldon?" Tojo asked. "Can we talk?"

  Weldon looked up from his work. He took off his cheap reading glasses and motioned for Tojo to enter and take a seat.

  "What can I do you for, my friend?" Weldon said happily.

  Tojo sat and crossed his arms. "You know, I was thinking about this face turn thing. I guess I could try a tweener phase. Nothing too saccharine, though."

  "No," Weldon said. "You just continue the way you always have. That's what they are responding to. Why the change of heart?"

  Tojo sighed. "Weldon, I am in my fifties, and I am looking to retire in a few months. I am trying to do what is right for Hard Knocks here before I sign off."

  Weldon looked hurt. "Tojo, you can't retire now. You are in the greatest shape of your life. You don't look a day over thirty-five."

  "I may not show it, but my body is complaining," Tojo said. "I need to get out while I can still perform at a decent level."

  "This is the final nail," Weldon said despondently. "First, Lutzke heads east and now you want to quit."

  "Weldon, I wouldn't leave you high and dry," Tojo stressed. "I got a replacement. A guy I have been grooming for a little over a year. I am going to stay and help establish him and Eli before I retire."

  "Who is he?" Weldon asked.

  Tojo called Werner's name. The big man entered the office, crouching slightly to slip under the doorway. "This here is Werner Hass. He's from Austria."

  Weldon's eyes brightened.

  "Hello," Werner said.

  "Oh shit, he sounds like Ahnold!" Weldon said with a healthy laugh. "Say I'll be back!"

  Werner looked from the corner of his eye to Tojo. Tojo gave a nod of encouragement.

  "I'll be back," Werner said.

  Weldon applauded and stared appreciatively at the man. "Son, you are put together."

  "I have been training him as a heel," Tojo explained further. "A narcissist. We haven't had a grand showing with that gimmick in a long time."

  "Well, in all fairness, Amosa Latu paints that fence a little," Weldon said. "Maybe we can build a program with them."

  "That'd be an excellent angle for his introduction," Tojo agreed.

  Weldon regarded Werner. "Do you mind if I speak to Tojo alone for a second?"

  Werner turned to Tojo, who gave him a nod.

  "I'll be back," Werner repeated.

  Weldon laughed again and Tojo saw a small but sincere looking smile on Werner's face as he turned out of the office.

  "He's not a Hoss, right?" Weldon asked.

  "No," Tojo assured him. "He is ready. His reflexes are almost psychic. Like your old man would have said, 'what he has you can't teach'."

  "I think he should have a mouthpiece," Weldon said. "Boris and I were thinking of repackaging Billie Sue Moore."

  Billie Sue Moore was one of the four female wrestlers that were employed by Hard Knocks. She was young, eager, beautiful, shapely and bright as Hell. But she had no in ring skills. Weldon wanted to groom her for creative and maybe commentating. He thought it would make Hard Knocks look progressive.

  "What are you thinking?" Tojo asked.

  "We came up with a character-Sasha Media! She is always on her phone, you know. Taking selfies with the beaten opponents. We could create some social media profiles for her to push Werner."

  "That sounds like a great combination," Tojo said, a little jealous of it, even. "I think Werner's mic skills will need some work."

  "Maybe one liners for now?" Weldon said. "Hey, just imagine him doing a run in on a midget match. He crushes them, grabs the mic, and says, 'No big deal'."

  "We haven't had a little person match on the card in a decade," Tojo said. "We'd probably get crucified."

  "Well, still, you get the idea," Weldon said.

  "Yeah," Tojo replied.

  "Okay, I'll get his contract together," Weldon said. "He'll have to jerk the curtain, though. It's expected. We'll book him in a squash match next week at the Boyd High School show."

  "You got it," Tojo said, rising.

  "Tojo," Weldon said. "You always have a home here. Whether you are in the ring or behind the scenes. My father thought of you as a second son. We're family, okay?"

  "Thanks, Weldon," Tojo said, leaving the office and seeing a crowd of Hard Knocks employees circled around Werner.

  ***

  A few days after Hard Knocks signed Werner, Tojo was training the new heel in the ring at the Hard Knocks headquarters. Werner was catching on quick and everything stopped when he trained. Impressed and envious eyes soaked him in.

  "Okay, I think it is time to introduce you to a quicker opponent," Tojo said, as Werner leaned back against the turnbuckle and perched his elbows on the ropes.

  Tojo motioned for Eli.

  Eli came and climbed through the ropes. "School him a bit," Tojo whispered.

  Werner and Eli postured, sizing each other up, and then Werner lunged for Eli. Eli easily evaded the big man and gave him a playful kick on the ass. Werner paused, looking confused and a little angry.

  He took a breath and lumbered at Eli again. This time, Eli crawled quickly between Werner's legs and dropkicked him into the ropes. Werner launched back around and clothes lined Eli hard. He then grabbed the s
tartled man by his throat, lifted him into the air, and slammed him so hard that everyone on the roster who was watching flinched.

  Tojo jumped back in the ring as Werner panted and glowered at Eli.

  "You okay, kid?" Tojo asked Eli.

  "Yeah," Eli said, smiling but rubbing the back of his head. "Damn, Werner, you are strong. I can't wait to work a program with you. I need some water."

  Eli left the ring and walked on rubbery legs to the fountain.

  "Come outside," Tojo snarled in Werner's ear. "We have to talk."

  Once outside the facility, Tojo got in Werner's face. 'What in the Hell was that?"

  "He made me look foolish," Werner said defensively.

  "Of course he did. You're the new guy," Tojo explained. "Listen, you can't maim these guys. This isn't going to work if no one wants to wrestle you. You don't want them to hate you."

  "What do I care?" Werner said.

  "You have to work with them. And there are only a few top tier players here. Most are mediocre at best. And let me tell you something about mediocre wrestlers- they are worse when they don't recognize their own mediocrity. They'll rebel against anyone on the rise. They'll try to tear you down, if you come off as arrogant. They can be very passive aggressive and they'll screw with you in the ring. They'll sandbag you and no sell your moves and try to embarrass you."

  "If they do, I will crush them," Werner swore.

  "Listen, if someone potatoes you, you give them a receipt. That's expected," Tojo said. "But there is an unwritten law in wrestling that you don't try to hurt another wrestler. Sure, a stiff shot gets thrown once in a while, but we all have to eat."

  Werner considered this. "How do I get along with them?"

  "Help them, if you can," Tojo advised. "Laugh at their jokes. Take their advice. Convince them that you are as human as they are."

  "And you'll help me with this?" Werner asked.

  "Yes, because it is what's best for the business. Both businesses."

  "You know them so much better than I," Werner realized. "I have so much to learn."

  "Werner, I am a tourist in the middle of two worlds," Tojo said. "I don't belong to Eden or Hell. But I know wrestling, and I'll help you get a handle on this."

  "Maybe we got off on the wrong shoe," Werner said.

  "Foot," Tojo corrected him. "The saying is- we got off on the wrong foot."

  Werner nodded. "We are brothers."

  He extended his hand. Tojo shook it.

  Then Werner went back inside. Tojo followed as his protégé walked up to Eli, who sat on a stool and had an icepack pressed to the back of his head.

  "I am sorry if we got off on the wrong... ah... foot," Werner said. "I come from a different place and I acted badly. This will not occur again."

  "Well, I did sort of haze you," Eli said. "It happens with all of the new guys. I hated it when it happened to me. Didn't react like you, though."

  "We are all brothers of the ring and we should look out for each other," Werner said, and everyone in the building, at least seventy-five percent of the roster, watched with interest. "I want to be friends with all of you. I am sure you all have so much to teach me."

  Werner looked at Tojo, who just smiled back at the big hate demon.

  9.

  Boyd High School

  Boyd, Texas

  Tojo was in the Boyd High School basketball dressing room. He was getting himself ready for a run in during the main event title match between Amosa and Eli, who both conferred on their moves for the night a few feet away.

  But Tojo was more concerned with Werner's debut match, which would kick off the show. Werner sat across the room and Ronnie the Redneck was telling him jokes.

  "You know what the problem with women is, Werner?" Ronnie said, in his exaggerated drawl.

  "No, what?" Werner said, already dressed in black monogrammed trunks. Weldon wanted as little of Werner covered as possible.

  "They got half the money and all the pussy!" Ronnie said.

  Werner laughed robustly. "That is a good one, Ronnie. I must commit it to memory."

  Werner had come a long way in a short time. Tojo had sat Werner down in front of the television every evening after workouts at Hard Knocks. It was the best tool that Tojo could utilize to help Werner fit in. And the newbie was actually becoming pretty damn tight with most of the roster already.

  "Tojo!" Eli repeated. "Do you want to go home with a double choke slam DQ?"

  "Yeah," Tojo said. "That'll work."

  "You got something on your mind?" Eli asked.

  "Just a couple of butterflies for Werner," Tojo admitted.

  "He'll be fine," Amosa said. "That kid is going to be huge and sooner than I think anyone expects. You taught him well."

  "I hope so," Tojo said, and he felt the monster inside of him dying slowly.

  ***

  Boyd was always reliable for a solid turnout. It was a nothing going on town in the dry county of Wise.

  As Ronnie warmed up the audience, Tojo stood with Werner and Sasha Media (aka Billie Sue) at the entrance threshold. Billie Sue had her arm crooked in Werner's and she was dressed in hot pink and lace. Her long blonde hair had been enhanced with pinkish extensions and she showed a lot of cleavage. She looked hip and tacky at the same time.

  "Break a leg, you two," Tojo said as Werner's music, a sci-fi sounding techno beat that Weldon splurged twenty dollars on from a royalty-free music site, filled the school gym.

  Tojo positioned a chair just behind the curtain and observed. He felt like he was nervously watching his child take a first step.

  Ronnie introduced Werner for the first match.

  "Currently heading to the ring for our first match. He weighs in at three hundred and fifty pounds and stands at near seven feet! He hails from Austria and is being accompanied by his manager, Sasha Media. This is his Hard Knocks debut! Say hello to Werner Hass!"

  As soon as they appeared and that scowl of Werner's hit the fans, the boos started. Sasha spoke on her cell phone all the way to the ring. Once they entered, she took the mic from Ronnie and spoke into her phone.

  "Okay, I have to go. We have a match," she said impishly.

  She tucked her phone in her cleavage and regarded the fans. "My name is Sasha Media and this is my client, Werner Hass. I met this man last week and I thought, OMG, I have got to manage this dude. Now, if you guys out there think that you aren't as good as Werner- well- you're right, LOL!"

  The audience gave fresh boos and Sasha merely shook her head. "Seriously, you people are so fat and ugly. It must be a total thrill to see the perfect woman and perfect man stand before you. Soak us in! We don't blame you!"

  Sasha noticed Werner's opponent. He was a chubby little fellow with a mullet haircut named Jason Ginder, who hailed from Denton. He was a professional jobber that also ran errands for Weldon.

  "Eww. This is the best Hard Knocks could dig up for my client? Yuck. I bet he has acne on his cholesterol. And that haircut! Business in the front, party in the back! Seriously he makes me want to ROFL! Destroy him, Werner."

  Sasha left the ring, pulled out her phone and started texting as Werner charged Jason and tossed him into a corner. He administered several head punches, drawing a warning from the ref. Jason fell on his butt and Werner put a big boot to Jason's throat, choking him against the ropes. The ref started his five count but only got to four before Werner moved his foot.

  Werner picked Jason up and hoisted him over his head with both arms. He pressed him three times, not even a tremor in his muscles, and then he tossed Jason to the ground. He picked Jason up for his finisher, though Jason was already out. Werner performed an inverted pile driver on the man, and then covered him with a foot.

  The ref made the three count and the bell sounded. Sasha dashed back in the ring. She got on her knees and bent backward until she was cheek to cheek with Jason's dazed face. She took a selfie and bounced back up.

  Werner motioned to Ronnie for the mic. Everyone was surprise
d. Werner was going to be a silent monster until he worked up some good mic skills. Weldon settled near Tojo.

  "What in Christ is he doing?" Weldon asked.

  "I don't know," Tojo said.

  Werner took the mic and stared dispassionately at the audience.

  "You people disgust me," he finally said. And he had to wait for the boos to die down before he continued. "You are fat, soft, ignorant and toothless wastes of humanity. You sit there and eat your fried foods, marry your cousins and tip your cows. You are as pathetic as your state and country. You are all mediocre. And the sad thing about this is that you think you are important. Special. The only thing you people will leave behind is a carbon footprint. You are inferior, and like all inferior creatures, you resent those who are superior to you. You try to tear down that which is better than you. I am Werner Hass. And people will remember my name long after you are dead and forgotten."