If I Could I'd Wish It All Away (I Wish Book 1)

by Lisa Helen Gray

  Lorelei is one of my staff members. She’s absolutely stunning with her white-blonde hair that hangs down past her waist and her emerald green eyes. She’s so shy and timid, and I know there’s a story she keeps hidden behind those haunted eyes of her. It’s a look that you shouldn’t see on someone so young and beautiful.

  “Sorry. I’m just feeling a little out of it. Did Jeremy get the last few boxes of books ready?” I ask, mentioning my other staff member who is three years older than Lorelei’s twenty-four.

  He’s more of an outgoing person and has a bubbly, funny and charming personality. He’s also incredibly hot. He has a sharp figure, a swimmer’s build, and brown eyes to die for. But only if you can get past the pain that fills them.

  He might come across as arrogant and cocky, but there’s definitely something deeper there, and he just uses all that to hide behind.

  “Yeah,” she whispers, blushing, and I smiling knowingly. Then I remember what I need to talk to her about, and I pause.

  “Hey, Lorelei, can I talk to you for a minute?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Dean and I were talking the other night, and we’ve both agreed on this. There was no pause or hesitation on either side, but we will understand if you don’t take up on our offer,” I say softly.

  “Okay,” she says slowly, looking confused and skittish, like she’s about to bolt.

  “We want to offer you Dean’s cabin to live in,” I tell her. I lose my smile when she pales, and I begin to feel bad for interfering.

  “How did you know?” she whispers and guilt fills my chest.

  “Dean. He had to do a background check on all of you,” I cringe.

  Lorelei, although I don’t know why, has been sleeping in a grubby, run-down bed and breakfast. Once he told me, I knew I had to do something. She doesn’t belong in a place like that. Anything could happen to her there.

  “Is that why you hired me?” she asks, her voice low and filled with hurt. She’s breaking my heart.

  “No! Not at all. I hired you before he even did the checks. I promise you,” I tell her. “Please take it. It’s not much. It’s a one bedroom cabin over at Cabin Lake, where we live, and it’s yours if you want it. You won’t be putting anyone out, I promise. It’s literally sitting there empty.”

  “I’m not a charity case,” she says defensively, her eyes watering. “I can take care of myself. I don’t need anyone.”

  “No one said you were,” I tell her softly. “That is why I hired you. You’re strength, will and the fire burning inside that kind, sweet heart of yours. It’s also why we’re offering Dean’s place to you.”

  She wipes her eyes, looking down at her feet. “I can’t afford it. I can barely afford where I’m staying now,” she whispers, still not looking me in the eye, and that saddens me.

  “Lorelei, if I make you a deal, will you at least think it over?” I ask, and she looks at me sceptically. Taking that as a good sign, I continue. “How about we give you two months free rent so you can settle in, get some money behind you. Then after those two months we can arrange a low monthly payment you can afford for rent. Will that help make a decision?”

  If she says no I have no idea what I’m going to do.

  “I don’t know,” she says, fidgeting. The fact she hasn’t shot me down straight away gives me some hope, so I head straight to plan C.

  Emotional blackmail.

  “Do you want to feel safe? Do you want stability a home?” I ask sharply, yet keeping my voice as soft as possible. “I know I’m being pushy and I hate it, but I really want the girl I’ve come to care about a lot to be safe. I want to know she’s been looked after.”

  “Okay.” She sighs. “But I’ll pay rent?” she asks, and I nod, grinning.

  “This is so great. I’ve already got you a new mattress and bed sheets. Dean’s were gross,” I ramble, scrunching my nose up.

  She giggles, shaking her head at me. She’s so used to my outbursts that she doesn’t question them anymore. “You’re mad. You didn’t need to do that. Thank you.” She smiles, but then her expression freezes for a second before she loses her smile and her eyes widen. “How did you know I’d say yes?”

  I shrug. “Dean and I made sure I asked you with a plan A, B, C, and D.”

  “Really? What was plan D?” she teases.

  “Kidnap you.” I giggle.

  “Lola, Pagan keeps bossing me around,” Jeremy blurts out, walking up the stairs to my office. Lorelei jumps, her cheeks reddening and as she seems to fold into herself.

  “What are you whining about now?” I ask, trying to come across as stern.

  “Pagan. She’s having me running around like a headless chicken. ‘Do this, Jeremy. Get that for me, Jeremy. Make me a cup of coffee, Jeremy. Bend over and let me spank you, Jeremy’,” he says, mimicking Pagan.

  “I asked you once. Once, Jeremy!” Pagan shouts up, and we all laugh.

  Pagan has been working her ass off getting everything ready for tomorrow’s opening. With my store, Brooke’s and hers, she’s had her hands full. We decided to use our opening event to promote Pagan’s new business. It will be great PR for her.

  “Once is enough. Your dad looked like he was going to kill me,” he shouts back down, shuddering before turning back to me. “I’ll do anything, anything for you as long as I don’t have to answer to her a second longer.”

  I laugh, and a small giggle escapes Lorelei, who has moved farther away from the door where Jeremy is standing.

  He turns sharply, apparently just noticing she was in the room. A small smirk falls on his lips, his cocky attitude appearing as he stands straighter, eyeing her up.

  “You can boss me around any day of the week.” He winks.

  Lorelei scrunches her nose up. “Go away, then,” she mutters quietly.

  “One day, pretty eyes, you’ll be begging to boss me around,” he tells her cheerfully.

  “You can go,” I tell Jeremy, letting him off the hook. We’ve got a long day tomorrow, and I’ll need him in a happy mood if I plan on making it through the day.

  “Really?”

  “Yes, now go before I change my mind.” I laugh.

  “Jeremy, take the bin bags out before you leave,” Pagan shouts, and we all burst out laughing. He groans and shakes his head, muttering curses under his breath before leaving.

  “Bye, pretty eyes,” he shouts up the stairs, and Lorelei blushes. When I give her a pointed look, she ignores me, playing it off.

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” I tease. “I’m going to finish this, and then I’ll take you to get your stuff from the bed and breakfast. You can sit downstairs and take a break.”

  “I’ll help. I like to keep busy.”

  “There isn’t much to do. Why don’t you go make sure everything is ready downstairs?”

  “Okay. If you need me to do anything else, just shout,” she says and walks to the door. Once she’s in the doorway, she pauses, turning back to me. “Thank you, Lola. For everything. Can you tell Dean I said thank you too?”

  “Of course,” I say softly.

  She nods, seeming uncomfortable, and leaves the room, heading down the spiral staircase to the ground floor.

  I look around my newly furnished office and sigh with contentment. My stomach is fluttering like mad, nerves turning my stomach over as I think about tomorrow and the future.

  I’ve already got some editing lined up. As soon as my website went live, I had multiple enquiries and have a list of indie authors I’ll be working with. I think it helps I have the qualifications because one author mentioned her last editor was someone who seemed to have read a book, found a few mistakes and labelled herself an editor. I don’t think people realise the hard work that goes into editing a document. It’s not just about finding a simple spelling mistake, but about story flow and grammar, amongst other things.

  I was lucky Pagan knew how to set up the website for my new business because I had no idea. It’s bizarre seeing
my name up there above the shop and on my website, but I’m glad I went with what I did.

  I’ve gone with the nickname my mom would whisper to me when she was alive. She’d use it as a way to comfort me or in a loving way. So when the time came to name the store, I went with ‘Lo Lo’ and had ‘believe, love, live, dream’ scrawled underneath in italic bold writing.

  The name means a lot to me, as does the store. I’m hoping my parents are looking down on me and are proud.

  Stepping around my L-shaped desk, I switch off my luminous purple computer, stacking the files of papers in a pile and putting them aside for when I start work in a few days. With everything going on, I know I won’t have time to start anything until the buzz from the store has calmed down, so I’ve tried to do as much as I can.

  I really do love my office. It’s the only place in the store that has plain colours. I opted for black furniture, wanting it to come across as sophisticated, and decorated the place with luminous colours. My pen pot is yellow, my stapler green and my hole-puncher sky blue. There are other bits and bobs amongst them but my favourites, apart from my computer are the flower pots Pagan said would look beautiful on my walls. So on small, plain white shelves, different colour flower pots are scattered around the room, all filled with daisies.

  I have another straightforward desk behind me against the wall with a printer, fax machine, scanner and other bits I’ll need. The filing cabinets are on the far wall in front of me, a sofa on the back wall with a coffee table.

  It was originally meant to be open-plan since, before I had the floor-length windows in and a door built at the top of the stairs, it was only separated by single metal bars. But because I’ll need the silence to work, I had the renovations built.

  Moving to the window, I smile, looking down. Everything is how I pictured it would be. I’m still in shock that we managed to get different coloured desks, computers, mice, and keyboards. We had to paint the bookshelves and special order the sofas from the place Brooke ordered hers from. There are a few table and chairs but not many. I wanted people to be comfortable and relaxed here. All in all, I’m over the moon at how it’s all turned out.

  Switching the light off I lock up and move downstairs, smiling wide when I see everything is ready for tomorrow. Pagan has made sure there’ll be little to do as possible. However, we’ll still need to be here nice and early in case we run into any problems.

  “I’m all done,” Pagan calls as she walks back in the front.

  Lorelei turns, noticing me, and smiles. “Me too.”

  “So we’re done. This is really going to happen?”

  “It sure is.” Pagan grins.

  “I’ve had my store for years, yet I’m nervous as a fat kid on a diet in McDonald’s,” Brooke says, walking in from where our stores are joined.

  We all laugh, and I roll my eyes. “Are you finished?” I ask, my stomach twisting in knots. I swear I’m going to be sick because of all the nerves.

  “Yeah. You okay? You look a little pale.”

  “Yeah, it’s just nerves. I’m hoping it goes once I have a sleep.” I chuckle.

  “Everything is going to be fine. I promise. And it’s my job to worry, not yours. It’s why you hired me,” Pagan reminds me, and I nod.

  “Okay. I guess I’ll see you all tomorrow.” I smile, looking at my best friends. It’s so weird calling them that, because they feel like much more to me. Even Lorelei means more to me and I’ve only known her a few short weeks.

  “Do you need a lift back?” Pagan asks.

  “No. I need to take Lorelei to get her stuff. She’s been looking for a place closer to live, so we offered her Dean’s,” I lie. I have a feeling Lorelei wouldn’t like it if I blurted out where she was staying. She seemed upset enough with Dean and me knowing.

  “It’s about time. Mom and Dad were worried it would sit empty for years. They’ll be pleased to know you’ll be living there. It was one of the first cabins built,” Pagan informs us.

  Lorelei seems to relax and looks a lot better about staying at Dean’s. I want to kiss Pagan right then, but then she’ll know something is up.

  I lock up and turn to Brooke and Pagan, smiling. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning.” I grin.

  “I’ll be the one next door,” Brooke teases.

  “And I’ll be across the road.” Pagan laughs.

  We say our goodbyes, and Lorelei and I head to grab her things. The journey has the nerves in my stomach swirling violently. I don’t know why I’m getting myself worked up over tomorrow. I don’t understand it, not when I’m this excited.

  Nothing could go wrong. We have everything figured out.

  Chapter 28

  “I’m so proud of you.” Dean grins, hugging me to him.

  I look over my shoulder at him, smiling giddily. “Everything looks perfect,” I tell him, looking around at all the open stalls.

  We have a few children’s stalls that have face painting, arts and crafts and another stand where you can make your own dreamcatcher. We even got the cancer research charity shop involved, and they’ve opened up a few stalls outside their shop, filling it with random items. Everything looks amazing and it’s all thanks to Pagan.

  She managed to get permission to close the street off so we could set up a stage at the end of the road. Sid and his students will be up later, showing off their incredible talent. A bucket will be placed at the side of the stage to raise funds for new music equipment.

  “I can’t believe Pagan managed to get all this done and her own shop.”

  He presses me tighter against him. “She’s a miracle worker, but you all did this together,” he says as he eyes where his sister shop is.

  She has a few roller banners outside with pictures of previous events and a table between the two banners with leaflets, explaining what she offers.

  Speaking of flyers, my eyes scan the crowd for Gill, a woman who has volunteered from the local church to help out. She’s handing out fliers and the way she’s chatting away, I can tell she’s enjoying it.

  Dean’s phone rings and our blissful moment of peace is interrupted. I knew our solitary wouldn’t last long.

  “Hello?” Dean answers and as he listens, I watch his body grow tight and his jaw clench. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

  “Is everything okay?” I ask, worried about the exchange and how quickly it changed his mood.

  “Yeah, but I have to go back to Cabin Lake. Dad just called saying there’s a problem he needs me to go see,” he tells me, and I narrow my eyes suspiciously. I feel like he’s just told me the truth as a lie, like he skirted around what’s really happening, but instead of questioning him, I just nod.

  “Okay. It’s nothing serious, is it?”

  “Shouldn’t be,” he says, forcing a tight-lipped smile.

  “Okay, well I’ll see you later, then.” I smile, not wanting to come across whiny.

  “I’ll be back as soon as I can, baby, I promise,” he says, seeming to relax. He pulls me against his front and kisses me.

  I moan against his lips, and I’m breathless by the time he pulls away, gazing down at me with hunger in his eyes.

  “I’m proud of you,” he whispers. “Now go and have fun.”

  “I do need to check on Jeremy and Lorelei.” I nod and kiss him once more before letting him go. He makes his way through the growing crowd, and I don’t move until I lose sight of him.

  Sighing, I turn, making my way into the shop, shuffling through the line of people waiting to get a look at the store or a cup of coffee or tea.

  My stomach coils the minute I smell coffee beans and fresh-baked goods. I place a hand on my belly and pause, waiting for the nausea to ease.

  “Hey, you okay?” Jeremy asks. “Need me to sweep you off your feet?”

  “I’ll tell Dean you said that.” I chuckle, breathing through my nose.

  “Please don’t. The dude scares me a little.”

  “A little?” I laugh, remembering the first time
Dean and Jeremy met. Jeremy had been his normal, charming self and when he was flirting his way into getting the job, Dean had turned up and put him straight.

  Although now that we know Jeremy is a natural flirt, Dean chooses to ignore him. Plus, it’s only harmless.

  Something tells me if Jeremy were ever to really need to flirt with a girl he actually liked for more than a hookup, he wouldn’t know what to do.

  “Okay, a lot.”

  “How is everything going in here?” I eye the tables, a few cups and other things littering them, and I frown.

  “Don’t worry. We’ve got it now. One of the volunteers from the church has come in to help with a few other people. The queue is endless so we got behind on the tables.”

  “It’s okay. Did you need me to help?”

  “No. No, we got this now,” he says, waving me off.

  “If I knew it would get this busy I would have hired more people,” I murmur.

  “Yeah, you’ll have to start looking soon. If it keeps up like this, you’ll need morning and afternoon staff. Just don’t forget who was here first.” He winks.

  “I’ll make a note of it.” I chuckle and move to the counter to where Lorelei is running around ragged, the coffee machine steaming behind her.

  It seemed like she actually slept last night, for the first time, she turned up without dark shadows under her eyes.

  “Hey.” She waves, handing over a coffee to someone whilst another lady rings up some books next to her.

  “You okay? Do you need…?” I pause, my stomach rolling again, and I cover my mouth with my hand.

  “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Lorelei rushes out as she abandons the next customer.

  I wave her off, unable to speak, and grab the bottle of water that’s offered to me. “Thank you.” I gulp it down, then take a smaller sip. “My stomach is in knots. It’s probably because I spent the whole night worrying if I had everything done.”

  “Go get some fresh air. We have everything handled in here, and I’m sure Sid’s band and class start performing soon,” she reminds me, looking over at the bright coral clock on the wall.

  “Yeah, maybe fresh air will do me some good,” I tell her absently, still feeling a little off.