On A Prayer

by Mary May

  “Well, physically you are much improved; however, your emotional and mental state still concerns me. I have grave doubts about releasing you on your own right now.” He turned to her parents. “Is there any way she could go home with you for a few days until her new medications have had time to level out in her system?”

  Dale nodded his head. “Absolutely, doc. That’s what we came up here for. To take her home with us back to Tennessee.”

  Klara’s head came up at that announcement. “Wait, I can’t just go back to Tennessee! What about my job and my apartment?”

  Sarah looked firmly into Klara’s eyes. “You have a choice; either you come back with us or we stay with you, but either way you’re not staying alone. Do I make myself clear?” Klara recognized the tone in her mother’s voice and knew she wouldn’t be swayed on this.

  “Alright, I understand and I don’t blame you. I would be more comfortable in my own apartment if you don’t mind staying with me.”

  Dr. Franklin smiled. “Ok, then, that eases my concerns a great deal, but not completely. Mrs. Martin, I would like to see you come into the hospital at least three days a week for therapy. It would be one-on-one, no group sessions. I know a lot of people don’t feel comfortable in a group setting, and I have a feeling you are one of those people. Our therapist is very good and if you would like I could send him in here before you leave so you can meet him. His name is Ben Lowery, and I think you will like him.”

  Klara nodded her head in agreement. She didn’t really feel like she had a choice in the matter.

  Dr. Franklin smiled then nodded. “ Alright, I’ll page him and see if he is free in the next hour to drop by and speak to you for a few moments.”

  After the doctor left, Klara walked back over to the window again. Her life was completely taken out of her hands. She listened to her mother and father talk quietly about calling neighbors to watch their house and pick up their mail while they were gone. They talked about going by a local Wal-Mart and picking up a few groceries and personal items. They talked about the therapist and what they thought he might be like. They just talked and talked and Klara wanted to scream! She finally went into the bathroom for some privacy and the door didn’t even have a lock!

  “Guess they think I will drown myself in the toilet,” she mumbled. She sat on the toilet and put her head in her hands. A dull headache was starting at the base of her skull, threatening to become a full grown migraine if she didn’t take something soon. Right now she didn’t care; she just wanted some quiet and a minute to herself.

  Alec walked to Klara’s room and softly tapped on the door. It was answered by a woman that had to be her mother. She had Klara’s eyes and upturned nose.

  “Hi, I’m Alec Adams.” He offered his hand.

  “Oh, Mr. Adams, it’s wonderful to meet you! We owe you a debt that we can never repay.” Sarah ignored his hand and gave him a brief tight hug in gratitude. “I’m Sarah Freeman, and this my husband Dale; we are Klara’s parents.”

  Alec shook hands with Dale and then turned, looking for Klara.

  “Oh, she is in the bathroom. I think she feels a little out of control of her own life right now,” her mother explained.

  Alec nodded. “I would imagine so; that has to be so hard for someone as independent as Klara.”

  Sarah smiled. “Yes, she has always been that way. Have you known her long?”

  “No, I just met her the day of her…accident, but I’m learning more about her every day. I just wanted to check on her and let her know that I have her cat at my place until she is released. I felt sorry for the thing.”

  Dale rubbed his head wearily. “I think she is going to be released this afternoon, as soon as she meets with her therapist; isn’t that right, Sarah?” His wife nodded.

  “Yes, I believe so. Thank you for taking care of everything for Klara. You didn’t have to and we appreciate it. I know she will, too… once she has time to get herself straightened out.”

  They heard the door of the bathroom open and Klara walked out, looking surprised to see Alec there with her parents. “Mr. Adams, I understand you saved my life.”

  Alec nodded.

  “I’m sure the appropriate response would be to say thank you.” Klara left it like that and walked back over to the window. She wasn’t telling him thank you for anything. He ruined everything.

  Sarah gasped at her daughter’s rudeness. “Klara Dawn!” She began to rebuke her, but Alec raised his hand and shook his head.

  “It’s ok, Mrs. Freeman. I doubt that I am her favorite person right now.” He then turned to Klara who still had her back to him. “Klara, I just came by to tell you that I have your cat until you’re better. I also spoke with your landlord and your rent is taken care of for a couple of months.”

  Klara whirled around. “I didn’t ask you for a thing! I didn’t ask you to pull me out or take care of my cat or pay my rent! I didn’t ask for your help!” The rage was evident in her flashing eyes, but beyond the anger the despair was just as easily seen.

  Another knock at the door had all them turning their heads. A man in his late forties came in. He looked around the room, taking in the tension that filled the air. He walked over to the woman that had her fists clenched and tears in her eyes.

  “Hey, Klara, I’m Dr. Ben Lowery. I just wanted to drop in and speak to you for just a minute, if that’s ok.”

  Everyone else stepped outside to give them some privacy. Dr. Lowery studied her charts, nodding his head at the end. “So I see they have started you on some stronger medicines. Have you had any side effects from them yet?”

  Klara shook her head.

  “No? That’s good. Although it’s still early yet, so you may later on. I see that your parents are going to stay with you for a while. That’s good, too. Are you close with your parents?”

  Again Klara shook her head.

  The doctor smiled and then sat down in a chair. “Klara, I’m here to try to help you. You understand that, don’t you?”

  Klara laughed bitterly. “Can you bring back David and Joshua?”

  Ben shook his head. “No, I’m sorry I can’t. I wish I could. But I would like to help you come to terms with it and to start to heal.”

  She glared at him. “Come to terms with it? That means accepting it, right? Being all right with what happened? Just how do I come to terms with losing everything that matters to me? I can’t, doctor. I’ve tried for eighteen months. The pain grows worse every day.”

  “Klara, let me ask you something. If you cut yourself very deeply and didn’t treat it, what do you think would happen? Would it get better or worse?”

  Klara looked at him. “Most likely worse,” she answered.

  “Right, you run the risk of infection and even death if you don’t treat it correctly. Klara, your heart has been sliced right in two and you haven’t been treating it, so it’s going to feel worse instead of better.”

  She cocked her head at him. “Have you ever lost a child, doctor? Your wife?” After he shook his head no, she continued. “Then don’t sit there with your charts and college degrees and tell me what I feel and that you can make it better. My heart wasn’t sliced in two; it was totally ripped out of my chest and I buried it with my husband and my three year old son. You can’t fix my heart, doctor. I don’t have one any longer. I’m tired… Please go.”

  After the doctor left, she climbed back in bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. She pretended to be asleep when her mother kissed her cheek.

  Chapter 6

  “Here, sweetheart, let your daddy carry that bag for you.” Her mother took the shoulder bag and handed it to Dale as they walked up the sidewalk to Klara’s apartment building. She didn’t bother with protesting; it hadn’t worked the twenty other times she tried it. She just let them take over. She walked when she was told and sat down when she was told. She ate when she was told and took medication when she was told. She even went to bed when she was told like she was five years old again.


  She resented everything! Her parents, the doctors, and especially Alec Adams. She pretty much placed every misery she had at his feet. Before, it was the accident that she hated with every breath in her body; now it was Alec. He had prevented her from being with David and Joshua, and he was a living, tangible being that she could focus all her rage and hatred on. The four different medications she was currently taking didn’t seem to stem the flow of bitterness that ran through her like a raging river. Her whole body nearly vibrated from all the emotions she was trying to repress. They walked through the door of her apartment and she wrinkled her nose at the stale smell. She looked around for Scooter before remembering that HE had him.

  “Mama, please call Mr. Adams and let him know we are home and to bring my cat back.” Sarah put the bags down by the hallway.

  “Klara you need to speak to him. You know you should thank him. He did a lot of very considerate things that he didn’t have to do.”

  She turned and looked at her mother standing there with a concerned look on her face. “No, I don’t need to, mama. It may be the correct thing or the nice thing to do, but it isn’t something that I feel a need to do.” Then she walked into her bedroom and shut the door.

  “So, Klara, how have you been? Any side effects from the new medications?” Ben Lowery looked at her over the rim of his glasses. He studied her every reaction to each question that he asked, so she made sure she didn’t have any reactions.

  “No,” she answered.

  “Are you still staying with your parents?”

  She didn’t bother correcting him that they were staying with her; it didn’t really matter. “Yes.”

  He nodded slowly. “I see, and how is that working out?”

  She looked at his wall of degrees and kept up her one- word answers. “Fine.”

  Ben sighed then set her folder on the stool next to him. “Ok, I can see where this is going. You barely answer me and you keep any emotion out of your voice while blanking out your face. This isn’t helping your situation, Klara.”

  She looked at him without responding. This was how she had responded for the last two weeks. She didn’t want to be here in the first place. There wasn’t a thing in all the fat medical books that lined his shelves that could help her anyway. She had not been back to work. She couldn’t face her co-workers or Mr. Adams. She couldn’t face anything, including her own reflection.

  Ben stood to his feet and walked over to the door. “Tell you what, why don’t we go for a walk?”

  They left his office and walked down the hallway, their footsteps muted on the carpeted floor. He led her down a flight of stairs and then into another hallway, stopping at a room that had colorful balloons painted on the door. He opened the door then allowed her to go in first. There were several children playing in the room. They ranged from big toddlers to about preschool age. A couple of women were watching them and they both smiled when they entered.

  “Hi, Megan; hi, Abby. This is Klara and I thought it would do her some good to spend some time with the children. Do you mind if she stays in here a for a little while?”

  They both nodded and smiled at Klara. “Absolutely! We would love an extra set of eyes to keep watch on these little rug rats!”

  Klara turned panicked eyes on Ben. “What are you doing? I don’t want to be here!” she whispered furiously.

  Ben looked down at her. “Klara, you don’t want to be anywhere, so what difference does it really make?” He patted her shoulder then he walked out of the door, leaving her behind.

  She stood facing the door for a few long seconds before she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. “You don’t really have to do anything if you don’t want to. You can just sit in the rocker by the corner until he comes back for you.” The older of the two women led her to a rocker that faced the rug where two children were playing with blocks.

  Klara sat down stiffly, not speaking to either of the women. She watched a little boy stack his blocks, but every time they would get four blocks high they would fall over. He didn’t get upset he just stuck his little tongue between his teeth and started again. He did this over and over, and each time the blocks would fall. Finally Klara couldn’t take it; she got down on the rug with them. “Hey, would you like some help?”

  He smiled up at her and she could see why he couldn’t stack the blocks properly. He was blind in his left eye. The area around the eye was puckered and red. It looked like he had been badly burned. Klara looked up at the woman that was standing closest to her and asked the obvious question. “He was abused by his mother’s boyfriend. He held a lighter to his face when he wet his bed,” the nurse whispered.

  Klara gasped! “Oh, you poor baby!” she whispered. Then she gathered the little boy into her lap. She held him, rocking him until he squirmed to get down and back to his blocks. Klara got to her feet and really took a look at the other children scattered around the room. Each of them had scars or injuries. “Were they all abused?” she asked softly.

  “Yes, they were. They are in a play therapy group to let them learn how to act like children again. Many of them never had a toy to play with nor were allowed to play at all.”

  Klara felt a tear fall from her eye and she wiped it away quickly. She wanted to gather up the babies and love them and protect them from the evil in the world. She spent the next hour going to each child doing just that…loving them.

  “How did you know to take me to the children?” she asked Ben later after they had returned to his office.

  He sat down and smiled gently at her. “I knew the only thing to get you to see past your own pain was to see the pain of others…of children. You have a heart full of love and nowhere to direct it. These children are your perfect match; you need someone to love and they need someone to love them.”

  She nodded. “You’re right. I cried for someone else today.”

  Ben smiled at her again. “I think that’s a good start, don’t you?”

  ***

  Alec reached over and ran his fingers through Scooter’s long fur. He was returning him today; he was really going to miss the giant fur ball. The cat purred and the rumble could be heard over the radio. He smiled; that cat did everything with gusto! He was a great example of how the simple pleasures of life were just as important as working sixty plus hours a week. He never thought his greatest teacher would be an overweight lazy cat. He pulled up to Klara’s apartment building and turned off the car. He sat there looking up at her windows dreading going in there. She would barely even look at him, much less speak, and for some reason that really bothered him. He wasn’t after her eternal gratitude for pulling her out of the Black River or even a simple thank you. He just wanted her to stop looking at him like he was the devil incarnate!

  “Ok, big boy, let’s get you back home. Maybe your mama will be in a better mood after she sees you.” He put the cat back in its carrier and made his way to her apartment.

  Klara was folding some towels when she heard her doorbell ring. She got up and looked through the peephole. Her heart sank when she saw it was Alec. She knew she needed to apologize for her really bad behavior toward him, but she didn’t know if she was ready. Since she had started spending time with the children a few days ago, she had started feeling a little bit better, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to let go of her anger toward Alec.

  “Well, there isn’t but one way to find out,” she told herself; then she opened the door.

  “Hey, Klara, someone was missing you.” Alec watched as she tried to smile at him, but it looked more like she was in pain. But at least she tried. He would take that as a small improvement.

  “I’ve missed him, too.” Scooter started meowing and yowling when he heard Klara’s voice. She chuckled. “Ok, ok…hang on!” She took his carrier and set it on the floor then opened the door. Scooter came walking out like royalty, his tail held high, looking around his kingdom. “Oh, my gosh, I’ve missed you!” Klara scooped him up, burying her face in his fur, but then she drew back q
uickly. “He smells like you!” She looked at Alec accusingly.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “Sorry, you know better than me what a lap cat he is. I’ll have him groomed and bathed if you would like,” he offered.

  “No, I’m sorry…I’m sorry about a lot of things actually.” She took a deep breath and put down the cat to face Alec. “Thank you, Mr. Adams, for everything. I don’t know the right words to tell you how sorry I am for my awful behavior.”

  He looked at her carefully. “It’s ok, I just wanted to help however I could.” She folded her arms across her chest.

  “I know that…now. Crap…I knew it then; I just wasn’t going to admit it.”

  “You look better. Are you feeling better?” He knew that was a risky question, but he really wanted to know how she was.

  She smiled briefly. “Yes and no. Some days are better than others, but overall I think I am feeling better.”

  He looked around the apartment. “Are your parents still staying with you?”

  She sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to her so Scooter would jump up there. “Yes, they are staying for a few more days at least. They are worried that I may…you know?”

  Alec sat down across from her in a recliner. “I don’t think so. I think you know now that isn’t the answer, or am I wrong?”

  She slowly stroked her hand across the cat. “No, I wouldn’t ever try to take my own life again. I can’t say I’m one hundred percent stable just yet, but I’m at least on my feet again.”

  “When do you think you will return to work?” he asked.

  Klara kept her eyes on the floor when she answered him. “I’m not returning to work for you Mr. Adams. I feel that it would be too awkward. Even though I really do appreciate everything you did for me, I just don’t think I would feel comfortable. I hope you understand.”