The Big Book of Girl Stuff

by Bart King

  So this is tricky. We now know that girls obsess about their weight, and we know that some of them are actually overweight. Yet lots of girls think they’re overweight even though they’re not! Rats. And it doesn’t do any good to tell someone she’s not fat. Girls never listen to that sort of thing.

  You have to decide for yourself. But whether you think you’re fat or thin, we hope that you will love the skin you’re in. Take care of yourself! If you are overweight, don’t let your body image ruin your life. Writer Wendy Shanker points out that when people someday go to your funeral, they won’t say, “She was a good person. Too bad she couldn’t lose 15 pounds.”

  “[When I was 19] I’d wake up in the morning [and] look in the mirror: ‘Oh, my bum looks big. Oh, my face is fat.’ And I just felt, ‘What am I doing to my life? I can’t even think about others.’ . . . I’m not that person now . . . I’m just happy being me.”

  —Kate Winslet

  Besides, it’s not like being skinny solves problems or makes you a better person. There are plenty of mean skinny girls! One theory about why some girls worry so much about their weight is that the girls think there is an “imaginary audience” of people who notice every little thing about their bodies. This is “skinny paranoia.”

  We hope you don’t get hung up on worrying about an “imaginary audience.” It is just imaginary! Be confident in yourself and you will always be attractive. If other people don’t see it, that is their problem. (Besides, if true beauty is on the inside, nobody is ever going to see it anyway!)

  Want to Lose Weight? Eat Something! A study that tracked thousands of girls for 10 years found that girls who ate breakfast were slimmer than girls who skipped breakfast. The girls who skipped breakfast tended to eat high-fat items (and a lot of them) later in the day. One of the study’s authors said that the message for girls was that “not eating breakfast was the worst thing you can do.”

  Now watch this amazing magic trick: You will never need to bother with a diet plan again once you know this VALUABLE SECRET:

  The Greatest, Super-Duper Amazing Diet Of All Time!

  If you ever REALLY want to lose weight, exercise more and eat less. It’s that simple. (And don’t skip breakfast.)

  * * *

  [12] The last taste is called umami. Really! This is the name of the flavor of meat and savory flavors. It can be enhanced by steak sauce or soy sauce. (Now see if the other people in your family know the fifth flavor.)

  [13] Thin Mints make up a quarter of all Girl Scout cookie sales.

  The Mind, Emotions, and Dreams

  “Women are like teabags. We don’t know our true strength until we are in hot water!”

  —Eleanor Roosevelt

  Being a girl means that sometimes you want to be the most beautiful and most brilliant girl in the world. But at other times, you wish you could be just like everyone else. (And it’s possible to have both of these feelings in the same day!) This is a good example of how amazing a person’s mind is. The ways that people think may not always be logical, but they are really interesting.

  Most of the people who study psychology (the study of the mind) and therapy (helping people with mental or emotional issues) are women. That’s because women are good at really listening to other people, and they are also smart enough to help them deal with their problems.

  Intuition

  Intuition is that special feeling that tells you when something is right or wrong. Call it a hunch if you want, but if you can see a problem or opportunity before anyone else does, you’ve got intuition. Girls and women are famous for their intuition. Is it a sixth sense? A superpower? Part of your imagination? We’re not sure, but sometimes when we are lost or confused, if we listen to that small voice inside of us, it might be able to lead the way.

  Mind Games

  Have you ever had a feeling that you have experienced something before? This unusual sensation is called déjà vu, which is French for “already seen.”

  About 66 percent of people report having déjà vu at one time or another. It seems to be most common in people with good imaginations. People who travel a lot and people who are tired also report more déjà vu than others.

  The “thing” that seems so familiar is usually nothing very dramatic. It might be anything from a conversation at the breakfast table to unwrapping a Popsicle. And nobody knows exactly where déjà vu comes from. Maybe the person had a dream that is really similar to what happened to them in real life. (Or perhaps it’s a message from beyond!)

  The opposite of déjà vu is jamais vu (“never seen”). This is when a person sees or hears things that should be familiar, but seem totally strange. You can give yourself jamais vu. Just take a piece of paper and write a word on it. The word doesn’t matter, so let’s say you pick “SUGAR.”

  Find a quiet spot and stare hard at the word. Now say it. Keep staring at the word, and say it over and over again. At some point (and it may take a few minutes), you will probably feel jamais vu. The word (and sound) SUGAR will seem totally meaningless to you. Jamais vu. Get yours today!

  Another Amazing Term! Déjà moo: The feeling that you have seen a cow somewhere before.

  The brain has two sides, called hemispheres. It used to be believed that each side of the brain was responsible for certain abilities, and that many people relied more on one side than the other. For instance, a girl might be called “right brained” if she were creative and imaginative.

  Scientists now believe that both sides of your brain are involved in most of your mental activities. For example, there is a band of nerves that connects your two hemispheres together. Called the corpus callosum, this is where a lot of your creative and problem-solving abilities come from.

  In the course of growing up, we all develop our own thinking styles. These seem to happen pretty naturally, and they influence our personalities. You may know someone who loves change and is supercreative. We bet she is also often running late! Or maybe you have a friend who is very practical, makes lists, and doesn’t make decisions until thinking about them. She also probably wears a watch!

  Fears and Doubts and Phobias (Oh My!)

  “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”

  —Mary Ann Radmacher

  The most common “mental health issue” among people of ALL ages is a fear, or phobia, about a particular thing. Some adults say that you can’t run away from your fears, and that you have to face them. This is nonsense. You can always run away from a spider or snake if you’re afraid of it!

  Phobias are sometimes “learned” during childhood. If a dog snarls at a young girl, she might be afraid of some dogs. This doesn’t mean that the girl has a phobia, though, unless she’s afraid of all dogs. (Even the stuffed ones!) It’s all a matter of degree.

  Common Phobias

  aichmophobia: Fear of sharp objects, like needles or boys with too much mousse in their hair.

  arachibutrophobia: Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.

  ergasiophobia: Fear of work.

  blennophobia: Fear of slime.

  lachanophobia: Fear of vegetables.

  peladophobia: Fear of bald people.

  phobophobia: The fear of being afraid.

  scolionophobia: Fear of school.

  xerophobia: Fear of dryness. Break out the hand lotion!

  Unusual Phobias

  ambulophobia: Fear of walking.

  catoptrophobia: Fear of mirrors.

  chorophobia: Fear of dancing.

  chrometophobia: Fear of money.

  euphobia: Fear of hearing good news.

  geniophobia: Fear of chins.

  metrophobia: Fear of poetry.

  panophobia: Fear of everything.

  parthenophobia: Fear of girls.

  pediophobia: Fear of dolls.

  scopophobia: Fear of being seen.

  telephonophobia: Fear of telephones.

  He
re’s our phobia: We are afraid that many girls lose their self-esteem between the ages of 12 and 15. Research shows that girls start out in school feeling good about themselves. They also usually get better grades than boys. But as girls hit middle school and become teenagers, their self-esteem scores often go way down, and so do their grades!

  What happens? One theory is that some girls want to be popular so badly, they spend all their time socializing. Other girls are self-conscious and might be afraid they will be called “brains” or “nerds” if they study. Because they’re afraid of what other people think, they stop doing what they’re good at. Either way, it’s not a good phobia to have!

  Emotions

  “If you’re never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.”

  —Julia Sorel

  Emotions might be the best and worst things about being human. Because they can change, they can put us on a roller coaster of feelings. When emotions do change, people call them “mood swings.” A study done in Chicago found that some teens have a mood swing every 15 minutes. Wow! Sometimes your mood will depend on random factors like the weather, or if you are having a good hair day.

  *Sometimes you’ll have a crummy day, but won’t want to talk about it. If so, when someone asks how you are, just say, “F.I.N.E.” This stands for Fed up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. That way you’re being honest and you don’t have to talk about it!

  Strong emotions can get the better of us. A woman named Ruth Bell compares strong emotions to smoke alarms. Both of them alert you to important situations, and if you ignore them, you can get burned. So if you need to cry, don’t try to hold it in all the time. Let it go.

  *If you have issues, get out the tissues!

  Up until they’re 12, boys and girls cry the same amount. But by the time they’re 18, girls will be crying four times more than boys. A girl can cry because she’s happy, afraid, angry, or excited. But men are discouraged from doing this, so they have a hard time crying. They spend years bottling up their feelings until they either lose all feeling entirely or they are incredibly tense. No wonder they’re so uptight!

  Some girls have the ability to cry almost instantly. That is like a superpower! Those girls can fully experience their emotions right away. Plus, they don’t retain as much water. X You know what we mean when we say that you can feel a lot better after a good cry. All that tension is gone.

  Deep Question: Why does releasing water from our eyes help us? No other animals do this!

  “Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.”

  —Laurie Kylansky

  Is it a mood swing or a food swing? If you’re hungry, you’re more likely to be sad (or crabby or homicidal). Take a bite out of depression. Eat something!

  Even though there’s no quick way out of depression (besides chocolate), wise women have come up with many ways to deal with it. Writing in a journal (or doing anything creative), spending time with an animal (dogs always cheer us up), enjoying a good movie or book, listening to your favorite music, getting some exercise, or putting on your favorite outfit are a few ways to get out of a funk. Sadness experts also recommend taking a hot bath. And speaking of baths, here’s a good . . .

  Crying Tip! If you want to have a good cry without your family wondering WHAT’S WRONG, try this. Cry in the shower! It’s the perfect private place to let it all out. The noise of the water pressure camouflages the sobs, and you’re getting wet anyway. If you come out with a red or puffy face, that’s pretty normal for a hot shower. Plus, you can cleanse your emotions and body at the same time. Now that’s efficient!

  One wise girl also suggests crying while you are in bed. Since everyone thinks that you are asleep, you have a little privacy. And if you have a good cry, you will be so worn out that you can feel relaxed and sleep like a baby!

  Do you have a hysterically funny memory? If you DON’T want to cry, try thinking of it. You’ll laugh instead (or laugh and cry) and everyone will be tricked!

  Moodiness and Tantrums

  “I would say, express your feelings at all times. Unless you’re trying to hide something.”

  —Miss Piggy

  When someone is described as “moody,” it’s a polite way of saying the person is always in a BAD mood. How come a moody person is never a person who’s always in a GOOD mood?

  Let’s say you are in the worst mood possible. Everything and everyone is bothering you; it’s like people are trying to make you go nuclear. Sometimes (but not very often) you may want to give in to the temptation to just have a TANTRUM!

  Little kids get to have them, so why not you? We’re talking about a raging, yelling tantrum, not some little tizzy or junior conniption fit! Tantrums can be fun in a drama queen sort of way, and they can help to clear out some of those bad emotions. Tantrums also usually get sort of boring after a while, and then it’s time to move on with your life.

  Tantrum Tips! It’s usually more considerate to throw a tantrum when you have a little privacy. That way you won’t scare anybody when you slam a door or stomp your feet. If you really need to get some anger out of your system but there are people in the house, try screaming into a pillow. You know, just lie down on your bed face-first onto your pillow and HOWL. It’s great therapy.

  *Don’t throw things while having a tantrum. They tend to break.

  “The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on the edge of it. And chipped a tooth.”

  —Janeane Garofalo

  You Have a Right to Feel Crummy! In a study of kids’ moods, seventh-through-ninth-graders were found to have the most “negative life episodes” and depressed feelings. (“Negative events” were defined as boyfriend problems, family trouble, low grades, and so on.) So if you’re in that age range, just remember: Things will get better!

  Happiness

  We don’t want to dwell just on the negative emotions, so let’s talk about feeling good. When things are going well and everything seems all right, enjoy the moment. Go outside and let the sun shine on you. Look at a tree. Take advantage of your happy times to spread the joy. Give a smile to others, play with a little kid, or donate $50,000 to charity.

  *Studies show that in public, women smile and laugh much more than men.

  When you’re feeling happy it’s a great time to get some exercise! Many girl athletes report that when the mood is right, their basketball or volleyball or chess skills just can’t be beat; they’re in the zone. It’s also an opportunity to get creative. Whether you write in a journal, work on a painting, or play a musical instrument, you can accomplish amazing things when your attitude is right.

  Dreams

  “No wonder Sleeping Beauty looked good . . . she took a long naps, never got old, and didn’t have to do anything but snore to get her Prince Charming.”

  —Olive Green

  Before YOU can get your beauty sleep, you have to fall asleep, and this might be a problem for some girls. Most people fall asleep within ten minutes of going to bed. But a study of insomnia (not being able to fall asleep) involving 40,000 people found that women are twice as likely to have trouble drifting off compared to men. Why? Women and girls probably think too much! (It’s also been found that girls typically wake up earlier than boys. Dang it!)

  Dream Stages and Brain Waves

  So ten minutes have passed, and now you’re falling asleep. How does it work? Sleep studies have found that your mind goes into different levels of slumber.

  Level 1: You’re pretty much awake, though you can daydream here.

  Level 2: Now you are starting to nod off . . . won’t that teacher EVER stop talking? Zzzzz . . . In this stage, you might do one of those weird full body jerks and wake up, embarrassed.

  Level 3: So peaceful . . . Deep sleep . . .

  Level 4: You are now drooling on your pillow.

  R.E.M.: This is Rapid Eye Movement sleep, when really intense dreams happen. Have you ever seen a sleeping dog, twitching and
barking? The dog’s eyes are usually bobbling around a lot, and the eyelids may actually be wide open. So why are the eyes moving? It’s because they are trying to see the dream images that are inside the brain. The same thing happens when you sleep! Weird, huh?

  Toward the morning hours, you have more deep sleep and your body really relaxes. Usually, the big muscles of your body, like your arms and legs, don’t move too much when you are in REM, but your face and hands might.

  Most girls really do hit the snooze button. What a great invention! It allows you to get another few precious moments of sleep. But not all sleep is equal! The kind of sleep you get after you hit the snooze button will almost never be as restful as the kind you were having before the alarm went off.

  Typical Pattern of Sleep Stages for a Girl in the Morning

  REM, alarm clock goes off, push snooze button.

  REM, alarm clock goes off, push snooze button.

  Repeat!

  But what is a dream? Good question! Nobody knows for sure, but we do know they’re important. According to sleep specialists, even unborn babies have dreams. (What do they dream about? They’re not talking!) We do know that the number one thing that little kids dream about is animals. And the most popular story line for a little kid’s dream is being chased by something (usually an animal).

  But starting at about the age of nine, your dreams get a whole lot more complicated. As your body and mind change, your dreams reflect this. Also, you start sleeping more. By the time girls become teens, they should sleep more because their bodies are growing, and they need more rest.