Take My Breath Away

by Mia Ford

  I dragged through the first week back at school. I hated walking away from Sterling that day, but it had to end somehow. We couldn’t keep on sleeping with each other. We were graduating and moving on soon. I didn’t know where I was headed, and I needed a clean slate.

  I noticed Sterling around campus, looking a little scruffy. He probably had a few worries of his own, knowing his family. I tried to focus on classes and grades. I needed them to be good in case I chose to move on in school. I didn’t need to think about how good he made me feel.

  Violet kept me social and out amongst the general population. She started dating a basketball player and introduced me to his best friend. Kyle was cute enough, but he didn’t make me feel weak in the knees. We just had fun, and I kissed him, not letting him get any further. I wasn’t ready yet.

  I didn’t have to be home for a few weeks and enjoyed that. I still got shit from my family and considered not sending them tickets to my graduation. They weren’t eager for me to live here and work and I didn’t dare mention the idea of moving to Texas with Violet. She had an apartment set up already there with two bedrooms and a job working in a physical therapy clinic. I could take some time to find the right job and be okay.

  It was just so far away.

  I went to classes, studied, and took tests. I saw Kyle on double dates with Violet and Drake and we laughed and had fun. I tried not to worry about Sterling when I saw him or think about how much I missed him. I realized that Kyle wanted to go further with me then we had over the last two months, but I couldn’t. I heard Violet and Drake in her room getting along just fine. They’d stay all night together while I asked a frustrated Kyle to leave. It was great.

  I started feeling sick around the two-month mark but there was a virus going around. I took some time to rest, still going to classes with the little energy that I had. Violet took care of me by bringing me vitamins and soup, but I had trouble keeping anything down. It lasted a week, creeping into the next. I barely made it to classes after that, still managing because I needed the grades. Violet came into my room one night as I struggled to study, feeling particularly nauseous.

  “Kyle says hi. He wants you to get better, so we can all go out soon.” She told me as she sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Hopefully soon. This suck,” I told her as I dropped my head back to the pillow.

  “I saw Sterling too. He stopped me to ask why you look like shit these days. What happened with you two?” Violet asked as I groaned. I was keeping what happened with him from her, but I was too weak tonight to keep the lie going.

  “We had a fight or whatever over break. He was being an ass, and I came back here deciding to focus on classes. Nothing big.” I replied as I accepted the Vitamin Water that she offered.

  “Didn’t you say that you were getting it on in the park? What was the fight about?” I shrugged, and her eyes lit up with an idea. “Rosie, that was about two months ago. Right?”

  “Yeah,” I nodded slowly before staring at her. “Oh, God.”

  “Were you guys careful?” Violet asked as I felt panic setting in.

  “I am on the pill. That was enough,” I told myself as much as I did her. “I take it every day. This can’t be anything other than a flu, right?”

  “Are you late?” Violet asked as I blinked. My head was throbbing with the idea of considering this. I never paid attention to the dates. I wasn’t having regular sex with condoms before Sterling. They were already short to begin with, so I didn’t do the math.

  “Maybe?” I asked as I flashed through the days. Yep. It was over two months ago since I had any semblance of a period.

  “Rosie, shit. You might be pregnant.” I closed my eyes and let out a soft cry at the words. “I don’t believe that he didn’t use something with you. Is he even clean?”

  “We talked about that and it started out as only one time. I didn’t think… didn’t expect anything like this. What am I going to do?” I asked Violet as she licked her lips.

  “I am going to buy a test. There’s no need to freak out if you’re not pregnant. You probably aren’t. The pill is good, and you’ve been so stressed out. I’ll go to the store and we can deal with this properly.” Violet slipped on a hoodie and slipped out of the dorm as I dropped my head on the pillow.

  I was nauseous on and off all day.

  Most food repulsed me. I didn’t want to go eat with Violet in the cafeteria anymore and merely snacked.

  Parts of my body ached that never had before.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  Violet was gone for about twenty minutes before she hurried through the door. She dropped a bag on my bed and took a few deep breaths.

  “Sterling was there with a friend. I had to practically run to the registers to get out of there before he saw me.” I looked at her with horror in my eyes. “I got away. It’s fine. I picked up three different kinds of tests just to be sure. They look so complex.”

  I took them into the bathroom and read the directions, which was basically peeing on a stick. Easy enough. I did that and set them gently on the bathroom counter as I let myself have a panic attack. There is no way that I was pregnant. I’d been so careful about taking my pills every day since Sterling and I decided not to use condoms anymore. It wasn’t like I had a long sexual history, but I wasn’t a virgin. Nothing happened before this.

  If I was, my parents would be through with me. This wasn’t part of their future plan, at least not yet. Not with Sterling. If I was, I couldn’t tell him. He was struggling with his own future just like I was. I had a few months to hide this and make a decision, but I wouldn’t have to.

  I wasn’t pregnant. It wasn’t an issue.

  Violet came into the bathroom when she heard me crying. She glanced down at the tests that nearly screamed that I was fucked and dropped to the floor, pulling me into her arms.

  “We’ve got this. We do,” she assured me as I cried against her shoulder.

  We made our way to my bed, and I dropped down in shock. I touched my flat stomach in complete disbelief that a baby was in there.

  “Have you been with anyone other than Sterling?” Violet asked as I shot her a glare. “I’m just asking. I doubted that you had but we need the facts here, Rosie.” She ran a hand through her hair, cursing softly. “Do you know what you want to do?”

  “I just found out. Right now, I want to leave the planet. I can’t even bear with this.” I knew it was rude, but I was too overwhelmed to deal with any of this right now.

  “Fair enough,” Violet said softly as she rested on the pillow beside me. “I think we should get you to a doctor. You have that insurance through your dad.”

  “I am not risking them finding out. I’ll go somewhere else and pay cash.” I changed the idea, and she wrapped her arm around me. Violet nodded, and we fell quiet.

  I managed to discover that orange Vitamin Water made my stomach feel better and bought a case. If I drank it while I was in class, I kept things together pretty well. I was still hell bent on finishing school on a good note despite this horrible change in my life.

  I ran into Sterling when I was trying to get some food in the cafeteria one day and stopped as he stared at me.

  “Are you okay?” He asked as I licked my lips. It was two weeks after I got the news and it was still painful to think about.

  “I’m fine. Just busy with school,” I told him shortly as he frowned. I knew that I wasn’t looking like a supermodel these days, but I never had. “I just need to get some food.”

  “I haven’t talked to you in a long time. Is everything all right with you?” He fell into step with me as I held in a groan. I walked by some of the offerings, trying to decide what my stomach would allow right now as I looked everything over. Salad. I paused and ordered a small chicken salad with a cup of fresh fruit as my stomach growled. I reached into my bag for some cash, but Sterling surprised me by paying for it. “Let me.”

  “You didn’t have to do that,” I chastised him as I took the bag tha
t she offered me. I glanced around the large room to find a seat, angry when he started to follow me. “What do you want?”

  I faced Sterling as he stared at me in shock.

  “What’s wrong with you? I thought we were friends.” His voice reflected his shock.

  “Are we now?” I asked as he scratched his head.

  “We never stopped being friends.” Sterling looked down and then at the door. “I just wanted to talk. I’m sorry.” He turned and left the building as I watched, regret filling my body.

  28

  Sterling

  I didn’t know what was going on with Rosie. She didn’t look healthy the last few times I saw her. I understood that we were busy with classes, but she looked tired. More than tired. I gave up trying to talk to her that one day in the cafeteria but kept an eye on her. Violet wasn’t helpful at all. She just assured me that Rosie was fine, but I could see that there was more to it in her face.

  I’d heard that she was seeing one of the basketball players through word of mouth but never saw her walking the campus with him. I did see Violet with another guy from the team a lot, so I wondered if the story about Rosie was just a rumor. I was pissed when I heard Grace talking about it at the party. I was jealous. I was feeling several emotions that were new territory for me. I wanted to get to the bottom of things, but she shut me the hell down.

  It seemed like we weren’t even friends now.

  I settled for seeing Holland, a new girl from one of my classes. She was an artist and quirky. She made me laugh and didn’t demand a relationship. Every time I was with her, I missed Rosie even more. I slept with a lot of girls, but I never had the connection that I’d had with Rosie. Maybe it was because we were friends beforehand or that we were so taboo in the eyes with our family. That was hot when we were sneaking away during the break to feel each other. I came harder than ever at those times, hating myself for having second thoughts while we were still back home. I could still have her in my bed and life had I kept my mouth shut.

  My parents called me home one weekend to talk. I made the drive when I was finished with my day on Friday with some clothes to stay a night or two. Mom reheated dinner for me when I arrived, telling me that Dad was at a meeting.

  “I could have shown up tomorrow, Mom. You made it sound like it was a critical emergency.” I looked at the plate of meatloaf and vegetables that she placed on the breakfast bar before I stared at her.

  “I didn’t know that he’d be gone until after you’d left. Besides, I’ve missed you since you left last time.” She told me as I slipped into the seat and sipped the soda in front of me.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked as she poured some wine. The house was quiet, and I assumed that we were alone.

  “Sure. Callie moved out to the new place, and she’s so happy. They’re getting ready for their baby girl to arrive. Molly is Molly. She’s focused on school. Your brother is excelling at the hospital. He’s rising to the top.” She smiled warmly as she spoke, and I chewed a piece of the meat.

  “So, why am I here?” I asked as she sighed and gave me a sad look.

  The garage door opened, and Dad walked in. He looked us over and walked into his office.

  “Nice greeting.” I muttered as Mom stared at the floor. Dad walked back out and got some water from the fridge.

  “I’m glad you came, Sterling. I have a proposition of sorts for you.” I scooped some potatoes into my mouth and felt anxiety hitting me at his words. This was serious. “I have the opportunity to purchase a business here in town. It’s a wonderful, historical building, and I was thinking that I might hand it over to you. You could run the business in there for me, which is more than likely going to be an accounting firm. You’re good with numbers.”

  “That’s true, but I was going to law school, Dad. I had plans. What now?” I asked as he looked at my mom and took a sip of water.

  “Run the company for a year. Make it work and then I will send you on to law school. I just want you to try this for a while.” His eyes bored into mine and I frowned. “The sale will be final in a month. You can start after graduation, staying here if you’d like. We can also get you an apartment of some sort if you’d prefer that.”

  “An apartment? A job?” I asked as I looked between them. “What’s the catch?”

  “There isn’t one apart from working for me for the year. I want you to see your potential running a firm before you commit to that much more schooling. Your degree supports your talent.” Dad told me as I shook my head. “Don’t say no.”

  “I’m not. I’m just surprised. This is a shock,” I assured him as I took a long sip of my drink. I thought about it as I pinched the bridge of my nose. It would give me a job after school and even a place of my own. I could handle waiting for law school and this gave me some stability. I thought about Rosie, but it was clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. She would never be a part of it even if she did. “I’d like to try this. I want a condo to live in. A college graduate shouldn’t be living at home.” I kept my tone light and Mom squealed as she ran around to hug me.

  Dad smiled at me and we shook on it. It wasn’t warmth coming from him, but it was something. I stood to heat the plate up again to eat and Dad disappeared into his office as Mom sat beside me. I went up to my room after I was finished given that it was late, sending Luke a text with the news. He wasn’t my first choice but the only one. Rosie didn’t care.

  Luke offered to come down and celebrate with me and I accepted. He lived here as well and was going to work at his father’s architecture service. I dropped the phone when I was done messaging him and closed my eyes. I knew what was missing in this package but to mention Rosie would end it all.

  I stayed through Sunday, hitting some of the local bars with Luke and a few guys on Saturday. It was fun and felt good to have something solid to depend on. I could make plans for a new place without the worry of searching for it. Mom was already looking for me and Dad admitted that he wanted me to have something nice.

  I drove back to school Sunday afternoon. I was thinking about everything as I parked and glanced over to see Rosie standing on the steps of her building with a guy. He was tall, leading me to believe that he could be the athlete I heard about and I stared at them for a moment. It was bright enough to see her face, and she still looked tired. The guy leaned close, seeming to say something to her as she smiled falteringly. He kissed her on the cheek and stared at her before walking away as she frowned.

  Rosie walked back into her building and I got out of my car. I grabbed my bag and walked over to my own room, trying not to care about what was bothering her. I had my own life to plan and wanted to focus on that. My father preferred to keep the location of the building he was buying secret until the sale was final and I agreed. Despite our differences, Dad was a good business man and wouldn’t screw me over. He wouldn’t let his family lose money. This was his way of trying and I had to appreciate it.

  I looked at the condos that Mom sent me through email, considering the pros and cons. I told myself that I’d have someone to live there with me when the time was right. Holland had ended things since she found another fling, so I was on my own right now. I didn’t mind, but I missed Rosie. I missed her more than I could admit to anyone.

  I buckled down with school in the last month. There were parties and nights out, but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t want to hook up with a girl for a night or two or even have a fling like I did with Holland. I wanted the feeling that Rosie gave me back. I wanted her to be mine and live with me in the condo that my parents put an offer on. I wanted her to start her new life with me. That would pull the deal off the table and it was already accepted. I told myself that it wasn’t like she was around to ask. I didn’t have her in the decision to begin with.

  We were two weeks out from graduating and classes were over. I decided to move out of my dorm into the condo since there was no reason to be here. Most of my friends were doing the same. I packed my boxes and stacked them aga
inst the wall as I finished. This was my last night in this bed and room and I glanced around with a smile. I had good memories here as well as bad. I broke a couple hearts in this room and had some epic fights. I slept with Rosie for the first time here. I’d never forget that night as I dropped on the bed and closed my eyes.

  There was a knock on my door and I opened my eyes. I stood and walked over, opening it carefully around the mess. Rosie stood there in a big sweatshirt and leggings and my mouth dropped open.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked as I stepped aside to let her in.

  “I guess it’s true.” Rosie murmured as she glanced at all the boxes. “I heard that you were moving and wanted to say… goodbye. I wanted to tell you good luck.” Her head dropped, and I moved towards her.

  “I’m just going back to our home town. Dad made an offer, and I took it. I might be in law school in a year if everything goes well.” I grinned, and she nodded. “What about you? Are you going to head back home?”

  Rosie looked stunned for a moment. She shook her head and licked her lips as she looked at me.

  “Can I sit down?” She asked as I nodded. I watched as she took a deep breath before sitting on the bed. Damn it if she didn’t look good there. “I’m not going home. I’m moving to Texas with Vi. She’s got a cute apartment and a job there and I’ll find one too. I don’t want to be with my parents, Sterling.”

  “I didn’t either. He pulled the rug out on me with this. I know that it has a shit load of strings attached but it’s worth a try.” I was reeling from her news. “Why Texas?”

  “Why not? It’s time to start over.” She smiled sadly as she looked at me.

  “Are they pissed off?” I asked, knowing that I was heartbroken. She shrugged.

  “Yeah. They are.” I could see that something was eating away at her and moved to sit beside her. She moved her eyes away from my face and looked at the floor.

  “What the hell is wrong with you? It’s all over your face and the way you’re sitting.” I told her as she closed her eyes/ “Is it the same thing that’s kept us apart this entire time?”