The Big Book of Girl Stuff

by Bart King

  In this chapter, we won’t mention all the cool animals that can make fun pets, just some classics.

  Baby Talk Your Pet! Try combining a silly name with a title, like Cap’n Doodles or Dr. Chumples. These names are excellent to use when baby talking to your pet.

  Names for Your Pet

  Whatever pet you get, please give it an original name! No more dogs want to be named Molly, Max, or Bailey, and cats have been known to attack their owners when given boring names like Tigger, Socks, Princess, and Kitty. Look in a name book, visit a good website for creative names, or make up your own.

  Horsies

  “I have never heard anyone say, ‘Oh, ick! A horse!’”

  —Elinor Goulding Smith

  Someone once said “Girls fall in love with horses first and boys later.” Why is this? Is it because horses are beautiful animals, and it’s fun to groom their long flowing manes? Maybe. Is it because riding on such a big animal makes a girl feel like a princess? Maybe. Or is it because horse manure smells good? Maybe not!

  *Horses have been symbols of wealth and good fortune for a long time; even their shoes are famous signs of good luck.

  Although lots of girls would like to have a horse, they aren’t the most practical pets for most families. As a matter of fact, a horse is somehow more than just a pet. It’s a lifestyle! Buying a horse can run between $3,500 and $5,000, and you could spend a lot more than that. It’s too bad there isn’t an animal shelter where you can pick up cheap horses that have run away from home! And getting a saddle and other supplies (called tack) can run about $800 or more. Horses need open pastures, exercise, shelter, good food, good schooling, and grooming. Just like girls! So as you can see, the money for all this can really add up.

  The Cost of a Horse or Pony

  Board

  Horseshoes

  Stall cleaning

  Vet bills

  Blanketing

  Food

  Wood shavings (for bedding)

  Total: Between $350 and $1,000 a month! (This amount is less if the horse lives on your property.)

  But you don’t have to OWN a horse to RIDE one. If you’re interested, try renting (or leasing) a horse from a good stable or trainer. This might cost around $100 each month. You also could work around the barn or ranch where your horse is kept to help pay for your own horseback riding. Cowgirl up!

  The people at your local stable will make sure that you ride horses that are safe and trained, and they can teach you how to act around horses, put on their tack properly, and how to ride. This will help you find out whether it’s something you like. (We bet you will!)

  As for ponies, they really are very cute. The problem with ponies is that they stay small, while girls grow up. A full-grown girl is too big for a pony, so if you get one to ride, the day will come when that is no longer possible.

  Bad News! Horse trainers have found that even with hours of practice, My Little Pony cannot be taught to trot.

  Look, we may as well admit that one of the cool things about a horse is how fashionable they are. What a great accessory! They are such strong and graceful animals, they make their riders look good. The clothes that go with horse riding can appeal to both the rough-and-ready girl as well as the more dainty ones.

  For example, English and Western are two of the primary styles associated with horses. Western is very rodeo style. It’s flashy and bright, with lots of silver and color, and big hats. English style is more refined. This is the traditional clothing of equestrian events, with the rider wearing jodhpurs and a hard hat for protection from falls. Riders often dress in tan breeches and white shirts for competitive events.

  Horses don’t use facial expressions to show their feelings. Instead, they let their ears do the work!

  Hello, Kitty! [14]

  “Dogs come when they’re called. Cats take a message and get back to you later.”

  —Mary Bly

  Cats are special animals, and they have a special place in many girls’ lives. If you have a rough day, your cat can take your mind off of it by curling up in your lap and purring like a little chainsaw. And if you’re having a good day, your cat can make it even better by doing silly things like chasing balls of yarn or stealing the family’s car keys and disappearing for the weekend.

  Cat Training Tip: The reason that cats love to jump on couches is a case of a simple misunderstanding. Cats hear humans talk about “FURniture,” and the cat assumes it is okay to get its FUR all over the sofa. If you explain this miscommunication to your cat, it should solve the problem.

  You may know that the word catty means “hurtful” or “mean.” Our theory is that cats are catty because they can’t taste sweets. Cats (and all members of the cat family, including lions, tigers, leopards, etc.) do not have the ability to taste sugar or any sweet flavors. So after a cat has its kitty-kibble (or a cheetah or jaguar eats its prey) there is never any dessert. How sad!

  Although cats need love, food, and care, they are pretty good at taking care of themselves. Just be sure to take care of other animals around them! A cat is a predator, so any animal its size or smaller may look like fair game to the cat. Protect other household pets like gerbils or parakeets from your cat, and put a bell on its collar if it goes outdoors.

  *If you have birds, small mammals, or fish in the house, they will be constantly terrified if you get a cat, even if they’re safe in a cage. Don’t stress them out!

  The fact that cats are predators can be used to your advantage. If your cat is a picky eater, try warming its food up a little. This will make it seem like “fresh game” and will probably make the cat happy to eat it.

  One of the most horrible things to deal with when you have a cat is cat litter. Ick! Once a boy told his little sister that the kitty litter box had Tootsie Rolls in it. That was mean! Cats bury their poop because they want to hide the evidence that they were there. Predatory animals that hunt (like cats) don’t want other animals to know that they’re around, so they will go to great lengths to cover their tracks—and their poop!

  One neat thing about cats is their whiskers; these long, thick hairs have roots going through the cat’s skin and into its muscles. Superhairs! They help the cat sense its surroundings. For example, the cheek whiskers allow the cat to know if it can fit into a tight spot or not. They’re sort of like antenna or even fingers. Try touching your cat’s whiskers. It will blink! This reflex is so that if the cat is sneaking through a hedge, it won’t get poked in the eye.

  Cat Types

  Cats come in different sizes, colors, and personalities. Here are a few of them.

  Stray Cat: Although strays can be nice, don’t try to pick one up. Things might go badly, and you could end up with a nasty scratch or no purse.

  Feral Cat (a.k.a. wildcat): Hey, if a cat is wild, it’s wild. Don’t mess with it.

  Scaredy-Cat: Like his relative the ’Fraidy-Cat, the Scaredy-Cat will suddenly run away from odd things like shadows, its own tail, and lint.

  Copycat: Ha!

  Catloaf: This is any cat that tucks its feet and tail in close to its body, making a round shape like a loaf of catbread.

  Polecat: This is actually a ferret.

  Flumpus: Any cat who sprawls around while looking cuddly and cute is a Flumpus.

  The Hacker: Not only is this cat good with the computer, it’s always hacking up a hairball. Long-haired cats are often Hackers.

  Hairless Cat:s If you don’t like hairballs, this might be a good cat to get.

  Fun Slang! Flurfled: When a cat’s whiskers are in the forward position, showing excitement or playfulness. Example: “Beware Fluffy when she is flurfled!”

  The greatest thing in the world to give a cat is catnip. They go crazy! It’s like the cat’s addicted and allergic to it at the same time. Scientists say that catnip stimulates the pleasure center of a cat’s brain and makes it act strangely. No kidding! (BTW, the cat has to be 12 weeks old to have this reaction, and 20 percent of cats have no reaction to catnip a
t all.)

  Magic Trick! Sometime when your cat is purring loudly, have someone run water from the tap. The purring instantly stops! Just the sound of water is enough to turn off the motor. That’s because cats were originally desert animals, and they are uncomfortable around water. Cats don’t need much water to survive. Watch your cat drink water sometime; its tongue curls inward toward the body, and picks up, like, a drop of water.

  Lucky Kitty! A cat in a restaurant’s window is a sign of good luck in Japan. And everyone knows a black cat is considered bad luck, but on board a ship, a black cat is good luck! You see, cats don’t like water, and the ship is floating on water, so no matter what, the cat will not allow the ship to sink.

  Bunnies

  Sure, there are plenty of other rodents that are also cool, like the guinea pig, hamster, rat, and mouse. But is there ANY animal that is as cute and cuddly as a widdle bunny wabbit? (Okay, that was sickening.)

  Rabbits are also pretty awesome pets! They can be house-trained and they become very affectionate, especially if you handle them a lot or get them young. Rabbits are also quiet, and they are clean. We hate to jump to conclusions, but what’s not to like?

  But you do have to be careful with rabbits, because they are fairly fragile. Their skin is sensitive and big animals (like us!) can hurt them if we’re not careful. Rabbits shouldn’t roughhouse with the dog, and little kids can freak them out. (Cats are also sometimes mean to rabbits.) But if you take good care of your rabbit, it should live from six to ten years.

  Keeping your bunny in a cage or hutch and then letting it out to exercise (indoors or outside) is a pretty good system. If you live in a warm enough area and your rabbit sleeps outdoors, be sure to get a strong hutch so that nighttime predators like raccoons don’t get at your bunny. (Rappers also try to steal rabbits because of that whole hip-hop thing.)

  Some rabbit owners give the bunny the run of the house, which is fine as long as nobody steps on it. Make sure the rabbit is also house-trained before doing this. Your average bunny can poop almost 4,000 of those little rabbit pellets in a week, and we’re guessing you don’t want them rolling all over the house, although they are pretty easy to clean up.

  *We know it sounds sick, but if your rabbit eats its own poop pellets, that’s actually normal. (Some rabbit food has to be digested twice to give nourishment.)

  Picking Up Bunny!

  Grab the scruff of the rabbit’s neck (just behind its ears) and scoop its rear end up with your other hand. (It will freak out the bunny of you pick it up like a cat or small dog.) And don’t lift it up by its ears!

  Special Warning: Like other rodents, a rabbit’s teeth will keep growing unless it chews on wood (or another hard substance). Keep wood chew sticks in its hutch or cage so it doesn’t go after your furniture. And don’t leave it in an area with wood furniture or electric wires by itself. It will chew on these, and your parents will be hopping mad. (But who could stay mad at such a cute widdle wabbit?)

  Skunks

  Skunks CAN be pets. If they are introduced to humans as babies (and are legal in your state), a skunk can be treated like an indoor cat that happens to hibernate in the winter! Few people know that skunks hate the smell from their musk glands as much as other animals do. That’s why skunks only spray when they really have to. What we’re trying to say is that skunks think skunks stink.

  However, baby skunks take a little while to figure out their superpower. Litters of young skunks will sometimes have shoot-offs where everyone sprays everybody else, and then they all stink. (If you think that’s weird, we guarantee that human boys would probably do the exact same thing if they could!)

  For a skunk to be house-friendly, it needs to have its musk glands removed from near its butt. Like other pets, the skunk should also be neutered or spayed. Skunks should NOT just be fed cat food, like a lot of people think. Because they’re omnivores, skunks need vegetables and fruit, along with meat. Finally, skunks are pretty lazy but since they’re nocturnal, they sleep during the day, and then want to play in the evening.

  Little Creatures

  There are all sorts of really little animals that can be pets.

  Praying Mantises Praying mantises grow to be four inches long and are a fun addition to the backyard. It’s easy to get praying mantis egg cases over the Internet or at pet shops, and they are legal bugs to have in every state! When the little mantises start to hatch in their jar, be sure to release them in your backyard or they will eat each other. Once in your yard, they will start to eat the bugs out there, and you will see them from time to time and be able to say “Hi!”

  Crickets The Chinese have kept crickets for pets throughout much of their history. They’re considered good luck! (Remember the cricket in Mulan?) If you want to try catching one, go out on a summer’s evening with a flashlight and a jar. Listen for chirping. Walk toward it, and when it stops, you should stop. Be patient, and sooner or later, he will start chirping again. (Only male crickets chirp.) When you’re close enough, gently scoop him up.

  Your cricket will need a small piece of moist sponge in the aquarium or jar you keep him in. (Crickets need moisture.) Crickets eat a lot of things, including ripe bananas, cereal, or bread moistened with milk, and little bugs. (They don’t need drinking water.) If your new friend doesn’t chirp inside, you probably got a female by accident. If your new friend constantly chirps and drives you nuts, just put him back where you found him!

  Butterflies Keeping a cocoon for a moth or butterfly indoors until it opens can also be pretty amazing to watch. You can either feed a caterpillar until he wraps himself up or find a cocoon and keep it inside a bug jar. (Make sure there are holes in the lid!) Once the moth or butterfly emerges from the cocoon, be careful not to touch its wings! This could ruin them forever. Let it get its wings extended all the way out and adjusted, and then release it into the wild!

  Ladybugs Finally, ladybugs are cool to have around, especially if you have a backyard or garden. You can even buy ladybugs at gardening and pet stores. They sleep at low temperatures, so you can store them in the fridge! Take them out and release them at dusk; watch them climb your finger up and then fly away.

  *In Japan, giant stag beetles are traditional pets. They can also be expensive! A beetle sold in 1993 for $30,000. Think all bugs are alike? Think again! “They have different personalities. When I hold my beetle, I have real affection for it,” said one stag beetle owner.

  Fun Animal Items

  Polly Wants a @!$% Cracker! Many U.S. presidents kept pets in the White House, and this kept life interesting. For example, Andrew Jackson (president from 1829–1837) taught his pet parrot Pol (short for Polly) all sorts of very bad words. When Jackson died, the parrot was kept with Jackson’s body to keep him company. Unfortunately, visitors paying their respects to the president were shocked at the parrot’s language. Pol eventually had to be removed from the room.

  Bad Monkey! In India, monkeys are generally allowed to do what they want. This permissive attitude has resulted in some monkeys becoming criminals! In 2004, one very troublesome monkey was sentenced to life in an official monkey prison.

  Amphibious Assault! If you would like a frog the size of a small cat, get a Goliath Frog. These dainty little fellows from western Africa can weigh up to seven pounds. Be careful when you feed them—your whole hand can fit in their mouth!

  What’s in the Back? If you don’t see unicorns in your local animal shelter or pet store, show one of the volunteers or workers this book and wink. This is the secret sign to let you go in the back, where “imaginary” animals like unicorns, dragons, and grindylows are kept.

  No Wildlife for Profit! Prairie dogs are popular pets in Japan. But they often cannot be sold as pets in the United States because there are state laws against selling wildlife for profit.

  * * *

  [14] If you’re a dog person, we’re afraid you need to check The Big Book of Boy Stuff; that’s where all our good dog info is.

  Shopping and Advertis
ing

  “The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.”

  —Marcalene Cox

  Think about money. Everyone knows that a $100 bill is worth a hundred times more than a $1 bill. But why? The two bills are the same size, shape, and color. It just so happens that one of them has a different number in the corner. That’s the only difference!

  Money is a game of make-believe. We all pretend that money is actually worth something. We put different numbers in the corners of pieces of paper to show how much they’re worth. So what! We take our little pieces of paper (cash) or plastic (credit or debit cards) and act like they are actually worth something. But it’s really just paper and plastic. The only value they have is in our minds.

  But even though it’s only make-believe, people devote a lot of time to money. Earning it, saving it, spending it, watching it, and worrying about it . . . many adults spend most of their time dealing with money! Have they forgotten it’s not real? When adults get too caught up in money, this is what’s called the Rat Race. (And the only ones who win that race are rats!)

  Fun Ca$h Fact$!