To Kill For

by A. J. Carella

  Once she’d told the doctors about her amnesia and she’d undergone a battery of tests, she’d been told that physically she was fit and well and was free to leave. But go where?

  The woman called Kat had explained that she was her aunt and that she’d been missing from a town three hundred miles away for well over a year and that they’d almost given up hope of finding her alive. It was a chance broadcast on the news that had led them to her.

  She welcomed the idea of not going back to Blade, of having the better life she’d imagined countless times. Kat had been horrified when she’d found out that she thought she was wanted for murder and had quickly assured her that it was all lies. She would need a bit of time though, to adjust and to get used to the idea that she wasn’t who she thought she was at all.

  She’d asked them to give her a couple of days to think things through and they’d willingly agreed, checking her into the same hotel where they both had rooms. She’d spent a lot of time on her own, just thinking, but she’d also spent some time with them and had decided that, if they were terrible people, they were doing a very good job of hiding it.

  Finally she’d made a decision and now, here she was, in the car with Kat headed back to the place she’d once called home. Finn was following behind in his own car, so it gave them some time alone together and Jamie was using it to try and find out as much as she could.

  The news that both her parents had died weeks before she’d been found was devastating. She couldn’t remember them so her grief was tempered, but there was no denying that it was still there.

  Kat had been insistent that she didn’t return to her apartment and had taken her to the mall to get anything that she needed. The comfortable slacks and t-shirt she was wearing now felt much better than the revealing clothes she’d been used to wearing. She’d wanted to go back for her money, but Kat wouldn’t let her, explaining that she was quite wealthy and didn’t need it. That had made her slightly uncomfortable; she’d worked so hard to save it, but then she realized if she was leaving that life behind, then she needed to leave it all behind.

  “Can you tell me a bit more about my brother?” she asked now.

  “Sure. Jake’s only a few months older than you because he was adopted just before your mom found out she was expecting you. The two of you are really close.”

  “I can’t wait to meet him.” And it was true, she was excited and nervous all at the same time.

  “Well, not long now. We’re only about half an hour away.”

  ***

  There had to be some mistake, she thought to herself as they drew closer to the beautiful house which appeared at the end of the driveway. I would have remembered a place like this! Wouldn’t she? Kat had told her what to expect, but actually seeing it was something else.

  Her nerves were really kicking in now and she bit her bottom lip nervously. She had no idea how to deal with this. The doctors had told her to take things slowly, just one step at a time. They’d found no medical reason for her amnesia, so they’d told her that she must have suffered some sort of trauma, which seemed likely given what she did remember. Her memory could come back today, tomorrow or never.

  She wasn’t sure which she preferred, having no idea what the trauma was that she was blocking out but this, this was the strangest thing she had ever experienced.

  “Don’t worry, you’ll be absolutely fine.” Kat said gently. The car had come to a stop and she hadn’t even noticed.

  “What if I don’t remember?” She didn’t know how to behave. She was scared that they would think her odd.

  “It doesn’t matter if you do or you don’t. Jake is your family, your brother. He loves you, and has missed you horribly. He won’t care if you remember him or not, he’s just glad you’re coming home.”

  Coming home. All this time, she’d had a home to come back to and she hadn’t known. Blade had preyed on her when she was at her most vulnerable, feeding her a pack of lies about what she had supposedly done. She’d been too trusting, too scared to doubt what he said. The anger she’d felt toward him when Kat had told her the truth had been all consuming; she’d wanted to find him, lash out. The time for that would come another day, though. For now, she was home.

  Thirty-Five

  For the first time in years, since she was a kid still living in the trailer park, Carrie was actually terrified. When Kat had called from the hospital telling them that they’d found Jamie, her knees had almost buckled under her. She forced herself to smile as Jake took her in his arms and swung her round the room, he was so happy. Her insides had been roiling though. How was it possible? It couldn’t be! They hadn’t heard the whole story yet but whatever it was, this could only be bad news for her.

  “They’re here!” The excitement in his voice was palpable, but Carrie just felt sick.

  “You go, I’ll get out of your way.” She had no intention of being there when Jamie walked through the door. What if she recognized her? She knew that she’d lost her memory but there was still a chance, right?

  “Don’t be silly. She’s your family, too!” He went to take her by the hand and pull her towards the front door.

  She couldn’t make a scene; if she did, Jake would know something was up. Even he wasn’t that stupid. But if Jamie remembered what she’d done, it was all over.

  She’d considered running as soon as she’d heard Jamie had been found. She’d even started packing a bag. But where would she go? And besides, there was no way she was walking away from everything she had here unless she had absolutely no choice.

  In the end, she’d relied on the fact that if she hadn’t gotten her memory back in all this time, she wasn’t likely to get it back now. She just needed her to stay that way for long enough for her to put her plan into action.

  “Ok, if that’s what you want,” she replied, allowing herself to be reluctantly pulled outside.

  ***

  Jake couldn’t understand Carrie’s attitude. He’d never wanted to marry her in the first place, but what choice had he had? It was that or go to prison. It certainly wasn’t love, they usually got along all right, but since the reading of the will she’d been unbearable. He’d expected her to be happier since the news had come that Jamie had been found. After all, that was what she wanted, to get her hands on his money and now she could. So why on earth was she behaving like this?

  He wasn’t going to worry about it right now, though. His sister was home. He’d been such a prick and hadn’t realized until she went missing and his parents died just how much he loved them all. Even his dad. No more, though. From now on, he was going to be the perfect brother. He’d robbed her of her fiancé and he was going to do everything he could from now on to make it up to her.

  Opening the front door, he rushed outside just as Jamie was climbing out of Kat’s car. The rush of emotion he felt when he saw her brought tears to his eyes. Kat had warned him to take it slow, not expect too much, but he couldn’t help himself. Closing the gap between them in a few strides, he enveloped her in a hug and held her to him.

  “Oh, my God, I can’t believe you’re actually here.” His voice was thick with tears as he spoke. “I’ve missed you so much.”

  “Let the poor girl breathe!” Kat had her hand on his arm and her face was wet with tears.

  Suddenly, they were all hugging each other and laughing and crying at the same time.

  “Jamie, this is my wife, Carrie.” He indicated to where Carrie stood on the front steps of the house. “You have met, but we weren’t married then.”

  “Nice to meet you, again.” Jamie smiled as she walked up to Carrie and shook her hand.

  “Come on, come inside.” He put his arm around Jamie’s shoulders.

  “You coming, Kat?” he asked over his shoulder.

  “I’ll be there in a minute.”

  ***

  Kat watched as they walked into the house, her heart full to bursting. Finn had arrived shortly after they did and had stood apart while they said their hel
los. She turned to him now.

  “Thank you, for everything.”

  “Hey, I didn’t do much. It was a lucky break, you catching that news broadcast. You didn’t need me.” He smiled.

  “You were there for me.” She smiled back. “That’s much more than I deserve. Look, I’ve got to go in, but we need to talk. It’s about time I gave you an explanation.”

  He shook his head. “It was a long time ago. Let’s just leave it in the past and move on, okay? I’ve got to get back, too. I need to check in with my boss and fill him in. I gave him the basics on the phone but I need to give him a full report.” He turned to get back into his car. “Jamie will have to make a statement, but I’m sure it can wait a couple of days until she’s settled back in. I’ll give you a call.”

  Kat watched as he drove off, then turned and walked into the house to join in the celebrations.

  Thirty-Six

  The next couple of days went by in a blur of photographs and news stories and it was all slightly overwhelming. She felt strangely at home in the company of these people, in this big house, even though she had no memory of it.

  She had hoped that something would have struck a chord, unlocked that part of her mind that was keeping her life a secret from her, but there had been nothing. Not even a glimpse.

  Jake and Kat couldn’t do enough for her, and barely let her out of their sight. It was heart warming, if slightly claustrophobic. But for some reason, she just couldn’t take to Carrie. There was something about her that made her uncomfortable and she’d found that she didn’t like being left in a room alone with her. She’d caught Carrie staring at her a couple of times but she’d immediately looked away when Jamie had met her eyes.

  She was looking forward to getting out of the house, though, albeit to the police station. Finn had called earlier that morning and asked if she would come into town and make a statement about what she remembered. It was the first time she was going out since she’d been back and was nervous about going alone, so she’d asked Kat to accompany her.

  “You all set?” Jamie hadn’t heard Kat come into the living room where she’d been sitting, enjoying the sunshine streaming through the windows.

  “Yep, let’s go and get this over with.” She picked up her purse and followed Kat out to the car.

  It only took them a few minutes to get to the police station and Finn was waiting for them outside when they pulled up.

  “Hi, Jamie, how are you feeling?” He gave her a quick hug.

  “I feel great. I just want to get this all put behind me now.” She smiled.

  “Of course. It won’t take long. It’s just a formality, really, unless you’ve remembered anything else?”

  She shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. I wish I had.”

  “Don’t push yourself. It’ll come when it’s ready. The receptionist will point you to the interview room. I just need a quick work with Kat, if that’s okay?”

  “No problem. I’ll see you in there.”

  ***

  “What’s up?” Kat asked curiously.

  “Nothing. It’s just been a couple of days since I’ve seen you and I wanted to know how you’re getting along. Are you coping okay?”

  “I’m fine. It’s not easy at the moment but it will get better. And she’s home, that’s the main thing.” She could tell that there was something else bothering him.

  “Look, can I buy you dinner?”

  Well, that was unexpected. She didn’t know what to say. She’d enjoyed their dinner together in Parkway and that was exactly why she didn’t think dinner together would be a good idea. “Do you mind if I take a raincheck?” she replied “It’s just with Jamie and everything, it’s just not a very good time right now.”

  “Sure, whenever. No problem.” He climbed the steps. “I don’t think this will take long, but I’ll drop her home when it’s done. Save you hanging around.” He didn’t wait for her to reply and pushed open the police station doors and was gone.

  Thirty-Seven

  It had taken a couple of hours to give her statement about what she remembered and everything that had happened to her since she’d disappeared. It was exhausting going through it all again, but it meant that she was one step closer to getting her life back. Finn had been waiting for her when she’d walked out of the interview room, having promised Kat he would make sure she got home safely.

  “Could I ask you a favor?” They were headed back to the house but there was a detour Jamie wanted to make on the way.

  “You can ask. I can’t promise anything, though!” He took his eyes off the road and smiled at her.

  “I want to go to the cemetery. I don’t want to ask Kat because I don’t want to upset her, but I need to see where my parents are, and Ted.” Tears filled her eyes. “It’s awful. I don’t remember them, my own parents and the man I was supposed to marry. I just feel like I need to go.”

  “Are you really sure you’re up to it? You’ve only been back a few days. Why don’t you give it a bit longer?” he asked softly.

  “No, I need to do this. Please.”

  He nodded. “Okay.”

  It only took them a few minutes to get there and, after telling her where she would find them, Finn stayed in the car, wanting to give her some privacy.

  Picking her way across the grass, she visited her parents first. Kneeling in front of the headstones, she talked to them, telling them all about what she remembered and about how sorry she was that they weren’t there to see her come home. She stayed there for about twenty minutes before standing up and heading over to where Ted was buried.

  She’d been shocked when Kat had explained that he had been killed, presumed murdered, and that his killer had never been caught. Coming so soon as it did before her own disappearance, she’d questioned whether the two incidents were related but Kat had assured her that they’d found no connection, that it was just a tragic coincidence.

  Resting her hand on his headstone, she said goodbye. She was just turning away when she was suddenly struck by a sharp, stabbing pain behind her left eye. It was so severe that it made her gasp out loud and she had to hold on to the headstone to stop herself falling to her knees. Making herself take deep breaths, she held her hand over her eye until the pain eventually receded enough for her to make her way back to the car where Finn was waiting.

  He must have known something was wrong, because as soon as he saw her coming he leapt out of the car and came towards her.

  “Are you okay? You look as pale as a ghost!” he asked, taking her by the elbow and guiding her to the passenger seat.

  “I’m fine. I don’t know what happened but I got a sudden pain. It’s nearly gone now, though.” Relieved to be sitting down, she rested her head back against the headrest. “I’ve probably just overdone it a bit today. I’ll be okay when I’ve had a rest.”

  “Okay. Well, let’s get you home and then Kat can decide whether or not we need to call the doctor.”

  “Honestly, there’s no need. I’m fine now,” she protested.

  “We’ll see. You’ve been through a lot. She’ll probably just want to get you checked out.”

  She didn’t bother arguing, knowing that she probably wouldn’t win, so simply agreed. “Okay.”

  ***

  On the drive back home, she kept her eyes closed and her head rested back and by the time they pulled up outside the pain had almost completely dissipated. Finn had called ahead from the car and Kat was waiting anxiously for them on the front steps.

  “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” she said as she helped her out of the car.

  “Please stop fussing, both of you! I’m fine, it was just a bit of a headache.” She smiled. “Though it is lovely to have you both looking after me.”

  “I think I should call the doctor.” Kat frowned, not looking convinced.

  “Please don’t. I promise you, if I thought I needed one I would, but I don’t. I’m just going to go and lie down for an hour and rest. You’ll see, it will be gone
by the time I wake up.”

  “Well, if you’re sure. I was going to head into the office and go over some things with Jake, but I’ll stay here with you.”

  “Don’t you dare. Is Carrie here?” Kat nodded. “Then you go. I won’t be on my own and if I need anything, I’ll ask her.”

  Thirty-Eight

  She’d been wrong. The headache hadn’t gone; if anything it had gotten worse. She’d fallen asleep shortly after lying down, setting her alarm so she didn’t sleep for too long. She’d realized as soon as she’d moved to turn it off after it started buzzing that she hadn’t gotten any better, sharp shards of pain stabbing at her head. It felt like a razorblade was ricocheting around in her skull.

  Lying her head back down, keeping her eyes closed, she waited for it to pass. It didn’t. Instead, images started to appear behind her eyelids. They were hard to make out at first, coming slowly. Gradually, though, they started coming faster and then faster still. The images were no longer just images now, though. Snippets of memories were coming into her head, a jumble of pieces that made no sense, sending her senses spiraling. It felt like a wave of information was suddenly been dumped in her brain, so much of it that it was overwhelming.

  And then it stopped. As if someone had flicked a switch, all the pieces suddenly fell into place. She remembered everything.

  The pain was gone completely, now. Opening her eyes, it took her a moment to get her bearings before sitting up on the bed. The emotion of the memories she had lost washed over her, and the full force of the grief from the loss of her parents suddenly hit, her heart ripping in two. She didn’t have time to dwell, though, as more memories were assaulting her, coming thick and fast.

  She remembered that night, remembered going to Carrie’s place. Remembered leaving, remembered what she’d told her about Ted. More importantly, she now remembered who had attacked her.

  Thirty-Nine

  Her memory would come back one day, she was sure of it. The fact that it hadn’t yet gave her a bit of time, a bit of breathing space to decide where to go from here. She was not leaving without money in her pocket, though, no way. She would not go back to her shitty life, scrambling around to make ends meet.