The Goon

by Sara Hubbard

  I suck my bottom lip in so I don’t smile like a moron.

  “You’re worrying for nothing. Telling me she cheated might have broken us up sooner, but it was coming, Emily. I would have found my way to you regardless.” He gives me a winning smile.

  “You’re so cheesy!” I say, hugging our joined hands in against my chest.

  “You like it,” he says, eyeing me.

  “Maybe.”

  “Maybe?” he asks.

  “All right. Maybe I love it.”

  “Love?” he says softly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “That’s a strong word.”

  The strongest. I want to tell him that it’s the only word I can think of to describe how I feel for him, and even that word might not be enough. I feel like he’s my other half. He completes me in a way no one else ever could. But from the serious, almost fearful, expression on his face, I bite my lip and keep that word close to my chest, hoping one day I can say it and he’ll say it back.

  Chapter 27

  Michael is always hungry after hockey practice. He cooks some steak and cheese paninis and we take them and some cans of cola back to his room. His room is just the way I saw it last. Spotless. I even run a finger along his dresser and don’t get a speck of dust. I bet his room is cleaner than his army roommate’s. I sit on his bed cross legged while I eat my sandwich. Michael already has most of his gone. He shoves in the last of it while he puts his clothes away and unpacks his book bag. His phone vibrates when he tosses it on his desk. He ignores it, but I can’t stop staring.

  I don’t want to be jealous. Trust me. If only I could wish it away. It’s ugly and consuming and, damn it, I want to know who’s calling. He sees me eyeing his phone.

  “My stepmom,” he says.

  “Oh. Why don’t you answer?”

  “Because she’ll just get on my case and tell me to come home more.”

  “You should answer. I think it’s nice she checks in with you.”

  He lets out a groan. “You asked for it.” He picks up the phone, pressing the button to answer. “Hi, Lilianne.” He does a lot of grunting out yeses and nos. “I don’t think so. Maybe after exams.” Pause. “Not a chance. No.” Pause. “Lilianne...” He rolls his eyes. “Yep, she’s here.” He holds the phone to his chest. “She wants to talk to you.”

  I sit up taller and fix my hair, as if she can see me. Not once in my life have I met a guy’s parents or had a phone conversation with them, and Michael and I have been together for such a short time. But from the sound of his conversation, she knows about me. He talked to her about me. Or he told his dad.

  I hold out my hand tentatively, and he gives me the phone.

  “Um…hello?”

  “Hi, is this Emily?”

  “It is.” I adjust on the bed and move to the edge to put my feet on the ground.

  Michael is quietly laughing as he goes into his closet.

  “I’ve asked Michael to come home after exams, but he wants to stay in Spruce Valley. Would you have anything to do with that?” Her tone is not quite annoyed, but not happy either.

  “I don’t think so. I’ll be going home after exams, and we haven’t talked about hanging out over the holidays. I’m sorry, but can I just say it’s really nice to talk to you? Michael’s only said nice things about you.”

  “Bullshit. He thinks I’m bossy and a tyrant.”

  “No, ma’am.”

  “Convince him to come home, will you? I would really appreciate it, and so would his dad. We don’t see him enough, and he’s not far.”

  “I will. I promise.”

  “Good. I like your voice, dear. You sound nice. You can tell a lot by a voice.”

  “Thank you.” Michael comes up behind me and stretches his legs out so they’re on either side of me with his front to my back. He wraps his arms around my waist and starts to kiss my neck. I elbow him lightly to get him to stop.

  “Maybe you could visit over the holidays?” she offers.

  “Oh…gosh, I don’t know. I’ll have to check with Michael.”

  “You’re already invited. Tell him I said so.”

  I bite my lip, wanting to say yes to make her happy, but I also don’t want to upset Michael by accepting an invitation that he didn’t offer to me personally. Maybe he’s mentioned me to his step-mom, but that doesn’t mean he wants me to actually meet his parents. I’m not sure we’re there yet.

  “Okay,” I say quietly.

  “Good. It was nice talking to you. Keep an eye on Michael for me. He does too much, and we worry about him.”

  “I will definitely do that.”

  “Good night, Emily.”

  Michael is still kissing me. His lips are dangerously close to the place that drives me wild—right behind my ear. He nuzzles me with his nose, his tongue flicking out to taste me. My lady parts heat and ache. I squirm to fight the tingling.

  “Night, Mrs. Cross,” I say, my voice a little high-pitched. I hang up the phone and reach behind me to cup his face. The phone drops to the floor, and I gasp, thinking I’ve smashed it. I try to lean forward to get it, but he pulls me back and his hands slide up along my rib cage until they cup my breasts. He squeezes them before massaging softly. His breath is warm in my ear, and my hair stands on end. I close my eyes and bite my lip to stop from moaning. His roommates are home, and I don’t want them to hear.

  “Leave it,” he growls.

  I turn around to face him. Then I push him back, and he crawls up the bed backward while I follow, hovering over his hard body.

  He grips the hem of my sweater and pulls it off of me. I reach behind me and unclip my bra, needing to feel my bare skin against his. One by one I slide my straps down until my breasts spill out. He sits up, taking one in his mouth. His tongue bathes my nipple, flicking out to stir delicious waves of electricity that shoot through my chest and collect between my legs. I want him so badly it’s painful, and I need to be satisfied.

  I help him take off his shirt. He pulls me against him, my breasts flattening against the hard muscles on his chest. His kiss deepens, and I let out a strangled cry. He swallows it, and I grind on him, feeling his growing erection passing into the side of my thigh. I want him inside of me. I want to be connected in every way. I can’t get undressed quick enough. Can’t get close enough. There’s not enough of him to surround me completely.

  I unzip his pants and pull out his cock, working his length in slow, even strokes, just the way he likes it. He moans in delight and lets go of me to lie back against the mattress. I lower my mouth and taste him, my tongue circling his tip as he caresses my hair with his hands. I pump my hand while my mouth slides over him, tasting, sucking, warming him. I move my hand and slide my mouth down as far as it will go, opening wider until I reach the base. I feel his body tremble. “Come here,” he commands. I run my tongue up the side of his member, swirling my tongue at the top to tease him, taking my sweet time. He grips me, pulls me up, and rolls me over so he’s on top. With his body propped on his elbows, he stares down at me, focusing his eyes on mine. He brushes hair from my face, and when he kisses me tenderly, my stomach flip flops as my love for him overwhelms me.

  “I could get addicted to you,” he says.

  “I’m already there.”

  I feel his hard cock rubbing against my entrance, testing me, teasing me, ready to enter. I tilt my hips to welcome him, and he responds with one swift pump. We don’t use a condom, but I’m on the pill and I’m too caught up in the moment to care either way. He’s in me to the hilt, and I feel him so deep. My eyes roll back in my head. The intensity of him stretching me, filling me, is not enough. But as he holds my gaze and smiles, just a little, my desire is overshadowed by my feelings. I pepper him with kisses on his face and pull him close, hugging him tight against my body. I love him so much it brings tears to my eyes.

  He stays close, but his hips continue to move, and the more he does, the heavier his breathing becomes. “Emily,” he says as he pumps faster. His back arches, and I can f
eel the ridges of his muscles as they expand and contract. I follow their lines, needing to memorize every last curve of him. Like the details will make the memory eternal. In case life gets in the way and I never have it again.

  I sniff away my tears, and he presses his forehead to mine.

  “Are you okay, baby?”

  “Better than okay.”

  He builds up speed. My whole body tenses as my blood redirects to the sweet spot between my legs. The sensation builds, and I forget to breathe. Each time he pushes into me hard and deep, my body quivers until I reach my peak. The earth-shattering fall makes me cry out his name just once. “Michael!”

  He doesn’t stop, not even as aftershocks rock through me, like a ripple waving from my toes to the hairs standing on end on my scalp. He spills so hard I feel him pulsing inside of me, and the sensation makes me come all over again. He collapses on top of me, curling his arms around my chest. I nuzzle his head with mine, and he whispers in my ear, “I missed you today.”

  I smile like an idiot. “I missed you, too.” I love you.

  “Did Lilianne invite you home over Christmas?”

  “She did.”

  “And what did you say?”

  “I said yes, but I’m not going to go. It’s really soon, and I’m not going to put you on the spot like that.”

  He chuckles, the stubble on his chin scratching my arm. I’d take the burn twenty-four hours a day if it meant I could lie next to him like this forever.

  “She wouldn’t have asked if I hadn’t put it in her mind.”

  I adjust on the bed so I’m on my side facing him, my hands tucked together under my chin. He rolls over to face me, his eyes dancing around my face like he’s looking at me for the first time. I see some freckles on his nose I never noticed before, freckles I want to kiss.

  “It’s fine. I don’t need to go.”

  “Emily, I want you to come. Why would you think I don’t?”

  I scratch an itch on my lip from one of my long, stray blond hairs. “Because we only just started dating. It’s so soon.”

  “Maybe, but I still want you to come.”

  “I can’t believe you talked to her about me. That’s really awesome.”

  He frowns, and it turns into a weak smile. “I gotta be honest. They have cameras at the house, and she saw you on camera.”

  My smiles fades quickly, and I feel like an idiot.

  “No, don’t read too much into that,” he says, planting a firm kiss on my lips. “My brothers knew about you. I told them, but Lilianne gets too involved. She’ll be calling you to check in on me on a weekly basis soon.”

  “That’s okay. She’s looking out for you, so I already like her.”

  He chuckles. “She’s all right, I guess.”

  “Michael, did you talk to her? Are you giving her more of a chance now?”

  “Maybe. She assumes it’s because of you, and maybe it is. But I guess it’s time to give her a real chance. She’s been around for over ten years, so I guess she’s sticking around.”

  “I guess so.”

  “And you?” he asks with deep creases in his forehead. “Are you sticking around?”

  I rest my head in the crook of his neck and wrap my arm around his chest. “For as long as you let me.”

  Chapter 28

  Michael reluctantly drives me home the next morning. I resist the urge to crawl in his lap and have one last morning quickie before I get out of the car. He made love to me four times last night and, though I’m getting used to his size, I’m not going to lie, I’m a little sore.

  “Call me later?” he says as I open the door and get out.

  “Maybe,” I say to tease him. “What are you doing later?”

  He looks up and to the left while he thinks about it. “Hmmm. You.”

  I laugh and shut the door, but he rolls the window down.

  “I’m done with class at noon, and then I’m going to go back to the house to catch up on some studying. Give me a call and I’ll come get you.”

  “Okay,” I say. My voice sounds giddy like a schoolgirl.

  He pulls away, and I watch him until he disappears around the corner. This is love. That all-consuming feeling where I can’t stand to be away from someone. He’s just left me, and I want him to come back. This could be very distracting. And I don’t quite know what to do with it. I can see how it makes people crazy. You just want to shut it off to get stuff done and go about your day, but the person you love is stuck in your head like a song on repeat. That nagging voice inside of me tells me I’m acting like the old Emily again, but I refuse to listen. I’m not the same. Michael and my relationship started from a friendship. I wasn’t chasing him blindly. I fell in love with him honestly and organically, the way a girl’s supposed to. And I can’t help how fast I fell. I dare any girl to date him and not feel the same.

  I get through my morning classes without falling asleep. When lunch rolls around, last night’s acrobatics have me starving. My stomach rumbles so loud I swear people on the other side of campus can hear it. It’s Friday, and a lot of people have afternoons off so the SUB is busy. I can’t even find a place to sit so I head out to the solarium with an extra-large coffee and a plate of poutine with extra gravy. Brad sits in the corner with his friends. Our eyes meet and he nods to me.

  It’s funny how it takes me falling for someone else to forgive him. If I’m honest, that’s what it took. My pride is no longer hurt, and my heart doesn’t ache, so I can see it for what it was. A relationship that wasn’t meant to be and ended in a way I’d rather it didn’t. In a way, I’m glad it happened because I might not have found my way to Michael. He seems to think we would have ended up together, but I don’t know. He was always around, and we never made an effort to get to know each other, not until he did a favor for a friend.

  I’m halfway through my poutine when Charlie bounds through the room, making her way for me. She drops into the seat across from me and sighs. “I’m freaking out. I’m so not ready for exams.”

  “You’re going to get As. Don’t worry about it.”

  “Ugh. I think I need to go on meds or something. I’m driving myself crazy. I just want to think about something other than school for one day. Just one.”

  “We could go out tonight.”

  She raises an eyebrow. “Where?”

  “I don’t know. It’s the last weekend before exams. Cèilidh will be packed tonight.”

  “You want me to go out and drink?”

  “You don’t have to drink.” I fork a fry. “We can just go out and dance.”

  “Hmm.” She considers it. Actually considers it. She must be driving herself crazy because Charlie hates bars almost as much as she hates wearing heels.

  “Okay.”

  “Really?” I say, flabbergasted.

  “Yeah, fuck it. Let’s go.”

  Well, okay then.

  It doesn’t take a lot to twist Michael and Ozzie’s arms to come with us. In fact, both Ozzie and Michael insist they’re coming.

  Michael and I meet Charlie and Oz at the bar early in the evening, around eight o’clock. There’s no lineup; there never is this early. We get a table by the dance floor near the bar, but also near the live music. Tonight an East Coast band called the Fiddler on the Rock is playing. They’re setting up as we slide into our seats. Ozzie and Michael leave to get drinks. Michael asks me what I want.

  “Just a cola.”

  “Coming up,” he says.

  “This is going to be fun,” Charlie says, feigning excitement.

  “Charlie, you’re going to have a good time. Just have a few drinks, and we’ll dance. One night off isn’t going to make you drop a letter grade. You know that, right?”

  She slumps in her seat and shakes herself like she’s shaking off her stress. I’m sure it’s not working, but I give her points for trying.

  “Okay.” When the guys return, she plucks her straw from her Caesar and downs it. Ozzie grins at her and slides back out to get h
er another.

  “Wow, Charlie,” Michael says, shaking his head. “Tonight should be interesting.”

  When I nudge him, he gives me an expression as if to say, “What?”

  The music is amazing. As soon as the fiddler starts playing, Charlie’s four drinks in. We hit the dance floor and jump around to the music. The crowd’s picked up, and the floor is crowded. Through the entrance doors, I can see a lineup that extends down the hall. A tall guy with a man bun, chiseled cheeks, and a toothy smile electric-slides our way. Another guy comes along, too. Both of them attempt to dance with us, but Charlie and I hold hands and pull each other closer, trying to give them a hint. Thankfully they take it. When I look at Michael, Ozzie has a hand on his shoulder as if restraining him.

  Jealous guys piss me off, but it’s hard to be mad at him when I get the same way. At least he’s holding back. We dance for a long while after, jumping around and singing to the music when they play a few tribute songs by Great Big Sea.

  When I’m good and sweaty and the temperature in the room is five degrees above stifling, I tell Charlie, “I have to go to the bathroom.” I want to pee and splash some water on my face.

  “I’ll meet you back at the table,” she says.

  I wait in the long line for the bathroom, and when I get near the front, I have to pee so bad I’m worried I might go in my pants. I do the pee dance, clenching my thighs together.

  That’s when she finds me. I don’t notice her right away, standing behind me. But I feel eyes on me and turn around. She smiles sweetly, but it comes off as wicked. “Chloe,” I say with an edge to my voice. Here’s the thing—she didn’t sleep with my boyfriend. I have no reason to hate her, and she has every reason to hate me, but I feel like the bigger person here. Though I can’t prove it, I’m sure she tried to get me thrown back in jail for a breach of probation.

  “Hi, Emily.”

  I turn, but her breath blows against my neck as she leans in, making my body tense up.