by L A Cotton
She couldn’t.
Could she?
Acid burned up my throat like the tears pooling behind my eyes.
“Becca, what’s that?”
I snatched the photo out of my locker, turned, and ran.
Away from Kendall.
Away from my friends.
Away from a past that had finally caught up with me.
Rain dripped down my face and mixed with my tears, but I continued. With no particular destination in mind, I’d walked out of the school and kept walking. At some point, I’d stopped at a trashcan and shredded the photo into a hundred tiny pieces before scattering them inside. And then I’d walked some more.
Nothing interfered with my mindless journey until a car slowed down, but I didn’t turn to look.
“Becca, get in the car.” Evan’s voice was soft, but it didn’t reach me, not this time. “Becca.” The car rolled forward, keeping up with me as I increased my pace.
“Go away, Evan.”
“Get in the damn car.” He sounded annoyed now. Well, good for him.
The car slammed to a halt, and a door opened. I didn’t glance back. I didn’t look up when Evan stepped in front of me or wrapped his arms around me, forcing me to a stop. “Becca, talk to me.”
I responded with silence.
“Fine.” He guided me to his car, having to practically force me inside. And I let him, my body drained of energy, of fight … of everything.
When we pulled up outside his house two minutes later, it occurred to me that maybe that’s where I’d been walking, but it didn’t matter. Not anymore.
“C’mon.”
I complied, but only because it was easier … and I was cold … and tired. And I really didn’t want to go home and explain to Mom why I had bailed on school and spent the morning walking around Credence in the torrential rain.
Evan was silent as he let us into his house. Lilly would have said he was brooding. Maybe he was. He led me to his bedroom, and when the door clicked shut behind us, I flinched. It was different from every other time I’d been here. There was no lust, no urgency between us. Evan left me standing there, arms holding myself together, while he fetched me a black hoodie.
“Here, put this on.”
I took it and turned away from him, but he said, “I’ll let you get changed and make some coffee.” The door opening and closing alerted me to his departure, and I slipped out of my soggy clothes, sliding Evan’s hoodie over my body. It drowned my frame. I climbed onto his bed and shuffled back. Waiting. When he finally returned, two mugs of coffee in hand, our eyes locked.
Maybe it was being out of the cold, wet clothes or being here in Evan’s room, but I crashed back to reality. “Why? Why me? What did I ever do to her?” Ugly sobs wracked through me, and I hugged myself tighter, pressing back into the headboard of his bed.
Evan’s face twisted with unspoken emotion, and he dragged a hand over the scruff that had grown over his jaw. “Because she’s a fucking evil bitch.” The venom in his voice should have shocked me, should have stirred a hundred questions in me, but she’d finally done it … Kendall O’Hare had broken me in a way I never thought possible. I’d been worried that my secret would come out. That somehow my past would catch up with me. And it finally had.
“I hate her. I hate this god-forsaken place. I just want to go home.”
The bed dipped beside me, and Evan reached for my hands, tugging them away from my face. “You don’t mean that.”
He was right. I didn’t.
Even after everything, I knew I had nowhere else to go. Credence was my home now. That was the crazy thing—I never wanted to step foot back in Montecito again. It housed too many dark moments. But I was done trying to paint on a brave smile and walk down the hallways of Credence High pretending to be someone I wasn’t.
“Becca …”
My eyes met Evan’s. He looked tired. Was that because of me? The constant looking out for me, sheltering me from Kendall and her crew. Or maybe it was his mom and Eli. Or both. Either way, Evan had enough to deal with without adding an unstable girlfriend to his list of burdens.
Was I even his girlfriend?
We hadn’t put a label on us. In fact, every time I tried to give myself to him, he shut me down. He usually distracted me by other means, but the fact remained that Evan refused to take the next step with me.
“Why don’t you want me?” My voice was small, barely audible in between sobs.
“Fuck, Becca, you want to have this conversation, right now?”
I nodded, feeling the sting of his stern tone. But I wanted to know … I needed to know. Evan raked a hand over his face and dropped his gaze to the bed. Fear unfurled in my stomach, leaving me hollow. What if, after all this, he really didn’t feel the same?
His eyes snapped back to mine, and I gulped, the storm swirling in his depths.
“I promised myself I’d stay away from you, but you made it so difficult. I don’t let people in, Becca. My life, it’s … complicated. You’re smart. Better than this shithole. You’ll go off to college and make something of yourself. I’m—”
Rocking onto my knees, I shuffled over to him. “Evan, don’t—”
“It’s true.” He backed away from my touch. “I don’t deserve someone like you, and you can certainly do better than someone like me.”
Ignoring his resistance, I slid my hand along his jaw and leaned forward, sealing my lips over his. Evan tensed, and for a second, I thought he might reject me, but relief washed over me when he looped his arms around me and dragged me onto his lap. My legs dropped to either side of his as he deepened the kiss, each stroke of his tongue an affirmation that he did feel the same. Somewhere deep down inside, he wanted me the way I wanted him—he just didn’t feel worthy.
But neither was I.
Only, even now, I couldn’t tell him that.
“I don’t want better,” I murmured into his mouth, unwilling to break the kiss. Evan responded to my declaration, gripping my hips and pushing me down onto him. Even through our jeans, I could feel him hard against my stomach.
Silently, Evan lifted me up and spun me around, laying me on the bed and hovering over me. Even now, his uncertainty glittered in his eyes, but then he started to undress me. His hoodie went first followed by my damp sneakers and jeans. His t-shirt and jeans joined the puddle of clothes and then he was pressed against me, skin on skin, kissing me like I was the air he breathed.
“You never told me.” He pulled back, gazing at me with such intensity my stomach coiled tightly.
“It wasn't something I wanted to advertise.” Fitting in had been hard enough without announcing my riches to rags status.
“You thought people would judge you?”
“Didn't they?”
His eyes flashed with something, and he kissed me again. “You could have told me.”
“Does it matter that I didn't?”
“No.” Evan's tongue slipped past my lips and slid against my own, coaxing me back to him.
When I'd reached the locker bank, I had almost turned around and run, but I couldn't escape Credence High ... or Kendall O'Hare. So with wavering defiance, I'd opened my locker, ignoring the various photos of me. Some in my Montecito Prep uniform, others at parties or school events. There were even some of me on the Rosen’s yacht. And I'd almost made it. Until my eyes fell on the single image pinned inside my locker. I didn't have to look closely to remember that night. It was the very reason I'd ended up here.
“Becca?”
I couldn’t take back what I’d done. I knew that much. But I could erase the night that led me to that point. I could replace the biggest regret of my life with something else. Something I wanted more than anything.
“I want you, Evan, please.” The words fell from my lips like a prayer.
We became a tangle of limbs as our lips crashed together. Dipping his head between us, Evan’s lips traced the curve of my bra, and I shivered as tingles broke out along my skin. His finger
s walked around my rib cage to my back, and he unclasped my bra, dragging it from my body. Confident hands traced down my waist and found the edge of my panties. Slipping inside, he curled a finger into me and then another while he sucked my nipple into his mouth.
“Oh god.” The words spilled out, overwhelmed with the feel of Evan.
His mouth.
His fingers.
Pressing his thumb against my core, I dropped my head back as my stomach coiled tighter and tighter until I was panting his name, begging him to give me what I needed most. An orgasm crashed over me without warning, and Evan drowned out my moans with a kiss. When my heart finally evened out, he pressed one more kiss to my lips before rocking back onto his knees, taking my panties with him. He stood at the edge of the bed, slid off his boxer-briefs, and fumbled around with his jeans, retrieving a condom from his wallet. I watched through lust-filled eyes as he rolled it on and crawled back over me.
“Are you sure?” His voice was thick, and I nodded. Reaching out, I slid my hands over his shoulders and crushed him to me. Evan hitched my legs around his waist and pressed into me, seeking silent permission. My eyes snapped to his, and I answered with a kiss. He inched into me slowly, filling me, as I held onto him. Heat radiated between us, our kisses growing more and more desperate, our moans filling the quiet room. Clamping his hand around my waist, Evan pulled out before thrusting back in a little harder, and I arched into him, my fingers gripping his shoulders tighter. My lips traced the dips and hollows of his collarbone as beads of sweet, salty moisture lingered on his skin until it was all too much and my head rolled back, lost in the feel of him.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” he said on a low groan, seeking out my mouth. Covering my lips with his own. He swept his tongue into my mouth all while thrusting in and out, harder and faster, erasing that night from my memory.
The images played over in my head as I entered the school. It was the only thing going to get me through the day. Last night, when I’d finally returned home and laid in bed reflecting on the day’s events, I’d considered skipping classes today. But I figured Mom would ask too many questions, and I was too on edge to keep my cool with her. All night, my cell phone had blown up with texts from Lilly and Scarlett, but I didn’t know what to say to them yet. The truth was out, and I didn’t know how they would feel about me.
The real me.
When I’d run from school yesterday, I never imagined the day ending the way it had. Evan had held back so many times, but last night, he’d given me what I wanted most. He didn’t treat me like glass or a fragile girl, but he did make it all about me. Everything else—Kendall’s threats, the insults, the photos—had all melted away … because of Evan. I hadn’t known it could be like that. Didn’t think I would ever trust a guy enough again to do that with. But if it was going to be anyone, it was going to be Evan.
In a strange way, it had been him since the first day I arrived at Credence High. I still didn’t understand it, but that was how it was sometimes, wasn’t it? A series of chance encounters. An attraction that couldn’t be ignored. We’d both resisted until we couldn’t anymore.
And I didn’t regret a single moment of it.
Turning the corner, my smile grew at the sight of Evan standing with Scarlett. My boyfriend—well, at least after last night, I guessed that was what he was now—and my friend. But as I drew closer, I realized something wasn’t right. Scarlett looked mad; she was up in Evan’s face, angry words rolling from her mouth. I couldn’t hear them, I was too far away, but I could tell she was upset about something. They didn’t see me approach, and for some reason, I didn’t make myself noticed. Maybe it was the churning in my stomach or the little voice in my head telling me that something was wrong. As I inched closer, their voices floated over to me, and I froze.
“… what the hell were you thinking?”
“Shit, I wasn’t, okay? We’ve been seeing each other, spending time together.”
“You think I didn’t know that? It’s obvious she’s fallen for you. Fuck, Evan, she’s going to hate you when she finds out. She’s going to hate me. Did you ever stop to think about that, huh?”
Evan raked a hand over his head. “Fuck. This has gotten way out of hand.”
Scarlett barked out a bitter laugh. “You don’t say. I didn’t know how much she’d worm her way in. She’s like a goddamn STD you can’t shake.”
Acid burned my throat, and my eyes watered. They were talking … about me. My friend and my kind-of boyfriend. It didn’t make sense. You know it does, the traitorous voice whispered, but I ignored it. I didn’t want to believe it, what I’d been too blind to see—or too foolish to admit.
“Peters, that’s my girl you’re talking about.”
“Do you really think she’ll be your girl once she finds out that all of this was fake? That I only invited her that night because you asked me to look out for her?”
“She’s your friend, isn’t she?”
“That. Won’t. Matter. We played her, Evan. She trusted us. And after the shitty stunt Kendall pulled yesterday, she’s going to be fair game again.”
“Fuck.” Evan’s hand collided with the wall, and he grunted in pain.
“That’s not going to help.”
“What the fuck do we do? If I call things off with her, it will crush her. Kendall’s not letting this thing drop. I thought once you took her under your wing, she’d back off, but I know Becca has been keeping things from me.”
“We have to tell her the truth. Maybe if we explain, she’ll under—”
“Becca, there you are, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. Becca? What are you doing?” Lilly’s voice pulled my eyes away from Evan and Scarlett. Confusion swam in her doe eyes as she looked from me to them and back again. I didn’t need to turn back around to know I’d been made. That they knew I’d overheard everything. I could feel Evan’s shame from where I stood.
“Becca,” they both said together, but I couldn’t …
I took off down the hall, running from their calls. My bag flapped behind me, colliding with a couple of kids who shouted, “Watch it.” But I didn’t stop and apologize. I had to get the hell out of there.
It was all a lie.
Scarlett’s friendship.
Evan’s knight-in-shining-armor act.
All of it part of some plan to protect the new girl.
It didn’t make sense, yet if I looked at the last couple of months, it did.
Scarlett’s intervention when Kendall had locked us in Mr. Phillips’s classroom; how she just happened to be outside that room at that very moment. The numerous times Evan had shown up and saved me. The Vault, Rogues, the party at Bannam’s. He was always there. As if he was expecting something to happen.
Because he was.
Scarlett had said Evan asked her to look out for me. He knew, even before I arrived, that Kendall had it out for me. But the question I still didn’t have the answer to was how.
How did he know?
I’d never once seen him interact with Kendall. It was like they were nothing to one another, but how could he know that she intended on making my life hell unless … all along the link was the one staring me in my face.
Evan and Kendall.
“Becca, wait, please, just give me a chance to explain.”
My chest heaved with ragged breaths as I came to a halt and spun around. I’d run all the way to the end of the school parking lot. A crowd had gathered at the door, watching us, whispering to one another. Evan held out his hands as he approached me, but I stepped back. “How much did you hear?”
“Enough.” I narrowed my eyes, biting back the tears.
“You need to hear it all before you rush to any conclusions.”
“Rush to any conclusions? You’ve got to be kidding me. You. Lied.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face, and I saw the pain in his eyes. “I had good reason.”
“Did you have good reason to let me believe that you liked me? That there was
something real between us? Or was sleeping with me all part of the ‘let’s screw Becca over even more’ plan?” I hissed out, not caring if anyone heard us. From the rise in decibels, I figured some of our audience had.
Evan blanched as if my words stung.
Good. I hoped they inflicted even an ounce of the pain currently carving its way through my chest.
“Becca.” He sighed. “You know it’s real.”
“Answer me one question.”
“Anything.”
“How did you know Kendall was coming after me?”
The color drained from his face, and I knew I was right. He did know Kendall—somehow, someway they had a connection. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
“We should talk somewhere in private.”
“No, I think right here is fine. Answer the question, Evan.”
His lips pressed together in a tight line, the way I’d seen so many times before. He wasn’t going to say anything. He was choosing silence over fixing his shit storm of a mess.
“Got it.” I tipped my chin at him. “I’ll see you around, Math guy.”
I fought back the tears as I walked away from him.
It was ironic, really. For someone whose life had changed so much in a split second once before, I’d forgotten how quickly it could happen. How quickly everything could turn bad.
The house was quiet when I finally arrived home. I hadn’t headed there right away. Once the tears started falling, I knew they wouldn’t stop in time, so I diverted to the park in our neighborhood and sat on one of the swings until I was all cried out. My cell phone bleeped constantly. But I didn’t check the messages. I couldn’t. Not yet.
Maybe I never would.
My whole existence at Credence High was a lie. More lies. Scarlett hadn’t taken pity on me that day she invited me to The Vault; she’d done it as a favor to Evan. Because somehow, he’d known that Kendall planned to make my life hell—just like she had with Ami. It explained Evan’s coolness toward me in those first couple of weeks. But it didn’t explain why he felt he needed to look out for me. I was no one to him.
