The Goon

by Sara Hubbard

  He lets out a sigh and shrugs. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You made a mistake. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? He’s going to feel guilty, like he owes her something. How’s he going to make that right? But honestly, he’s not your biggest problem here. You need to ask yourself, what’s Chloe going to do about it?”

  She’s going to make me suffer, that’s what. And I’m not looking forward to finding out how.

  Someone bangs on the door over and over. After a short pause, it starts again, this time more insistent. “Do you wanna get that?” Ozzie asks. “Or should I?”

  Chapter 24

  I love Michael. I know this, but as Ozzie turns the knob on the door to let him in, it sinks in how much. He’s become someone I look forward to seeing. I dream about getting tangled up in his arms while lying next to him, stripped bare. He’s the voice I want to hear in my ear before I fall asleep at night. How is it possible to have fallen for him so quickly? But the answer is obvious. He’s an amazing guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him. I was lucky to have him…even if things turn to shit today.

  I won’t regret what we had, though. I couldn’t. I’m so glad I took a risk with him, even if it was short-lived.

  The door swings open, and Michael’s frowning face appears. He looks first at Ozzie and then around him, but he doesn’t see me off to the side. Not yet. “Where is she?” He pushes Ozzie aside, and when he sees me, he sighs. He can’t get to me fast enough. “Are you okay?” He raises a hand to my cheek. “Were you crying?” He looks over every inch of me like I might be physically damaged, and I feel like such an asshole.

  Charlie gets up off the couch and reaches for Ozzie. They’re hand in hand when she says, “We’re just going to go…in our…um…bedroom. If you need anything, help yourself.”

  I almost want to beg Charlie to come back. She’s often the strength I need when things get rough. She says I’m her rock. She has no idea that it’s always been the opposite. Where I act strong, I’ve never been as strong as she is. I’m just great at pretending.

  “Talk to me,” he says. “I’ve been trying to call you all day. Someone said they saw you tear off from the SUB and head for the road. What the hell were you running from? I’ve been driving around for hours trying to find you. Why wouldn’t you answer?”

  I’m not one to pussyfoot around things. Now he’s here in front of me, I can’t build up to it. I wouldn’t even know how to soften this blow. I made a huge mistake, and I need to own up to it before this crushing pain in my chest knocks me out cold.

  “I made a mistake.” I bat away a tear.

  He sits up a little straighter, regarding me with a harder stare. He dips his head and sighs. He expects the worse, I’m sure. But he doesn’t expect this.

  “Chloe approached me today.”

  He mutters a curse. “I told her to leave us alone. After what she did to you? And to me? Where does she get the nerve? I’ve tried to be nice. I told her I can’t be there for her anymore, but she won’t let it go.”

  He brushes away my tears with the back of his hand. “This ends now,” he says, pulling out his phone.

  I gasp and fumble with him as I snatch it away. “No! You can’t.”

  He tips his head to the side and raises a single eyebrow. “What’s going on, Em?” He’s suspicious, and he should be.

  “I was wrong.”

  He’s silent a moment. “About what?”

  I force out a deep breath with a whoosh and steel myself for his response. “The night I went to Brad’s and found him with someone, I swear to God it was Chloe.”

  “I know. We’ve been over this.”

  “No, you don’t. Please, let me finish before I can’t.”

  He puts a hand on my shoulder and massages me lightly. It doesn’t help; it’s a distraction. He’s so worried and concerned for me right now. Like I’m the only person who matters. Like he needs to fix what’s broken in me. I’m no damsel in distress, but everyone wants a hero, and he’s become mine.

  “I saw them from behind. She turned her head, and I got a good look. I swear I thought I saw Chloe. If it wasn’t her, it was her twin, and she doesn’t have one so it had to be her.”

  He lets go of my shoulder and lowers his hand to the couch. “What are you saying?”

  “Chloe found the girl who was with Brad. She took a photo and showed it to me. This girl is her double in almost every way. What are the chances of that, Michael? How is that possible?”

  Stunned, he stares at me, blinking. Seconds feels like hours. I want him to say something quickly so I know where I stand.

  “You’re saying it wasn’t her?”

  Slowly, I nod.

  “And you saw this girl?”

  “She showed me a picture of them side by side. They look similar, but there are definitely differences when they stand next to each other.”

  He clucks his tongue and pushes back on the sofa to lean back. He groans and runs his hands down his face. Then he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “She didn’t cheat on me.”

  Not with Brad. “No.”

  “And I accused her and turned on her when she did nothing wrong.”

  “I’m so sorry, Michael. If you saw the picture…I didn’t do this on purpose. You have to believe me.”

  Though he won’t look at me, he reaches out to lay a hand on my knee. He squeezes me to comfort me, though he clearly needs support himself. Then he pulls his hand away, and I scoot closer, but he stands and starts to pace.

  “I was cruel to her. She was innocent. Fuck, I’m such an ass. I should have believed her.”

  He doesn’t say this to hurt me. In retrospect, it makes sense he’d believe his girlfriend before a girl he saw around campus but didn’t really know all that well. I would have believed Brad—and I would have been wrong—if I hadn’t seen it myself. He never gave me any reason not to believe him.

  “I need to talk to her and apologize. She didn’t deserve any of this.”

  “I’m so sorry. I understand. Whatever you want.”

  He stops pacing and faces me. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean I understand if you want to forgive her. If you…want to get back together with her.”

  “Emily, I’m with you. I’m committed to you.”

  “But we’re together because of a lie. I won’t hold you to anything now. I understand if this is over.”

  He shakes his head as he approaches me. After sitting down on the coffee table, facing me, he takes my hands and pulls me forward. His legs cocoon mine and so do his arms. He forces me to look into his eyes as he calmly says, “This doesn’t change us.”

  “But it does.”

  “No. It doesn’t.”

  He captures my bottom lip between his and gives me a long, lingering kiss. I catch my breath when our lips part, and my body heaves a sigh of relief. But this isn’t over, no matter how sincere he is about staying with me. Chloe isn’t a girl who plays fair, and she’s not going to give him up easily. Only now he doesn’t have a reason to stay away from her.

  He wants to do the right thing because that’s who he is. But right by whom? Her or me? I still don’t know the answer to that when he leaves me at Charlie’s after telling me he has to talk to Chloe and apologize. Even if he doesn’t want her back, he won’t cut her out of his life now, and I’m not one to share.

  * * *

  It’s a rough night. I toss and turn and wake every hour, reaching out for someone who isn’t there. In the morning, I feel like I’m just going through the motions. One foot forward, one breath in and out.

  He deserves for me to believe in him. But that nagging voice in the back of my mind says don’t. He’s going to leave you. Just like the others. Instead of cheating on you, he’s just going to go back to his ex. I prepare myself for it. Put my makeup on in the morning and curl my wavy hair. I might feel like shit on the inside, but damn, I’m going to look good while I fake my smiles.

  “You sure you’re okay?” Cha
rlie asks me once we get to school. She parks the car, and we both get out at the same time.

  “I’m fine, Charlie. I’m always fine.”

  “The last time a guy hurt and disappointed you, you got thrown in jail.”

  “I never said he disappointed me.”

  She gives me that don’t lie to me look. “He left you last night to find her. You were hurt and scared of losing him, and he left.”

  “He’s a good guy. And he accused her of something she didn’t do. He wanted to apologize. It’s not like he sought her out to get down on bended knee,” I say with more conviction than I feel.

  She links elbows with mine and squeezes to pull me in close. “You don’t have to act so tough all the time. Yes, he wanted to do the right thing by Chloe. But he’s your boyfriend. I like him a lot, but you needed him last night, and he should have stayed.”

  I disagree with her. His leaving to apologize is one of the reasons why I care about him so much. He’s honest and fair, and he owns his mistakes. “Don’t think badly of him, Charlie. In his mind, she’s the victim.”

  She huffs at that.

  “I broke them up over nothing.”

  “Tell me you believe that?”

  I groan at her. “Just let it go, Charlie.”

  “Just because it wasn’t Brad, doesn’t mean it wasn’t someone else. I want to believe the good in people, but I’ve seen her around other guys now and when she was with Michael. It didn’t surprise me when you told me about her and Brad.”

  I open my mouth, and she holds up a hand to shut me up. “Yes, I know you were wrong. About that. But she’s still wrong for him, and you did him a favor.”

  “Well, there’s nothing I can do about it now. Except wait for the other shoe to drop.”

  “Don’t think like that.”

  “Whatever. I’m fine. I didn’t want anything serious anyway. Right?”

  “If you believe that, then I’ve got a satellite for sale.”

  Charlie and I part ways by Chancey hall. She picks up her speed and practically runs to her marketing class. I’m late, but today I don’t care, and I leisurely stroll to Geology. Geology? What the fuck was I thinking? I hate rocks. I don’t even know if I’m on track with the right credits to earn a degree in two years. The pamphlets are still in my bag, and I give them another once-over while I’m in class. They give me something positive to focus on, and it’s a welcome reprieve.

  At the end of class, our teacher tells us we can come up front and pick up our term papers. Our names aren’t listed on them, just our student numbers. The large crowd of students collected at the front of the room after class puts me off, but I wait anyway. I actually worked hard on this thing, and I’m curious about my mark. When I finally get to the front of the line—if you can call it that— there are only a few tests left. Mine is on top and off to the side. Near my student number is a big fat A. It doesn’t completely fix my day, but it sure brightens it. And that’s something, at least.

  Chapter 25

  I’m ashamed to admit I check my phone to make sure it’s on during the day. Michael doesn’t call, and my insecurities creep in to tell me this is the beginning of the end. I don’t call him, no matter how much I want to. That’s not my style.

  Later in the afternoon I’m so distracted that I almost miss an appointment with my probation officer. Shit! When the alarm goes off on my phone, I sprint from the campus all the way down to Main Street. I sure am getting in shape with all this running and skating. Frig. Maybe I should try out for track.

  When I get inside his office, I’m huffing and puffing like a wolf after pigs. The receptionist eyes me so I calm my breathing and smooth away my fly-aways and the fine hairs stuck to the perspiration on my forehead. It might be cold as balls outside, but the clammy sheen on my forehead would indicate otherwise.

  “I’m here for Officer Erikson,” I say between breaths.

  “Have a seat.”

  There are a few other people waiting. One moves away from me when I sit, and I nonchalantly lift my arm to smell my armpit. I used deodorant so I’m not sure why he needs his space.

  The large hand on the clock above the receptionist desk ticks into place to tell me I am on time, and I got here only a few seconds short. I’ll have to make sure to make earlier reminders for my upcoming appointments.

  Officer Erikson’s door opens like clockwork, and he waves me in. No words, no smiles. All business.

  I head inside and take a seat. He knocks over a statue of an elephant as he takes his seat, and the trunk breaks off. He fiddles with it for a few minutes before he acknowledges me, then he tosses the trunk in the air and puts the animal in his desk drawer.

  “Hi,” I say, smiling sweetly.

  He clears his throat. “How’ve you been this week, Ms. Hanes?”

  “Fantastic,” I lie.

  He eyes me and furrows his brow. I’m not sure he believes me. “School?”

  “I got an A in Geology.”

  He nods approvingly. “Great. And your other subjects?”

  “I’m doing fine. Better than I have in the past.”

  “Still skating?”

  “Yeah, and the other night my…boyfriend, Michael, took me to a hockey class he teaches, and it was really good. I like it—more than I thought I would. I’m looking forward to community service now.”

  He scratches his temple. “I’m glad things are going well for you. I see a change, which is why I was surprised to get a call about you from a concerned citizen.”

  “What? When? From who?” I sit up straight in my seat, completely shocked. I’ve been so good. I haven’t drunk alcohol—not a lick—and I haven’t lost my temper on anyone. “It’s bullshit,” I say, already on the defense. “I’ve done nothing.”

  “Well, if that’s true, you have nothing to worry about. I’m not sure why someone would make something like this up, though. Accusations are sometimes enough to ruin someone.”

  I open my mouth and snap it shut. If he hadn’t said that last part to me about “accusations” and “ruin,” I never would have suspected Chloe of calling him, but now she’s all I can think of. Ozzie told me to watch out for what she does next. Is this it? Is she trying to ruin me because my mistake isn’t enough for Michael to leave me yet?

  “What did the concerned citizen say?” I ask, trying my best to stay calm.

  “Something about holding a baseball bat up threateningly to your ex-boyfriend.”

  “What?” It hits me then what he’s talking about. “You told me to give him a baseball bat.”

  “Yes. I never told you to threaten him with it.”

  “I didn’t! I swear! Maybe he felt threatened because of what I’d done before…but I never threatened him, and I never swung it in his direction or anything like that.” Unbelievable. How did she even know about the bat? Or did Brad say something? No, I don’t think he would. But I’ll be sure to ask him about it.

  “Well, considering the ‘concerned’ citizen was unwilling to give their name or file a formal complaint, and there is no evidence to support it, there is really nothing to do about it anyway.”

  “Can you answer one thing?” I clench my teeth, release, and then clench again. “Was it a male or a female?”

  “I can’t say.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “The last thing I’m going to do is give you ammunition to further mess up your life. You’re a decent kid, not like the other criminals that usually walk through my door. I know what you did and why you did it. I can even sympathize with it, but you will go to jail if you act out again. Are you going to ruin your future over someone who pulls shit like this?”

  The only thing I hear from all of this is, “You believe me.” I breath a huge sigh of relief while also warming me to Erikson. Few people look out for me, and I feel like maybe he is.

  He shrugs. “Let it go, Emily. Can you do that?”

  Oh, hell no. “Of course.”

  He narrows his eyes. “Or I will handcuff yo
u and take you to jail myself.”

  “Keep your pants on. I’m not going to hurt her. She’s just trying to get at me.”

  “Well, I hope for your sake you don’t let her.”

  I leave his office with a sick feeling in my gut. This morning I worried about losing Michael, but now I have bigger things to worry about. She did this, I know she did. It feels halfhearted, though. I mean, he could have checked with Brad and his friend and learned pretty quickly that she was lying. So why did she do it? To prove a point? To get back at me for what I did accidentally?

  I want to believe that’s the end of her wrath, but I’m not naïve, and girls like her don’t know when to stop. She could ruin my future if she continues to attack me like this. I need to know if she did it. If only to prepare me for when she comes at me again. The old me wants to confront her directly, but I know Erikson is right, and it won’t end well for me. I have to be the bigger person. When I think about how to get what I need, there is only one person I know who can help me. That’s Brad. But the thought of talking to him puts me in a bad mood.

  What choice do I have?

  It’s almost suppertime, and that means most people will be in the meal halls for supper. The rest of the population will likely be at the SUB. If Brad is anywhere, that’s where he’ll be.

  The wind picks up on my walk back to school. I pass some people I know, and we exchange greetings. I even pass by Laura and Annie. I haven’t seen Annie since that night at Johnnie’s house. We chat for a few minutes, and I find out Annie has since moved on from the guy at the party and is currently pursuing Michael’s roommate, Tate. I wish her good luck. Tate isn’t exactly looking for a girlfriend. He’d prefer to have one magic night with a girl and make her scream loud enough for Michael and I to hear and then encourage her to leave in the morning before coffee. I talk with them longer than I want to, and the whole time I’m bouncing on my toes, desperately needing to slip away.