Seeking the Future

by Brenda Kennedy

  “Thank you.”

  “You should join your guests. I’ll see my way out the back door.”

  I lean up and kiss him goodbye. “Be careful, and I’ll talk to you later.”

  “I will. I’ll call you later.”

  I join Skylar, Drew, and the other guests when I hear Chase’s car drive away. Skylar looks at me and I look away. I’ll fill her in on Lorraine once we’re alone. I wish I knew something. Chase actually told me more than I expected. The fact that he told me anything at all shows me he’s trying. Maybe my plea to my family to be honest with me worked.

  After breakfast, I tell Skylar and Drew why Chase left in such a hurry.

  “Was it a car accident?” Skylar asks.

  “I don’t know. He just said she was in the hospital.”

  “I hope it’s nothing serious, but karma’s a bitch.”

  Skylar can be brutally honest at times. Almost too honest.

  “Skylar? Be nice. This could be serious.”

  “I’m sorry, Ava, but it’s true.”

  Once breakfast is cleaned up, Skylar and Drew disappear into their bedroom. I decide to get things ready for the afternoon tea. The tea is busy and it keeps my mind off of Lorraine. I try to focus on my date yesterday with Chase, instead of what happened with Lorraine and possibly her son. The incident with Lorraine rushes to my mind. It makes it hard to focus on anything else.

  “Ava, Skylar wants to see you. I’ll sit here and monitor the tea.”

  “Everything’s stocked. I’ll be right back.”

  When I walk into the room, Skylar has her laptop sitting on her lap.

  “What’s up?”

  “Here, look.” Skylar turns the computer around for me to see. The article says that a local Lake City woman was rushed to Shands Hospital after a drug overdose. She was pronounced dead soon after she arrived.

  “Oh, my God. Do you think it’s Lorraine?”

  “It could be. Has Chase called you with an update?”

  “No, I haven’t heard from him. If that is her, what will happen to her son?”

  “I can only assume he’ll go to the next of kin, which normally would be the baby’s father.”

  I sit on the edge of the bed. I know nothing about Lorraine or her family. Why do I even care what will happen?

  “If it’s Connor’s child…”

  “Then the next of kin will be her parents.”

  “Or if it’s Brett’s child, he would get custody of him.”

  “Assuming he wants him,” Skylar adds.

  Would Brett want to raise a young son? Would Brett raise him like he did Connor? Would he grow up to be just like those two? Certainly, the madness would have to stop somewhere. I hope.

  “I can’t imagine he would want to start all over with raising a child on his own.”

  “I wouldn’t think so, but stranger things have been known to happen.” She closes her laptop and says, “I’ll finish up the tea, and maybe you can get ahold of Chase.”

  “Thanks, I’ll do that.” When she leaves, I debate on calling him. He said he would call me when he heard something. I have to believe that he will. I run the sweeper and dust to keep busy. I also wash my bedding and scrub the bathroom.

  Just before 6:00 pm the phone rings; it’s Chase.

  “Hey,” I say.

  “Hey, sorry I didn’t call sooner, but a lot’s been going on.”

  “I can imagine.”

  “You saw what happened on the Internet?”

  “I did. I can’t believe it.”

  “What all did it say?”

  “There was a fatal drug overdose in Lake City, but they didn’t release any names. Is that true? Was it Lorraine?”

  “It was, and she left a suicide note.”

  Wait. What? Suicide? I thought it was an accidental drug overdose. “What? You mean she did it on purpose?”

  Chase releases a deep breath. “It appears so. But there’s more.”

  Her baby. Please don’t let anything happen to him. “What is it?” Maybe he knows who the father is? “Did she mention the father in the suicide note?”

  “Ava, it’s a lot to hear. Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

  Skylar and Drew walk in. When they see me on the phone, they sit on the couch quietly.

  “I am. I need to hear it.”

  “Are you sitting down?” he finally says.

  I sit gingerly on the barstool. “I am.”

  “In her suicide note she talked about struggling financially and about the physical and mental abuse she suffered at the hands of Connor and Brett.”

  “Oh, God. He abused her, too? Why would they both abuse her?”

  “I have no idea. Everything is still very confusing.”

  “It must have been devastating for her.”

  I’m gonna be sick. Her son? “Is the baby okay?”

  “He’s fine. He’s with child welfare. They’ll search for the next of kin, and hopefully they’ll release him to them.”

  “Do they know who the child’s father is?”

  “No, there’s been no word about that. Are you okay?”

  Am I okay? “I think so. I’m definitely better than some people.”

  “Aren’t we all. You just never know what someone is going through.” I can hear someone talking in the background. “I need to get off here. I’ll call you later.”

  “Thanks for calling. I’ll talk to you later.”

  I hang up and update Skylar and Drew on what Chase just said. No one says anything. I would have expected Skylar to say something, but she remains quiet. A hundred things must be going through her head. She’s usually so vocal and open about her thoughts. For once, I appreciate her keeping her thoughts to herself. I have my own thoughts and suspicions to deal with.

  At night, I dream of babies and abuse. I dream of unhappiness and suicides. I dream of monsters named Brett and Connor.

  Over the next few days, Skylar and I don’t talk about Lorraine or her son. We don’t talk about anything but the inn and the tearoom. I think she knows everything else is off limits. I said I’m strong enough to know things, but it doesn’t mean I want to talk about them. Just because I don’t talk about them, it doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of them. It’s the only thing I can think about. My mind is consumed with Lorraine and her son. What does this mean for me? Does this change anything for me? If Connor’s the father, it shouldn’t affect me at all. Right?

  Chase

  It takes a few days to get the news and the results back about Lorraine and her son. Things don’t look good. I’ve been working closely with our P.I., the chief at the police station, and Marshall. Once we get the autopsy report and the DNA results, Marshall, Claire, and I drive to Savannah. I told Ava I wouldn’t keep things from her anymore and I won’t. But this isn’t the kind of news you can deliver over the phone.

  Marshall calls Ava to meet us at Nichole’s house. This has a lot to do with her, too. I think they can support each other when they hear the news.

  Marshall and Claire walk in first, then I close the door behind me.

  “You have me worried. I hope everything’s okay,” Nichole says, taking a seat at the dinner table.

  Once everyone is seated, Marshall says, “You heard about Lorraine’s suicide a few days ago.”

  “Yes, Ava called and told me about it the day it happened. It’s very unfortunate.”

  “Yes, it is. We have some news that you both will be interested in hearing.”

  Ava and Nichole look at each other. Marshall continues. “We know who her son’s father is. Because Ava gave us permission to use Connor’s DNA, and Brett agreed willingly to be tested, we were able to determine the father of Lorraine’s son, Connor.”

  Nichole looks sick. We’ve talked a few times over the last few days. She knows about Brett being the possible father and about Connor also being a possibility for the father.

  “Dad, don’t keep us waiting,” Ava says anxiously. “This is hard enough.”
<
br />   I watch as she and Nichole hold hands.

  “You’re right, Ava. It has been long enough.” Marshall lays a folded piece of paper on the dining room table. “Here are the results.” He looks lovingly at his daughter. “With certainty, the results reveal that Connor is the baby’s father.”

  I watch Ava closely. I want to make sure she’s okay. I need to know she can handle this. Tears fill her eyes and spill onto her cheeks. Her lips tremble. Claire stands and rushes to her daughter’s side. She hugs her and tries to console her the best she can. I sit there and try to think of what she can be thinking. When I hear crying, I look in the direction it’s coming from. Nichole is crying uncontrollably. It must have just dawned on her that Lorraine’s son is definitely her grandchild.

  “Where is her son?” Nichole asks in a shaky voice.

  “He’s currently in foster care,” Marshall says. “If his next of kin doesn’t claim him, then he’ll eventually be placed for adoption.”

  “Oh, my God, I remember,” Ava says.

  “What? You remember what?” Claire asks.

  We all turn to look at Ava. She’s looking straight ahead at the large picture window.

  “The accident. The fight leading up to the accident.” She licks her dry lips and brushes away her tears. “In the car, we were fighting over the baby. I knew about Lorraine’s baby. I threatened to leave Connor.” She pauses as if she’s getting a clearer picture. “Oh. My. God. The car accident was intentional. He threatened to kill me just before he wrecked us. He told me he was the father of Lorraine’s child, and he wanted me to raise the baby when it was born. I refused and threatened to leave him. He swerved the car and wrecked us on purpose,” she cries. Claire and Nichole also cry. “He said he would kill me and himself before he’d ever let me leave him. He said he’d rather see me dead than let me divorce him.” She tries to dry the steady flow of tears, but it is useless.

  Marshall’s jaw twitches.

  “What else do you remember, Ava?” I ask softly.

  In a soft voice, she continues, “It was our second wedding anniversary. Lorraine showed up pregnant at the restaurant where we were celebrating. She was distraught and had been crying. I remember she had a bruise on her left cheek. She said she’d been having an affair with Connor since before we were married, and that he was her baby’s father. She said she had sex with Connor the same day we got married.” Ava turns and looks at me. “During our wedding reception I remember Connor came up missing. I searched for him and I couldn’t find him. That’s when I asked you to look for him.”

  “That’s right, you did.”

  “You said you searched everywhere and couldn’t find him.”

  “That’s the truth, Ava. He was nowhere to be found.”

  “I believe you.” She looks out the large window again. “She said that when the baby was born, I would learn the truth about everything.” She wipes away her tears. “I remember that’s when we left the restaurant. Connor was furious. He left Lorraine standing at the table as he dragged me through the crowded restaurant by my hair because I refused to go with him.”

  “Ava, I’m sorry,” Nichole cries. “I had no idea about Lorraine or the baby. I swear I never knew about the affair. I should have protected you from Connor. I knew about his violent rages and what he was capable of. I’m sorry. I should have said something. I should have helped you.”

  Ava looks at her with tears flowing freely down her face and soaking into her shirt. “There’s nothing you could have done, Nichole. There’s nothing no one could have done.”

  Chapter Two: Memories

  Chase

  I swear; hearing her say these things makes me hate Connor all the more.

  “What else do you remember, Ava?” I finally ask.

  She squints her eyes as if trying to remember something. “Nothing before that day.”

  “Try, honey,” Marshall says softly. “Anything at all.”

  Her eyes dart to mine and I wonder whether she remembers something about us. “No, nothing. I’m sorry.”

  “This is huge, Ava,” I say.

  “I’m going to call Doctor Adams,” Claire says, standing.

  “Good idea,” Marshall says.

  Ava looks at Nichole and offers her a weak smile. “It looks like you have a grandson.”

  We all look at Nichole.

  She says, “He’s in foster care. My grandson’s in foster care.” Nichole stops and watches Ava. They both look hurt. I’m not sure Ava doesn’t remember more than she’s letting on. “Ava, I know this is going to be hard for you.”

  “Nichole, don’t worry about me. You have a grandbaby and he needs you.”

  Nichole smiles slightly. “I have a grandson. I’m a grandma.”

  “May I use your restroom?” Ava asks.

  “Sure, you know where it is.”

  “Are you all right?” I ask before she stands.

  “I’m fine.”

  I search her eyes for the truth, but I can’t see it. Ava stands from her chair and collapses halfway to the bathroom. Marshall and I rush to her as I yell over my shoulder at Nichole to call 911. She has a pulse and she’s breathing, but she’s unconscious.

  “It was too much for her. I shouldn’t have said anything to her about any of this. I should have protected her,” Marshall whispers.

  She wanted to know. She said she was ready. She said she was tired of the secrets. Could it be an overload on her brain? Are we wrong to have told her about Lorraine?

  “Maybe we should have consulted with her physician first,” I say.

  “I’ll be right back. Stay with her,” Marshall demands.

  Before I can answer, he’s gone into the other room where Claire is.

  Ava

  I remember playing dolls with Mom. I remember having a tea party with Dad. I remember the first time I met Skylar, and loving her from the very beginning and knowing this friendship was something special. If you are lucky, you meet someone and talk to her for a minute, and it’s like you’ve known her your entire life. I remember every single dating break-up we ever planned and executed. I remember meeting Chase and thinking he was so cute and sweet. I remember butterflies and goose bumps. I remember long conversations and late-night texts. I remember a friendship I never wanted to end. I remember Connor, and fear, and pain. I remember every time he hit me. I remember excluding my family and friends from my life to protect them. I remember being embarrassed about my poor judgment in choosing him as my lifelong partner. I remember lying about my injuries. And I remember the man I loved and could never confess my feelings to from fear of losing my best friend. I remember Chase.

  I wake up and I’m in the hospital. Mom, Dad, Chase, Nichole, Skylar, and Drew are all standing around. Skylar, Mom, and Nichole are sad; they’ve been crying. Chase is sitting beside me and holding my hand.

  “Hey.” He smiles when our eyes meet.

  I squeeze his hand. I like holding his hand. I don’t want him to let go.

  “I think Ava’s done resting,” he says as he stands from the chair.

  Everyone rushes over to my bedside. Chase releases his hold and takes a few steps back, never taking his eyes off mine.

  “Thank God! We were so worried,” Mom says.

  “My head hurts,” I croak.

  Dad says, “You hit your head when you fainted. The doctor said you have a mild concussion.”

  “How are you?” Skylar asks.

  I watch as Dad leaves the room. How am I? My head hurts. I’m in a hospital. “I’ve been better.”

  Everyone laughs and it hurts my head even more.

  Chase says, “Do you remember falling?”

  I look at Nichole, who looks the most fearful of anyone. “I remember.” I offer Nichole my best smile. I want her to know I’m fine without having to actually say it. She smiles with tears in her eyes.

  The nurse comes in with some Tylenol. Everyone stands back while she assesses me.

  When she’s done, I whisper to the
nurse, “I have my memory back.”

  “Are you remembering bits and pieces?”

  I shake my head. “No, I remember everything,” I whisper so only she can hear. “I need to speak with everyone privately and individually. Do you think I could have some alone time with my Dad first?”

  “Of course. Call me if you need anything, and I’ll call our doctor and also Dr. Adams in Lake City with the news.”

  “Thank you.”

  Everyone watches me as she escorts them out of the room. I wait until it’s just Dad and me in the room. He looks concerned. “Are you okay?” He sits carefully on the chair beside the bed.

  “Do you remember the time when I was about six and you dressed up for my tea party?” Tears fill his eyes. “You wore the purple boa and the big floppy pink hat?”

  “Ava? You remember?”

  “You were the best dad and I don’t know how, for one minute, I ever could have forgotten that.” I watch his tears fall. I have never seen my dad cry. Ever. “I remember now that I wrote it down in a tablet so I would never forget that I had an amazing childhood.”

  “It was so easy to love you and to put you before anyone else.”

  “I love you, and I thank you for loving me as much as you did.”

  He stands, but he doesn’t wipe away his tears. He hugs me and cries. “I just wanted you to have the best life always. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you.”

  “Shhh. That’s in the past. Connor can’t hurt me anymore.” I smile at him and he nods. He sits down and holds my hand. “Did you know that Skylar wanted you to adopt her when we were little?”

  “Why, so she could stay with you forever?”

  “No, so she could have what I had. A dad who would be happy to see her. A dad who listened to every word she said. And a dad who loved her unconditionally.”

  “Skylar was a special child, and I never understood how her father could have walked out on his family like he did. I tried to treat her as I did you.”

  “She knows that, and I appreciate it.”

  We talk a few more minutes, and I share some memories that I think are important from my childhood for him to hear. My first day of kindergarten when I overheard him telling Mom to wait another year before sending me to school. Mom later told me it was because he wasn’t ready to be apart from me. I was his little girl. Then at my high school graduation when he stood up and gave me a standing ovation. He was the only one standing.