Rules for a Perfect Life

by Niamh Greene

  ‘They did?’

  ‘Yes – Peg said that everyone has secrets and we should forgive and forget. Then she and Ted got all mushy and kissed – it was naff! They’re going on a second honeymoon to see the Taj Mahal. I know what that is – we did it in school.’

  I can’t believe it – not only has Peg forgiven Ted for the sausage-roll transgression but she’s agreed to go on a holiday! Ted will be over the moon – this is the adventure he’s been longing for. ‘What happened next?’ I ask.

  ‘Well, then Granny told Odette she wasn’t welcome here any more. She told her to leave.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yup! And then Odette said that Granny was a withered old hag!’

  ‘No way!’ I gasp.

  ‘And then Granny told Odette that everyone knew she wasn’t really Dad’s girlfriend and she never would be. Granny likes you now – she says you have gumption.’

  ‘I didn’t know that was what Odette was telling people.’ Edward looks mortified. ‘I couldn’t believe it.’

  ‘So, you were never in a relationship with her?’ I ask, gobsmacked. Can it be that she fabricated the whole thing? Was it all in her mind?

  ‘No!’ Edward shakes his head furiously. ‘Never! I was just being friendly – I never knew she thought it would lead to anything more.’

  ‘You see, Maggie?’ Polly is triumphant. ‘I told you she was a wicked witch, didn’t I?’

  ‘Yes, I remember.’ How could I forget?

  ‘Guess what else she did?’ Polly is on her feet now, hopping with excitement.

  ‘What?’

  ‘She wanted to put Drya down.’

  ‘Oh, no!’ This is terrible, Edward will be heartbroken.

  ‘Yes, but Dad wouldn’t let her – would you, Dad?’

  ‘No.’ Edward shakes his head. ‘Drya needs extra love and attention now – it’s time we gave it to her. We won’t give up.’

  ‘I’m so glad.’ I beam at him. I’d always thought she was such a sad horse – maybe she can be helped after all. ‘Anything else exciting happen?’ I ask Polly.

  ‘Well, Robert had to go back to the city, but he said to give you this.’

  Polly leans across and kisses me on the forehead. Robert has sent me his love – he really is one of the good guys. Hopefully the adventurous Maria will see that too.

  ‘So,’ Polly continues, ‘everything is just the way it should be.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘It’s just like the movie, remember?’

  ‘Ah, the movie, yes.’

  Poor Polly is still living in Fantasy Land where boy meets girl and it all works out.

  ‘So, all you have to do is kiss Dad and then it will be happily ever after.’

  ‘Polly, I don’t think …’

  I’m stuck for words. The last person Edward will want to kiss is me – not now, not after everything.

  ‘What do you say, Maggie?’ Edward asks softly.

  ‘About what?’ I stare at him. Is he joking?

  ‘Polly is looking for a happy-ever-after. It would be terrible to disappoint her – don’t you think?’

  ‘But, what about …?’

  ‘Maggie, I don’t care what you do for a living. I just want you in my life.’

  ‘You do?’ My head is spinning again, but not because I hit it – because of the way Edward is looking at me.

  ‘Yes, I do. Besides, I think you are an artist at heart. Which is why you’ll be the perfect curator for the new arts centre in Glacken.’

  ‘The new arts centre?’

  ‘Yes, I spoke to Robert about it – he thinks it’s a brilliant idea. He’s going to recommend it to Laurence. If Xanta agrees to provide funding, we’ll get the green light.’

  ‘And Peg and Ted?’

  ‘I’ve explained it to them properly and they’re all for it. They can see how it will benefit the village. Besides, it sounds like they’re planning a lot of travel over the next few months. Ted’s already been looking up destinations on his iPhone.’

  I gaze at him, love filling my heart. He’s worked it all out – it’s amazing.

  But then I remember: what about his wife? He’s not over her – I saw him in the graveyard only days ago and he was grief-stricken. How can he ever move on?

  ‘He’s even told Mum about you – didn’t you, Dad?’ Polly says, as if she can read my mind. Maybe she does have a second eye, just like Theresa’s twins.

  ‘I did,’ Edward agrees. ‘I brought some of her favourite flowers to the church and told her all about you. I know she’d have liked you very much.’

  Favourite flowers? They must have been the roses he laid on the grave. He was asking for her blessing.

  ‘There’s only one problem,’ he says, frowning for a second.

  ‘What’s that?’ I ask.

  ‘Well, when Claire gets back from India you’ll have nowhere to live.’

  ‘That’s true …’ I say, suddenly feeling much, much better. ‘What do you think I should do?’

  ‘Well, I suppose you could stay with Peg and Ted,’ he says seriously.

  ‘In that love nest? I’m not sure,’ I muse.

  ‘I see what you mean,’ he replies. ‘Well … I guess you could stay with us. We could do with some help in the stables.’

  ‘You could?’

  ‘Yes. You’d need to have experience, though – we can’t have just anyone mucking out.’

  ‘I’m pretty nifty with a pitchfork, as it happens.’

  ‘You are? Well, then. That could work.’ He leans towards me, his eyes liquid with desire. ‘I might have to draw up a new legally binding contract, of course,’ he says.

  ‘And I’ll have to get my lawyers to take a look before I sign on the dotted line,’ I reply.

  ‘That’s very satisfactory,’ he mutters.

  Then he lowers his head and his lips meet mine.

  I hear Polly scream with delight in the background as I close my eyes and melt into Edward’s arms. She’s right, this is just like the movies – it’s exactly as I always imagined it would be: absolutely perfect.

  Six Months Later

  ‘So, what would this holistic therapy do for me exactly?’ Jimmy the guard asks Claire.

  ‘It would relax you, Jimmy,’ Claire explains, smiling easily. ‘An aromatherapy massage could melt all your troubles away.’

  ‘I have been feeling a bit stressed recently,’ Jimmy confirms.

  ‘Have you?’

  ‘Yes, there have been some work-related issues …’

  I cringe as I hear this – poor Jimmy never got his promotion, despite his prodigious note-taking. It’s been the talk of the village for weeks now. That and Odette’s sudden departure. Ever since she left under a cloud to start a small-animal practice in the city people have been talking about very little else.

  ‘Well, then, a massage could help,’ Claire says. ‘I’m not fully qualified yet, of course, but I could still give you one if you like. I need the practice.’

  ‘It won’t hurt, will it?’ Jimmy is momentarily alarmed.

  ‘Of course not.’ Claire is affronted at the suggestion.

  ‘Not unless you want it to, Jimmy.’ Ted sniggers.

  ‘Ted!’ Peg chastises him. ‘Sorry, Claire,’ she says. ‘I think he’s still a bit jet-lagged.’

  ‘It’s not jet-lagged I am, it’s giddy – giddy with life!’ Ted laughs.

  Ted is bronzed and healthy-looking – losing all that weight really suits him, and shaving off his handlebar moustache has transformed his smiling face.

  ‘Now, Ted, people don’t want to know about you and your giddy life.’ Peg slaps his arm good-naturedly. She’s tanned and happy too. Ever since they started globe-trotting, they’ve really blossomed – it’s knocked years off them both.

  ‘That’s all right, Peg.’ Claire grins. ‘If I was just back from Brazil I think I’d be pretty giddy too.’

  ‘We’re going to the Norwegian fjords next,’ Ted says, a gleam in his
eye. ‘Aren’t we, Peg?’

  ‘If you behave yourself,’ Peg replies.

  ‘You really love to travel, don’t you?’ Claire asks.

  ‘We do, Claire, we do!’ Ted enthuses. ‘Sure you only live once, and you’ve got to make the most of it.’

  ‘I have to admit,’ Peg’s voice is a whisper and I have to strain to hear her, ‘I was never a fan of going out foreign, but I’ve been converted. Travel really does broaden your mind.’

  ‘I totally agree,’ Claire says. ‘Going to India changed my life.’

  ‘Ah, India!’ Peg sighs dreamily.

  ‘That’s where we had our second honeymoon,’ Ted explains.

  ‘Are there Indians in India?’ Polly pipes up.

  ‘Well, yes,’ Claire says.

  ‘Cowboys?’

  ‘No cowboys, sorry.’

  Polly looks disappointed. ‘Did you hear that, Granny?’ she shouts. ‘There are no cowboys in India.’

  ‘Quite right.’ June smiles as Matilda hands her a glass of wine. ‘There are more than enough of those here.’

  ‘Now, June,’ Laurence tuts, ‘when am I going to convince you that I’m no cowboy?’

  ‘Maybe when you stop acting like one.’ She arches a brow at him.

  ‘But look what I’ve done for the village – this arts initiative was practically my idea, you know.’

  ‘Hardly, Laurence.’ June’s tone is withering. ‘None of this would be happening if it wasn’t for Maggie. She and Edward deserve all the credit.’

  June smiles at me, real warmth in her eyes, and I smile back.

  ‘Matilda, will you please tell your grandmother that I’m not the big bad wolf?’ Laurence pleads.

  ‘She won’t listen to me.’ Matilda laughs. ‘Granny is her own woman. But you can keep trying.’

  I feel my heart swell with pride: Matilda has been a much happier girl in the past few months. Helping Drya with her recuperation has really settled and matured her: the change has been astounding.

  ‘What else can I do?’ Laurence laments to Polly. ‘I’ve tried every trick in the book to get your granny to go out with me – nothing works.’

  ‘She likes hot chocolate,’ Polly says. ‘Have you tried that?’

  ‘Who mentioned hot chocolate?’ Edward calls, poking his head through the door.

  ‘Daddy!’ Polly squeals, bounding towards him.

  ‘Look who I found outside,’ Edward says, guiding in a group. There’s Dermot and Yvonne, Robert and Maria, Mum and Dad, Theresa, Malcolm and the twins too. I can’t believe they’re all here – everyone I love is in the one room. All those untruths I told are long forgotten.

  ‘Have we missed it?’ Dermot asks anxiously.

  ‘No, they haven’t cut the ribbon yet,’ Yvonne replies fondly, linking her arm through his.

  From where I’m standing I can tell she’s wearing high-street shoes – she told me she sold her designer collection of Louboutins and Jimmy Choos on eBay to help pay the bills. I seriously underestimated her – she’s not the gold-digger I thought she was. The truth is she’s stuck by Dermot through thick and thin, despite his troubles.

  ‘Good!’ Dermot grins. ‘I need to get Dom on the phone – he won’t want to miss Maggie becoming a proper country bumpkin.’

  ‘So, Maggie,’ Edward looks to me, his gorgeous blue eyes dancing mischievously, ‘are you ready to become a proper country bumpkin, then?’

  ‘As ready as I’ll ever be.’ I smile at him, my heart filled with love.

  ‘Then what are we waiting for? Let’s cut the ribbon and get this party started.’

  Together we grip the scissors and slice through the red ribbon as everyone cheers and the cameras flash.

  ‘Glacken Arts Initiative is officially open for business!’ Edward cries. Then he leans in to kiss me and, laughing through tears of happiness, I kiss him back.

  Acknowledgements

  Thank you to:

  My dedicated editor Patricia Deevy and the fantastic team in Penguin Ireland – Michael McLoughlin, Cliona Lewis, Brian Walker and Patricia McVeigh; Tom Weldon, Naomi Fidler, Ana-Maria Rivera, Jonathan Parker, Tom Chicken, Keith Taylor, and the superb sales, marketing, publicity, editorial and creative teams in Penguin UK – without their hard work my books would never end up on shelves; Alison Walsh for her wise words and calm unflappability; Hazel Orme for her expert copyediting; lovely Simon Trewin, Ariella Feiner and the team at United Agents for the kind calls and hand-holding; all the Irish and UK booksellers who support my novels every year – I’m so grateful.

  My great friends – you’re not in this one either, I swear! My beloved Mam and Dad: thank you for everything, I love you more than words can ever say. Dearest Martina, Jean Christophe, Eoghan and Jessie, the best support crew in the world! Thank you so much, I love you all. Darling Caoimhe, Rory and Oliver: you three light up my life. I couldn’t do any of this without you – I love you guys.

  My readers: thank you for making my dreams come true. I hope you enjoy this read wherever you are.