Always

by Deb Stover

  And she wanted it now.

  With trembling fingers, she reached between them and tugged his shirt from the waistband of his jeans, deftly releasing the buttons until his hard, bare chest was exposed. Moaning, she pressed the flat of her palm against him. He growled into their kiss and pushed her lab coat off her shoulders, letting it drift unheeded to the floor.

  Scalding need shot through her and she clenched against that unbearable emptiness again. Gordon released the tiny buttons at the front of her sweater and shoved it aside. Cool air touched her bare midriff and her nipples hardened against her thin cotton bra.

  Gasping, he broke their kiss and stared intently into her eyes. "Taylor, I..."

  She pressed her finger to his lips. "Don't talk." If she was making a mistake, she didn't want to know it until later. Now all she wanted was Gordon. All of him. "Don't think."

  Still staring into her eyes, he brought his hand to her breast, testing its weight, brushing his thumb against its rigid peak. She gasped and he wrapped his other arm around her waist, bending her back and lifting her breasts to him in offering. Oh, yes.

  His mouth. She wanted his mouth on her. He trailed tiny kisses along her collarbone, skimmed the lace trim that edged her bra with his teeth, then covered her nipple with his hot mouth right through the fabric.

  Taylor sucked in a breath and clutched him to her. He drew her into his mouth, sending spirals of longing cascading through her. She wanted skin. His. Hers. Theirs.

  He rolled her other nipple between his thumb and forefinger, making her ache and swell against the flimsy fabric. Then he unhooked the clasp at the front of her bra, releasing her swollen breasts from the confining garment. He pulled back, exposing her breasts to his gaze. Cool air found her damp nipple and she ached for his warmth again.

  His expression was reverent, reminding Taylor that Gordon had always treated her this way. Like she was special and important. And beautiful.

  "Perfect," he whispered, covering her nipple again with his mouth.

  She moaned, staring at the startling contrast between his tanned face against her milk-white breast. He sucked gently, then hungrily, then nipped and teased her with his teeth, driving her more mad with each passing second. Each tug produced an answering echo of unbearable emptiness from her womb.

  She shouldn't do this. They shouldn't do this. She shouldn't even want this.

  Shouldn't, be damned. Every second since the morning she'd found him in the creek had been leading to this. She stroked his bare shoulders, kneaded his back, held him against her. There was no turning back now. They would make love right here in his waiting room.

  Make love. The thought fueled her desire like gasoline on an open flame. "Gordon, I–"

  The phone rang, startling them both. Gordon jerked upright, barely saving her from falling to the floor. Laughing, he pressed his forehead against hers and reached for the phone. "I hope this isn't an emergency, because I think we have one right here that's pretty critical."

  Taylor nodded, her breathing labored, her bare flesh coated with a fine film of perspiration. She wanted him so much it hurt. Yes, critical was a good word. She'd deal with the side effects later.

  Still watching her, he brought the receiver to his ear and his hand back to her naked breast, gently stoking the fire he'd started. "Hello? I mean, Digby Clinic."

  "Taylor? Uh, sure." A few moments of silence and Gordon's changing expression told her he was listening. "I...think you'd better talk to her. Just a minute." A frown creased his brow and he dropped his hand from her breast. Clearing his throat, he handed her the phone. "Jeremy Cole needs to know if he should get a hotel room or if he'll be staying with you."

  Oh. Her hand trembled as she took the phone from Gordon. "I...uh...just a minute." She put the receiver to her ear. "Jeremy," she said, hoping her voice didn't betray her frazzled state. "When are you coming?"

  "I'll be there Friday," Jeremy said. "I've missed you." His voice dropped and Taylor cringed. "Got room for a lonely doctor at your place?"

  An icy chill swept over her and she glanced at Gordon's stricken expression. Without a word, he retrieved his shirt and buttoned it, then walked away. She didn't hear the back door close, and figured he must have gone to his office.

  "Taylor, you still there?"

  "Yes, Jeremy, I'm here." She cleared her throat and searched her mind. "I don't believe it would be appropriate for you to stay at my place. Digby is a small town."

  "Who cares what those old fogies think?"

  "I care." Mentally counting to ten, she bent down to retrieve her bra. After a lot of contorting, she finally managed to squirm into it. "I'm the local doctor right now, and I don't intend to cause a scandal." Unless it's with the local veterinarian. "Besides, we haven't been...I mean, you and I haven't, uh..."

  "I know, but you know I'm ready." That husky tone entered Jeremy's voice again.

  "But I'm not." Her answer was abrupt and cruel, but also true. She glanced at the empty doorway, hoping Gordon hadn't left. It was time to settle things between them, one way or another.

  "All right, so give me the number of the nearest hotel," Jeremy said, obviously disappointed.

  "Hotel?" Taylor picked up her sweater and slipped her arms into it, then held the phone to her ear with her shoulder while she buttoned the front. "Digby doesn't have a–no, wait." She couldn't tell him that, or he'd insist on staying with her. Desperate, she found the local phone directory in Sue's desk drawer and flipped open the pages. "Ah, here it is. There's a bed and breakfast in the center of town, and some guest cabins in the mountains at the edge of town. I'll call and see if there are vacancies."

  "If there aren't...?"

  Taylor winced and wiped her sweaty palm against her jeans. "We'll worry about that if it's an issue."

  "You know how I feel about you, Taylor."

  No, actually, she didn't, and right now she didn't want to, because she felt nothing toward Jeremy but irritation. All she could think of was the stricken look on Gordon's face. "I have another call, Jeremy," she lied. "Emergency. See you Friday."

  She hung up the phone and drew a deep breath, then picked her lab coat up off the floor and draped it over her arm. Slowly, she made her way down the hall to Gordon's office He was busy looking through a chart and making some notes.

  "Gordon, I–"

  "Don't." He looked up at her, his expression guarded. "I should've realized a beautiful woman like you would have a boyfriend."

  "He isn't my boyfriend. Exactly."

  His brow arched. "Oh?"

  "Well, we've dated, but..." She sighed. "Gordon, we need to talk."

  He shook his head and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "I had planned to talk to you tonight, but I got a little carried away." A derisive chuckle left his lips and he twirled a pencil between his fingers. When he met her gaze again, all the warmth had vanished. "I'm sorry, Taylor. I had no right to touch you, but at least that kept me from saying things I would regret."

  Sorry? She'd rather have been slapped. "No, please, you don't understand." She approached his desk, not sure what to say. She ached for this man physically, and her heart mourned the loss of what they'd once shared.

  What they no longer shared, because of his infidelity.

  She froze in mid-step, pride banishing all the warmth and desire she'd known in his embrace a few moments earlier. Gordon Lane had cheated on her with her best friend. God, what was she thinking?

  "I called Rick Miller," Gordon said, his tone unemotional. "He's bringing your car by."

  Her eyes burned, but she lifted her chin and drew a deep breath through her nose, releasing it through her mouth. Deep breathing, relaxation, focus. That's what she needed to banish the tears, to bring her hormones and wayward emotions under control.

  "Thank you." She turned and headed toward the door. "I'll wait for him out front."

  She glanced over her shoulder. The pained expression in Gordon's eyes tormented her, but he quickly masked it. A few momen
ts ago, she'd been ready to forgive everything, to surrender her pride once and for all to a man who'd hurt her in the worst possible way.

  Fool. Without another word, she headed down the hall to her office. She hung her lab coat on a hook and grabbed her medical bag and purse, then returned to the waiting room. After unlocking the door, she stepped out into the cool mountain air and re-locked the door behind her.

  The evening's chill penetrated her thin sweater and her heart. She mustn't let Gordon get to her again like this. Renewing her relationship with him would be stupid and futile. Besides, she couldn't trust him. He might hurt her again.

  Remembering the stricken look on his face a few moments ago, understanding struck. She looked back over her shoulder at the closed door. The shade fell back into place, and she realized he'd been watching her.

  Yes, she'd definitely learned something new this evening about Gordon Lane. Guilt was a new emotion for her to feel toward him. Of course, she hadn't realized it until today.

  He'd hurt her more than anyone in her entire life.

  And the feeling was mutual.

  Chapter 9

  After tucking Ryan and Patches in bed, Sue surrendered to the urge to call Gordon. She'd tell him she was just making sure he made it home as an excuse, but he'd know what she really wanted to hear.

  He picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"

  "Gordon, it's Sue."

  Silence. Maybe he wasn't alone. She'd never forgive herself if she interrupted a romantic moment between Gordon and Taylor. "Uh, are you alone?"

  Something resembling a snort came through the receiver.

  "I'll take that as a yes, then," she said. Darn it all. "How...did it go with Taylor after I left?" Gee, that's subtle.

  "I don't want to discuss Taylor."

  "So we're back to that?" Sighing, Sue slid down the wall to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I thought you decided to put the past in the past where it belongs."

  "Dumb idea." He cleared his throat. "A moment of weakness. Besides, she has a man in her life who's serious enough about her to come for a visit. You talked to him. Remember?"

  "You mean Dr. Cole?" Sue bit her lower lip, renewing her vow to make Jeremy Cole's visit a non-issue. "We don't know he's the man in her life, and even if–"

  "No. It won't work."

  "But–"

  "No." His tone was adamant. "Give it a rest. I'm over it. Time to move on."

  Yeah, sure, like you haven't had the last ten years to move on, buddy. She rolled her eyes and swallowed her frustration. "I'm very sorry." But it's far from over, Gordon Lane.

  "Yeah," he said, his voice low and gruff. "Me, too. 'Night."

  She rose slowly and hung up the wall phone, then grabbed her Tarot cards from the junk drawer. After lighting a red candle this time–red for passion–she plopped into a chair at her kitchen table and shuffled the oversized deck, then cut the cards, concentrating on Taylor and Gordon and what they'd once shared.

  No matter what it took, she would get them together again. Gordon and Taylor belonged together. They were so much in love, and it was all her fault they weren't together right this minute. Taylor coming back to Digby after all these years was Fate, and Sue believed in Fate. "Serendipity," she murmured with a sniffle.

  Blinking back her tears, she whispered, "How can I get Gordon and Taylor back together?" She drew one card and turned it over on the table. "The Moon again? What is it about the moon? Couldn't you be a little more specific this time? Sheesh."

  She glanced at the calendar on the wall. What about the moon? There would be a full one in less than two weeks. Did that mean something? Of course it did. Otherwise, she wouldn't have drawn the same card twice in answer to the same question.

  Nodding, she drew a second card. "The Lovers. Hey, now we're getting somewhere." With a smug smile, she placed that card beside the Moon. All she had to do was get Taylor and Gordon together during the full moon. Right?

  "Yeah, real simple." Two more stubborn people had never been born. "All right, cards, what can I do to help get these two together again?" She reached for a third card and placed it beside the other two. "Eight of Swords, whatever that means." She grabbed the booklet and flipped through the pages until she came to the right card.

  Her gaze zeroed in on the card, showing a blindfolded woman bound with a rope and surrounded by eight swords driven into the ground. Then she looked at the card's description and explanation. One word leapt off the page and she swallowed hard, knowing what she had to do.

  She'd caused this problem in the first place, and it was up to her to fix it. Only one thing would set her free and allow Gordon and Taylor to be together again. Gordon refused to do it, so Sue would have to.

  She looked at the open booklet in her hand and that word burned itself into her brain.

  Truth.

  * * *

  Taylor made reservations for Jeremy at Columbine Bed and Breakfast, then headed out the door for the office. Today marked the beginning of her new attitude toward Gordon. She would behave in a professional manner, speak to him only when absolutely necessary, and absolutely not touch him. Or let him touch her...

  She and Jeremy had an understanding, after all. Well, that wasn't entirely true. Jeremy wanted commitment from her and she hadn't given it yet. Maybe that's what she needed to do now. It would help her put the past behind her.

  But the thought of accepting Jeremy's marriage proposal right now made her stomach clench and her head pound. She had three years in Digby to make up her mind. No reason to decide right now.

  Three more years near Gordon.

  She paused on the front porch and locked the door, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart as she remembered the feel of Gordon's hands and mouth on her last night. "Never again," she muttered, clutching her keys in a death grip as she trotted down the steps. The only defense she had against Gordon's charm was distance.

  Having Jeremy in town would help, though she was relieved he wouldn't be staying at her place. She wondered how she would keep him busy through a long weekend, but all thoughts fled just shy of her car.

  The bear was back.

  Yesterday's storm had left her dirt driveway the consistency of soup, and now the mud was hardening around dozens of huge bear prints. She unlocked her car, then opened the door and jumped inside. Looking quickly around the yard, she assured herself there was no bear here now.

  The flesh around her mouth tingled and her breathing came in short gasps. After a few minutes, she swallowed her fear and buckled her seat belt. She'd call the animal control people from the office. Starting her car, she wondered if Digby even had animal control. Well, she intended to find out. There had to be some way of keeping bears in the woods where they belonged.

  And far away from her.

  She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans, then dropped the car into reverse. Yes, she was being very reasonable now, despite her understandable phobia about bears. This would all be fine.

  She parked her Bug beside Gordon's Jeep and hurried through the back door. Inside, she drew a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She could do this professional, aloof thing. Sure, piece of cake. There really was no reason for her to talk to Gordon at all beyond common courtesy, and there was definitely no reason for her to be alone with him again. Ever.

  Girding herself for battle–against herself–she retrieved her lab coat from her office and headed for Sue and her appointment book. Today was bound to be better than yesterday.

  The waiting room was nearly empty. Taylor stared in awe. "Did you run them all off?" she asked Sue.

  Chuckling, Sue pointed to Taylor's appointment book. "Only two appointments today, but most of yesterday's were walk-ins. Remember?"

  "Oh, yeah." But hadn't Sue said she had a full schedule? Taylor sighed and glanced at the appointment book. "I suppose once people get used to having me in town, they'll remember to call for an appointment."

  "Well, I wouldn't bet on it, but I'll post a sign an
d also make up a brochure about our appointment policy."

  "Thanks." She gave Sue a long look. "Gordon's right, you are Wonder Woman."

  Sue's cheeks flushed crimson and she ducked her head. "Just my job."

  "Do you happen to have the number for Digby Animal Control?"

  Sue frowned. "Gordon is Animal Control in Digby, but he's in surgery this morning."

  Figures. "I had bear tracks in my yard again this morning."

  "Bear? That far into town?" Sue's eyes widened. "Again? What do you mean again?"

  "This is the second time at the house, and my first day, it happened here at the clinic, too." Icy fingers of fear wrapped themselves around Taylor's heart. "I'm not very rational about bears. Especially stalking ones."

  "I remember." Sue's tone and expression were sympathetic. "We'll talk to Gordon about it. You don't have a hummingbird feeder up, do you?"

  "No, I know better than that. Those things are pure bear bait." Taylor gave a nervous chuckle. "I grew up around here, remember?"

  "Yeah, I do." Sue's voice quieted and she released a long sigh. "Gordon won't be seeing regular patients today at all, but I'll make sure to tell him about the bear if you don't get the chance."

  The front door opened and Ryan dashed through it. "Hey, Mom," he said. "I forgot my lunch."

  "Sure you did," Sue said, reaching for her purse. "Why didn't you say something when you were here earlier?"

  Ryan lifted a bony shoulder. "Dunno."

  Sue handed her son a few bills. "Go straight to Mrs. Lane's after school or she'll worry."

  "I will. She's baking peanut butter cookies today with those little butterscotch things in them." Shoving the bills into his pocket, Ryan shot Taylor a curious look, then raced out the door again, sending the bells into a frenzy.

  So Gordon's mother watched Ryan after school and baked him cookies. Taylor chewed her lower lip as she considered this bit of information, then remembered that none of this was supposed to matter to her anymore. The New Deal, remember?