SANCTUARY OF MINE

by PRATT, S.

I work for Danzar. It’s a high-end fashion magazine that distributes out of Boston. Their head office is there, but they have staff working for them all over the country. We have a small office in town because I am lucky enough that there are four of us in the area who do contract work for them on a regular basis. We all obtained our positions through word of mouth. My best, and only girlfriend Lyra works there as a photographer, but even she doesn’t know my secret. I’m also good friends with James who works in our office. He used to live next door to the house we vacationed in when I was little. We’ve stayed really close over the years.

  Carron nods, willing to accept my response, but I’m not sure he is really buying it. A ring of the doorbell saves me from further explanation. I shove thoughts of Angel back down to the bottom of my heart and lock the door for the day. It is dangerous to start thinking of him when I am in the company of others.

  Dinner is what it always is when Carron’s colleagues come for a meal. All they talk about is medical shit that I find completely boring. I drink too much red wine to pass the time and smile and nod at intermittent points in their conversation. Scott and Leila are a husband and wife team who work the pediatric ward in the hospital. They’re a little older than Carron who is already a good seven years older than me at thirty-three. I’m sure it is just in my head, but I always feel that his friends who are older than me tend to look down on me.

  Leila offers to help with dessert, although I politely refuse. I’m going to sneak a quick ciggie out on the back patio and don’t want her hanging around. I clear the plates to take with me and dump them on the kitchen bench. While I warm some ready-made fudge in the microwave, I sneak out the side door to have my fix. This is not a regular habit, but one I indulge in when I have had too many drinks. The nicotine goes straight to my head and the ground spins before me. Being drunk takes the edge off my day. My mind flits from one thought to the next, which is great because I don’t really want to focus on him. I’m startled when the door opens and the warmth from inside spills out into the frigid air.

  ‘I thought I’d find you out here.’ Carron slinks in behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. The guilt creeps up. Yeah, just add it to the list, my subconscious yells at me.

  ‘Sorry,’ I say as I take the last drag and exhale into the black sky.

  ‘Those things will kill you, you know.’ It’s his standard doctor line every time he catches me out. I respond the same way I always do.

  ‘Not today they won’t.’ He chuckles. He knows he won’t win this argument with me – it’s just a verbal dance we always do. I like that he respects me enough to let me do what I want to do.

  ‘Don’t be too long,’ he admonishes, kissing the back of my head, ‘our guest are waiting for dessert.’

  ‘Coming now.’ The cigarette is ground out and I follow him back into the kitchen.

  Dessert is plated up and Carron helps me serve it to our guests. He slips me a strong black coffee, attuned to the fact my speech is a little slurred and movements a little slow. Thankfully the rest of the evening goes by rather quickly. They’re all on the a.m. shift, so they leave us not long after the clock strikes 9:00 p.m. The dishes are left where they sit because I promise to do them first thing in the morning. Carron doesn’t argue because he is eager to get to bed. But I find out it is not for sleep, but sex.

  The deed is always missionary position between the two of us. Since day one Carron observes the unwritten rule never to expect anything else. The truth is, I am one kinky bitch – just not with him because it reminds me too much of being with Angel. So I stick to safe sex positions where my mind doesn’t wander to my lover who took my virginity.

  Carron and I always do it in the dark. This way I don’t have to look into his face and feel like I am betraying anyone. It’s just a physical need we both get to satisfy. I know he deserves more, but I am selfish enough to recognize I keep him around because I am unbearably lonely. Unfair, I know, but he has told me he’s not going anywhere. To be honest I think he thinks I am damaged goods and takes pity, but for the life of him I’m sure he can’t figure out how I got to be this way.

  We do the routine stuff like brush our teeth and use the toilet before sliding into bed together. It’s cold and I am glad for the warmth of his body. I snuggle up next to him and breathe in his scent. My body relaxes and I wait for him to make the first move. It is always him who does.

  He rolls on his side and slides his hands over my hips. His warm, large hands grip me tightly, bringing me closer to him. His fingers trail up my waist and past my ribcage to my breasts. As his lips cup my mouth and softly kiss me, his hand starts to rub my nipples. I let my tongue trail over his lips, the sensation sending a sigh from his mouth. His breath is minty and tickles my cheek. Carron reaches for my night shorts and tugs them gently down towards my ankles. I don’t wear any panties underneath. What’s the point when I know they will only come off?

  He lies down on top of me and I can feel his erection press firmly against my thighs as he makes his way back up to the top. There are never clothes on his body for bedtime, no matter what the weather is like. My top is left on, because he knows I hate feeling cold. That is Carron all over; self-sacrificing to put my needs first.

  We continue to kiss. His mouth is urgent and I struggle in my alcohol haze to focus on the present. My mind lingers to this afternoon and the sight of Angel stubbornly refuses to leave my thoughts. While Carron is making love to my body, in my head Angel is making love to my soul. With him occupying my thoughts, my body starts to act accordingly. I’m suddenly needy for touch. My arms wrap around Carron’s neck and pull him eagerly on top of me. Our tongues clash against each other’s and I fight for breath as his touch draws me in. I buck my hips to meet his and his cock probes my sex, gently asking for permission to be inside of me. My legs part wider, granting him access to my wet depths.

  He moans as he slides inside of me and I wrap my legs around his waist to hold him there. The pressure is just enough to keep me wanting more. We gently rock back and forth. He touches me and rubs me consistently so that I will definitely orgasm. His tempo increases the more I pull on his arms and I feel his need spread through his body.

  Not once has he ever come before me. Pleasing me is his first priority and then he quickly rushes to finish. That is what I like about Carron’s nature; he makes others happy before himself. Tonight is no different. I come all over him and he lets out a satisfied grunt as he continues to thrust deep inside of me, searching for the release he is looking for. With a final push he comes, semen seeping from his cock as he stills and lets his body pulse with pleasure. We are both panting as he rolls off and lays spent on his back.

  I go to the toilet and expel the evidence of our love making. When I join him back in bed, he slings an arm over me and drifts off to sleep easily. Soon, contented snores drift from his side of the bed. While he sleeps my mind wanders to Angel. I don’t normally allow myself to think of him when Carron is around, because I know it will only end in tears. But the unexpectedness of seeing him today has me rattled. I wonder what it was he was doing here. He was here to see me, but why? What would he have said? What would he have done? Exhaustion finally takes over my body. The last thing I remember before I fall asleep is a single tear trickling down my face as the bedroom ceiling leaves my vision.

  THAT IS THE END OF THE SAMPLE

  More novels and purchase

  BUY RUINED ON KINDLE

  Also available is the companion novella to Ruined, Ruining Angel. It is suggested that you read Ruined first, however. This novella is written in Angel’s POV and includes scenes not featured in Ruined.

  BUY RUINING ANGEL ON KINDLE

  For other novels by S. Pratt, please visit

  S. PRATT AUTHOR'S WEBSITE

  S. Pratt plans to release her next contemporary romance by Christmas 2013.

  Acknowledgements

  There are many people who I need to thank for making this book, and all the books I write, possible.


  First and foremost are the fans. It is you who enjoy my work so much that you are willing to take your time and energy to promote my books to friends around the world. You are the difference in making me a success and I can’t express enough how much that means to me. Thank you for being awesome! I’m still blown away by how many of you got on the band wagon for RUINED. Mind. Blown.

  As always, a huge thanks to all of my family and my kids. Your love, laughs and encouragement mean the world to me. To my husband, Steven, a million times thank you for always believing in me and putting up with the fifty shades that is my personality.

  Emily Dawson. Editor, friend, cheerleader and teacher. I can’t promote you enough and honestly appreciate our relationship so much. You are so selfless in teaching me about the English language. I love ya big!

  Thank you to my beta readers. You guys always let me know whether I have hit the nail on the head before I hit publish. A special thanks to Kerri, Melissa, Kate and Kristy.

  AND …

  Kristy from BOOK ADDICT MUMMA: Your passion for books amazes me! I’m so thankful for your endless dedication and appreciate how much effort you put into seeing Indie authors succeed in the world of publishing. Many thanks for organising my blog tour for SOM and a big nod of appreciation to all those bloggers who signed up for this crazy ride.

  NOVELS BY OTHER AUTHORS YOU MAY ENJOY

  Available August 2013