She stepped up the pulpit stairs and then behind the glass podium. “Thank you all so very much. Thank you for being the blessing that you are and for showing me more kindness and love than any pastor could ask for.”
The applause continued, but soon Raven raised both her hands, gently motioning for everyone to take their seats. Then she subtly checked beneath the podium, making sure the hospitality staff had poured ice water in her favorite crystal glass and set it on a small sterling silver platter, alongside her lace-trimmed handkerchiefs. Last week, they’d used some other glass that she’d never seen before, and for a few seconds, their reckless mistake had thrown off her concentration. From the very beginning, though, she’d made it clear to everyone who worked for New Vision Christian Center and New Vision Ministries, Inc., that she had pretty high expectations. She’d warned that certain errors wouldn’t be tolerated. So, thankfully, the hospitality staff had gotten things right this time.
As she did at the beginning of every service, Raven scanned the congregation and recited Romans 8:30–31 from memory. “Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified. What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?”
“Amen,” everyone responded.
“It is certainly wonderful to see all of you here today, and as I look out at all your beautiful faces and think about the way you have continued to support me as your pastor and the ministry as a whole, my heart overflows with joy. This is the reason I love Romans eight, thirty through thirty-one so very much. It confirms my calling from God not just to become a minister but to become a pastor. It solidifies my reason for answering His call, even though there were a lot of naysayers. Even though many folks right here in the city don’t believe a woman should organize a church or serve as its leader. But more than that, I am reminded of the woman I used to be,” she proclaimed with tears filling her eyes.
She paused and swallowed hard, just as she’d watched her ex-husband, Dillon, do many times, whenever he wanted his members to sympathize with him. Raven had also seen the good Reverend Curtis Black breaking down and crying before his congregation. He’d go on to tell them about his awful childhood and his sinful past and then announce how God had delivered him from all of it.
So Raven had decided early on that there was no reason to change what worked. She also saw no reason to stop insisting that she was called by God to minister, even though, like her former husband, she hadn’t been. Her position as founder and pastor of New Vision Christian Center had materialized by choice, and there was nothing wrong with that.
“Some of you know my story and some of you don’t, but there was a time when I did some terrible things. And while I never try to use my childhood as an excuse for my actions, I do know that being raised in multiple foster homes and being physically abused and raped at one of them wasn’t good. It was unbearable. Although, I will say this, my childhood nightmare is what made me determined to get good grades and work my way through college so I could have anything I wanted. But before long, wanting material things became a huge obsession, and when my paycheck didn’t cover my expensive tastes, I started to gamble. First I played the lottery. Not like normal people, mind you, but I played it heavily and regularly. There were times when I would buy a hundred dollars’ worth of tickets in one day. And I would win, too…but how many of you know that I lost a lot more than I won?”
“Amen,” the members said, some nodding in agreement.
“Then, when I realized the state lottery wasn’t providing the kind of money I needed, I slowly but surely began heading over to the casino. I took that thirty-minute drive sometimes seven days a week, and the next thing I knew, I’d cleaned out my savings accounts, missed paying the rent on my condo for two months, and I’d refinanced my car. But worse than that, I’d begun working on the side for a dangerous loan shark, handling his finances.”
Some members of the congregation showed expressions of shock, acting as though they’d never heard her story. Others actually hadn’t heard it before and shook their heads in disbelief.
“Then, if that wasn’t enough, I began stealing money from this loan shark, and ultimately, I even stole one…hundred…thousand…dollars from my former father-in-law. I stole from a pastor and his church, and I don’t think there’s anything else I’m more ashamed of. Pastor Black wasn’t my father-in-law back then, but I worked as his church’s chief financial officer. The worst thing about my gambling addiction, though, was that the stealing part of it is what sent me to prison. I did time, and to this day, I’m a known felon. The reason I say ‘known’ is because even though I’m not proud of it, I don’t hide it. I openly share my story as a way to show just how much God can change any of us if we let Him. I tell my truth so that others who might be struggling with gambling addiction or any other kind of addiction—drugs, alcohol, sex, whatever it might be—can hear it and hopefully learn from it.”
Now tears fell from Raven’s eyes.
“But I also stand here, having to accept and admit that all my past sins and dirty deeds led to major destruction. I’m a true example that we all surely do reap what we sow. And for me, prison was just the beginning, because marrying my ex-husband proved to be my harshest punishment of all. You see, I fell deeply in love with a man who claimed to love me, yet he had an affair with not one, but two women.”
Raven quickly glanced toward one of the front pews, where Porsha was sitting, but not long enough for anyone to notice it. She also thought about the fact that Porsha’s decision to bring her that sex tape hadn’t evolved simply because Porsha had wanted to do the right thing. She’d done it only after learning that she wasn’t Dillon’s only mistress, and she’d wanted revenge.
“I couldn’t believe my husband had betrayed me in such a cruel and humiliating way, yet he proudly stood in front of our members on Sunday mornings like it was nothing. Then, of course, once I decided to end our marriage, I suffered through a very humiliating, nasty, and highly public divorce. I even slipped into a deep state of depression, and for a while, I wasn’t sure where I would live. Where my next meal would come from. My husband had withdrawn all the money from our joint accounts and left me with nothing, and I was destitute. But let me tell you about the awesome God we serve. Our God had a different plan for me. My God was true to His Word and forgave me for my transgressions. He brought me out of my depression and gave me all of you! He fixed everything. You hear me? He fixed absolutely everything in my life and showed me that His mercy really does endure forever.”
There was loud applause and some folks stood up again.
Raven wiped her tears with both hands, smiling, and then raised her hands above her head, praising God with her congregation. She may not have been called by God to preach, but she loved each and every one of her parishioners. She loved the way they responded to her and how dedicated they were to the ministry. She cherished the kind of life she was able to live, all because of their generosity, and she didn’t want to lose that.
This was also the reason Raven turned her attention to Porsha again. To this day, no one except Raven, Porsha, and Dillon knew about that sex tape or even about Dillon and Porsha’s affair itself…but Raven still had her copies of it—both the DVD and one on a USB drive. She kept it safe, and no matter how much she’d forgiven Porsha and had become friends with her, Raven would do whatever she had to when it came to protecting her ministry and position as sole founder. This also meant that Raven would have to monitor every one of these new “inspirational messages” Porsha had decided to incorporate. All services were recorded, and Raven couldn’t wait to hear the words Porsha had spoken earlier.
But the more she thought about it, the more she realized she would also have to protect her ministry from Dillon—when he crossed her again. Because if she knew Dillon the way she thought, he wasn’t going to simply accept the idea that she now had as many members as he’d once had and t
hat she’d already surpassed his level of success, thanks to her massive online following. A following of folks who gave consistent financial contributions. She knew Dillon was likely monitoring everything she was doing and was searching high and low for ways to ruin her. She knew this because that was just who he was. But what she also hoped was that Dillon still remembered who she was, too. She hoped he understood that she would stop anyone who tried to destroy all that she’d accomplished.
She would do so at all costs.
Chapter 3
Porsha snuggled closer to her boyfriend, Steven McKnight, trying to catch her breath. He did the same thing, and Porsha wondered why he wouldn’t just pack up his belongings and leave his wife. More than that, she wanted to know how he could continue to experience such explosive levels of lovemaking with her, the way he had only moments ago, yet ultimately go home to a woman he no longer loved. It simply made no sense to her, and she was getting a little tired of being his secret mistress.
Porsha also wondered if his wife knew that on Sundays, like today, he went to church with her and their son, ate dinner with them, and then hightailed it over to Porsha’s. Sometimes he came here to her home, and sometimes, just to spice things up, they went to a hotel outside of Chicago. But nonetheless, he showed up every Sunday without fail. He came to spend time with Porsha and to make love to her, and he rarely canceled for any reason. Their regular Sunday-afternoon trysts were as common as the sun shining in Jamaica, and as far as Porsha was concerned, he might as well leave Denene and marry her.
But so much for logical thinking.
Porsha took another deep breath. “That was good…I mean really, really good.”
Steve lay on his back, stroking her hair. “Is that right?”
“Very much so.”
“All I want is to make you happy.”
What a loaded statement, was all Porsha could think—the kind that was screaming for a direct response. “Well, if that’s the case then why don’t you leave her? Why won’t you divorce Denene and marry me?”
“Baby, please. Not today, okay? Let’s just enjoy each other. I mean, why ruin our precious time together?”
Porsha had heard similar words before when she’d been having an affair with Raven’s ex-husband, Dillon, but that was a whole other story. “Fine. Whatever.”
“So, how did things go this morning?” he asked, deliberately changing the subject. “You know, with that new inspirational message you told me you were doing today?”
“I think it went well. Everyone seemed to like it.”
“I knew they would. Just like last year when you spoke at that conference we met at.”
Steve was a deacon at his own church, and he was referring to the Christian leadership conference that they’d both attended.
“Hard to believe a whole six months have passed already,” she said. “It’s even harder to believe that we’d never seen each other before then.”
“This is true. Had to go all the way to Charlotte, North Carolina, to find the one woman who drives me wild.”
Porsha glanced up at him, smiling and shaking her head.
Steve laughed. “What? You do drive me wild. Then, on top of that, I discovered that you lived right here in Mitchell. I mean, what are the chances that we’d never met before? It’s not like our city is all that big.”
“I know, it was very strange, but I’m glad it happened.”
“So am I,” he said, leaning over and kissing her on the lips.
Porsha tried not to react, but whenever Steve kissed her, chills streamed through her body. He was everything she wanted in a husband. Everything she needed.
“So, are you still planning to give your message every Sunday?” he asked.
“I am. That is, until I start my own ministry. Or maybe even just join another church.”
“Wow, when did you decide that?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I just hadn’t said anything.”
“Is there a problem? I mean, why do you want to leave? You’ve always been so committed to New Vision.”
“That’s all fine and well, but for the last few months I’ve noticed some changes with Raven. She’s become a lot more full of herself, and she’s acting as though she built the ministry all on her own.”
“You’re kidding. Have you spoken to her about it?”
“No, because it’s not like Raven really listens to anything I say. She pretty much ignores all of my suggestions. Even when my suggestions make the most sense. That’s why when I decided to add on my own segment, I didn’t leave any room for her to object. I basically just told her, and I could tell it caught her off guard.”
“Geez. Well, I’m really sorry things aren’t going well between the two of you. Especially since you seem to work so well together. And you’re great friends.”
Yes, they were indeed friends…but they weren’t nearly as close as Steve thought. Although Steve didn’t know that Porsha had slept with Dillon behind Raven’s back, either. And if Porsha could help it, he never would.
It was true that Porsha and Raven were cordial enough, though, and as Porsha lay there thinking about it, she couldn’t deny that they were at least fairly good friends. But in all honesty, how close could a wife and mistress actually be? Porsha did believe that Raven had forgiven her, but she also knew that Raven only trusted her to a certain point, and rightfully so. Because, after all, Porsha hadn’t thought twice about having an affair with her trifling husband.
And what a trifling man he was. It was bad enough that he’d been sleeping around on his wife, but it also hadn’t been long before Porsha had discovered that he was seeing another woman, too. Taylor Thomas. Porsha hadn’t spoken to Dillon in over two years, but rumor had it that he and this Taylor were engaged to be married. Porsha knew it shouldn’t matter, but deep down, this bothered her and made her wonder about two things: Why was it taking him so long to marry Taylor, and why hadn’t she been good enough to become his wife? Because being married to Dillon and living happily ever after was all Porsha had wanted—all she’d asked for from the man she’d loved with everything in her.
Needless to say, though, this was also the very reason she’d been trying hard not to become so emotionally attached to Steve—another married man. But she could tell that she was starting to slip into the same pattern she had with Dillon. At first, it had been all about the sex and how great it was between her and Steve, and then she’d found herself thinking about him more and more until more and more had become every single day. Then she’d found herself missing him and wishing she could see him a lot more than just once or twice a week. She wanted to be with him daily and not just when he could sneak away from his wife. The reason: She now had real feelings for him—deep feelings—the kind she couldn’t ignore. She didn’t want to care about him this way, but she could already tell that it was too late.
Porsha lay there thinking and then suddenly sat up. “Look, I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to discuss this, but how long are you going to keep pretending? How long are you going to torture yourself like this?”
Steve rested one of his hands behind his head. “What’re you talking about?”
“Your marriage. Your wife. When are you going to leave her? Because clearly you’re not happy.”
“Baby, I thought I asked you not to do this today.”
“Like I said, I’m sorry. But this is really bothering me.”
Steve just stared at her.
“Why do you stay married to her? That’s all I need to know.”
“Because I don’t want to hurt my son. And, to be honest, even though I no longer love Denene, I don’t want to hurt her, either.”
“But you don’t mind hurting me, though, right?”
“That’s not true, but you knew I was married. I told you the very first night we were together at that conference. The first day we met. So don’t make it sound like I ever lied to you.”
“I’m not saying you did. But I also don’t
understand how you can stay with someone you don’t love. But to each his own, I guess.”
“The reason you don’t understand is because you’ve never been married. Yes, I’m not happy with my wife, but I still don’t want to abandon her. And I certainly don’t want to abandon my son. Stevie is only fifteen years old, and if I left now it would ruin the rest of his high school years. He would be devastated, and I could never do that to him. I wouldn’t want to do that to him.”
Porsha raised both her hands toward him and stood up. “You know what? Just forget I mentioned any of this.”
“But baby—”
Porsha never looked back at him. Instead, she slipped on a red silk robe, went downstairs to her family room, and turned on the television. She was angry, hurt, and disappointed. Nothing was going the way she wanted—not with her love life or with her position at the church. On the one hand, Steve didn’t want to discuss leaving his wife, and on the other Raven was acting as though New Vision Ministries was all hers. Maybe as far as Raven, though, her new level of arrogance was a result of how huge her social media and general online following had become. Or maybe it was because of how quickly the local congregation had grown in only two years—which was the reason Porsha wondered why Raven always told that same lie to the congregation about how destitute she’d been when she’d left Dillon. Because truth was, Raven had gotten paid nicely the very first month that the church was founded. She’d taken part of the money from the investment capital Porsha had given her, which Porsha had been fine with, and part of it had come from the tithes and offerings that the initial two hundred members contributed weekly—and she’d even eventually won half of Dillon’s savings in the divorce and half the equity from the house they’d owned. But regardless of what Raven’s reasons were for becoming so vain and obnoxious, none of Raven’s success could’ve happened without Porsha, and more important, her money. Yes, Porsha did collect 50 percent of everything minus expenses, but that wasn’t enough for her. At least not anymore.
Sin of a Woman Page 2
