Confessions of the Heart

by Amanda Stevens

  She turned then and went back inside, and Ben was left alone once more. His gaze scanned the darkness, and when a shadow moved near the street, he froze. He stared at the spot for a long time, telling himself his imagination was playing tricks on him. No one was there.

  But just when he almost had himself convinced, the moon slid from beneath a cloud, revealing the outline of a woman hovering at the edge of the yard.

  She was standing very still, staring up at him, and as their gazes met in the darkness, Ben felt the blood in his veins turn to ice.

  Turning, he raced down the steps.

  ANNA STARTED VIOLENTLY as someone came up behind her, moving so silently she didn’t hear his approach until he was on her. Before she even had time to scream, he grabbed her and spun her around to face him. Her frightened gaze shot to Ben Porter’s furious scowl, and a sudden adrenaline rush caused her heart to jump erratically. Dangerously.

  “What are you doing out here?” he growled.

  He was still holding on to her shoulders. Anna winced and tried to move away, but his grasp only tightened. “Answer me! What are you doing out here?”

  Anna tried not to let her nerves show. She lifted her chin defiantly. “I decided to take a walk after dinner. No law against that, is there?”

  His gaze narrowed. “And you just happened to walk by here?”

  She shrugged. “Yes, as a matter of fact. I’m staying at the Casa del Gatos. It’s not that far from here.” She tried to move away from him, but he held on to her. “Look, I’m sorry to have bothered you. I’ll get on with my walk and you can go back to…whatever it was you were doing.”

  His grip on her eased, but he still didn’t release her. “Do you always take walks after dark?”

  “Sometimes, when I can’t sleep. Walking is part of my physical therapy.”

  His gaze darted over, taking in again her frail appearance, and then he did release her. So abruptly Anna stumbled a little. He ran a hand through his dark hair. “Sorry I grabbed you like that. I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

  “I’m not so frail that I’ll break if someone touches me.” Now why had she felt compelled to reassure him of that?

  He studied her for a moment. “You really shouldn’t be out walking alone after dark. You’re from Houston. You should know better.”

  “We’re not in Houston. And San Miguel seems like a safe place.”

  “Yeah, well, so did Paradise,” he muttered. “And evil still found a way in.”

  A shiver slithered up Anna’s spine. She knew instinctively that he was thinking about Scorpio, and she couldn’t help remembering what Gwen had told her earlier. He’s still convinced Scorpio will jump out of the bushes one day and finish him off.

  Was that why he was so angry? Had he thought she was Scorpio? Surely he wasn’t that paranoid.

  But as Anna gazed up at him, taking in his dark, hooded eyes, his sensuous lips, she had a sudden insight into what he’d been through the past three years. Every time he looked in the mirror, saw that scar, he would think of the killer who had gotten away. A killer who might still be out there somewhere, preying on the innocent. Ben would take that personally. He wouldn’t be able to rest until the killer was either dead or brought to justice.

  Scorpio was Ben’s obsession, just as Katherine Sprague had become hers.

  “I’d better go,” she said abruptly.

  He reached out and put a hand on her arm. “Why did you really come back here? You didn’t just happen to walk by here, did you?”

  She hesitated. “I guess I wanted to see Katherine’s house one last time. To say goodbye, in a way.”

  “Because she made a big impact on your life.”

  His grim tone made Anna shudder. “Yes.”

  His gaze deepened in the moonlight. “I wish you’d explain that.”

  “I…can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  Anna tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She’d worn her hair down tonight, although she had no idea why. “Does it matter? I’m going back to Houston tomorrow. You’ll never see me again.”

  Was that a look of regret that flashed in his eyes, or merely Anna’s own wishful thinking?

  His hand reached up and before she could stop him, he trailed his fingers through her hair. Not that she would have stopped him anyway. She seemed to have no power over her response to him, and that was a foreign concept to Anna. She’d always been the one in control—of her life, her career, her relationships. She was the one who backed off when things got too serious, when a liaison headed in a direction she didn’t want to go.

  She wasn’t backing off now, and that frightened her. Ben Porter frightened her, and Anna knew if she were smart, she’d go straight to the hotel, pack her things and head back to Houston tonight. The best way to honor Katherine’s memory was to get on with her new life, make the most of this second chance.

  But the only action Anna seemed capable of at the moment was to gaze deeply into the eyes of Katherine’s husband.

  She thought about the way he’d almost kissed her earlier that afternoon, and she wanted him to again, but this time she wouldn’t stop him. This time she’d succumb to the strange pull that had brought her back here tonight.

  She hadn’t come here to say goodbye to Katherine at all, she realized. She’d come here hoping to see Ben.

  He suddenly avoided her gaze, as if sensing the direction of her thoughts. “I’ll walk you back to the hotel.”

  “That really isn’t necessary.”

  “It is for me.”

  She didn’t argue further, and an uneasy silence fell between them as they started to walk. Rather than heading back the way Anna had come, Ben showed her a shortcut along the river. The earlier cloud cover had scattered, and moonlight glittered brilliantly on the water. Lights from houses perched along the banks twinkled on, and Anna could hear the occasional burst of laughter from boats anchored on the water.

  They were far from being isolated, but Anna was nervous just the same. She was alone with Ben Porter, a man who was virtually a stranger to her, but she didn’t fear for her life. She suddenly feared for her heart. She’d never believed in love at first sight, but how else to explain this sudden, powerful attraction?

  Had it been this way between him and Katherine?

  Katherine used to go on and on about how their eyes met across the crowded bookstore…and then later, how they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. It was a real fairy-tale romance. My sister was a very lucky woman, Anna.

  Anna frowned as she remembered Gwen’s words. “Ben—” It was the first time she’d used his name, and the familiarity of it, the intimacy of it, shocked her.

  He turned to glance down at her. “Yes?”

  She hesitated, drawing a deep breath and then losing her nerve. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

  “You don’t want to tell me what you were about to say?”

  “It’s none of my business.”

  “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”

  “All right, I will.” A stray breeze from the water lifted a strand of her hair, and she carelessly pushed it back. “This afternoon when I came to your house, I sensed some tension between you and Gwen. Or was that just my imagination?”

  He shrugged. “It wasn’t your imagination. I’m not one of Gwen’s favorite people.”

  “Why not?”

  “She didn’t approve of my marriage to her sister.”

  Anna glanced up in surprise.

  “It’s complicated,” he said with another shrug. “Gwen and Katherine’s parents died when Gwen was only eleven and Katherine was twenty-one. Katherine pretty much raised her, and I think Gwen came to think of her more as a mother than a sister. She resented anyone who took Katherine’s time and attention away from her.”

  “But what about Katherine’s own daughter? Gabriella, you called her.”

  He nodded. “Gabby’s fourteen. Gwen pretty much ignores her, but then, so did Katherine. The poor k
id’s had to raise herself.”

  Well, at least he hadn’t been blinded by his love for Katherine, Anna thought. He’d still been able to see and acknowledge her faults.

  “Is Gabby the reason you’ve stayed on in San Miguel since Katherine’s death?”

  “She’s part of the reason. She’s had a hard enough time adjusting to her mother’s death. I don’t want to add to her pain.”

  Anna paused. “Have you thought about taking her back to Houston with you? Maybe a change of scenery would do her good.” She winced as she said it, wondering if he could see right through her motivation. If he took Gabby back to Houston, then perhaps he and Anna…

  Ridiculous thought. Dangerous thought. She had to put it out of her head. There was no her and Ben and never could be.

  “Gwen seems okay with the situation as it is, but if I tried to take Gabby away from here, she might decide to fight me for custody.”

  “But if Gwen just ignores her, why would she care?”

  His voice hardened. “Whether Gwen wants Gabby or not isn’t the issue. She’s Katherine’s daughter. If I tried to take her away from here, Gwen would have a problem with that.”

  “I’m not sure I understand that reasoning,” Anna said.

  He glanced away. “Like I said, it’s complicated.”

  They walked on in silence for several more minutes. Anna looked up as a breeze drifted through the trees. The leaves rustling overhead sounded like rain, and the Spanish moss hanging from the live oaks rippled like ribbons of silk. The night was alive with the sound of crickets and bullfrogs and the distant hum of a motorboat.

  Sometime during the past few moments, Anna had begun to relax in Ben’s company. In fact, it was starting to seem perfectly natural for her to be walking along the river with him, asking him personal questions that he didn’t hesitate to answer. She wondered if he found this development as surprising as she did.

  She stopped for a moment, not because she grew winded from the walk, but because she suddenly wanted to prolong her time with him. Tomorrow she would leave for Houston and she might never see him again. The notion left her a little bereft, although she knew there was no rational reason for her to feel that way.

  He paused, too, gazing down at her in the moonlight.

  Anna could feel her senses—too long dormant—tingling to life. “You said Gabby was only part of the reason you’ve stayed on in San Miguel. What’s the other reason?”

  He frowned. “Let’s just say, I have unfinished business here.”

  “Does that mean you plan to stay in San Miguel indefinitely?”

  “Yeah, I guess it does.”

  She wondered if he understood her regretful sigh. “I’m leaving for Houston first thing in the morning. I guess that means this is goodbye.”

  “If this is goodbye,” he murmured, “Then there’s something I have to know before you go. Something I’ve been wondering about since the first moment I laid eyes on you.”

  Anna caught her breath at the look in his eyes. “What?”

  He didn’t answer her. Instead he cupped her face in his hands and lowered his mouth to hers.

  Chapter Seven

  What he was doing was crazy, and a split second before he kissed her, Ben half hoped she’d come to her senses and push him away. But she didn’t. Instead, when he drew her to him, she came willingly, eagerly, tilting her head back invitingly as her eyes drifted closed.

  He took another split second to stare down into her upturned face, telling himself that she wasn’t his type. She was tiny and frail and looked too damn much as if she needed someone to take care of her. He didn’t want the job. He had too much on his plate as it was.

  And yet kissing Anna Sebastian was like breathing. He couldn’t not kiss her. He had to. He had to taste her, touch her. Somehow he had to get her out of his system.

  And so he let it happen.

  He told himself he’d be gentle with her. He’d take it slow and easy, and if she pulled back, if she gave even the slightest resistance, it would be over. He’d chalk it all up to a moment of madness. He’d go home and forget all about Anna Sebastian.

  But she didn’t resist and he wasn’t gentle. The moment his lips found hers, slow and easy went out the window. Her mouth opened beneath his, and his tongue plunged inside, just like that. He pulled her to him, and she melted against him, her body willing and pliant beneath his hands.

  She looked so cool and untouchable on the outside, with her pale blond hair and those dark, fathomless eyes. But inside, a fiery passion pulsed through her veins. He could feel it in the heat of her skin, in the way she kissed him back, so fiercely Ben could hardly breathe, let alone think straight.

  And she was a lot stronger than she looked, too. He could feel how toned she was through her clothing. Her body wasn’t all hard angles and rippling muscle like Gwen’s, but with enough feminine curves and softness to be all woman. No mistake about that.

  No mistaking her intent, either, when she slipped her hands inside his shirt, touching skin he knew was as red-hot as her own.

  He allowed her to explore for as long as she wanted, and then when her hands faltered at the waist-line of his jeans, he took over, quickly unbuttoning her blouse to slide his hand inside, cupping one of her breasts through the lacy fabric of her bra.

  She gasped and broke the kiss, letting her head fall against his shoulder. She didn’t remove his hand, though. Instead, she lifted her own to cover his. “Oh, my God,” she whispered raggedly. “What are we doing?”

  “I can feel your heart beating,” he murmured. “It’s racing.”

  “It’s not supposed to do that.”

  “What?” He kissed her hair.

  His hand was still on her breast, and with his thumb, he drew a circle around her nipple. She gasped, but didn’t lift her head from his shoulder. It was as if she didn’t dare move for fear of losing the moment.

  He widened the circle, then slid his hand across her chest to the other breast, pausing very briefly on the ridge in between. “You’ve got a scar,” he said in surprise. “What happened?”

  She jumped away from him as if he’d burned her. Hugging her blouse tightly around her, she turned her back to him as she quickly redid the buttons.

  “I don’t know how I let that happen,” she said in horror. “I don’t know what came over me.”

  “You mean what came over us both.”

  “I should have known better.” When she turned back around, her blouse was completely done up. Lifting a shaky hand, she smoothed back her hair. “I’ve never done anything remotely that impulsive or irresponsible in my entire life.”

  Ben wished he could say the same. Now that the moment was over, he was having his own set of misgivings. If his marriage to Katherine had taught him anything, it was that giving into impulses usually led to nothing but regrets in the morning.

  Besides, he couldn’t afford to get involved with anyone right now because he couldn’t afford to be distracted. He’d let down his guard once. Never again.

  Anna had moved away from him and was staring at the river. After a moment, she lifted her hand to point across the water. “What’s over there? It looks like the ruins of an old church. I saw it today from my hotel room.”

  Ben followed her gaze. “It’s Mission San Miguel,” he said with a frown. “One of the last missions the Franciscans built in this area. It’s not as famous as the San Antonio missions, or as well preserved, but it does have an interesting history.”

  “I can see the bells,” Anna murmured.

  “Believe it or not, you can even hear them ring sometimes when the wind is up.”

  “It’s so beautiful in the moonlight it takes my breath away,” she said.

  He studied her as she studied the mission. She was beautiful in the moonlight. Her skin was pale and flawless, her hair a fine gold shimmering about her shoulders.

  Her dark gaze lifted to his, and his blood heated in awareness.

  “How do you get to it?�
�� she asked curiously.

  “There’s a bridge in town over the river. The road leads right by the mission.”

  “What about from the other direction?” She pointed downstream.

  He shook his head. “There’s not another bridge for several miles. When the water is down, you can actually walk across in places. But we had an unusually wet spring, and this is the deepest and widest part of the river. The only way across around here is by the bridge in town or by boat.”

  “That’s strange,” she said with a little frown. “I saw someone over there today from my hotel room. When she left, she took off in that direction.”

  “She?” The nerves in Ben’s stomach knotted painfully.

  Anna nodded. “I think it was a girl or a young woman. I couldn’t really tell her age from such a distance, but I got the impression she was young. And I had the oddest feeling she didn’t want to be seen. Her movements were…furtive somehow.” She hesitated. “And another thing. When I first saw her, she had on red, but then she went inside the ruins, and when she came back out, she’d changed her clothes. She was wearing something dark and muted that blended with the stones. I almost missed her.”

  A fist closed over Ben’s heart and squeezed so tightly he could hardly breathe. “Are you sure?”

  She glanced at him in surprise. “Of course, I’m sure. Someone was over there—”

  “No.” He grabbed her shoulders almost fiercely. “I mean about the red. Are you sure she was wearing red?”

  He’d frightened her. He could see it in her eyes, feel it in the way she tried to pull away from him. He hadn’t meant to, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. What she’d just told him had frightened the hell out of him.

  “Of course, I’m sure about the red. Maybe it was a scarf or something, and she took it off before leaving. I don’t know. But I do know I saw red. What I don’t understand is why it matters so much.”

  He released her then, his gaze going back to the mission. “Maybe it doesn’t,” he muttered. “I hope like hell it doesn’t.”