When She Falls

by Jez Strider

  The tears came, but it wasn’t the frantic, earth clawing breakdown she’d expected. It was good memories and acceptance. She knew, as she always had deep down, they’d want her to be happy. And she truly was now. For an hour, she stayed in the swing, occasionally giving herself a little push with one foot. An unfamiliar peace fell over her. Her jumbled mind was quiet and calm. No worries clouded her thoughts.

  She laughed when she remembered the time she’d tracked the house with mud and blamed it on the dog. Her heart warmed when she remembered Christmas and how somehow she always seemed to get exactly what she wanted even when money was tight. A slight cringe crossed her face when she thought about her first time driving and knocking down the mailbox. Tons of memories came back to her. Things she’d long forgotten. Some were gone by choice. Others had just been lost somewhere along the way. She promised not to lose them again.

  A check of the time, told her she needed to move on. There was one more stop to make. Goodbyes were said into thin air. Then, she climbed back into her car which luckily started this time. Running two fingers under her eyes while looking in the rearview mirror removed most of the evidence that she had shed any tears.

  Her last stop, and by far the easiest of the day, was the crusher. The beat up, well-used car had served her well. Yet, it was too constant a reminder of desperate times and hopelessness. With fascination, she watched as the employee loaded the car into the heavy machinery. He pulled the lever and that’s when she turned around. A cab had arrived to take her home. For some reason, she felt badass for not watching or weeping for the old hunk of metal.

  She gave the driver a hefty tip, knowing that the worker had probably had a rough day. Something on the porch caught her eye. Bright blues, yellows, pinks, and orange splashes of color that she couldn’t quite make out. Her eyes were squinted as she stepped closer. A beautiful bouquet had been placed carefully on the welcome mat in front of the big white door.

  “Logan….” She whispered out loud as she picked up the flowers.

  The card read:

  To my soul mate,

  I am nothing without you. Thankfully, you are with me in my dreams.

  With boundless love,

  Logan

  Candice opened the door, grinning broadly as she arranged the flowers in the vase on the dining room table. The whole house appeared brighter. As hard as it was to be apart, she’d never loved him more than in that moment of great distance.

  That evening, Logan caught the first flight back to Candice that he could get. It took a thousand dollars in bribe money to convince a lone traveler to forsake his seat. Every so often, he’d pat the inside chest pocket of his suit to make sure the engagement ring was still there. He was nervous. Harworth’s didn’t get nervous. They did what needed to be done and then some. It was a family trait, or so his father had always said.

  Logan arrived in town early the next day after several excruciating flight delays. His decision to fly commercial instead of arranging to leave in his father’s personal jet was purely out of necessity. The sooner he was out of the city, the better… especially without Maxwell Harworth’s knowledge.

  A few times, Logan started to call ahead to tell Candice he was on his way, but he resisted. This was supposed to be a grand professing of love and a surprise. She’d open the door, he’d fall to his knee, and they’d rejoice when she answered yes to his question. That was the plan, at least. It had to be perfect for her.

  He rang the bell and Candice opened the door. She’d obviously been asleep. Her eyes were half open, her hair a mess, and she probably had morning breath. His vision of the moment hadn’t been quite so… normal. Surely, she would not appreciate him proposing like that.

  “You’re back!” She wrapped her arms around his neck.

  “I told you I was going to try to come back early.” Gently, he rubbed her back and kissed her cheek. “How’d you like the flowers?”

  “They were perfect.” The word had barely slipped from her lips when the phone rang. “Who would be calling the house phone? It never rings.” She looked around. “I’m honestly not even sure where it is. I know I’ve seen it.”

  He laughed, yawning into his fist. It was a result of the jetlag. “Follow the sound. Telemarketer would be my guess.”

  Candice found the phone hanging in an obscure corner of the kitchen. “Hello?” She asked as Logan watched on, trying to figure out the right moment to pop the question.

  She was silent for a minute, obviously listening to the person on the other end of the line. “That’s despicable. I would never accept an offer like that.”

  “What are they selling? Porn?” Logan snickered, clueless as to what could be that offensive.

  Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on the receiver. Candice’s entire face was red. That’s when the joking changed immediately to concern.

  “Really, what’s wrong?” He asked.

  “This guy offered me money if I would break up with you. I mean, it could have been a prank, but he sounded pretty legit. He knew all about you. Said I was bad for the family. Are you in the mob? He said family like that.”

  A deep sound of frustration escaped Logan. It was definitely a bad time to propose. “Don’t be ridiculous. People are stupid, including most of my family.”

  “I guess they didn’t like you leaving early from the grand opening events.”

  As furious as he was, for his sake and hers he shrugged it off. “That’s how people I know have conversations. They toss money around. Don’t worry about it.”

  Candice frowned deeply. “You sure? That made me pretty pissed.”

  “Positive. On a better note, I have a surprise for you tonight. Sort of a special date.”

  “Ooh, I’m excited now. I never quite know what to expect from you. I was happy enough you were home!”

  “Never leaving you again.” He stepped close and planted a kiss on her lips, morning breath and all.

  Candice rummaged through her large closet which had been filled with new clothing in the time she’d been dating Logan. It was date night and she had no clue what to wear. How could she decide when she didn’t even know where they were going or what they were doing?

  “Wear something comfortable.” Logan stepped by her, grabbed her favorite hoodie, and handed it to her.

  “That’s actually kind of a relief. Means I don’t have to wear high heels.”

  “Ha! Like you can wear heels.”

  “I can.”

  “Without falling?” He added.

  Candice mumbled. “I never said that.” They both started laughing.

  “I’m ready. You didn’t peek out back, did you?” He eyed her with suspicion.

  “Nope. I was tempted, though.”

  Logan took her hand and led her downstairs. He pulled back the curtain covering the sliding glass door at the back of the house. A large tent had been set up and a small campfire was burning a short distance away.

  “Backyard camping.” She ran toward the set up. “Wow. This is going to be fun.” Her head tilted a bit to the side and she lowered her voice when he walked closer. “Isn’t it illegal to start a fire in a neighborhood like this?”

  “I took care of it. Don’t worry. You really like it?”

  “Absolutely. Oh my gosh. You even got marshmallows and sticks to put them on.” She was examining the items in a bag near the entrance to the tent. “Graham crackers and chocolate!”

  Heavily, Logan plopped down on the ground in front of the tent and picked up one of the sticks. “I think the chocolate made you squeal more than everything else I’ve bought you.”

  Candice sat down beside him and hugged his arm. “It’s not the things you buy that make me squeal, it’s the things you do.”

  He poked her side and she jumped. “Stuff like that?”

  “Not what I meant!” She smacked playfully at his hand before grabbing the bag of marshmallows and sticking one on the end of the stick he was holding. Then, she took the stick and held the whi
te puff over the fire. Very quickly it was ablaze.

  “I think you’re roasting that a bit much.”

  She shrugged, pulling the flaming marshmallow out of the fire. A deep inhale followed by a blow put out the fire revealing a no longer squishy, sugary puff, but a burnt and blackened snack. “I like them like this.” The food went directly into her mouth.

  Logan was hysterically laughing. “You’re a weirdo.”

  “I know.”

  “Hold out your stick and I’ll put another one on there.” He’d snatched the bag of marshmallows from her.

  She held her stick toward him as she stared up at the clear night sky. “Under the stars again, like our first date.”

  “Do you think you could live like this forever and be happy?” He whispered, following her gaze briefly. When she didn’t look at him, he took the engagement ring out of his pocket.

  “Forever isn’t long enough.” She closed her eyes and smiled.

  Logan carefully placed the ring on the stick securing it on the fork at the end. “Look.”

  Candice opened her eyes and gazed into her boyfriend’s before following the direction he was pointing. There wasn’t food at the end of the stick. No, this was shiny and sparkly. Her hands shook as she fished the precariously perched ring closer.

  This is happening.

  Finally, it was in the palm of her hand and she extended it slowly toward Logan without saying anything.

  “So? Think you want to become Mrs. Harworth?”

  “I don’t think so.” The silence was beyond awkward. Candice took Logan’s hand and placed the ring in it. Her mind went blank so it was a moment before she could compose her words and extend her hand with fingers outstretched. “I know so.”

  “Scared the shit out of me, Candice.” He grinned, shaking his head as he slipped the engagement ring onto her finger. “This is the happiest moment of my life. Aside from the day we met and every day since that I’ve been able to spend with you.”

  There were no more words she could say. Instead, she pressed her lips to his and toppled him over onto his back with the force of her body. Consummating the engagement in the backyard and under the stars was her best response.

  While the rest of the world kept turning, the teenage boy, whose name would become synonymous with small town tragedy, loaded the last of his father’s guns. His backpack held most of the collection, aside from the one he planned to conceal underneath his coat. He knew what he wanted to do and he was ready.

  Growing up had been hard. No harder than many others he knew. He was normal. His father had been hardcore and ex-military, but supportive of his son’s pursuits.

  The shooter, named Carson after his father, didn’t fit the stereotypes on the outside. He played sports, dated, and had more friends than he could count. But something had always been off. Then, when he began to see all the coverage of shootings and attacks in the media, what can only be described as hollowness began to consume. He wanted the same notoriety as the others. No. He wanted more. Perhaps, he would begin to feel something. And if he didn’t, well, he’d have at least made the effort.

  Carson lay in his bed. The house was empty for the weekend. He tossed and turned unable to sleep. It wasn’t his conscience, but an eagerness to spill the blood of the cattle he secretly despised. He refused to be herded any longer like a dumb animal. School, church, the mall, and even the grocery store made him feel like he was being ushered from point A to point B.

  Yes, tomorrow was the day. He would destroy the organized pathways. Chaos would reign in his hometown, if only for a short time.

  Tomorrow, they will all open their eyes.

  It was his final thought before he fell asleep for the last time.

  Logan smiled across the breakfast table at his fiancé. “I must be getting old. My back is killing me from rolling around on the ground all night.”

  “You’re not getting old. I wore you out.” Candice grinned, stabbing her fork into a piece of strawberry and popping it into her mouth.

  “And yet, you are still seducing me with those pink lips. I have no complaints.” He stole a piece of cantaloupe from her plate. “What do you want to do today?”

  Her hand rested on her chin as she thought about it, still chewing the fruit slowly. “We should go by your store and pick out our wedding bands for when we decide to elope.”

  “I didn’t know we were eloping.”

  “I mean, I have no family and yours hates me. Seems like a good plan.”

  “They don’t hate you. They don’t know you, but I think I like this plan. It’s supposed to be our day and about us.” Logan agreed.

  Candice cleared off the table when they had finished and followed Logan to the car. “Where do you think we should get married?”

  “Doesn’t matter to me. I know some pretty secluded islands or we could travel to a foreign city like Paris. Whatever will make you happiest.” He opened the passenger side door for her and closed it before heading back around the car.

  “Man, that’s a hard decision. Both sound amazing. I’ve never been out of the country.”

  “We can go globetrotting. Need to get a passport for you.”

  She sighed softly and leaned against the head rest, watching Logan. “We will have the best time ever. I won’t even be afraid of planes or crowds. I know I’ll be okay with you there.”

  “Always.” He removed one hand from the steering wheel and held onto hers.

  They entered the mall, once again entwining fingers. A laugh was shared as they passed by the food court where they’d first awkwardly met. Their worlds had aligned that day, but fateful gunshots were about to shatter their dreams.

  Candice had jumped at the first sound of gunfire. Her head spun around to see if a prankster had set off fireworks in the building. Before she could see what was happening, Logan’s strong hands had shoved her to the floor. She’d sprawled out on her stomach and started to get up when his body covered her.

  “Stay down.” His whisper came out harsh and strained against her ear.

  What other choice did she have? His body was like dead weight against her back. Her eyes drifted upward in time to see a young man, just a kid half her age, stick a gun into his mouth and pull the trigger. It had all happened so fast that she hardly knew what was transpiring until that moment. She let out a scream and buried her face against the dirty floor, but it was too late. It would be impossible to undo what she had already witnessed.

  Logan rolled off her and onto his back. His breathing was labored. Immediately, Candice was on her knees beside him. He spoke first as she stared down at him in horror. “Don’t freak… out. You will be okay.”

  Her entire body started shaking and she pressed her hands firmly where she saw the blood pooling from his chest. There was another wound in his stomach so she moved one hand there. The red gushed around her fingers. It wasn’t stopping. Her eyes caught the sparkle of the engagement ring that had only been placed the night before. In a split second, it was coated with blood.

  “You will be the one okay. It’s not that bad. Barely a scratch.” She lied both to him and herself.

  His eyes seemed distant, as if he were far away, leaving her. Somehow he managed to lift his hand and touch her cheek briefly. “Find someone… to catch you when… you fall.” Limply, his hand brushed her skin as his arm fell to the ground.

  “Don’t you die on me you son of a bitch. Please! I love you too much.” Her hands gripped his shirt and she tried shaking Logan back awake. His head hung lifelessly and his glasses fell from his face into the smeared blood. Candice started screaming. “Help us! Someone! Anyone!” She buried her face against his chest as the tears fell. No matter how quiet she tried to be or how closely she listened, there was no sound, no heartbeat.

  Officer Kershaw was the first to arrive at the scene of the shooting. He’d been sipping his coffee, trying to wake up as he watched traffic from a parking lot. It had been too early to actively pursue speeders. Only a couple of cars
had been driving more than five miles per hour over the speed limit, anyway.

  “Attention all units. Shooting reported at the mall. Suspect committed suicide. Unknown if there may be accomplices.”

  Kershaw did a double take and let out a hacking cough as coffee sucked down the wrong pipe. “Not in my town. This cannot be happening here.” He turned on his sirens and hit the gas.

  He gave instructions when he entered the building. “Everyone, calm down. Let me, through.” The people that hadn’t fled were mostly formed in two circles. “I want everyone to back off and line up along the walls. Just sit down and wait.”

  Nearly everyone in town knew Kershaw. He’d been in Christmas parades, at football games, and even thrown a few of the people in the drunk tank at the jail. The townsfolk respected and trusted him the most among the police force.

  As the crowd parted, he saw the murderer, the young terrorist who’d changed everyone’s life in a hail of bullets. He’d heard hushed voices mention the name Carson, but it was difficult to identify the boy with the self-inflicted gunshot wound. Then, Kershaw saw Candice a short distance away clinging to what appeared to be a dead body. He’d known her parents. It had been during his first year on the force that he’d shown up at the scene of the fire. Unfortunately, he’d also arrested her sister several times.

  “Candice.” He called out softly as he stepped closer. The paramedics were right behind him. His arms wrapped around her waist and he attempted to move her away from Logan. “Let the men see if they can do anything. Come on now.” The amount of blood left him with no hope, but he had to get her away. She had started screaming again, fighting to get back to Logan. “It’s me, Jay Kershaw.” He told her, trying to get her to stop wailing.

  “Help him, Officer Kershaw. Make them do something.” Candice said as she spun around to face him.

  Over her shoulder, he looked at the paramedics who simply gave a shake of their head. “I’m going to take you home, okay? There’s nothing they can do. I am so sorry.”