Sever

by Lauren DeStefano

Page 3

 

  Reed comes closer, inspects the child in Linden’s arms. Bowen’s eyes are dazed, transfixed on the swinging bulb. “Nope, nothing like you,” Reed reaffirms. “Whose is he?”

  “He’s mine,” Cecily says.

  Reed snorts. “How old are you? Ten?”

  “Fourteen,” she says through gritted teeth.

  I get a whiff of something heady and smoky when Reed moves to stand before me. It’s making my eyes water, but I’m just grateful that he looks nothing like Vaughn. He’s not as tall, and he’s a little overweight, and his gray hair is as wild as waves breaking on rocks. “I thought you were dead,” he says to me.

  I must be worse off than I thought, because surely I just imagined that. But then Linden says, “That isn’t Rose, Uncle. Her name is Rhine. Remember I told you the other day?”

  “Oh, right, right,” Reed says. “I’m bad with names. I’m usually much better with faces. ”

  “I’ve been told I look like her,” I offer.

  “Doll, you could be her ghost,” Reed says. “Do you believe in reincarnation?”

  “She can’t be a reincarnation of Rose,” Cecily says, indignant. “They were both alive at the same time. ”

  Reed looks at her like she’s something he just stepped in, and she inches closer to Linden’s side.

  “Tell me,” Reed says, turning back to me, “because my nephew’s story was confusing. You’re running away from him, and he’s helping you?”

  “That’s one way to put it,” I say. “But I’m not running away. Not really. I’m looking for my brother. ” A lump is forming in my throat, caused by Reed’s stare and his smell and the interrogating hue of that light. “The last I heard, he was in Rhode Island. He’s gotten into a—situation, and I need to find him. I won’t be any trouble in the meantime. ” My words are coming out one atop the other, fast, and Linden puts his hand on my arm, and for some reason it calms me.

  Reed looks me over, his mouth squished to one side of his face like he’s thinking. “You have too much hair,” he says. “You’ll have to tie it back so it won’t get caught in the machines. ”

  I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I say, “Okay. ”

  “I told him you would help out a little,” Linden says. “It won’t be anything arduous. He knows you’re recovering. ”

  “From the car accident. Right,” Reed says. I don’t know what story Linden fed him to explain my injuries, but judging from his tone he doesn’t believe it, or care to. “There’s a room upstairs where you can put your things. My nephew can show you. The floors make a terrible creaking, so I’ll have to ask you not to walk around at night. ”

  That’s apparently our cue to leave, because he turns his attention to the contraption on the table. Linden herds us down the hallway.

  “Oh, Linden,” Cecily whispers, her words almost lost to the creaking of the steps. “I knew you were mad at her, but you can’t be serious about leaving her here. ”

  “I am doing Rhine a favor,” he replies. “And she can take care of herself. ” He looks over his shoulder at me. I’m two steps behind him. “Can’t you?” he says.

  I nod like I’m not at all unnerved by this new cold side to him. Not cruel like his father. Not warm like the husband who sought me out on quiet nights. Something in between. This Linden has never woven his fingers through mine, never chosen me from a line of weary Gathered girls, never said he loved me in a myriad of colored lights. We are nothing to each other.

  Reed may have forgotten my name, but he apparently remembered that I was coming, because the spare bedroom is lit up by three candles—one on the nightstand, two on the dresser. They and a twin bed are the only furniture in the room. There’s a cracked mirror on the far wall, and my reflection drowns in the darkness of it. Rose’s ghost. I almost expect it to move independent of me.

  Cecily drops the suitcase and the diaper bag on the floor, and a cloud of dust bursts from the mattress when she sits on it. She makes a big show of choking on it.

  “It’s fine,” I say, shaking out the pillow.

  “I’m afraid to even ask if there’s a bathroom I can use,” Cecily says.

  “At the end of the hall,” Linden says, rubbing his index finger along the bridge of his nose; it’s something I’ve only seen him do when he’s frustrated with his drawings. “Take a candle with you. ”

  After Cecily has left the room, I sit on the edge of the bed and say, “Thank you, Linden. ”

  He looks at his reflection in the mirror. “My uncle won’t ask any questions, if you don’t,” he says. “About why you aren’t staying at home with me, that is. ”

  The silence is tight and unnatural. I grip the blanket in my fists and say, “Are you and Cecily going back there?”

  “Of course,” he says.

  He still won’t believe me about everything that happened in the basement. About Deirdre. I vaguely remember whispering about her in my medicated delirium, and about Jenna’s body hiding away in some freezer. He rubbed my arm, whispering words that sounded like moth bodies flying into glass windows. Nonsensical things I tried to cling to. Maybe, lying there, I was so pitiful that he felt no choice but to love me. Now he says I can take care of myself. Now I’m the liar trying to destroy the perfect world his father set up for him, who ran away, broke everything. And it’s getting late, and it’s time to part ways.

  But the words come out of me anyway. “Don’t go. ”

  He looks at me.

  “Don’t go,” I say. “And don’t take Cecily back there. I know you don’t believe me, but I have a terrible feeling that—”

  “I can take care of Cecily,” he says. “I would have taken care of you, too. If I’d known you were so worried about my father. ”

  Bowen has fallen asleep against Linden’s chest, and Linden shifts him to the other arm. “My father thought that if you didn’t want to be married to me, he could have you. It’s because of your eyes. He wanted to study them, and he took it too far. He can be that way. ” His eyebrows knit together, and he looks at his feet, struggling to make sense of what he’s saying, to force logic where there is none. “He isn’t the monster you think he is. He just—he gets so into his work that he forgets people are people. He gets carried away. ”

  “Carried away?” I spit back. “He drove needles into my eyes, Linden! He murdered a newborn—”

  “Don’t you think I know my own father?” he interrupts. “I’d trust him before I’d believe anything you say. You couldn’t even do me the dignity of telling the truth. ”

  There was a night, months ago, when I almost did. It was after the expo. I was half-drunk, my hair sticky and perfumed and teased, the bed tipping under me. He climbed over my body, and he kissed me. I could hear tree branches murmuring to one another in the moonlight. And Linden said, so close that I could feel his breath on my eyelashes, But I don’t know who you are. I don’t know where you came from. His eyes were bright. I wanted so badly to tell him, but something about that entire night seemed so beautiful, so bizarre, that I didn’t trust it with my secrets. Or maybe I just wanted to play along, to wear his ring and be his wife for a little while before the magic took the light from the moon.

  Now I say nothing. There’s no brightness in his eyes for me.

  “If you didn’t love me,” he says, “you should have said it. I would have let you go. ”

  “You might have,” I admit. “But not your father. ”

  “My father has never been in charge of what I do,” he says.

  “Your father has always been in charge of what you do,” I say.

  He looks at me, and I stop breathing. Something comes surging up behind his eyes, some argument of love or vengeance. Something that’s been building every second I’ve been away. And I want it, whatever it is. Want to hold it in both hands like his leaping heart that’s been ripped from his chest. Want to warm it with my body heat.


  He says, “When Cecily comes back, tell her I’ll be waiting by the car. ”

  Then he’s gone.

  “I don’t want to leave you here,” Cecily says when I relay the message. “This place looks like it could give you cancer or something. ” She’s remembering that word, “cancer,” from a soap opera Jenna used to watch. It’s a disease that was eliminated from our genetics.

  “I don’t think cancer was something you could catch,” I tell her.

  “That’s my point,” she says.

  We must be making too much noise, because Reed bangs on the ceiling.

  Cecily huffs and sits on the bed next to me. After a few seconds she puts her arm around my shoulders and stares at her stomach. At four months along she’s already looking tired and swollen. Her cheeks and fingertips are flushed. Her face and hair are damp from where she’s splashed herself with cold water, something she does after a bout of nausea.

  “Have you been sick a lot?” I ask her.

  “It’s not so bad,” she says softly. “Linden takes care of me. ”

  I’m worried about her. I wonder if it has even occurred to her or to Linden that she hardly had a rest between pregnancies. Vaughn surely knows how unsafe this is, and he allowed it, which worries me even more. I’m scared that she’ll enter that dark hall, descend the stairs, and be forever in Vaughn’s clutches. I think she’s scared too, because she doesn’t move. I don’t know how much time passes before Linden comes looking for her.

  “Ready to go?” He stands in the doorway, mostly in shadow.

  “I’m staying the night,” she says.

  They have some sort of conversation with their eyes. A husband-and-wife thing—something I could never quite get the hang of. Cecily wins, because Linden picks up the diaper bag and says, “I’ll be back for you in the morning, first thing. ”

  A few minutes later, through the window, we watch the limo drive out of sight.

  The mattress is lumpy and hard, and Cecily, who is back to snoring the way she did in her later trimesters, spends the night thrashing and turning. She kicks me so many times that I eventually take a pillow and settle on the floor. But every position on the hard wood aggravates the recovering gash in my thigh. In my dreams, it bleeds and seeps through the floorboards, and Reed pounds on the ceiling because blood is raining down on his work. The engine on the table comes to life. It pulses and breathes.