Off the Chain

by Candice Dow

  “Of course we are. So get ready.”

  As I showered, Kari proceeded to tell me that we were meeting some guy that she had met on the Internet. I said, “Are you crazy?”

  I had no plans of being a part of that. It just wasn’t in style at this time. I tried to convince her that she didn’t need to go, but she was determined, and if she was going, then by golly, I had to go. We went to a spot not too far from the house, and found Mr. Internet sitting at the bar. He wasn’t at all attractive. His head was supposed to be bald, but there were remnants of hair left, probably a result of dull clippers. His gray dress shirt looked dingy. He had droopy eyes, a wide nose, and soup-cooler lips. Nasty. I wondered if Kari had seen any pictures before dragging me out. He introduced himself as Eric.

  “Nice to meet you, Eric.”

  We spoke in unison. He joked, “The Bobbsey Twins, huh?”

  Kari sat beside him and I sat beside her. He was a teacher also. They talked about the school system and how bad the kids were. I knew for sure that he wasn’t Kari’s type and I was hoping we could just bounce. Then Eric asked what I did for a living. I told him about my job and that I was a dog walker.

  He added, “Yeah, that’s all right. Nothing like trying to do your own thing.”

  “I guess. It’s very hard. It’s hard getting over the hump and getting your name and your business out there.”

  “Yeah, I know. I have a landscaping service.”

  I opened my mouth. I was quite surprised, considering the weeds sprouting from his full beard looked like they hadn’t been trimmed in weeks. It shocked me that he would care enough to keep anyone’s lawn tamed.

  We went off on a tangent, discussing starting a small business and maintaining it. The conversation went on for way too long. When I looked at the clock, I thought it was almost time to turn in. I guess when you’re running your own thing you can’t stop talking about it, because an entire hour had passed. I yawned and looked at Kari. “You about ready?”

  She smirked. “Are you ready?”

  “Yeah, whenever you are.”

  I stepped away and went to the bathroom so they could say their goodbyes. When I came back I stood a few steps away so they could have their privacy. Finally Kari stood up. She and Eric shook hands. I said goodbye to Eric as well. On our way out of the bar, Kari seemed to be walking briskly in front of me.

  Outside, she practically threw his business card at me. “Here, he said to give him a call sometime.”

  She was acting angry and I just didn’t understand. “Kari, what is wrong with you?”

  She stopped and her neck was rolling. “What’s wrong with you? Why do you always have to push up on guys I’m interested in?”

  “Kari, you definitely were not interested in that guy,” I said, pointing back at the bar. “And damn if I was pushing up on him.”

  “London, you do it all the time.”

  “Do what?”

  “You bat your eyes. You smile seductively and you make them forget that anyone else is in the room. I’m tired of it.”

  There is no way she really believed that I had been pushing up on that guy or any guy she’d ever been interested in.

  “You are tripping. This is all in your mind.”

  “It’s not in my mind. You’ve been doing it since I met you. I’ve just never said anything.”

  I grabbed her arm. Whatever I was doing wrong, I wanted to make it right. “Kari, trust me. I’m not doing anything intentionally to hurt you. Please believe me.” She had tears in her eyes. I said, “I really didn’t think you liked that guy and I was just talking to him to pass time. Honestly, you have to believe me.”

  “But wherever we go, the moment I put my eye on a guy, you start talking to him.”

  “Have you ever done that with someone you said you were interested in?”

  “I never get a chance.”

  “I’m really sorry. I’ll try to be more conscious of it.”

  She took a deep breath, and I could see in her face that she wasn’t done with me yet. My apology wasn’t enough to convince her. She said, “And when I bring guys over to the house, they all tell me how cool my roommate is and they never call me back.”

  “Kari, guys are jerks. But don’t take it out on me. If there is something I’m doing, I’ll work on it. Men aren’t worth losing good friends.” She nodded and I said, “Hugs.”

  She embraced me but it wasn’t wholehearted. I didn’t like that she felt this way. I wanted to fix whatever it was she thought was preventing her from getting what she wanted.

  The next morning Kari woke me up around five-thirty. She sat on the side of my bed and said, “You know, two women can’t live in the same house.”

  My heart plunged because I knew what she was trying to say.

  “I think that it’s time for you to find your own place.”

  Her issue with me was obviously bigger than Mr. Internet. She’d been feeling this way for quite some time and last night had pushed her over the edge. I’d never had problems communicating with men, and something that was so easy for me was a challenge for her. And in her mind she felt that it was a direct attack. The most tragic part about it was that probably 99.9 percent of the men she was talking about, I wasn’t even interested in. I said, “Kari, thank you for everything. I understand how you feel. And I hope that one day you’ll see that I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

  “London, I don’t think you’re trying to hurt me. I just think you’re not even conscious of it.”

  She believed she was right and I believed I was right. Because I was living in her place, it didn’t matter who was right, she wanted me to leave. I said, “Kari, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and I’ll start looking for somewhere else to live today.”

  “I think that’s a good idea.”

  She got up and went into her bedroom. I stayed in bed until she left the house. It put me a little behind schedule but it would have been too uncomfortable for us to be fumbling around in the bathroom at the same time. I sat up in bed after she left the house. Damn. We weren’t living in the cheap part of town. All my clients were in the neighborhood. I had to figure out how I was going to swing paying rent on a one-bedroom.

  5

  I moved into a studio apartment in a building directly across the street. It would do in the meantime. I thought a studio wouldn’t be that bad because I’d been staying in a living room for almost five months anyway. Kari willingly helped me move, but our relationship took a hit after that night. I think she realized that she really didn’t like me, because every attempt I made to make it better, she resisted.

  So we were quite estranged. There was nothing left for me to do. I missed her every evening when I came in from walking the dogs. I wished it hadn’t ended that way but there is no way to fix a relationship if someone is no longer interested in being around you.

  Not having company made the desire to get a dog that much stronger. I had always planned on getting one but I wanted to be sure I was stable first. I applied to school again, now adding to the application that I ran a dog-walking service, and making my personal statement more intriguing. I hoped the candidates wouldn’t be as strong as the year before. As the new year approached, the rejection letters began to pour in. I was slightly depressed, but I figured nothing could fix it except an energetic puppy to come home to.

  I contacted a breeder who had recently had a litter and the pups were weeks away from being ready to live with an owner. I put a beige pug on reserve. When I drove out to Manassas, Virginia, to pick up my puppy, I was so excited. I was prepared with everything he needed. I decided to name him Bruno. I wasn’t sure how we’d manage in the small space we called home, but I knew that I needed him.

  I went to work after Bruno came home, bragging about my new dog. Thorne, as everyone in the office called him, asked me to come into his office. He said, “I’ve been meaning to tell you that I’m sorry about school.”

  I shrugged. “Well, all I can do is try.
Maybe it’s not meant for me.”

  “Don’t give up.”

  “I guess.”

  “So tell me more about your new dog.”

  I went on to tell him as much about Bruno as I knew. There was something so smooth and effortless about Thorne. I loved talking to him. We connected and I loved all his advice. He was wise for no good reason at all. It was no wonder he could get people to effortlessly give him millions of dollars to invest.

  When I was done with my doggy dilemmas, Thorne removed his glasses and wiped the sweat from between his eyes. There was an abnormally distressed look on his face. “So, London, tell me this. How do you plan to really get your dog-walking service off the ground?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “The reason I’m asking you this is because I was honestly hoping you got into school, and if that’s no option, you really need to begin focusing on your service.”

  “I agree, but it’s kind of hard when you have to pay rent and buy clothes and yada, yada, yada. I guess it’s just easier to come to a nine-to-five.”

  “Unfortunately, a nine-to-five is not a guarantee. Whatever you do, you always have to have a backup plan.”

  I nodded, slightly unsure of where he was going.

  “Anyway, the staff meeting I just left. We heard some bad news.”

  “Really, like what?”

  “Like there are going to be layoffs next week.”

  I blurted out, “Next week?”

  “Yes, next Wednesday. They are going to be laying off a large portion of the staff.”

  I’d become quite comfortable with my job and this news had my head spinning. I’d been shopping with business money and paying bills with work money. I didn’t have a backup plan or a homegirl who would let me live on her couch. This was devastating news. I sat there for a few minutes with my lip hanging. Finally, I said, “Thorne, can’t you put in a good word for me?”

  “I can only request to keep you. It’s possible they’ll listen, but from what I’m hearing these cuts are going to be deep. I’m sorry, London, the admins go first.”

  Tears welled up in my eyes. “This is too much for me to deal with.”

  “Have you been saving?”

  “No. I don’t have a lot of money to save.”

  “What about your business money?”

  “You mean my dog-walking money?”

  “Yeah, don’t you make good money doing that?”

  “About two hundred a week on average. Sometimes a little more and often a lot less. You just can never tell. One day someone will want your service. They come home late and find that the dog has peed on the floor; they blame you and then they don’t want your service anymore. I can’t depend on that money.”

  “How much do you think you can make if you did it full time?”

  “I don’t know. It’s not consistent. Like I said, people fall in and out. Some weeks I make nothing.”

  “That means you’re not running your business right.”

  “I do the best I can do while working.”

  “Run your business first. Work second. You can’t build wealth working a job.”

  I was confused. It seemed like everyone I knew who ran a business was broke and everyone with a job lived a comfortable lifestyle. Thorne continued to school me and told me that a job’s salary had a ceiling, but running a business you could make as much as you were determined to make. He explained that although he worked for Quinn Forrester, he pretty much ran his own business unit and could make as much as he wanted. He began putting things in my head that I had never even considered, like making my clients sign a contract. If they broke it without certain reasons stated, they would owe me for the term of the contract. He also suggested I consider running a doggy day care and having other walkers work for me.

  It was sad that after I had been faced with losing my job, he was offering all this business knowledge. He said, “And by the way, do you come as far as Rockville to walk dogs?”

  “Not really, because I don’t like to incur traveling expenses. Most of my clients are right in Dupont Circle.”

  “I do understand, but my wife and kids are away this weekend and I need someone to walk my dog for me. You think you can help me out?”

  “I guess I can break the rules for you,” I said with a smirk. “I never heard you mention a dog. What kind of dog do you have?”

  He smiled sneakily. “What kind of dog does it look like I would have?”

  “I don’t know. A poodle, maybe?” I said jokingly.

  “A black Rottweiler. His name is Bear.”

  We laughed and I agreed to go to his house the next afternoon to meet Bear. He promised that he’d pay me well for my travel and I was looking forward to it. Also, I hoped he’d give me some more of that business advice. If anyone knew how to make someone rich, he was the one, and it was time I used my resources.

  6

  When I turned into the long entrance to Thorne’s home, I was in awe. It was practically a mansion. The top of the driveway was circular and there was a small round pond with a little frost glazed over it and what looked to be a small water sculpture inside. I bet it was gorgeous when it was warm outside. The Colonial-style house had a golden-beige stone exterior with extra-large brown double doors with polished brass handles. I was almost scared to ruin the scenery by parking my blue Camry out front.

  When I got out, I looked at the acres on his property. He could have just let the dog run out in the yard. I rang the doorbell. Seconds later he opened the door wearing a pair of jeans, a button-down Ralph Lauren shirt, and a pair of tennis shoes. I smiled. “This was a long ride,” I joked.

  “It’s right around the beltway. It should only take fifteen minutes,” he said, placing his hand on my shoulder and massaging gently. He invited me into his family room. “Have a seat.”

  Where is the dog? I wondered. He pulled a case from an armoire and opened it. There were different types of cigars in there. I waved my hand to decline. He picked one out. “Here, try a petite one. You’ll like it. Cigars are calming.”

  “I nearly choked to death when I first tried a cigarette. I know I can’t smoke a cigar.”

  He sat down beside me and clipped the end of the cigar. “Smell that,” he said, waving the cigar in front of me.

  He continued, “Cigarettes are like the chitterlings of tobacco. Cigars are like a premium pork loin. You should try one.”

  I felt like I was on a peer pressure commercial. He lit the cigar and inhaled. “Best feeling in the world. This is how I spend my time when I’m not working.”

  “I thought you always worked.”

  “Pretty much.”

  He inhaled and exhaled like the cigar was sex. Finally I agreed because he made it look so inviting.

  “See, this is a Cohiba from Cuba,” he said, handing it to me. “Don’t take a long drag, just inhale slowly, keep it in for a minute, then exhale.”

  I followed his instructions and surprisingly didn’t choke. I nodded, “Not bad.”

  “You want to help me finish?”

  I shrugged. He’d told me previously that sometimes you have to try a potential client’s hobby in order to seal the deal. I wasn’t sure what the deal was, though.

  We finished that cigar and just as I began to mellow out, I remembered the purpose of my being there. “Where’s Bear?”

  He scooted close to me and turned the speaker volume up. Jazz music played as he began to talk. “Look, London, I have a proposition for you.”

  I scooted a little farther away from him because I wasn’t certain where he was going. He reached in his shirt pocket and handed me five one-hundred-dollar bills. My eyebrows crinkled. “What’s up, Thorne?”

  “You’re on the list. You’re going to get laid off next Wednesday.”

  He put his hand on my thigh. Was he saying that if I didn’t give it up he’d fire me? Or was he suggesting that if I gave him some, I’d keep my job and the five hundred bucks?

  I flicke
d my hair over my shoulder and looked him in the eye. I wanted him to clarify what I’d be getting out of this deal. “So what are you saying?”

  “Really, I’m just saying that my dog needs walking and I’m willing to pay you for it.”

  He reached down and whipped his large hard penis from his pants. “London, meet Bear.”

  My vagina immediately began to pulsate. It had been a while since I had a piece. I looked at the money in my hand and looked at the king-sized candy bar pointing at me. I wrapped my hand around him. “Does this mean I keep my job?”

  “I can’t promise you that. That’s not up to me.” He looked down at himself. “I’m offering you a job as a well-paid dog walker.”

  My mind was telling me that this was stupid but my body was saying something completely different. It was commanding me to take the job. He must have noticed the confusion in my eyes as he leaned over and stuck his tongue down my throat. I obliged and wrapped my arm around his neck. He ripped my shirt open and buttons flew all around the room. He kissed my neck and I returned the favor. I felt obligated to over-perform.

  I took his pants down and said, “Do you have condoms?”

  He pulled one from his pocket. I grabbed the packet and opened it and proceeded to put the condom on him. He seemed to get a thrill from the touch of my hands as he panted in anticipation. He lay back on the floor and rested his hands behind his head. I stepped out of my pants and climbed on top of him.

  I slowly lowered myself on his pole and began to grind. He started giving me instructions. “Go up and down slowly. Kiss my chest and flex your hips at the same time.” I felt like I was in Sex Education 101. It was taking the joy out of the moment. When we finished he said, “You’ll be a pro in no time.”

  I didn’t read much into it, but I wanted to know what our arrangement was and how long I could expect it to last. I rested beside him because I’d begun to feel bad about what I had succumbed to. I said, “I never got paid for sex before. I feel kinda slimy.”