by L A Cotton
“She got pregnant with Eli. Dad was pissed. He didn’t want another kid, but Mom wanted to keep him. They fought a lot. He stuck around in the beginning, and then one day, he packed up and left.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “It is what it is.”
“Do you have other family to help out?”
Evan tensed, and I wanted to take back the question. But it was too late. “They’re part of the problem.”
“Oh,” I said, pulling free of his hold. “I’m really sorry, Evan. If you ever need—”
I didn’t know what I was offering, but I felt compelled to let him know that I was here. Evan twisted his body to face me. “No more talk about shitty families, yeah?”
“Okay.”
His hand reached out for my neck, curving around my skin, holding me there. “Thank you for staying with Eli.” It looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t. Instead, he leaned forward, brushing his lips across mine. My body responded, arching into him. I realized, then, that maybe our attraction was born out of our desire to escape the burdens we carried.
“Mom, Dad, I’m home,” I called out as the door clicked shut behind me. When Eli had finally woken, the three of us made spaghetti, but I left when Mellie called to say Ellen was awake.
“In the kitchen, sweetheart.”
Part of me was relieved to hear Dad’s voice. At least, I could avoid another showdown with Mom. But when I entered the kitchen, Mom was sitting there with her lips pressed together in a thin line, and I knew I’d walked into an ambush.
“Hey,” I said glancing back and forth between my parents, dread pooling in my stomach. “Is everything okay?”
“Actually,” Dad started. “Your mom and I would like to talk to you about something.”
“Okay.” Dropping into an empty seat, I avoided Mom’s icy stare. It was like she could see straight through me.
“After everything, the move, settling into a new school, we didn’t want to push you, sweetheart, but we’re concerned that you still haven’t applied to college.”
College? “I still haven’t decided where I want to go.”
“Berkeley is close. It’s a great school with great programs,” Mom said coolly, and my eyes snapped to hers.
“I haven’t really thought about it.”
Dad cleared his throat. “That’s what we’re worried about. Your mom thinks—”
“Oh, stop beating around the bush, Geary,” Mom snapped. “You’re distracted, Becca. Always out with these new friends of yours. Off doing God only knows what. You’re like a completely different person since we moved here.”
“Mom.”
“Melinda.”
“No, Geary, I have stayed quiet over this, but someone needs to do something before she throws her life away all because of some …”
“Go on, Mom, say it. Some accident, right? You think what happened is some small mistake we can just brush under the rug and all move on from, don’t you?” Tears burned my throat, but I swallowed them down. “Well, I’m sorry. It doesn’t work that way. Not for me. Everything changed that night, everything. There’s no going back, Mom.”
“That’s enough.” Dad’s face had drained of color. “This hasn’t been easy on any of us, but what’s done is done. We all need to try and find a way to make Credence work.”
“That’s exactly what I’m doing, Dad. I’m trying to fit in.” I was talking to Dad, but my eyes remained on Mom, trying to make her see that this wasn’t me trying to rebel or piss her off. I was just trying to survive. If she knew about the notes, about Kendall’s campaign to drive me out of Credence High, she might have felt differently, but how could I do that to them? After everything I’d already put them through.
“We know, sweetheart, we know. We just don’t want to see you throw away everything you worked so hard for.”
“I won’t, I promise. I just need some time to figure out what I want to do.”
Mom’s face was still drawn, but she managed a small nod of agreement. “We just want so much more for you.”
She didn’t need to say the words.
Mom might have put on a brave face and thrown herself into trying to make Credence work. But it wasn’t Montecito. Not even a little bit. She wouldn’t get to attend the graduation luncheon at Montecito Prep and coo over my academic achievements with the other mothers. There would be no senior photograph at the country club or graduation party on the Rosen’s yacht. You could take the mom out of Montecito, but you couldn’t take the Montecito out of Mom.
“Ugh, Homecoming.” Scarlett rolled her eyes at the sight of the banner hanging across the main building.
“It’s not like we ever go,” Lilly said.
“You don’t?” I asked. It shouldn’t have surprised me, though. They weren’t exactly all about school spirit, not that Credence High seemed to possess much in the way of that.
“Are you kidding? I’d rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon.”
Lilly snickered, but I kept silent. I’d always loved school dances. A bunch of us would get dressed up, and someone’s daddy would hire a limo for us.
“Last year, the dance got shut down because a fight broke out.” Lilly linked her arm through mine as we entered school. “It’s overrated, and besides, Kendall and her crew are all over it now that we’re seniors.”
“I heard they pat you down before entry. No, thank you. Unless I can get wasted and forget where I am, there’s no way I’m going.”
“Sounds lame,” I said flatly. It wasn’t that I wanted to go, not if it was as bad as they were making it sound, but it was senior year. I guess a small part of me had hoped I’d get to do all of that—homecoming, winter formal … prom.
“Totally lame.” Scarlett barged through the morning crush, leading us to our lockers. “But we’ll celebrate, we always do.” She winked over her shoulder, and Lilly clapped her hands.
“Party at Rogues?”
“Or The Vault. Whatever, but it’ll beat listening to Justin Bieber and T. Swift all night.”
I smiled weakly. It was moments like these that my new and old life clashed right before my eyes. It had only been six weeks since I arrived in Credence, but my life in Montecito seemed like a dream now. The hijacked memories of someone else. Another Becca. A Becca I no longer recognized.
Snapping myself out of it, I declared, “Whatever we do, I’ll need a new outfit.”
“Me too,” Lilly added. “We can shop one night after school?”
“Sure. Scarlett?”
“I’m in. I’m thinking of getting another tattoo. I’ve been saving up for something special.”
She had? It was news to me. But then, we still hadn’t really reached the sharing stage of our friendship.
“What’s up, bitches?” Vin leaned against the locker bank, his palm flat against the steel.
“Just discussing our plans for Homecoming.”
“We’re going, right?” Hope flashed in his eyes.
“Yeah, right. I wouldn’t be seen dead at that thing.”
“Ahh, man. I had my outfit picked out and everything.”
Scarlett punched him in the stomach, and he doubled over. “What the hell?”
She rolled her eyes and laughed just as Jay and Malachi joined us, taking a second glance at Vin, who was still muttering in pain.
“We’re not really doing Homecoming, are we?”
“As if. We’ll throw our own party.”
“Hells yeah,” Jay slung his arm around Lilly’s shoulder and tilted her head back, capturing her mouth.
“Seriously, can you two get a fucking room?” Scarlett groaned. “I’m out, catch you later.”
“Someone feeling a little jealous?” Vin called after her. She turned around and flipped him off. He laughed. “Man, what I wouldn’t give to bang her.”
“Dude, seriously, do you have any shame?”
“What?” He held up his hands. “She’s hot.”
We all shook our heads at him, but he
remained unaffected.
“First Becca, now Scarlett. All I’m saying is keep your eyes away from Lilly, yeah?”
“As if, Jay. I have some morals.”
“Could have fooled me.”
“I’m out,” I said, waving them off before things turned any weirder.
Evan wasn’t in math.
I managed to sneak out my cell phone to text him, but he didn’t reply. I didn’t like it, not after Saturday. We texted back and forth a little yesterday after my shift at the diner, but I didn’t want to push. Not with everything. He knew where I was if he needed me. But when the end of the day rolled around, and there was still no word from him, I began to worry.
“What’s up?” Lilly nudged me as we headed for Scarlett’s car.
“Nothing.” I flashed her a smile, not wanting to get into it with her here, with Scarlett right there.
“Guy troubles?”
“Lilly,” I hissed, and she stifled a giggle. “Not now.”
“Not now, what?” Scarlett bounded over to us.
“I was just telling Becca she should get a tattoo.”
My eyes widened at Lilly, and she eyeballed me apologetically.
“You’re kidding, right?” Scarlett scoffed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I shot back. Sure, we all knew I wouldn’t be getting a tattoo, but Scarlett’s tone irked me.
She rolled her eyes dramatically. “Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you’d actually consider getting that virginal skin of yours tattooed?”
“I’ve never really thought about it,” I said, a defensive edge to my voice.
“Becca, ignore her. She’s had a stick up her butt all day.” Lilly shot Scarlett a knowing scowl, and we all climbed into the car.
“Yeah, well, sometimes, life is shittier than usual.” Scarlett gunned the engine and pulled out of the school parking lot. “You should think about it, Becca. It’s body art.”
“That you can never get rid of,” Lilly added.
“Sorry, Mom, I didn’t know you disapproved so much. Besides, weren’t you just telling Becca she should get one?”
Lilly threw herself back against the seat and folded her arms across her chest. I caught her eye in the rearview mirror and smiled, trying to ease some of the tension filling the car.
“I think a tattoo might be a little permanent, but maybe there is something I can get.”
An hour later, Lilly and I were hovered around the small hand mirror watching as the jewel sparkled as I moved it around my face.
“It looks so cute,” Lilly cooed, eliciting a groan from Scarlett.
“You got your nose pierced.”
“So?”
She shrugged, busy looking at the angry heart inked on her wrist. “Whatever.” Scarlett stalked off back into the main room in the tattoo studio while Lilly and I took one last look at my new piercing.
“What the hell is her problem?”
“Stuff at home, I think. She’s been like this since the club.”
When she’d let it slip things weren’t so good with her mom.
“Is she going to be okay?”
“Honestly, I don’t know.” Lilly smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “You’ve probably worked it out by now, but Scarlett fixes everyone around her. Herself, not so much. She’s like a ticking time bomb.”
“Is there anything we can do?”
“Other than be there to pick up the pieces when it all goes to shit? Nope.”
I placed the mirror down and followed Lilly out front. Scarlett was waiting, arms folded over her chest, staring out into space. Her hard edge was all a front. If you looked close enough, you could see the vulnerable girl vying for attention. But Lilly was right—Scarlett wasn’t the kind of person you fixed. Not unless she asked.
“Are we heading to Rogues?” Lilly asked Scarlett, who shook her head.
“Nah, I have some shit to take care of. I’ll drop you there if one of the guys can give you a lift home?”
“Yeah, I’m sure Malachi won’t mind. You’re coming, right, Becca?” She turned to me.
“Hmm, yeah, I guess.”
I checked my cell phone again, but there was still nothing. It had been a whole twenty-four hours since we last talked.
“So want to talk about it?”
“About what?” I slipped my cell back into my pocket.
“Oh, don't act all innocent. You know exactly what I mean.”
“Shh.” I looked around. The guys were goofing around on the track while Lilly and I sat huddled in one of the bumper cars.
“They're busy doing whatever it is guys do. So you and Evan Porter, huh?”
I groaned. She wasn't going to let this drop. Not now that she had me alone. “It's ...”
“It looked pretty serious from where I was standing.”
“What were you even doing in the library?”
“You do know libraries house all the books, right?”
“It's usually empty.”
“I bet it is.” Lilly smirked. “So are you two like just hooking up or is something more?”
Leaning my head back against the car's pole, I let out a sigh. “Honestly, I don't know. Evan is ...”
“Complicated? Mysterious? Brooding? Drop-dead gorgeous in that misunderstood bad boy kind of way?”
I smiled. Lilly wasn't wrong, Evan was all of those things. But he was also loyal and caring and protective, and he'd let me in to his life. Maybe not completely willingly, but I was there now. And I didn't want to leave.
But something felt wrong about this. Sure, Evan and I weren't one of those couples who talked all day long, but after seeing his mom firsthand on Saturday, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right.
“You've got it bad.” Lilly whistled through her teeth. “I can see it in your eyes. Jay and I were like that in the beginning. It was all intense and consuming. Like a whirlwind. But it petered out after a few months.”
I shot her an incredulous look. “You mean you guys were worse than you are now?”
“Hey. We're not that bad.”
“Whatever you say, Lil, whatever you say.”
“Have you, ya know ...”
“What? God, no.”
“Don't sound so surprised. It's not like we're kids, Becca.”
“Yeah, I know, but it's, it's not like that with us.”
Who was I kidding? It was completely like that. I'd offered myself to Evan more than once already, and he’d pulled away as many times. We were a hot mess when it came to that. The push and pull, should we, shouldn’t we.
“He's a guy; you're a girl. It's always like that.”
Was she right? My sexual experience amounted to one bad decision. The biggest regret of my life. I wanted Evan, there was no doubt about that, but it was more than just physical attraction with us. We shared something deeper. I couldn't explain it, but I felt it.
“What's up, bitches?” Vin’s voice boomed across the bumper car track, shaking all thoughts of Evan right out of my head.
“Nice, Vin, real nice.”
“Lighten up, man, they know I'm only joking. Right, ladies?”
Lilly scoffed. “How you ever get a date is beyond me.”
“Your words cut deep, Lil.” Vin clutched his heart and gasped. “This shit’s boring tonight, so I might go and see who all else is around. Maybe I’ll get lucky.” He waggled his eyebrows as he jammed his hands into his pockets and headed off.
“He’s serious?” I asked the others.
“Deadly. Some of the girls hang out in the old arcade. A couple of them fall for his crap every. Damn. Time.”
“Well, good for them, I guess,” I said, a little confused that anyone with half a brain would fall for Vin’s attempt at being smooth.
Lilly switched cars to join Jay, leaving me alone, and Malachi leaned up against the ticket kiosk. They had no problem making out in front of us, lost in one another. My cell vibrated in my pocket, and I couldn’t get it out quick enough.
/>
Funhouse. Now.
“I, hmm, I have to pee,” I blurted out. Lilly managed to tear herself away from Jay long enough to ask if I wanted her to come with me, but I waved her off. “I’ll be fine. Be back soon.”
“Becca, wait up.” Malachi jogged toward me. “I’m going to go watch Vin make an ass of himself. Beats sitting with those two. You’ll be okay? We’ll be right over there.” He pointed at a small building past the Ferris Wheel.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
He nodded, and I caught a flash of amusement in his eyes. As if he knew exactly where I was headed.
Unwilling to enter the Funhouse through the front entrance, I followed the building around the side until I found the service door. My hand trembled as I reached as for the handle, but Evan beat me to it, and the door creaked open. Slipping inside, I waited for him to explain, but he had other ideas. Crowding me against the wall, he dipped his head and claimed my lips.
“Evan, wait.” I gasped into his mouth.
His head dropped to mine, and his eyes shuttered. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”
“Talk to me.”
Evan heaved a sigh and pulled away from me. It was a feeling I wouldn’t ever enjoy, the loss of his warmth, his presence, but something was wrong. I saw it in his eyes the second he’d opened the door.
“Evan.”
We were in the access hallway to the office he’d taken me to before. A sliver of light streamed through a hole in the wall. Walking up to him, I took his hand and started to lead him in the direction I hoped was the office.
When we entered the small room, I let go of him and went to the desk, resting against the edge. “What happened?”
“You don’t want to know.” His voice was cold, and I hugged myself tight.
“Try me.”
“It’s …” He raked a hand over his face. “Fuck. It’s a mess.”
“So what, things got rough, and you thought you’d text me to come here and work off your frustrations?”
Stormy eyes snapped to mine, pinning me in place. “It’s not like that, and you know it.”
“Do I?”
His jaw clenched as we stared at one another. “Like you don’t do the same?”
“I—” My head dropped as his words sunk in.
