On A Prayer

by Mary May

  He looked at the puppy with her crystal blue eyes that were indeed crossed and her floppy tongue. He laughed, falling under her spell as well. The puppy yipped then wiggled, licking his fingers and whatever else she could wrap her long puppy tongue around.

  “See? I told you. She draws you in with those eyes of hers.”

  He nodded in agreement. “You are correct. Mystical powers are definitely at work here.”

  Matthew looked from Klara to Alec with a worried look on his face. “So can she stay? Forever?” When both adults nodded yes, he whooped and yelled. “Alright! Come, Miss Blue, let’s go play!” Then the boy and the puppy bolted outside to the front yard to play the games that little boys and puppies have played since the dawn of time.

  Later that evening they sat Matthew down in the living room. They were all there to support the child as he was told the news of his mother’s passing. “Come here, sweetie, come sit on my lap. I need to tell you something, ok?” Matthew could feel the undercurrent of tension in the room and he knew whatever Klara told him wasn’t going to be good. He felt his tummy tighten with dread. She sat him in her lap then wrapped her arms around him. “Matthew, do you know what it means when someone dies?”

  He nodded. “I think so, I had a gold fish that died and mommy said it was sleeping with the fishy angels.”

  Klara smiled. “That’s right. Your fish went to heaven to be with the fishy angels. Did you know that when a person dies the same thing happens to them? You see, this body sometimes gets real sick and the doctors can’t fix it. When that happens, the body dies, but your soul, the part inside of you that makes you…you, doesn’t die. It goes to heaven to be with God and all the angels and other people that have died. Do you understand that part?”

  He nodded but his lower lip trembled. “Am I sick? Am I going to go be with the angels?”

  Klara hugged him close, kissing the top of his head. “Someday, but not for a long, long time. I was talking about someone else who died this week and went to heaven.”

  He looked at her, his eyes big. “Is it somebody I know?”

  Klara looked up at Alec and wished with all her heart she didn’t have to do this. “Yes, baby, when Alec and I went to Nashville, we found your mommy, but she was very, very sick, so sick that the doctors couldn’t fix her. God brought her home to be with him so she wouldn’t be sick anymore and she could be well and happy in heaven.”

  Tears filled Matthew’s big blue eyes. “My mommy…died?” he whispered. “She went to heaven? I can’t see her no more?” He started crying softly, breaking Klara’s heart. She rocked him in her arms.

  “Yes, sweetheart, you will see your mommy again when you go to heaven. She told me to tell you something. Do you want to know what she said?” He nodded as he hiccupped and wiped his face across his sleeve. “She said, ‘Tell Matthew that I love him so much! That I will always love him and that I will be waiting for him when he gets to heaven.’”

  He looked at her with worry evident on his little face. “But you said it would be a long time before I would go to heaven! That means I’ll be big; she won’t know who I am!”

  “Oh, sweetheart, that won’t matter at all. A mother will always know her baby no matter how big he is. I promise. Your mommy will know you, and you will know her; don’t you worry about that, ok? When you start to miss her, just remember where she is and that she isn’t sick or hurting anymore. Remember that she loves you so much and will be waiting for you when it’s your turn to go to heaven.”

  The boy cried softly for a few more minutes then he asked to go to his room. Klara watched as he walked down the hall with the puppy following slowly behind him.

  She got up to go after him, but Alec stopped her. “Let him grieve, Klara. You can’t take his pain away. Let him work through it on his own. He knows we are here for him if he needs us.”

  Chapter 25

  After Haylie’s funeral Derrick moved into Abraham’s house to be close to Matthew. They decided to let the boy get to know Derrick first before they presented him with another major change in his life. Derrick was a natural with Matthew. They played ball and army men, with Miss Blue right there in the middle of them. Klara could see that Matthew would be in good hands with his real dad. Alec insisted on a DNA test to confirm the paternity, more so for the courts than for their own minds. It didn’t take long to see the similarities once the man and child were together. Matthew had Derrick’s smile and strong jaw line. They even laughed the same way with a cute little snort at the end. It was really the laugh that sealed it in Klara’s mind.

  After a week they decided it was time to tell Matthew who Derrick really was. Once again they were all in the living room when Alec asked Matthew to come jump up in his lap for a minute. Immediately the child was wary, sensing something in the atmosphere of the room that put him on edge. “Did someone else go to heaven, Alec?” He asked as soon as Alec had him on his knee.

  Alec ruffled his hair. “No champ, no one else has gone to heaven. What we need to tell you is good news, ok? It may not seem like it at first, but I promise you it is really good news.” Matthew looked relieved, but not totally at ease yet, which proved to Alec how intelligent the boy was for his age.

  Derrick got up and went to kneel down in front of Matthew. “Hey, Matt, we get along real good, don’t we? We have played together all week with Miss Blue and with your toys and army men. I think you are a very special little boy and I like you a lot!”

  Matthew smiled. “I had a lot of fun too!”

  Derrick bowed his head for a moment seeking guidance. “Matthew, I knew your mommy. As a matter of fact, I was with her when she died and went to heaven, but I knew her before then, too. I knew her almost six years ago.”

  “I’ll be six real soon!” Matthew announced with a grin. It did Klara’s heart good to see how easily Matthew smiled these days. Gone was the scared sad little boy that was afraid to speak. Now he was loud and rambunctious like little boys should be. Derrick smiled at him. “I know! You will be six on October 16th. Do you know how I know that, because on October 16th six years ago I became a father to a little boy. Do you know who that little boy is?” Matthew shook his head. “Matthew, it was you. You are my little boy and I’m your daddy.”

  Matthew drew back in shock, looking at first Alec then Klara for confirmation. They both nodded and smiled at him. “But…but… Marcus is my daddy…he is!” Klara reached out and took the boy’s hand. “Sweetheart, your mommy had met Derrick before she had met Marcus. She already had you in her tummy when they met. You see, Derrick is a real army guy and he had to leave to go fight the bad guys. He didn’t know where your mommy moved to, so he couldn’t find her until just a few months ago.”

  “That’s right, Matthew. I loved your mommy with all my heart. I thought she was a very special lady and I always will. When I found her in Nashville, she told me about you. She told me that I was a daddy to the best little boy in the world and all I wanted to do was find you. But Marcus had taken you away and your mommy couldn’t find you. She looked everywhere for you. She tried so hard to find you, but then she got real sick and couldn’t look for you anymore. She talked about you all the time. Can I see your hand for a second? I want to

  show you something.” Matthew held out his hand and Derrick placed his alongside it. “Tell me, Matt, do you notice anything about our hands? Do you see something that we both have?”

  Matthew looked at both of their hands for a minute then he smiled. “We both have crooked little fingers!” Klara looked and sure enough they both had crooked pinky fingers. “That’s right! That’s because all Merrill men have crooked little fingers. It has been passed down for as long as anyone can remember.”

  “Then you really are my daddy?”

  Derrick smiled and Klara saw tears in the man’s eyes. “Yes, I really am. I am so proud to be your daddy, Matthew.”

  The next few weeks Derrick stayed with them at Abraham’s until he could find a place of their own. The day that
they moved out, Klara didn’t think she was going to be able to stand it. She had grown to love that little man so much. She was going to miss Derrick as well. He had turned out to be such a wonderful father to Matthew. He was a man with very high morals and convictions. She also suspected that after witnessing Haylie’s acceptance of Christ and feeling the power of the Lord in her hospital room that he had a new conviction as well. The courts had no problem giving full custody to Derrick with all the DNA proof and with Abraham’s glowing recommendation. It turned out that Haylie didn’t have any family, but Derrick’s parents and grandparents were still very much alive; Matthew would have no shortage of people to adore him.

  The day finally arrived that they were leaving. Derrick had found a small house on a couple of acres a couple of hours away. They had promised to come visit and they wanted all of them to come out real soon to see the new place. They had loaded everything into the car and were waiting to let Miss Blue go potty before they got started on the two-hour trip. Matthew had hugged everyone and was standing in front of her. Klara gave up trying to be strong and let the tears flow. Matthew hugged her tightly, kissed her cheek and then whispered a secret into her ear that had her crying and smiling at the same time. She gave him one last kiss and then buckled him into his seatbelt. They all waved and yelled goodbye until the car was out of sight.

  Alec pulled a sniffling Klara into his arms. “So I’m dying to know what he whispered in your ear.”

  Klara smiled. “He said that God sent him to me because I had lost my little boy, and He sent me to him because he was going to lose his mommy, but now I had you and he had daddy Derrick so we would be ok. Oh, and he made a revision to his never kissing girls rule. Now kissing girl puppies or mommies doesn’t count.”

  Alec chuckled. “Out of the mouths of babes. I believe he hit the nail on head.”

  She looked up at him and grinned. “On which count? God putting us together or that kissing girl puppies and mommies don’t count?”

  He leaned down and kissed her deeply before drawing back and giving her a peck on the tip of her nose. “Both.”

  Klara had decided with much persuasion from Abraham and Alec to stay in the big house until they were married. They didn’t talk about a timeframe. Alec had bought her ring and told her when she was ready she could take off David’s ring and put his on, but that he knew she loved him and would wait however long she needed.

  Agatha found her sitting out on the back deck one night with Alec’s ring in her hand. “There you are, dearie; tis a lovely ring he has bought you, isn’t it?”

  Klara nodded. “Yes, it is. It’s perfect.” The ring was silver with a simple square cut setting with small diamonds surrounding a sapphire. It was beautiful in its simplicity.

  “Then why don’t you wear it? Seems a shame for such a lovely creation to go unworn.”

  Klara looked at her with despair in her eyes. “How, Agatha? How do I let David go? I still love him so much, I feel like I would be forgetting our love somehow if I took off his ring.”

  Agatha snorted. “Poppycock! Your love for David isn’t tied up in that ring, Klara. That’s just a symbol that was given to you as an outward declaration. Your David knows you love him. You don’t have to wear his ring for him to know that. I think that ring is the last tangible thing that you have that connects you with your past. Sweetling, David is your past. Alec is your future. I think it’s time for you to stop looking backwards and face yourself toward the dawn of your bright tomorrows.”

  Klara wiped the tears away. “That was beautiful, dawn of my bright tomorrows.”

  Agatha chuckled. “Don’t tell Hallmark; I stole it off of one of their cards somewhere.” Then she sobered and took Klara’ hand. “Tell me, dearie, have you said your goodbyes to David and Joshua?”

  She shook her head. “No, I could never bring myself to say the words. I was never ready.”

  Agatha patted her hand then stood up. “Everyone needs a proper goodbye, Klara.” She walked back in the house.

  Alec looked up as Klara poked her head in the door of his study. She smiled. “Hey, are you busy?” He laid down the legal papers he was going through.

  “Not too busy for you. What’s up?”

  She came around and sat on the edge of his desk. He noticed she was holding his ring in her hands. “I need a favor. I think I know what I need to do in order to be able to put this on.”

  He nodded. “I’ll do whatever you need me to. Just name it.”

  The following weekend they made the trip to her parents’ house in Tennessee. When they made the marriage announcement, Sarah jumped up and hugged them both, kissing Alec soundly on the cheek. Dale shook hands. She grabbed Klara’s hand to see the ring, but she saw David’s ring still on her ring finger. She looked at Klara with a puzzled look on her face. “He gave me a beautiful ring, Mama. I just haven’t put it on yet.”

  She frowned at her. “Why ever not, Klara?”

  “I came home for another reason; there is something that I have…that I need to do.”

  Chapter 26

  The October sky was blue and the crisp air filled with the smell of burning leaves. Alec stopped the car next to the gate at Lone Oak Cemetery. They sat in the car for a few minutes in silence while Klara twisted her ring and stared out of the window. “Hey, are you sure you want to do this?”

  Klara laughed quietly. “No, I’m sure I do not want to do this…but I need to.”

  He took her hand and held it then brought it up to his lips for a tender kiss. “Do you want me to go with you?”

  She shook her head. “Give me five minutes then come for me, ok? If you don’t I’m afraid I’ll stay right there and die.” After taking a deep breath Klara reached for the door to get out, then stopped when Alec placed his hand on her arm.

  “You are ready for this. Remember what you told Matthew? They will be waiting for you in heaven, but you have to continue to live on earth. I know they would give us their blessings.”

  Unable to speak she just nodded then slipped out of the car. She walked slowly toward the hill where she had David and Joshua placed side by side. She had assumed she would be placed on the other side of Joshua one day. Then they would be a family again. Now she knew her place was no longer beside them. Not on this earth. She approached the headstones, one big and masculine, the other small with little lambs dancing in play across the front. She knelt down between them, placing a hand on each stone. “Hey, I’m sorry it took me so long to come visit. I just couldn’t make myself come to you. I’m sorry. It has been so hard…so terribly hard being without you. I tried, David… I tried so hard, but I was weak…I am weak without your strength to hold me. I blamed God for taking you and Josh away from me. I will never understand it, and I will never accept it, but I have learned to let it be. I love both of you so much that my heart aches with it and I miss you with every breath I take, but I’m ready to let you both be with Jesus. I know you will be waiting for me when it’s my time to come home. Josh, oh my sweet, sweet boy… I love you so much! I know that you will have most likely grown into a young man, but I will know you. A mommy always knows her baby. ”

  She heard Alec walk up behind her. She looked up and gave him a teary smile. He held out his hand and helped her to her feet. She bent down and placed a kiss on each stone. “Goodbye, my loves, I’ll see you soon.” Klara turned around and saw Alec waiting for her with a sweet smile and concern for her in his eyes. She thanked God for this wonderful man and for bringing her through the pain and the sorrow of losing her family. Taking Agatha’s advice, she took one last long look at her past then faced herself forward and walked into the dawn of her bright tomorrows….

  EPILOGUE

  Two years later…

  “Ok, Klara, I can see the crown! Give me one more push! One more strong push!” Klara bore down with every ounce of strength she had left. Alec was right there encouraging her, holding her hand. A scream tore out of her throat as she bore down, pushing her child into the wor
ld. Then the room was filled the wail of a newborn. The doctor quickly cut the cord and suctioned the baby’s nose and throat then smacked its bottom. He held up the squirming screaming infant and declared, “It’s a girl!”

  Klara looked at her daughter with utter delight. She turned to Alec and saw tears in his eyes.

  “A girl! We have a daughter!” he said then kissed her tenderly. “Thank you, Klara… for everything.”

  The doctor placed the wrapped bundle of pink in her mother’s arms. Klara looked at her through her tears and felt so much gratitude she didn’t know how to express it. God had seen her through so much, both the greatest joys and the deepest sorrows of her life. He had held her even when she refused His love. He had taken care of her even when she refused to acknowledge His very existence. She closed her eyes and with all of her heart she thanked Him.

  Alec leaned down and kissed his daughter’s forehead. “How is it possible to love something so much that you just met?” he asked in wonder.

  Klara laughed. “Welcome to being parent. I think becoming a parent means you live with your heart walking around outside of your chest.”

  He nodded as he held the baby’s hand, marveling at her tiny fingernails and pretty feet. “So what are we naming this keeper of my heart?”

  Klara settled the baby lower onto her tummy so she could pull away the blankets and look at all of her. She was perfect! “Well, you did tell me that your family has a tradition of your first names starting with the letter A. I’ve been thinking and I wanted her to have an unusual name like her daddy. So what do you think of Aly’dia Rylie Adams? That way, you will both have the same initials and her first name is even hyphenated like yours. I thought we could call her Allie?”

  Alec looked down at the woman that held his daughter and he felt his heart swell up with an unfamiliar emotion, pure joy and gratitude for the blessings that God had given him. He was so thankful that his life had crossed paths with the remarkable woman he now called his wife. He knew without a doubt that it was more than fate or happenstance. It was planned and set into motion by the loving hands of God. He smiled down at her. “I love it. I think it’s beautiful and unique, just like she is.”