The Goon

by Sara Hubbard

  After a bunch of muttered curses that I understand more from reading lips than from them speaking aloud, some of the guys haul ass to the right side of the rink, while a few others take their time.

  “Move it, assholes!”

  They pick up their pace, and with every beep of his whistle, the players skate back and forward to the lines on the ice, moving to the next one each time.

  “Wow.” I shake off the drama and return to my conversation. “What were we talking about?”

  Michael finally notices me and looks up at me, confused.

  “Pay attention, Michael. Don’t make eyes at the ladies! They’re not interested in bitches.”

  “Wow,” I say again. “How does he not get fired?”

  “Because he used to coach professionally, and they usually win championships.”

  I flash the coach my middle finger. Michael sees it and grins at me. But so do all the other players after one in the middle smacks a buddy beside him on the arm and points to me, starting a chain reaction. Then they’re all looking at me. I shrink in my seat and hunch my shoulders. Shit. I really need to learn to keep my temper in check.

  Laura covers my finger and forces me to put it away. “You’re such a badass,” she teases.

  “I’m not really. I just can’t handle bullshit or bullies.”

  “Anyway,” Laura says giggling, “we were talking about Michael.”

  “Right,” I say.

  “Chloe never came to a single practice or game,” Annie says. “Not one.” She holds up a finger for effect.

  “Maybe she doesn’t like hockey.” I don’t know why I’m defending her.

  “We’d watch him scan the crowd, looking for her at every game and every practice, but she never came. It was like he always expected her, but she always stood him up.”

  “That’s awful.”

  “He flew her home for spring break last year—she lives in Toronto—because she wanted to go home and she didn’t have the money. Rich told me he offered to go because he hadn’t met her family yet, but she wouldn’t let him. She sure as hell accepted the ticket, though. He even upgraded her ticket to fucking first class.”

  She wouldn’t let Michael meet her parents? Yet another thing Michael and I have in common. Maybe Chloe and Brad should be in a relationship since they seem to want similar things.

  “Is he like rich or something?” I ask.

  Laura nods emphatically. “Do you know who Lilianne Thorne is? The author?”

  I don’t like to admit how little I read but Charlie does, and I’ve seen books on her shelves written by an author of the same name. “Yeah.”

  “That’s his stepmom.”

  “Really?”

  They nod in unison. “Apparently his dad is a fisherman, and he met her while she was in Eagle’s Glenn a few years ago researching for a book. They married, like, a few months later.”

  “I don’t understand. That car he has? Didn’t he win it in a lottery?”

  “Yeah, he did. Some guys have all the luck, right? Because he certainly didn’t need to win the lottery. Not that he talks about it. I only know because I follow his stepmom online, and she posted a picture from their wedding. I didn’t recognize his dad, but I did a double take when I saw him and, sure enough, the last name was the same. When I told Rich, he didn’t even know. Of course, Rich told everyone”—she laughs—“but Michael won’t talk about it. He always changes the subject. He did get an autographed book for me, though, because I begged him and made him cookies. Oatmeal chocolate chip. They’re his favorite, in case you wanted to know.” She pauses to take a breath. “You know what’s neat, though?”

  I have no idea. “What?”

  “His dad still works as a fisherman. What does that tell you about his dad?”

  It tells me he’s a hard worker that wants to earn his own money.

  “He’s a work horse like his son. Look at that strong jawline. And his thighs,” Annie says. She lets go of a little sigh, making me wonder how long she’s been crushing on him. I stare at his legs, though you can’t really tell how strong his legs are in his hockey getup. I’ll have to take her word for it.

  “I wonder why they broke up,” Laura says. “He adored her.” She says it like it leaves a sour taste in her mouth. I’m glad it wasn’t just me who saw through Chloe Adams. It also raises Michael up in my estimation as well. After what she did, he had every reason in the world to talk shit about her, but he never told a soul that she cheated. Not even his teammates? Why did they think he went after Brad? A difference in opinion? I suppose it doesn’t matter. I’m certainly not going to fuel any more rumors. It’s up to Michael what he shares and what he doesn’t.

  “Do you know why he and Brad fought?” Annie asks me.

  They might not know, but I have a feeling they sure as hell suspect something. “No idea.” I stare straight ahead at the back of Michael’s jersey as he skates to the edge of the rink.

  The coach keeps them skating hard until well after ten. When the players all have blotchy red cheeks and are dripping from sweat, he finally tells them, and quite loudly, to “Fuck off.” I sit wide-eyed. Charlie certainly wasn’t exaggerating when she told me about him. This guy is a special kind of prick.

  I text Michael as he’s getting off the ice. He’s one of the first to leave. The rest of the players file off after him, with a couple slowly skating to the door as if they’ve lost all the wind in their sails.

  “That was brutal,” I say to Laura.

  “Hah. That’s Coach Handler for ya.”

  “How long does it usually take for them to get undressed and showered?”

  “Mmm. I don’t know. Rich showers at home so he’s done lickety-split. I couldn’t say how long the others are. I think Michael usually showers.” She waggles her head. “So maybe twenty minutes?”

  She’s right about Rich being quick. I don’t think five minutes pass before his footfalls thunder on the wooden floorboards as he jogs down the aisle to meet us.

  “Hey, babe.” Laura stands and gives him a quick peck on the mouth. His gaze flickers to me and then back to his girlfriend.

  “That was brutal. I thought he’d never let you off the ice,” Laura says.

  “You and me both.” He takes her hand and kisses it, making me want to “awww” them.

  “Do you know Emily?” she asks.

  “Uh, you look familiar.” He narrows his eyes as he tries to place me, and then his eyes open wide.

  Yep, I’m the crazy bitch.

  “You were with Brad, right?” He winces when Laura elbows him.

  “What?” he mouths.

  “Emily, this is my stunned boyfriend, Rich.”

  “It’s fine,” I say, trying to appear as if it doesn’t hit a nerve. To be known as Brad’s girlfriend, even still, is like a spear to my side. It’s better than the alternative, I guess. “Nice to meet you.”

  “She’s waiting for Michael. Is he almost done?”

  “Michael?”

  When she tries to elbow him again, he dodges her this time. Instead he gets behind her and pins her with a tight hug.

  “He’s teaching her to skate,” Laura adds.

  “I forgot he did that kind of thing.” He releases Laura but takes her hand again. “Ready to go?”

  She rolls her eyes. “He’s not big on conversation.”

  “It’s fine,” I say, smiling.

  They wave good-bye and head up the aisle with Annie trailing behind them. I wait another ten minutes or so and wonder if I should wait for him in the lobby. No sooner do I stand and he’s bounding down the aisle. “Hey,” he says once he reaches me.

  He has a baseball hat in his hand, and he curves the rim with his two hands while standing in front of me. His short hair is damp, and a shadow of stubble claims most of his face. When he smiles, his rosy cheeks seem to brighten even more. His bruises are still there, and his eye is still swollen, although now it’s partially open. I cringe, feeling sympathy pain.

&nb
sp; “I thought I was picking you up.”

  “Yeah, but I thought I’d save you some time. Good thing, huh?”

  He glances at the digital scoreboard and the clock above it. We meant to practice at ten, and it’s now past ten-thirty.

  He runs a hand through his hair before slapping on his ball cap. He pulls it low so I only see the bottoms of his eyes. I’m not going to lie; he looks pretty sexy and smells even better. If I wasn’t swearing off relationships, I might be tempted by him. But I think I kind of like being his friend, anyhow.

  “Are you still up for it?”

  “Sure.”

  “Aren’t you tired?”

  “Of course,” he says while shaking his head no.

  I let out a chuckle. “We can do it another night. I don’t have to start my placement until January.”

  “You know how bad you are, right?”

  Feeling defeated, I let out a sigh.

  He reaches out and grabs my lower lip gently. “Put that away before you trip on it.”

  I bat him away. “I’m not that bad.”

  “Yeah, you are.”

  I lightly punch his shoulder.

  I watch him quietly, amazed at how fine he seems. I was a mess after Brad and I broke up. Sure, I got arrested, too, and that was devastating, but I could barely get out of bed for weeks after. I was so mad at him for his betrayal, but I was also mad at myself for failing to see it. If I didn’t know how shattered Michael was the other day, I would assume he’s absolutely fine. I’m pretty good at acting, but I couldn’t shake off what Brad did. It’s only been in the last couple of weeks that I find myself functioning like I did before. Michael must be a better actor, or maybe he doesn’t care as much as I thought he did.

  “Come on.” He turns away and starts up the aisle, looking over his shoulder to make sure I’m following. “Nice job on making the coach smile today, by the way.”

  “What do you mean? Because I flipped him off?”

  He laughs. “Yeah, he asked whose girl you were, but no one said a word. Until he said whoever you were here for could sit out next practice. Then everyone put up their hand.”

  “Well, it feels good to know I’m wanted.”

  “Yeah, I can’t imagine you’ll stay single long anyhow.”

  “Not this time. I’m done with guys for a while.”

  “Really?”

  We turn down the hall and head for the front entrance. When we reach the double doors, he opens one for me and I pass through. “Well, that’s too bad, Emily. Not all guys are like Brad.”

  It makes sense he’d assume that’s why, and I guess it is, in part. But honestly, I’m more committed to being alone now because of my conversation with Charlie. I don’t want to be a girl who loses herself when she’s with a guy. I can’t remember the last time I was single for longer than a few months. Yeah, being single will be good for me. Help me figure out who I am without a guy on my arm. And maybe it’ll help me figure out some answers to those questions Erikson keeps throwing at me. Who are you? Who do you want to be? It’s exhausting just thinking about them.

  “Besides, even if I wanted a boyfriend, everyone on campus thinks I’m a joke.” I let go of a humorless laugh.

  Michael reaches out to cover my forearm with his hand, so I stop and turn to face him.

  “No one thinks you’re a joke. Why would you think that?”

  “Because of Brad.”

  “Fuck Brad,” he says.

  I laugh at him and shake my head. “That’s not the only reason.”

  He raises an eyebrow in question. His interest seems sincere, and I want to tell him why, but the thing is, I’m not so great at sharing. How can I know what we talk about stays between us? I assume it will, but you never really know.

  “I don’t know,” I say with a shrug.

  “Yeah, you do. I thought we were friends. Don’t friends share stuff?”

  “Girlfriends do. But guy friends? I don’t have a whole lot of experience with that.”

  “I’ll tell you what.” His fingers release me and slide down the length of my arm, making me shiver. “You share with me, and I’ll share with you.”

  Who is this guy? I’m not sure I’ve met any guy as nice and easy to talk to as he is. I do want to share stuff with him. Charlie will always be my best friend, but I see her less and less now, and it would be great to have someone I could hang out with and talk to. I feel so lonely nowadays. But sharing? I don’t know. It feels like a recipe for disaster. Letting people in has never been one of my strong points.

  “I can try.”

  “All right, I’ll go first. This is a bit of a confession, but it might help you see things a little clearer.”

  “You have my attention,” I say with a grin.

  “I saw you around campus Frosh Week last year before I was with Chloe. You were dancing on a speaker at Pilgrim’s Bar downtown. You were wearing these dangerously high heels and this tight black dress. All the guys I was with were drooling over you. Me included.”

  “You?”

  He shrugs while smiling.

  I fight a grin, but I can’t keep it off my face. I like that he thinks I’m attractive. Look at him. It’s an ego boost. “Okay, so I’m not bad to look at. But even if guys like looking at me, it doesn’t mean that people didn’t laugh while my boyfriend kissed another girl in front of me or that they don’t call me crazy when I walk by. A girl can be pretty and still be a social reject. Don’t tell me you haven’t heard people say those things about me. If you do, I’m not sure I’ll believe anything else you say.”

  He sighs and surprises me by wrapping an arm around me. We pass into the entrance, and some of his team members walk by, doing a double take. They nod to Michael, but they stare at me longer than what’s socially acceptable. I’m sure they’ll think we’re together, and it reminds me I still have to tell Michael about what I let Brad believe earlier.

  “Yeah, I heard that stuff. But I’ve also heard girls defend you, and I’ve heard more than a few guys say they wouldn’t mind a little bit of your crazy.”

  I let go of a loud laugh and elbow him in the stomach. He steps away, removing his arm. My shoulders and neck feel cold from the loss of his heavy, warm arm. I should mind him touching me, but I don’t. Not one bit.

  “You’re a beautiful girl. You know what guys said when they saw you hanging out with Brad?”

  I suck in my lip and shake my head, just a little. “Do I want to know?”

  “How the hell does a guy like that get a girl like her?”

  Funny, that’s what Annie said about him earlier. “That’s ridiculous. Girls don’t leave Brad alone.”

  “I’m serious. Brad’s a dog. Has been since I’ve known him here at school.”

  “I’m starting to believe that.”

  “It’s the truth. I won’t ever lie to you, Emily. Even if the truth hurts.” His big blue eyes bore into mine, and I swallow hard as the heat from his fingers begins to chip away at the ice inside of me. My heartbeat quickens. There is an intensity about him that I’ve never seen before in a guy. He doesn’t just ask for trust; he demands it.

  I want to do the same. I hold out my pinkie, and he stares at it.

  “What the hell am I supposed to do with that?”

  I roll my eyes. “Pinkie swear. It’s the ultimate. I promise to always tell you the truth if you do, too.”

  He holds up his hand, and I wrap my pinkie around his and shake.

  “Girls are weird,” he says. “You know what my guy friends would do if I did that to them?”

  “No, tell me.”

  “They’d kick my ass, that’s what.”

  “Good thing I’m a girl.”

  “Good thing,” he agrees.

  While we’re being honest, I feel now is the perfect time to tell him about earlier. I don’t know how he’ll react since he’s big on honesty. Maybe he’ll judge me. Maybe he’ll be angry because it’ll make him look bad for getting together with someone so soon af
ter his breakup. I have no idea. I just figure I should tell him sooner rather than later.

  He sets a hand on the small of my back and guides me to the doors. His car unlocks with a click when we reach it, and he opens the passenger door for me to get in. It takes a long time for him to get in the other side. He stops at the rear of the car, but I don’t know why, and I can’t see him in the side mirror. When he gets in, he sits for a long while.

  “I have something to tell you,” I say quietly.

  “Yeah? What’s that?” He starts the car and throws it into drive. When he looks my way, he seems completely unbothered, and it relieves a lot of worry I have in my mind.

  “I saw Brad earlier today, and I might have let him think there was something between us.”

  His face remains the same. He doesn’t even look surprised. “I know.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Well, because I got a call from an irate ex-girlfriend who thinks that’s proof you were trying to break us up.”

  I cluck my tongue and shake my head. “How did she know?” I say. “It was today. And no one was around when I told Brad I had plans with you tonight.”

  He raises an eyebrow, and I mirror it. If he’s thinking what I’m thinking, then he’s thinking that Brad and Chloe are still talking. And maybe still having sex.

  “What did you say?” I ask him, my voice soft because I’m sure it stings.

  “I didn’t lie.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m making an even bigger mess out of all of this.”

  He pulls out of his parking spot. Soft rock and roll music plays on the radio. He turns it down so we hear nothing but the hum of the engine and the gentle whoosh of the heater.

  He clears his throat. “I didn’t deny it either.”

  I snap my head in his direction. “I thought you said you’re always honest?”

  “I am. But what I do or who I spend my time with is my business and no one else’s. I’m done explaining myself to Chloe Adams.”

  “So you’re done with her?” I ask, but not just because I’m curious. The thought of him with her makes me feel sick to my stomach.